“Ji Yeon-ah!” A familiar deep voice called seconds after I entered the coffee shop late in the afternoon.

 

I raised an eyebrow jokingly and headed for the table to the far right, near the counter. It was not difficult finding him since he was waving his hands in the air like an excited child. I noticed he was wearing a red cap and black mask but it really didn’t do much to hide who he is, at least, not to me. With a slight screech of the chair caused by it moving against the tiled floor, he stood up completely as soon as I reached him and pulled me into a warm hug. I didn’t hesitate to hug him back.

 

                “Taehyungie…” I affectionately said with a smile on my face.

                “Wow,” Taehyung fussed, still grinning as he moved away from me slightly to scan my face. “I really haven’t heard that in a while from you!”

                “Not my fault,” I immediately replied. Taehyung casually took my handbag and placed it on the table. “You’re too busy roaming around the world, I almost forgot we knew each other. You guys are too popular for your own good.”

                “Aww c’mon, you hurt my feelings too much Ji Yeon,” Taehyung said, playfully putting a hand over his chest. He motioned for us to sit down before continuing, “I really wanted to see you, we only just came back to Korea this morning.”

                “See?” I said accusatorily. “I didn’t even know you were out of the country! But you really didn’t have to meet me today, aren’t you tired?”

                “Used to it,” he simply stated. “Plus I didn’t want to get cooped up in bed on our free day. I had too much of that in hotels.”

                “So you chose to spend it with me?” I teased. “I’m honored.”

                “Get over yourself, I just didn’t want you to miss me so much,” Taehyung countered.

                “’Cause between the two of us, you’re the celebrity, right?”

                “On point,” he grinned.

 

                Taehyung then ordered us food and drinks. I was surprised he remembered that my favorite was sweet potato latte since it was a long time ago. To think that Taehyung and I weren’t even this close with each other before….

 

                “So how was America?” I brought up after a sip. “I heard you performed.”

                “Heard?” Taehyung snickered. “You didn’t watch my coolness on stage, did you? It’s on Youtube, Ji Yeon. It’s free.”

                “Well…” I let out a small smile. “I have my reasons.”

                Taehyung gave me a discreet glance then, as if he thought I wouldn’t notice. It was quiet for a while, probably because he was thinking what to say next. But Taehyung has always been blunt with me, so I wasn’t surprised when he decided to pursue the conversation.

 

                “He doesn’t hate you, you know,” he said softly.

               

                I looked at Taehyung’s eyes only to see that he really meant it. But of course, we both knew it hadn’t always been like that.

 

                “Right,” I stated. “’Cause he started dating again.” I knew I said I have my reasons, but even if I had stayed hidden in the closet for weeks, it’s almost near impossible for me not to hear about Jungkook’s dating scandal. Everyone was talking about it when it came out, even my officemates. I tried not to care, but it was definitely a stab in my heart. I just wish Taehyung didn’t hear that from my voice.

 

                “What? With Im Nayeon?” Taehyung said, a bit more nonchalant than I would have expected. “That whole relationship ended quickly. It just didn’t work out. Well, if you ask me really, I didn’t even understand why Jungkook dated her. He just didn’t seem interested.”

 

                “Oh, that wasn’t in the news,” I recovered quickly.

                “Of course Ji,” Taehyung said, rolling his eyes. “Bang PDnim had to control the media from releasing news painting Jungkook as a total jerk.”

                “Oh…” I said again, rather unintelligently.

                “Well, you?” Taehyung suddenly asked. “Are you dating someone?”

                “No!” I accidently reacted strongly.

                “I don’t get it,” Taehyung sighed, bringing his chopsticks down. “Why did you even breakup with Jungkook? I can see you’re still all over him, don’t even deny it Ji Yeon. Did he do something you didn’t like? Did he forget dates with you because we’re too busy? What is it, really?”

                I brought my drink down. “Does it matter, now?”

                “Yes it is and you know it,” Taehyung replied strongly. “You and Jungkook suddenly just didn’t talk anymore and all of us in BTS didn’t know how to comfort him. We had to choose sides and of course all of us are gonna stick with him ‘cause he’s our bro—”

                “So Jungkook doesn’t know you’re here meeting me….”

                “I didn’t think I’d have to,” Taehyung said. “And frankly, I don’t want to get in the middle of your fight. I’m your friend. Both of you are important to me.”

                “He’d get mad at you if he knew.”

                “So?” Taehyung answered. “He’s the reason we met so if he’s that immature about this, I honestly couldn’t care less.”

                “Taehyung…”

                “I just want you to be happy, okay?” He quickly said. “Fine, you don’t have to tell me, but I hope you won’t regret this, ever.”

                “I won’t,” I stated firmly. “That’s one thing I know for sure.”

                “You’re so stubborn, no wonder you guys were so perfect for each other then.”

                “Seriously, let’s just talk about something else.”

                “Geez…” he said. “Oh yeah before I forget…” Taehyung started rummaging through his bag and pulled out a small piece of paper. I looked at him quizzically.

                “Invitation,” he said. “to my housewarming party.”

                “Oh no, please, I really—“ I started to say.

                “Ji, you know I talked a lot about my dream house and I’m finally able to buy it,” Taehyung said firmly. “I really want you to be there, so please… You can even bring anyone if it would make you comfortable.”

                “But…” I hesitated. “Tae, I—“

                “I know,” he said understandingly. “The rest of the guys won’t say anything. Kook’s probably be there too, but you can just not talk to him, okay?”

                “I…” I really don’t want to make him believe that I’ll go, but the way Taehyung’s looking at me expectantly just made me say everything contrary to what my mind’s screaming. “Alright.”

                “Great!” He said, and he looked truly happy.

 

……………………………………………………..

 

                “Ji Yeon, I’m telling you this once again,” the doctor said, frowning. “If you keep that lifestyle, you’re going to die early.”

                “And you’ve told me that a hundred times and I’m still alive,” I joked. “C’mon doc, it’s really not a big deal.”

                Dr. Kim sighed. “I’m really tired of arguing with you. Do what you want. Just don’t come running back to me.”

                “So optimistic,” I mocked with a smile on my face, and stood up. Dr. Kim rolled his eyes. We’re very comfortable like this just because he’s my brother’s college friend. “I have to go, mom’s gonna go ballistic if I come home late. You know she still treats me like some elementary kid.”

                “And is that why you don’t want to tell them about this?” He asked disapprovingly. “I can just phone your brother right now and tell him.”

                “Doctor-patient privacy!” I simply stated, knowing that I already won this conversation.

                “I hate you,” he said.

                “Gee, thanks,” I said, opening the door. “Bye!”

 

                I’ve always hated hospitals, ever since I was a child. Ironically, it’s where I’ve been hanging around lately, with Dr. Kim. The only silver lining is that the hospital where he’s working at is right at the center of Hongdae. It’s why I visit him at night, because when I come out of the building, my worries just easily slip away with the bustlng crowd, busy with their late night shopping.

 

                Like I usually do, I walked around just looking at random things. This particular night, however, it was slightly raining, so I made sure to just walk near stores with protruding roofs for coverage. When the rain started to pour harder, I ran and stopped in front of an electronic shop. There were a lot less people hanging around in this area. I was starting to get cold despite brushing off my clothes for remains of water droplets. I turned a bit around and that’s when I noticed what was being shown on a dozen televisions on display.

 

                It was BTS, performing their song Idol on a music award show. Despite the times I made sure not to see shows like this, I stared. I see they’ve changed styles quite a bit. They also look a lot thinner than before. I’ve already noticed this when I saw Taehyung earlier, but it’s just different seeing them on stage. They look like real professionals, like people who are out of my reach.

 

                A hundred thoughts were running through my head, which is why maybe it took me quite a while to notice someone staring at me. I looked to my right, and every single thought I have just disappeared.

 

                I wasn’t aware how long we were staring at each other, it’s been quite some time since we’ve seen one another after all. And if I still remember him for how he used to be, I knew he’d never say anything first, so I did.

               

                “Jungkook.”

               

                He was wearing a loose black jacket, with the hood placed on his head, and jeans ripped on the knees. When I spoke, he decided to walk a bit closer to me, slowly, until he’s fully visible to me by the light of the store.

 

                He didn’t remove his hood which is a good thing. It would both do us no good if he’s seen after all.

 

                “Were you already standing there when I came?” I said, trying to figure out why I missed him in the first place if he was anywhere near me. I made sure to lighten my tone, as if we hadn’t been strangers for a long time. After all, what do you even say to your ex when you meet again?

 

                Jungkook simply nodded, and said in that horribly familiar voice that made my head spin with a thousand memories I thought I’d already permanently pinned at the back of my head, “It was raining, so…”

                “Right,” I said, laughing awkwardly. I couldn’t look at him straight in the eye longer than 5 seconds, but I could tell he’s doing the exact opposite by scanning my face. “It’ll stop soon, I guess.”

                There was a short pause, before he spoke. “Do you live around here now?”

                Startled, I immediately responded, “Oh, no..I just went to the ho--, I mean, I went around to shop.”

                Jungkook looked at my empty hands and said, “You didn’t buy anything then?”

                “No, you?” I said. “What are you doing here?”

                “I was just walking around.” He shrugged.

                “I see,” I stated, smiling a bit and concentrating instead on the pouring rain.

 

                There was another awkward pause while I just watched the streets get even emptier.  How I wish I could have brought an umbrella so I wouldn’t even be in this heart-wrecking situation.

 

                “You’re thinner,” Jungkook suddenly pointed out.

                “Oh, me? I guess,” I said, awkwardly chuckling again. Why did he even have to say anything? I really didn’t want to talk about things that’ll make me think we were just two normal people who haven’t gone through an ordeal.  “I think it’s okay to go now, it’s really nice seeing you again Jungkook, just take care and—“

                “I brought my car,” he suddenly said and for the first time that night, I looked at him closely. He still has those warm brown eyes and I hate how much I suddenly missed them looking at me as if I was all he ever wanted. Was. “I parked it just a block away. I’ll drive you home.”

                “I can take the bus, you really don’t have to.”

                “Just let me. I’ll consider this an apology,” Jungkook stated which made my heart stop for moment. “Since you never did.”

               

                I studied the expression on his face after he said that. I thought we were okay since we were having quite a normal conversation, but I guess not. His face was stoic. There was no affection in there. Did he want to drive me home because he could tell it was torture for me just standing in his presence?

 

                “Okay,” I replied in a small voice.

 

                Jungkook didn’t wait for the drizzle to completely stop and started heading to the direction of his car. I followed behind him, making sure to keep my distance. I was surprised at how much power he could still hold over me, how much embarrassment and pain he could give just by uttering some words.

 

                Jungkook opened the door to the passenger seat before getting in the car himself. I thanked him and entered. He started the car and soon managed to get out of the narrow streets of Hongdae to the highway. I wish he could have opened the radio instead of basking us in this silence. I’ve never been comfortable just sitting with someone and not talking. Of course, he knew that.

 

                “I’m surprised,” I started to say just because I didn’t want to turn mad from the bizarreness of this whole situation. “that you’re still driving this car.”

                “I bought a new one,” he said. I noticed he already put down his hood. “I just kept this car.”

                “Right,” I replied shortly. Jungkook didn’t ask me where I live, but seeing that he’s heading in the right direction, he correctly assumed I haven’t moved places.

               

                For the rest of the drive, we stayed in complete silence. I kept my eyes glued on the view outside the window, but I was conscious of my own movements and his. I didn’t know why he wanted to bring me home if he’s just going to give me the silent treatment. I guessed he’s just either being kind or he’s giving me his small revenge by making me completely uncomfortable.

 

                Jungkook parked in front of my house soon enough. I removed my seatbelt and stepped out of the car. The lights were already out in the house, only the light post near our front porch step was kept alive. I heard another car door closed and knew that Jungkook also stepped out for a bit.

 

                “Thanks for driving me home,” I said.

                “No problem,” he merely replied. “I won’t be able to greet aunt and uncle.”

                “They’re probably asleep now, there’s no need to,” I quickly assured him. “I’ll tell them you’re back and you helped me get home.”

                “Right,” he said. We stood for a bit there in the open, both probably not knowing what else to do. “Well…”

                “It was nice to see you, Jungkook,” I said, letting out a small smile. Despite the panic and confusion I felt earlier, I really meant it this time.

                “Yeah, you too,” Jungkook replied, and for that moment I could tell there was no hardness in his voice.

                “Congratulations on your recent billboard music charts win, it was all over the news,” I said. “I’m really happy for you and the guys, and I know this is too random, but I’m sorry, for everything.”

 

                Jungkook gazed at me with an expression I didn’t want to interpret. I’m not about to go back on my word after letting him go just because my heart wants to do anything and everything to keep him close.

 

                “I’m really, really sorry.”

                “It’s fine,” Jungkook said. “It’s been 2 years. We’re good. It took me quite a while to realize it too, but you made the right decision. We just aren’t meant to be.”

                “Yeah,” I chuckled, but deep inside, hearing him say that he actually has moved on, shot a pain through me harder than I’ve felt in years. “Well I’ll go in. You take care.”

                “Bye,” he said.

                “Bye.”

 

                I didn’t wait for him to enter his car and drive out of my subdivision. I immediately turned around and went for the door. But even before I could reach it, my tears were already pouring out in streaks.