I rub my bottom lip and grimace at the sight of blood, before spitting into the grass. It still hurts. It’s only noon but this day already . I sigh, pulling the black mask over my face just as the convenience store bell rings above me.

It’s bright inside from the blaring fluorescents. I take a mental note of my surroundings. Three customers: two of them in line and another filling his cup at the soda fountain. Two cameras. Two corner mirrors. And only one worker, lucky for me.

Hands in my pockets, I saunter up to the snack aisle and pretend to make up my mind over a bag of chips but really my gaze keeps shifting over to the cashier who is busy ringing up a customer. My fingers twitch while I wait for the right moment. It’s when he dips his head down to grab some change that I move swiftly toward the corner out of the camera’s range and start slipping a handful of candy bars and gum down my hoodie.

I’m so focused on glancing between what I’m doing and the cashier that the sudden ring of my phone almost makes me gasp in shock. I pull the smartphone to my ear, hands now shaking as the cashier starts looking my way.

“What is it, Dad?” I hiss into the phone.

“Just wanted to make sure you’re doing okay now that you’re living on your own, sweetheart. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

I try to relax, straighten my back. No need to make myself look any more suspicious. I can just use this phone call as a way to casually exit the store.

“Of course not, Dad. I just didn’t expect a call.” I move toward the door, trying not to glance at my hoodie too much even though the candy is threatening to fall out. Maybe it was paranoia, but I could feel the worker’s gaze on my back, like burning coals.

I swallow hard, mhmm – ing into the phone though I can’t hear a word of what he’s saying.

I finally make it to the door and push it open, wincing at the bell rings overhead. It’s like it’s screaming “grab her! Thief! Thief!”

But in a second I step onto the sidewalk, free.

I wait. But there’s no angry store owner coming after me. No police. No alarm.

“Well I just wanted to say that I’ll come visit you next weekend. I’m actually calling from work, so I have to go. But I’ll talk to you again. Love you, Ji Ho” My dad’s voice fades back into my mind.

“Love ya too, Dad.” I click the end call and start heading down the sidewalk, a sly grin slithering onto my face. That went…not too bad. I almost start to feel a little elated but that’s until I catch the sight of those little demons on the other side of the street. Of course, I couldn’t forget the reason I’m in this situation in the first place. They’re leaning against a building and playfully waving my way. If someone didn’t know better, they’d think that group of kids were my good friends.

I rock my tennis shoes on the edge of the curb, waiting for the cross-walk countdown. My lip starting to throb again. If Dad saw me now what would he say? The WALK sign flashes on the screen and I head across the streets right toward the group of guys and girls. He’d think I was helpless, wouldn’t he? Maybe he’d be mad. Or maybe he’d feel sorry for me.  Living like this.

I reach the other curb and the tallest boy, Sehun, comes up and pushes my shoulder back in a way that looks friendly but sure didn’t feel like it. “Got it?”

“Of course. Who do you think I am?” I lead them into a nearby alleyway and then let all the candy drop from my hoodie to the ground.

“Looks like you’re actually good for something, Mouse.”

“Eww. It kind of smells like her now.” The girl with a mole under her eye, giggles as she stuffs a Snickers into her big mouth.

I ignore the comment. She’s not worth my time. “Are we good, then?”

“Sure, Mouse.” Sehun grips my shoulder and shakes me a little. “You should go home. Get some rest. Put some ointment on that lip of yours too.”

Shrugging his hand off my shoulder, I nod and start to leave the group behind. Though I can hear them all snickering and whispering. Don’t run away too fast, Ji Ho. Even though I want to Usain Bolt my way out of here, I know they’re still watching me. If I ran away like I was scared, they’d pounce like a pack of hyenas. The most important tip for survival: Never show the predators your weakness.

“See you at school, Mouse.” I hear one of the other boys call out as I round the corner.

It’s like a truckload of weight is lifted off my shoulders when I finally get out of their sight. That went better than I thought it would. The worst-case scenario was that I’d be greeting my dad with cuffs around my wrists, so busted lip or not, I’m feeling pretty decent. I make my way down the sidewalk, watching the colorful cars race by until I see myself in the passing reflection of some shiny convertible. Ugh, my hair is stringy from not washing it today and strewn across my face in weird angles. I pull my black hood over my head. There, fixed it.

I start running my fingers along the metal railing that border the sidewalk as I pass only stopping when I see the neons for the Cool Bean, my favorite bookstore. It is -definitely not a biased opinion-the best place ever. It didn’t just have books, it had stupidly soft bean bag chairs, all the new manga, coffee served in a paper cups with these tiny mint chocolates on the side, and a heavenly collection of DVDs. One of the places I love to visit when I don’t feel like going home. And the best part was that no one else was ever there.

I recognize the owner from his long black hair swinging behind him as he adjusts one of the books on the shelf.

“Yo, Ji Ho.” He turns with a smile when I enter, one of his teeth a shiny gold “Been awhile since you last came. Americano?”

“Of course.” I wink back and move to the lounge section. Plopping into one of the bean bag chairs, I lean back to watch the static-y TV in the corner. The celebrity news channel is already on. Red carpet celebrities walk arm in arm for some movie premiere. I almost snort at one of the actress’s face which blatantly looks she didn’t want to be there. She’s not even trying to hide it. Maybe she was mad at how pretty her male costar was. The guy on her arm was tall, with fluffy grey hair and a bright smile.

“Byun Baekhyun and Lee So Hee, how are you doing this evening?” An interviewer shoves a mic into the couples’ face.

“Doing just lovely. Mrs. Kim Jo ah, right?” The guy leans in, charmingly.

The interviewer nearly blushes just because he remembers her name, but I’m still watching the actress that stands behind them, who's trying not to roll her eyes.

Coffee Shop man sets the cup on the table beside me as I burst out laughing. “You have to see this, mister. This actress’s face is gold. She totally hates that guy.”

“I don’t watch TV, little one. Part of my technology diet”

“But don’t you make most of your money renting DVDs.”

He shrugs, and I let it go. He’s always been a little eccentric.

A big close-up of the actor draws my attention back up to the screen. He waves too happily to the crowd behind him and blows some cheesy kisses. That guy sure is pretty though. I’d be mad too if he was walking beside me. He’d make anyone look like squid in comparison. What’s his name again Baek…hyun?

The TV screen and my view are suddenly blocked by a red and white first aid kit. I look up at the owner who’s dangling it in front of me, pointing at my lip. With a snarl, I snatch it and pull out the ointment. He doesn’t ask, and I don’t tell me a thing. But he never asks. Not when I came in with a bloody nose and not when I came in without shoes. He just goes back to his spot behind the desk, fiddling with the coffee pot.

It stings when I put it on. But the burn of the ointment, the familiar static of the TV and the drip of mister’s coffee machine make me feel oddly comfortable. Way more comfortable than I ever am at my own place. Too bad I can’t stay here forever.

It’s a short bus ride from downtown to my apartment complex. It’s a tall, white building. It’s supposed to be brand-new, but it looks just as weathered as the other apartment complexes. I push past the iron front gate and into the lobby where the front desk is always empty. My apartment is on the third floor and as always, it’s pitch black inside before I switch on the light. I don’t know what I expect, someone to be there waiting for me, or something?

My stomach rumbling distracts me from being too depressing. Gotta make dinner, I guess.

The microwave dings and I pull out the piping hot instant rice, before dumping a freshly made fried egg on top. I grab a soda from the fridge and take a sip while I set everything down on the living room table. When I eat dinner, I’ll usually sit on the chair that faces the window. Since my apartment’s pretty high up, seated on the top of a hill, I can see many of the twinkling lights of Seoul from my spot. And I’ll gaze down at the flickers of red and yellow drifting from all the hazy traffic lights and flashing signs. When it’s dark enough I can also see my reflection in the glass. It almost looks like someone is eating across from me.  

I stick out my tongue and watch my reflection do the same. It stuffs a spoonful of rice in its mouth when I do and winks back at me. I dig into my rice again, watching as the egg yolk starts bleeding gooey and golden in the bowl and take another swig of my cola to wash it all down.

The flashing notification from cellphone steals my attention. I scoop it up, staring down at the screen.

            Want to tell her but it’ll be hard…

With a sigh, I slam the phone back on the table, facing down.  Since dad bought me this new phone for my birthday he forgot to unsync his Kakao messages with mine. I’ve been getting his chats for the last few months. And there were a few that I wish I never saw. He was seeing someone new apparently. Which wasn’t really my biggest issue. It was mostly when he talked to her about me. And he talked about me a lot. Mostly about how hard it would be live with me again. How it was better for him that I was here by myself.

I need to delete that app.

Staring down at the bowl of half-finished rice, I realize that I’m not hungry anymore. What a waste of food. I get up from the table, leaving my reflection by itself in the dark as I flick off the lights. And my phone still facedown on the table.