A shrill ding forces Chanyeol from his dreams, pushing a groan out the deepest pit of his throat. How he detests being awoken.

 

Baek Baby:

good morning, love! it’s a new day, time to wake up!

Sent 07:12

 

“It’s late,” he muses as his arms stretch to the rising sun. The banner notification across the screen of his phone tells him so.

Groggily, he rubs the sleep out of his eyes with the thought clinging to his brain. “Why is Baekhyun still up?”

Sitting upright with much protest from his creaky joints, Chanyeol calculates the time difference between them. The three hour gap does the couple no justice, especially when Baekhyun pulls these late night stunts just to wake him up in the mornings.

 

Me:

it’s 4 in the morning, what are you doing awake?? :^(( you need your beauty sleep, trust me

Sent 07:15

 

Phone in hand, Chanyeol rolls all six feet of himself off the bed and braces for the impact. He lands with a slight wince and lazily scooches to the window in the corner of the room. Baekhyun always took every opportunity to remind him that sunlight is the most effective way to wake up and stay up. Besides caffeine of course. Not that the giant needs any extra energy.

Chanyeol tugs the curtains aside and a buzz tingles his hand.

 

Baek Baby:

oh hush, i’m already beautiful.

Sent 07:18

 

Before he can even begin typing his agreement, another line of text pops up.

 

Baek Baby:

have you opened the blinds yet?

Sent 07:18

 

At this, an adoring smile blooms on Chanyeol’s lips.

 

Me:

of course, mom

Sent: 07:18

 

He finds it endearing how even thousands of miles away, Baekhyun cares for his lousy self so much. Maybe he should expect this though; eight months of dating is nothing to simply shake off.

“Eight months,” Chanyeol mutters to no one in particular. “That’s a long time.”

The next vibration doesn’t come until he has pocketed the phone to brush his pearly whites. With his plentiful set of teeth, it’s important to keep his hygiene twice as good as average - at least according to Baekhyun’s quips.

 

Baek Baby:

yeol, i think i’m going to fall asleep soon. i just wanted to wake you before you were late to work. i love you a lot, okay? have a great day! i’ll text you later ♡♡

Sent 07:23

 

With a mouthful of toothpaste and foam, Chanyeol grins from ear to ear. He has to make an effort to keep any dental waste from plopping onto his screen.

“So cute,” he gushes, all heart eyes and Cloud 9.

 

Me:

alright, i love you too. sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite!

Sent 07:25

 

He’s well aware his reply is probably disgustingly cheesy and immature, but Baekhyun deserves only the best of his romantic antics.

After all, anyone that manages to tame the wild Park Chanyeol is one heck of a woman.

 

 

 

 

 

Twenty minutes later finds Chanyeol almost regretfully twisting the bookstore door open. The bright clinking of the bell hanging overhead greets his ears immediately, and he hates it.

“Junmyeon, please, let me remove that thing.”

Unfazed, said man doesn’t bother glancing up from the Dickens novel in his hand, spectacles perched right on the edge of his nose.

“Good morning to you as well.”

Chanyeol sighs and heads to the back of the shop. Same old routine every darn day.

When he returns, clad in a faded blue apron, Junmyeon finally marks his place in the book and rests it aside.

“Seems like business is slow today,” he comments with a pout tugging at his brows.

Chanyeol’s eyes narrow.

“No, that’s not it. It’s not even 8 yet. No sane person would willingly come to a dull used bookstore so early in the morning.”

The elder stares at him incredulously.

“But you and I are here!” He blurts to earn himself argument points. “Who could resist the feel of flipping worn pages and tracing frayed hard covers? Such a poetic scene!”

While Junmyeon appears to be struggling to keep himself calm, Chanyeol scoffs and maneuvers behind the counter to grab a stool and wrinkled charts. Time to take inventory.

“Listen, we work here. I’m only here because it’s near my apartment and I need to rake in that good moola.”

(He leaves out the fact that it earns him nice brownie points with literature-lover Baekhyun.)

Sarcastically, Junmyeon beams.

“You said moola! Your vocabulary has grown!”

The taller rolls his eyes and hops aboard the stool… only to nearly fall off of it when dust tickles its way up his nostrils.

“Junmyeon!” He shrieks. “When is the last time someone cleaned up here?”

The Dickens novel makes its comeback. Junmyeon doesn’t take his eyes off the page even once to acknowledge his co-worker’s plight.

“I don’t know, you tell me. Isn’t that your job?”

Chanyeol nearly growls.

“Oh, look at me! I’m Mr. Know-It-All, and I can boss everyone around because I’m the older one here. I think I’m high and mighty, but all I ever do is cover up that I’m not tall enough to do anything above ground level,” Chanyeol mutters to himself in frustration. “I should bow down to my junior because he’s actually got the gifts to polish shelves and take inventory while I sit here uselessly and read ancient bores.”

From the counter, Junmyeon tsk’s and sighs.

“You’re walking a fine line there.”

“You’re walking a fine line there,” Chanyeol mocks childishly.

The reading glasses have made their way off Junmyeon’s face now. He pinches his nose in exasperation.

“How does Baekhyun even keep up with you?”

Every trace of negativity leaves Chanyeol’s bones at the mention of his pride and joy. He straightens with a cheshire grin and it’s like he had never been frazzled before.

“She’s a true wonder, isn’t she?” He remarks dreamily.

Junmyeon has to physically resist the urge to faceplant into his book.

“Such a simpleton you are, dear Mr. Park.”

And somewhere in his heart, Chanyeol agrees. Baekhyun has him not just wrapped, but plastered in place around her finger. Preferably her ring finger, just because.

“You are so whipped.”

The giant smirks in satisfaction.

“That I am.”

He even adds a little thread motion around his pinky for extra effect. It works wonders.

“Ew, please no,” Junmyeon’s face contorts. “If I had known you being in love would do… this... I never would have suggested being open to pursuing relationships. This is all my fault. Give my deepest regrets to the others.”

Chanyeol rolls his eyes so far into his head Junmyeon swears on his life only white is left. As he gapes in amazement, the other makes his descent off the stool and safely onto the floor.

“Speaking of which, what time is Kyungsoo supposed to key in today?”

The only answer he gets is a disinterested shrug, Junmyeon having returned to his beloved book.

“Can you not put that thing down for one second?”

Again he’s met with a casual shrug and a side of indifference.

“... Forget this, I’m going home. I don’t need money, I’ll live on the streets my entire life. Wasting away as a beggar doesn’t sound too horrible. At least Baekhyun loves me enough to tag along. Shame though that she has to suffer the consequences of some uptight nerd she’s never met! But it can’t be helped. As long as we have each oth-”

The slam of a book being shut cuts off his exaggerated ramble.

Bingo.

“Fine, fine! He’s supposed to relieve you at noon,” Junmyeon relents, rubbing tiredly at his temples.

But of course, Park Chanyeol can’t resist the invitation to complain.

“Ugh, that’s so far from now! Four hours until freedom! My aching joints don’t deserve this madness!”

“Oh my Golding, will you for once just shut up with the nonsense? The four hours you have to work is four hours short of what I have to work! You’re lucky I even let you guys switch off at the halfway point,” Junmyeon complains - though entirely by rights.

Chanyeol blanches at his friend’s use of authority.

“How dare you play the ownership card! I’m scandalized,” he gasps.

“My shop, my rules. Your fault for getting the job here.”

“Screw you, I don’t need this kind of negativity in my life! I’m quitting!”

“Go ahead, quit. I have a plethora of other employees that would much rather be making money than living as a street rat.”

Junmyeon nonchalantly brushes off a speck of dirt from the cover of his novel. He knows he won this one.

(In the silence of his own mind, Chanyeol agrees).

After that, they don’t talk - much to Junmyeon’s pleasure. The store is instead filled with the whisper of pages against pages and the scrape of stools on a wooden floor while the two busybodies diligently work through their tasks.

He wouldn’t be caught dead admitting to it, but it’s moments like these that Chanyeol doesn’t really mind working for Junmyeon. The mellow downtime takes him off his phone and s him into easy, mindless labor. When manning the register, he sometimes has the opportunity to meet people with unique backgrounds - in person and not behind the screen of social media. The added bonus is that he gets along with all the other employees, considering that they were all friends before Junmyeon even dreamt of opening his own shop. Chanyeol has never been much of a bookworm, not in the slightest, but he enjoys his job. It’s comfortable, and Chanyeol couldn’t ask for more at the moment.

Unlike other stores, Junmyeon’s doesn’t get a steady flow of customers all the time. Instead, only certain patrons are loyal and buy bags full of old novels to take home at once. It’s not always reliable, but it pays the bills. That’s just how business works around here.

When the clock is rounding eleven, one of their trusted regulars steps through the door. It makes that blasted bell twinkle for the thousandth time today.

Chanyeol flinches, but greets Jongin with a knowing grin all the same, “Sorry, buddy. You’re an hour early.”

With his hands tucked into the sleeves of a pink sweater, Jongin pushes his glasses up his nose to hide the blush dusting across his face.

“Ah, is that so?”

“Oh, look at you, all grown up! You don’t deny it anymore! How sweet,” Chanyeol gushes in spite of Jongin’s embarrassment.

The timid one of the two avoids locking eyes after that and murmurs something about needing to find some old classic. It goes unsaid that he’s passing time to wait for Kyungsoo; he’s already ducked into every crevice of the store at least thrice before. If Chanyeol understands the underlying meaning (he does), he doesn’t comment on it.

When Kyungsoo makes his entrance 60 fatally boring minutes later, Chanyeol all-too-merrily skips to hang his apron. It was an extremely slow day for the store.

To Junmyeon, he teases, “See you later, er!”

He’ll be lucky to have a job come tomorrow morning, seeing the fire behind the owner’s glare.

“Freedom tastes nice. Have fun the next four hours,” the giant claps Kyungsoo on the back with maybe a bit too much force. “Oh, and good luck,” he adds in slyly, winking and nodding towards Jongin’s direction.

He sincerely hopes things will work out between the two blushy-cheeked, twiddle-fingers balls of awkward. Though he himself would never swing that way, he accepts that Kyungsoo does and supports it. After all, love is love. How else could you define it?

With a chipper whistle of a tune and a blind eye to the holes Kyungsoo is currently burning into his scalp, Chanyeol saunters out the store with ease.

 

 

 

 

 

Baek Baby:

hey, can you talk right now?

Sent 21:43

 

Chanyeol awakens from the dead with a buzz tingling his thigh.

When did he fall asleep?

 

Baek Baby:

nvm, sorry. you need to rest.

Sent 21:43

 

When he checks the messages from Baekhyun, Chanyeol frowns the slightest bit.

Something is off.

He calls his lover immediately, wanting to get to the bottom of this.

The line rings for a couple seconds, as if the other is hesitating to answer it.

“Hello?” Baekhyun’s voice is warped when it comes through the speakers of Chanyeol’s phone. It’s something she’s apologized constantly for, explaining that both the camera and microphone became messed up when she dropped it in a pond. The distortion, she explained, made her sound higher. Chanyeol would have argued against that at first though; it almost makes her sound masculine.

In the end, he came to the conclusion that he did not fall for her voice, but her personality. One of Chanyeol’s favorite traits of Baekhyun’s is how easygoing she is. Talking to her is no difficult feat at all, so much that he could even describe her as “one of the boys”. They share the same interests in music, games, sports, and countless other areas. It even helps that her name is that of a man’s. Baekhyun is comfortable and everything Chanyeol has been accustomed to in his 23 years of life. That’s what had been so compelling about her when he was graced with her comments on an online community for hopeful young artists.

Chanyeol recalls the process of falling in love with Baekhyun to be a very inevitable one. It’s not everyday that a considerably well-known blogger compliments your most prized compositions and suddenly messages you. He remembers flipping his desk - almost literally - and immediately calling up Junmyeon. The talk was barely conversational, seeing as Junmyeon could barely fit a single word in between Chanyeol’s rant about the oh so mysterious Byun Baekhyun. He was drunk on the high of being recognized and approached by a genius classical pianist who was so open about music, but so quiet about themselves.

The message was a simple greeting followed by praise of his recent post, but it meant the world to Chanyeol. At the time, he simply chalked down the thumping in his chest as admiration. He never expected it to go much farther than that, but the other was surprisingly eager to get to know him. Due to Baekhyun’s insanely well-hidden personal life and disability to send pictures, it was difficult at first for Chanyeol to distinguish whether or not she was a man or woman. But somewhere along the lines of peeling back layers, he fell in love and deemed Baekhyun a strong, independent woman. Not long after his cheesy serenade confession post - because leave it to Chanyeol to be so extra - the two became official and began their relationship.

Since then, they had always been open with each other. Some might say it’s impossible for a couple in an eight-month long distance relationship to have not gotten into a fight yet, but their trust and loyalty has kept them constantly smiling and in love. That’s why Chanyeol can detect the slight droop in Baekhyun’s tone when she had texted him earlier.

“Hey, baby. You wanted to talk?” Light sniffling reaches his ears, and Chanyeol’s heart crumbles.

“I’m fine now. It’s okay,” Baekhyun stammers.

It’s obvious she’s doing her best to push down the tears. She wasn’t one to let just anyone see her weaknesses, but she was always transparent with Chanyeol at least. This is his indicator that something is very wrong.

“You know, it doesn’t really sound like you’re fine,” he says softly, but it only makes her cry harder. “Baek, you can tell me. I’m always here for you.”

Her breath hitches and she bites out, “No, you’re not, and that’s the thing! You’re not here!”

To say the least, Chanyeol is taken aback. Shocked into utter silence, he can only hear the quivering of Baekhyun’s shuddered gasps. He would be angered under any other circumstances with any other person for calling him out like that. However, Baekhyun’s repentance immediately follows as the sobbing only becomes louder.

“No, I didn’t mean that! I’m sorry, Yeol. I’m so sorry.”

Her voice is muffled and Chanyeol can just imagine the way she’s probably shoving her face into a jacket to at least attempt to stifle the sounds. It pains his heart to hear her like this, to witness her mask deteriorating piece by piece. What could possibly be wrong?

“Baekhyun… Breathe slowly. Breathe with me,” he chides with a calming tone. “Ready? Inhale. Exhale. Just like that.”

Together, they work to reach a state where she can breathe normally without too many tears falling. Chanyeol has never been one to comfort others, but he concludes he has done well. “Now, can you tell me what’s wrong? You wouldn’t be crying this hard if something hadn’t happened.”

Again her breaths speed up and immediately he regrets trying his luck.

“Ah, Baek. That was too straightforward of me, wasn’t it?” He chuckles just a bit to relieve the tension, and it works. “Take your time, baby. I’ll be here all night if that’s what you need.”

“I love you. I’m sorry.”

“I love you too, but don’t apologise.”

“But I flipped out on you undeservingly.”

“It’s fine, I must have said something to set you off.”

Baekhyun goes quiet again, but this time Chanyeol lets her speak when she’s ready. “Today was a particularly bad day, if you couldn’t tell,” she laughs sarcastically and replicates Chanyeol’s earlier method of lightening the mood. “You know how I told you there was a thunderstorm last night?”

He hums his confirmation.

“Well apparently it knocked out the power last night and my phone died on the charger. Needless to say, my alarm never went off. I was already half an hour behind schedule, but to make it worse, traffic was terribly backed up because of some tree that went timber on the highway. I was an hour and a half late to work, and you know how that goes. Let’s just say my boss wasn’t too happy with his least favorite accountant with no tenure or passion for finance showing up late.”

“Yeah.”

“Of course there had to be more, right? Fate was already on a roll, how could it stop there?

I needed to just get away from the bank and breathe. By this time it was rearing five o’clock, so I thought it would be fine to unwind with a few drinks at the bar by my apartment. I was just sitting at the counter with my drink, but then some guy showed up and decided it would be decent to touch me out of nowhere in open daylight.”

At the new information, Chanyeol’s jaw clenches hard. He had never been the possessive type, but that was before he had been in love. Baekhyun’s voice from here becomes quieter, as if ashamed to speak about what happened.

“I kept telling him to stop, but he was so persistent and wouldn't quit feeling me up. Even when I tried to put distance between us by moving to the other side of the establishment, he managed to back me into a corner.”

“This lowlife sack of scum has fists coming his way, I swear,” Chanyeol growls animalistically.

“And that’s what I told him. You know I like to retain my independence, but it got to the point where I had to keep insisting I have a boyfriend over and over again.”

Sniffling starts once again, but Chanyeol chooses to respect his girlfriend’s strength and doesn’t comment on it. The thought of some erted dirtbag laying his filthy hands on Baekhyun infuriates him to his very core, don’t get him wrong. But he knows how much she values her individuality.

“He just wouldn’t stop! I kept saying that you were coming and that you wouldn’t be happy. I was doing my best to push him off of me without too much violence, but all he would do was touch my legs and whisper that no boyfriend was coming to protect me!”

“... And he was right,” Chanyeol deadpans, pride suffering from having to listen to Baekhyun’s pained cries.

“And he was right.”

The revelation sits heavy in his chest, especially after she confirms it. How could he have believed they were going to be fine forever? It was foolish of him to think that just because they were comfortable with their circumstances, it would satisfy them for much longer. Now that he thinks about it, eight months is already an unthinkable accomplishment.

Silence envelops the both of them while Chanyeol lets it sink in. There is so much he should say, so much he wants to say, but too little he has the courage to say. So he settles with the bare minimum.

“Are you okay?”

Baekhyun takes a deep breath before releasing it with a sigh. “I’m shaken, but I’m okay,” she admits. “Luckily the manager noticed and scared him off for me.”

Self-loathing strikes Chanyeol with an iron club, and it knocks him to his haunches.

“That should have been me.”

“... Stop, you couldn’t help it.”

“But I’m your boyfriend! I should have been the one to shove that douchebag off of you!”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun pleads, exhaustion in her voice.

“I’ve had enough of this. It hurts to know that you can’t do anything for the person you love.”

“I already told you, it’s fine. I should have protected myself. I just hadn’t gotten over the shock and overreacted.”

“Baekhyun, don’t downplay the situation. He ually harassed you, and that is nothing to overreact about. I’m two seconds from either calling the cops or running away from them under the charge of murder.”

“I’m happy with the way things are though, and I would think you are too,” she says with resolve and a tiny hint of hurt.

All of the fight in Chanyeol escapes him as he heaves a defeated sigh.

“Look, that isn’t what I meant. I am happy with this, but who is to say we will always be?

Hearing what happened to you today made me think that this could happen any other day as well. I realised that I am not able to be there to protect you when you’re in danger - that much is obvious now... It just knowing that while I’m here asleep and safe, you could be injured or in harm’s way. I’m at a loss, Baek. I don’t know what to do.

We aren’t invincible just because we love each other.”

The words seem to evoke intense deliberation on Baekhyun’s part. An overhanging silence creeps into the phone call.

Finally, she speaks.

“What do you want to do about it?”

“I don’t know what to do,” Chanyeol admits honestly. He doesn’t have an inkling about what to do next. All he knows is that he refuses to let this go by, accepting he did nothing as a result. “I don’t know what to do, but if we just make some kind of move we will be better off.”

His partner agrees with a small hum.

He continues, “Perhaps the end result could be moving in together. That way we will actually, physically be a couple. You won’t have to go through what you did earlier.”

“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down a bit, okay? I see the appeal to the idea, and I wouldn’t be opposed to it in the future. But keep in mind our situation. We haven’t even met each other yet.”

“Then why don’t we start there?”

“What? Meeting each other?”

“Yeah! Doesn’t it sound like the reasonable place to rebuild?”

“It makes sense, but I don’t know if I’m able to take off anytime soon. I did just get myself into hot water this morning at work.”

“Then I can go to you! It’s only like a seven and a half hour flight isn’t it?”

“Well, yeah. But what about the bookstore?”

“Don’t worry about that, baby. Junmyeon won’t have a problem if I make up the hours later. Besides, he knows how far I am willing to go in the name of love. After all, I can persuade anyone to my advantage with my charm and con amore.”

Baekhyun resists a giggle at the cheesy line, and further questions, “Are you sure? You would be willing to do that? I don’t want you to have to work overtime. You’ll only tire yourself out.”

“Listen, if it’s for you, I’m ready to put up with it. After all, I do only work four hours.”

“That’s right, you and your short shifts. Some of us are slaves to taxing eight-hour days,” she scoffs playfully. “Only the best of the best, you know?”

Chanyeol smiles fondly to himself.

“Of course. Only the best.”

“We can talk about all the details later. Does that sound okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” he concedes and follows up with a yawn.

“Oh, my poor baby,” Baekhyun coos. “Go back to sleep now. I know I woke you up.”

She sounds much better than when she first picked up the call. Chanyeol mentally pats himself on the back and doesn’t hesitate to let his relief out. He decides it’s alright to hang up and catch up on some much needed shut eye before tomorrow.

“If you insist.”

“And I do.”

“I’ll talk to you later, yeah? Take it easy and rest soon.”

“Mhm, I love you.”

“I love you too. Good night, don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

Baekhyun doesn’t resist the laugh this time, “You are such a child. Good night, Yeol.”

His deep chuckle vibrates through the receiver before he hangs up.

“I’m so lucky.”

 

 

 

 

 

When Chanyeol bursts through the doors of the shop, Junmyeon is quietly counting change in the register.

“Junmyeon! Guess what?”

The elder takes a considerably long time debating between carrying on with his peaceful task or giving in to the hyperactive animal in front of him. Chanyeol is practically bouncing out of his body, and it’s ridiculously obvious that he’s excited about who knows what. To save himself from having to wipe guts and other internal organs off the walls after the younger’s impending combustion, Junmyeon sighs and puts his pennies down.

“What, Chanyeol? What is it?”

“I told you to guess!”

“You are literally five.”

“Guess!”

“I don’t know, you bought a guinea pig? Stepped on a cat’s tai-”

“I’m meeting Baekhyun next month! A couple weeks ago she called me crying and apparently a lot of stuff happened to her that day, but I wasn’t there to help her out, and it made her sad, which made me sad, of course, so we got really emotional, but then I suggested moving in together, but she said it was too soon, so I proposed meeting up sometime, and we agreed, and long story short, I’m visiting the love of my life in four weeks!”

Chanyeol finishes his lengthy spiel with stars twinkling in his eyes.

Junmyeon’s head is spinning.

“You… What?”

“Were you not listening? Baek and I are going to be together for the first time!”

“Yeah… I got that,” his employer doesn’t sound as thrilled as he had hoped.

“That’s great!” Chanyeol hears someone else exclaim - albeit hushed and unsure. He glances around the establishment, perturbed. They haven’t even opened yet. When he catches sight of the student Kim Jongin beside Junmyeon, he gasps.

“Jongin! You scared me!”

The younger fiddles with his ear sheepishly. “My apologies.”

“Wait, why are you here? I thought you knew Kyungsoo took leave this week.”

The unspoken assumption flusters Jongin’s internal system into chaos as his face turns bright red.

Junmyeon does not appear happy.

“Would you stop abusing the poor boy? Let him live,” he chides, instinctively stepping in between Chanyeol and the other. “But anyways, Jongin is now your co-worker. Treat him well, you idiot. We don’t need you scaring off any employees. Especially when I know you’ll be entreating me to give you like a whole week off or something.”

The attack is obvious, but Chanyeol ignores the grumpy elder. Nothing can tear down his high. “Fear not! Jongin and I are going to have a great time!”

“That better be true, because you’re in charge of training him on the register.”

Junmyeon doesn’t voice his self-criticism for appointing the wild beast to the fluffy baby bear. The change is all counted, and he pats Jongin on the back before heading to the back to tend to other pre-opening tasks.

“Good luck dealing with this one. You’ll need it.”

The day from thereon progresses generally well. Disregarding the few mishaps Jongin had with their old, clunky register, he caught on quickly. His skill even earned a polished appraisal from one of the regulars that had noticed him lurking around before. Needless to say, the compliment encouraged his dedication, and soon he was working as if he’d been a veteran.

“You know, you’re doing pretty well,” Chanyeol acknowledges. “In fact, much better than I ever was when I first started.”

Jongin smiles softly, casting his gaze to the ground.

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem! But I’m interested in why you chose here. I mean, even with just your pretty face, businesses should be falling at your feet to recruit you.”

“I think I’m just going to ignore that part,” the student trails off. “There are many things I found to be convenient if I worked here. For one, it’s close to the university. That was a definite deciding factor. It’s also pretty great because I love literature and books in general. This job is simply perfect for me, really. It’s humble, not too busy, and a safe environment.”

“A safe environment? What’s that mean?”

The question catches Jongin off guard, and he takes to combing his fringe down to cover his eyes.

“Ah, well that’s… umm… Well, you could probably assume I um… play for the other team?”

What does that mean?”

 

Jongin facepalms.

 

“Surely you can’t be that naive.”

 

“Yeah, I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

 

“I’m gay, Chanyeol.”

 

“Oh, well anyone could have guessed that.”

 

“That’s what I sai- Okay, you understand then.”

 

“I mean, yeah. It’s pretty obvious with the way you stare at a certain coworker.”

 

The younger wants to dash, but his knack for respect cements him in place.

 

“Yes, yes, okay. But what I’m trying to say is that the staff here is gay-friendly? Anywhere else would be closed off to hiring me the moment I show a hint of homouality. In all my visits here I have never been frowned upon or denied. That, I believe, is the best perk to being employed at Junmyeon’s.”

 

Poor Jongin has just set himself up, and Chanyeol isn’t known to leave the bait hanging - even after a beautiful speech of gratitude.

 

“What? Is Kyungsoo not the real reason you’re working here?” He smirks with playful sadism. It’s cute to watch Jongin squirm upon mentioning his craze over their short-statured co-worker.

 

When the rosiness just begins to fade from his cheeks, the student manages to retort logically, “Well if it were Baekhyun, wouldn’t you want to be in the workforce beside him?”

 

The painfully inaccurate pronoun sends Chanyeol into a laughing fit.

 

“Oh, Jongin,” he guffaws and steadies himself on the other’s shoulder, “You’ve got it all wrong.”

 

Confused as ever, the younger pouts.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“My dude, Baekhyun is 100% female. I can assure you this.”

 

“But the name…,” Jongin begins to argue, but decides against it. Names don’t always determine gender.

 

“Yeah, I know. It got me too at first. But my Baekhyun is a lovely woman, otherwise I would not have fallen for her.”

 

This puzzles the younger. “Why?”

 

“Well because I’m straight of course. I may be all for promoting people with different preferences, but I am by far heteroual. I don’t feel any romantic attraction to men whatsoever, nor could I ever.”

 

“Ah,” Jongin sighs, slightly disappointed in his senior’s very straight guy opinion. That will get him in trouble someday. “I respect that, and I apologise for the presumption.”

 

Chanyeol just waves it off, not thinking much of it.

 

“No worries, man. You’re good.”

 

 

 

 

 

Baek Baby:

hello, my love.

Sent 10:36

 

Chanyeol is pouring the last of his smooth pancake batter into a pan when the message comes through.

How he loves Baekhyun’s daily checkups.

He had gotten to a late start in the morning, and woke up praising the Lord that today is Saturday, meaning no pesky job to report to. Since he doesn’t ever really get to, he thought he should treat himself with a nice stack of Park family pancakes. It’s hardly an intermediate level recipe and could be done quickly. After all, Chanyeol does have plans.

Before replying, he traces the edge of the flapjack and flips it onto its opposite side.

 

Me:

good morning :) how are you? what are you up to?

Sent 10:40

 

Chanyeol towers on the final pancake and steps back to admire his execution. Mama should be proud.

 

Baek Baby:

i’m great! just woke up, but somehow i feel as refreshed as ever :^) and i’m trying to plan our itinerary for when you come ♡♡ i’m so excited, love. i can’t wait to finally meet park chanyeol in person. i hear he’s pretty awesome!

Sent 10:48

 

At his lover’s cute quirkiness, Chanyeol chuckles. He stuffs another bite in his mouth, groans in satisfaction, and types his answer.

 

Me:

pffft trust me, i know the guy, and he’s not all that,,, haha but all jokes aside, i can hardly contain my excitement, baby. i’m even heading out today to find a new suitcase to bring. it’s been years since i’ve had to pack for anything big like this!

Sent 10:50

 

He deliberately leaves out the fact that he’s got much more than a suitcase on his To-Buy list. He’s not lying when he omits his intentions of getting Baekhyun a necklace with his initials engraved on a small heart pendant. The half-truth is only a half-truth to surprise his lover, not to be dishonest. This is what Chanyeol finds comfort in.

 

Baek Baby:

oh that’s great! hopefully your flight flies without any major turbulence, but we can talk about that later. i actually would like to discuss some of the details of your trip so i can get everything finalized, is that fine?

Sent 10:54

 

Me:

you ask as if it’s some type of business deal, lmao. of course it’s alright. i have time before i gotta go.

Sent 10:55

 

Baek Baby:

tsktsktsk, when will you ever stop teasing me?

Sent 10:55

 

Me:

it’s all in the name of love ;)

Sent 10:55

 

Baek Baby:

oh please shut up, i just puked in my mouth

Sent 10:56

 

Baek Baby:

bUT ANYWAYS BACK TO THE TOPIC

i’ll just list a whole bunch of things and you tell me if it sounds about right!

you fly at 6am your time on the 24th and arrive 10am my time. after that you will take a taxi to the coffee shop next door to the closest barnes and noble. i could only get off after 11 (i hate my boss!!!1!!1), so by the time you get through all your post-flight airport stuff, i’ll be heading to the cafe. then, we’ll meet up and get you settled in at my apartment. we can do whatever you like from there ;)

i’ll send all the directions and addresses to you later, but we talked about all this and confirmed it already, right?

Sent 11:02

 

When Chanyeol receives the message, he almost hesitates to read it in full. Scanning for keywords has always been his go to, but Baekhyun deserves his undivided attention. He carefully double-checks all her statements to ensure their truth, and finds that - as always - his lover is on top of it all.

 

Me:

not a single mistake :^) as expected of my baek baby ♡

Sent 11:04

 

Baek Baby:

oh no, yeol, that took a lot of rereading. i had to add and take out a couple things that i missed.

Sent 11:05

 

Me:

baaaaaby, can’t you just learn to take a compliment?

Sent 11:05

 

While half of his text is meant to be playful and very characteristically whiny, the other half is utterly sincere. In all their months of being together, Baekhyun has always shied away from praise. When she does deem herself worthy, it’s something she will joke about for her own mirth. Chanyeol enjoys messing around with her, but there are times when he earnestly wishes she would see what he does.

 

Baek Baby:

fine, you baby :P i don’t get why it matters but if it pleases you, then fine.

Sent 11:07

 

Chanyeol, for the time being, is well-satisfied.

 

Me:

good, we’re on the same page.

Sent 11:07

 

Baek Baby:

mmmmhm.

Sent 11:07

 

Baek Baby:

well i’m going to let you go now, alright? go do what you have to, and we’ll talk later. i love you so much ♡

Sent 11:08

 

Just to satisfy his own amusement, Chanyeol sends a rousing reply.

 

Me:

you might love me, but never as much as i love you

Sent 11:08

 

Baek Baby:

omg we are not having this argument right now,,, just tell me you love me, brat

Sent 11:09

 

Chanyeol chuckles into the sleeve of his hoodie. How cute.

 

Me:

i lovelovelove you,,, more than you can ever love me

Sent 11:09

 

There is no immediate response from Baekhyun, so he locks his phone and tucks it into his pocket for safekeeping.

Only hours later, when Chanyeol makes his way back home rolling a blue luggage and clutching a miniature velvet box in tow, does he notice the rebuttal.

 

Baek Baby:

wrong. i will always love you more.

Sent 11:30

 

 

 

 

 

“You know,” Jongin sighs amidst an Everest of shirts, “I don’t exactly think you need this many sets of clothes for a two-day trip.”

When he steps back to evaluate and finds his brand new suitcase stocked to the brim with just jeans, Chanyeol agrees.

“You might be right about that.”

Since Jongin had started his employment period at Junmyeon’s bookstore, the two had plentiful opportunities to bond. In between back-breaking sessions of hauling in new stocks and sweeping dirt-tracked floors clean, they created a brotherly chemistry no one could deny. Chanyeol continues to play his best hand of tricks to thread Jongin and Kyungsoo closer and closer together, much to the blubbering couple’s chagrin. On top of that, his relationship with Baekhyun is one Jongin idealizes and aspires to replicate someday with a partner of his own. The nature of their friendship is nothing complicated or demanding. They balance each other out. It is simply them, and Chanyeol doesn’t hesitate to bask in the easiness of it.

He more often than not takes advantage of the feeling by asking Jongin over to chill - or in this case, assist him in packing for the trip of his life. It does prove to be successful, for the younger reminds him that he is only leaving for a couple of days and not moving out permanently.

After the last of Chanyeol’s belongings are zipped tight into his carry-on, he flops bonelessly on the bed. From his pocket he produces the royal blue case he’d bought with his baggage. He flips it open and the necklace glints under the light. The tiny heart brings him comfort as he admires its luster.

“I can’t believe it’s actually happening,” Chanyeol mutters more to himself than to anyone else.

The trip is more than him meeting Baekhyun for the first time. In fact, it will be full of numerous other ‘first time’s. He’s never been more than a couple hours from his house - save for when he moved out before and after university, he’s never flown in a plane before, and he’s never been across the country. Minus the inevitable jitters of presenting himself to his girlfriend, there is still a whole bucket of nerves that comes with travelling alone.

Needless to say, Chanyeol is anxious. But in all their lunch breaks spent side by side, Jongin has picked up on how to read his antics and body language. From the opposite corner of the room, he smiles peacefully and makes his way over. He is a silent type character, but he has learned that Chanyeol thrives off social interactivity. His mere close proximity is enough to calm him. Jongin too, then bounces onto the covers next to his companion.

They lay still and mute, watching the ceiling until one of them decides to break the silence. “I’m happy for you, you know that? You’re finally going to be meeting the person you love after such a long time of never even seeing her face,” Jongin says softly, and they share a light laugh that successfully relieves the tension. “If I hadn't heard only words of high praise about her, I would warn you to stay wary and be careful. You’ve heard what they say about meeting people on the internet in real life.”

Chanyeol chuckles at this, worry free. His eyes crinkle into half-moon slits as he formulates his answer. The thought had undoubtedly crossed his mind in the beginning phases of their journey. After all, he was supposedly dating a renowned online classical pianist. Although the music community page isn’t as widespread as other social medias, Baekhyun still had a reputation. There used to be doubt, and Chanyeol had his suspicions at the start. However as Baekhyun became someone personal and real throughout their time together, the questions were put to shame.

“Don’t fret. I’m sure it will all be fine. There’s no way she could fabricate her entire life - especially with all the stories she has relayed to me. In fact, have I ever told you about the one time she met someone online and they turned out to be a c-”

“A catfishing old man with an interest in young adults who are ‘good with their hands’. He came for her after discovering her playing skills. Yes, I’ve heard it thrice before,” Jongin butts in before the other could finish. “Gosh, you’re so in love that even I can recall your girlfriend’s past life - and we’ve only been close for less than a month!”

Chanyeol grunts as he pulls himself off the bed and gets up to stretch. There’s no room to rightfully deny it.

“What can I say, man? She’s got me in deeper than the Mariana Trench.”

At the response, Jongin smiles fondly, then diverts his eyes to his fiddling fingers.

“It sounds a bit cheesy, but I really look up to the devotion you have for Baekhyun. I know you always insist you’re the lucky one to have her, but she’s very fortunate. Not everyone has the privilege of ending up with a charmer - and a sweet one at that - like you.

I hope that I’ll fall in love and be loved in the same way in the future,” Jongin turns slightly pink at the sudden confession and coughs to lighten up the serious atmosphere. “I mean, you seem so happy and healthy and just so content. Some people never find a partner to share that state in their lives with.”

“You flatter me.”

Being put on the spot, Chanyeol hides his face beneath an arm that slings over his head. He doesn’t ever admit to anyone that he relishes in the compliments that Jongin showers him with every so often. It’s a very welcome thing, and it tickles his tummy to know that his relationship inspires another. In return, he genuinely yearns for the younger’s future to be filled with and flourishing in a pure, painless love.

“I think part of it is because of how quick people are nowadays to jump into a relationship. Everyone has this underlying desire to become the perfect “it” couple and dive in at any chance they get. It’s like love has become something mainstream and over-romanticized, a trend to be followed if that makes sense.”

Jongin quirks a brow and laughs hard enough to gasp for air, “You’re aware you just contradicted yourself completely?”

“Hey, hey. Let me have my philosophical moments!”

“Alright, sure,” Jongin rolls his eyes playfully, then sighs. Although he had been joking around two seconds earlier, he quiets down into a serious and contemplative state.

“But I guess I see what you mean. It’s like love has been turned into more of a concept than a feeling. The thing is, love isn’t something to satisfy a hunger for teenage angst, or something to exploit and brag about for the sake of social glory. It should be earnest, an intricate collection of sensitive emotions with all the events that come in turn,” Jongin finishes with a wistful glaze over his eyes as he keys in on the glow-in-the-dark plastic stars stuck haphazardly onto Chanyeol’s ceiling. “I think that also has something to do with why I idolize you and Baekhyun so much. It’s all real. Neither of you have any ulterior motives, you’re straight honest with yourself and your actions, you guys trust your lover with no second thought - and you haven’t even seen each other before! There’s none of that wishy washy stuff; no gray area, just love.”

Chanyeol is blown away by the wisdom Jongin unleashed on him. He has had the same thoughts since he was down on his romantic luck back in middle school and first realising that it shouldn’t be necessary to function on the social pyramid. But the way the younger put it, it was poetic and sentimental yet true all at the same time. Who would have guessed he’s barely a college student?

“You’re really smart, Jongin. I hope you know that,” Chanyeol compliments and shifts slightly to lock eyes with him.

Jongin cringes under the limelight and shudders. He’s touched, but hearing Chanyeol get so serious isn’t something he’s ready to get used to. “Alright, alright. You can stop now. Let’s get off the topic.”

Rolling his eyes, Chanyeol sits up and in turn, pulls the other up as well.

“Fine,” he grunts and bounces off the bed to stretch. “But the point I was trying to make is this: if you are intelligent enough to understand all you said earlier, you’ll definitely be able to find your happiness with someone. Trust me.”

With that closing statement, he stands to fetch his weathered car keys and a hoodie in red (Baekhyun’s favorite color). As he’s stuffing his left arm into its respective jacket sleeve, Chanyeol turns back to the other. “You coming?”

Jongin, muddled, stares at him with curiosity in his eyes. Where could they possibly go?

Chanyeol scoffs at the silence and

skips over the mass of loose clothing on the carpet to tug on his friend’s wrist. “Come on, pizza can’t wait forever.”

“Pizza?”

“Yes,” he huffs in exasperation. “Please just accept my generosity and come along.”

“But I’m tired,” Jongin pouts, lips pursed.

“No, you’re just lazy. Now let’s go. I’m not giving you a choice!”

Chanyeol rolls his eyes good-naturedly and the two fly out the door thanks to the elder’s spontaneity. Food, hanging out, and Jongin are all part of his day to day routine, but the suddenness of the late night grub run has Chanyeol fidgeting in his seat as he’s driving to the nearest open pizza joint. Tomorrow he’s to embark on what may be the most important journey of his life thus far. To say the least, he’s anxious. Flying miles above the ground is one thing, but meeting Baekhyun is another. What if she doesn’t like the way his ears stick out? Or the scrunch of his nose when he’s in deep thought? Or the rough calluses on his hands that come from plucking thick guitar strings? He knows it’s unnecessary to be doubting himself last minute after coming so far, but he can’t help it. Chanyeol simply wants to be perfect for Baekhyun - just as she is for him.

The pizza suggestion is just a farce to attempt to psychologically deceive his mind into feeling at ease. It later turns out to be a successful idea. As he’s stuffing his face with greasy cheese and talking mouth-full with Jongin, he relishes in how comfortable he is. The nerves have calmed down.

Everything is normal.

 

 

 

 

 

A looming wall of glass towers high above Chanyeol, belittling his normally gigantic body. From somewhere not too far off, the grizzly roar and growl of engines scratch at his ears. A mass of taxi cabs continuously pulling in, dropping cargo off, and pulling out has him drawing dizzying circles with his eyes. Amplified chatter and the occasional voice over the intercom barges into the privacy of his own mentality. Chanyeol has never expected an airport to be this bustling.

It nearly throws him out of focus, draws him away from his intentions, but Junmyeon is quick to pull him back to his senses.

“Hey, man. You good?”

The familiar voice of his older friend shakes him from his trance. He feels the weight of Junmyeon’s hand on his shoulder, heavy and reassuring. They had made prior arrangements for him to tag along until customs. Chanyeol, never having stepped near a plane before, insisted that his older friend accompany him. Otherwise he would assuredly find himself flying off to Moscow or some other undesired destination. Chanyeol therefore sought out Junmyeon to be his makeshift guide to offer tips and keep him on track. After all, he had flown in abundance during his childhood as the son of an accomplished businessman.

“Yeah, you could say that,” he breathes and bites the inside of his lip.

Since he had woken up this morning, Chanyeol had been offset. For just the night, Jongin’s companionship worked miracles on his anxiety; he was able to sleep well and without a hitch. But the moment he woke to the blaringly loud tone of his alarm, he was borne in a slick sweat. Things didn’t go much better from there on out. From tumbling down the stairs to almost misplacing his carry-on bag, the journey to the present was rocky.

The frown on his lips has been following him all day, and Junmyeon hasn’t failed to notice.

“Why the long face? Should I tell Baekhyun you aren’t excited to see her?” He attempts to tease.

The taller grimaces, scratching at the inside of his left wrist. “I know you’re well-intentioned, but that hardly helps at all.”

“Really now?”

Sliding doors part and they walk into the establishment with a group of foreigners. A rolling luggage clacking at his heels, unfamiliar languages clashing in his ears, a steady beeping as an influx of travellers scan their tickets. The world becomes very clear to Chanyeol as he exists in that moment. Overwhelmingly, the noises get louder, terrorizing his mind with no regard for his sanity. His breath hitches as pain knits his brows together. It’s as if the country’s toughest judge is banging his gavel into his unshielded brain. He fingers his temples with a brute force in an attempt to ease the ache, but nothing proves to work.

“Hey,” Junmyeon pauses, taking the baggage from his hand. “Hey, what’s going on?”

Instead of answering, he crouches to his knees and stays there for the remainder of the minute. He sneaks a hand into his bag to palm the soft jewelry box that would give him solace. Strangely, it fails to cure his anxieties.

Junmyeon sighs.

“I give you a lot of crap about literally nothing, but I’m actually so proud of what you’re doing right now.”

“What? Stopping airport pedestrian traffic to nurse a sudden headache?”

The elder shrugs, assessing their surroundings.

“I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, but if you don’t want to take it…”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Junmyeon sighs in defeat, “Listen, I’m going to be honest. Since we were young, I never thought you would somehow be the one to end up in a long distance relationship, maintain it well, and pursue it. With your restless and impatient antics, it’s hard to believe you haven’t even seen a picture of your girlfriend before.”

“Looks don’t matter! She’s beautiful because her personality is!”

“I wasn’t saying she’s an ugly freak. Calm yourself, please. You missed the entire point, dimwit.”

Junmyeon fights the urge to simply drop everything and abandon his friend in the middle of the place.

“As I was saying,” he glares accusingly, “I’m so excited for you. You pushed past the barriers and look where it got you.”

Chanyeol fakes a gag, hacking for extra effect.

“Gross, no need to get so soft!”

“Ugh, listen here, you t-”

Before Junmyeon can get the last of his sentence out, he finds himself in a tight embrace.

“Thank you. I’m very grateful for everything you’ve done.”

He returns the gesture, rolling his eyes with a smile. “You better be,” Junmyeon scoffs and wiggles away. “Come on, you’re going to be late for check-in.”

 

 

 

 

 

The very first page of an unwritten book lay just one foot ahead of Chanyeol. One step off the plane is the official landing into a new city, a new terrain, a brand new lifestyle that includes the love of his entire existence. To be frank, he’s terrified, absolutely terrified. Just hours from now he’ll either be making out or breaking up - hyperbolic extremities - with the girl he’s dedicated the last eight months of his life to. He’s in no position to be in control of anything; he found out the hard way when he learned the flight ran 45 minutes late.The only thing Chanyeol can do at this point is live long enough to meet her at their pre-scheduled time and location.

For safety measures, he checks his phone for new notifications. Baekhyun surely would reassure him at a time like now, right?

Chanyeol pulls the drop tab down and flicks off his airplane mode. There is one alert, and it’s not from who he wants it to be.

 

Jongin:

So, ummm. I don’t know how to say this but…

Sent 8:13

 

Jongin:

You need to call me as soon as you can.

Sent 8:13

 

The two messages do exactly the opposite of what he was hoping would happen. The open-ended texts leave mystery and suspicion in Chanyeol’s mind. What could be wrong? He taps around to get on call with Jongin, but a vibration stops him in his tracks.

It’s from Baekhyun.

 

Baek Baby:
are you freaking out? pls don’t freak out because i’ve already assumed that duty.

i don’t know what it is, but i’m just so nervous to finally meet you in person. don’t let this affect your image of me but like what if you don’t like my haircut? or what if the clothes i’m wearing don’t suit what you thought i would wear? this is absolutely nOT OKAy

Sent 10:51

 

He chuckles softly at his girlfriend’s anxiety. Who knew they were so alike?

As he types up a decent reply, the thought of Jongin gets brushed aside as tomfoolery and his usual dumb shenanigans.

 

Me:

if you asked junmyeon, he’d tell you that i was the exact same way this morning. seriously, i was listless (and i still kinda am)

Sent 10:52

 

Baek Baby:

oh my poor boy :((( well i got off a little early and i’m on my way to the cafe now. are you there?

Sent 10:52

 

For the first time since landing, Chanyeol checks the time. He knows he’s an hour late, but it still hits him how early it is compared to home. The difference unsettles him, injects something into his blood much like poison. The seasick feeling returns again.

 

Me:

sorry i forgot to tell you but the flight was delayed a little bit this morning so i kinda just got off i’ll be there as soon as i can. please wait for me.

Sent 10:53

 

Baek Baby:

aaaawww, you sound so jittery, i just wanna hug you. don’t fret too much, okay? see you soon, my love. call me when you’re there.

Sent 10:53

 

Chanyeol locks his phone, stuffs it into his pocket, and mentally runs through the post-flight steps Junmyeon engraved into his mind. He sighs, making to exit the terminal with his single carry-on baggage in hand. Along the way, he’s forgotten the velvet box weighing down his right pants pocket.

“I guess it’s now or never.”

 

 

 

 

 

The taxi hits a dip in the road once every two or three minutes.

“So kid - bump - what brings you here?”

The conversation isn’t exactly welcome, but who is Chanyeol to refuse the kind man whose job is to bring him to Baekhyun?

“Well, um... I’m supposed to meet my girlfriend today and I’m kinda super nervous… like super duper nervous.”

A hearty chuckle slips from the driver in the front seat.

“Super duper, eh?”

“... Yeah,” Chanyeol curses. It sounds a lot more stupid out loud than it did in his head.

The next few minutes are filled with the lilt of the drivers’ hum. The rocky melody gives Chanyeol the opportunity to retreat back into his egg shell of a mind. He hardly notices how his hands sweat.

“You love her?”

Shaken from his distraction, Chanyeol coughs. “I’m sorry?”

“I asked if you love the girl.”

“Of course I do!”

“Of course you do,” The driver searches for eye contact in the mirror, smirking knowingly when he succeeds. “Well, then... I don’t see what you’re worried about.” As if he hadn’t left off, he returns to his jolly tune.

The car jumps a bump and seconds later, the tires’ screeching announce their arrival.

Chanyeol unbuckles himself with a deep sigh.

“How much for the fare, sir?” He inquires as he moves to retrieve his luggage.

The taxi driver rubs his chin in contemplation. “Well, it’s supposed to be ten,” he stretches his tone. “But I’ll cover you, so you go get her, boy.”

The man clicks his tongue and drives off with a wink in Chanyeol’s direction before the other can even speak his appreciation.

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol isn’t half as certain of himself as he’d like to be standing before the establishment. Heaving a heavy sigh, he turns to the cafe and resolves to walk in confidently.

Here goes nothing.

Or… maybe not.

“Urhghhhh,” he groans under his breath.

Chanyeol stomps his feet and flops his arms like a child, urging passerbys to question his sanity. He’s aware of the childish act he’s putting on, but his insides are going haywire.

“Forget this,” he mutters and retrieves his phone.

The dial tone rings a couple of times before a cheery voice picks up.

“Hey, love!” Baekhyun exclaims.

Chanyeol’s anxiety melts away, leaving a fondness for the woman in his heart. “Hey, baby. Are you here?”

“Yup, I’m so excited to see you!”

Chanyeol laughs softly. Who would’ve guessed how nervous they both were just a half hour before?

“Yes, yes. The feeling is very mutual.”

“I love you, Yeol,” Baekhyun says breathlessly, causing the other’s heartbeat to skip.

“I love you more.” He doesn’t fight the smile growing on his lips. “What are you wearing? I want to be able to find you easily.”

A rustling comes through the speaker, and Chanyeol can just imagine how cute Baekhyun must be looking at the details of her clothing.

“Hmmm, black jeans and a white tee. Oh, and it has a black and white striped pocket!”

“As expected, so thorough of you. I like the color scheme going on - or lack thereof”.

“Ah, I should’ve worn something more colorful! I’m sorry, I guess I unconsciously let my nerves dress me today”.

“No, no. That’s not what I meant,” Chanyeol laughs. “I’m sure you’re beautiful”.

Ambient silence lingers between them, even as Chanyeol reaches down to roll his luggage behind him.

“I’m heading in now, keep an eye on the door.”

Baekhyun hums, voice eager and a hint uncertain.

Chanyeol’s heart aches. He resolves to reassure her as soon as they meet.

A bell jingles when he pushes through the entrance. The baristas at the counter cheerfully greet the customer, but Chanyeol only hears Baekhyun’s soft gasp.

“It’s really you,” she whispers, breathy, emotional and in awe, as if she were close to tears.

“Of course it is, my love,” Chanyeol soothes her, scanning the cafe. It’s definitely bigger and more crowded than he had originally predicted. People clutter multiple chairs at small tables, a line queues down to the back of the room, and a constant buzz of conversation hangs above it all. It is proving difficult to locate one Byun Baekhyun.

“You say can see me, but how? The only person I see with those clothes on is the guy in the back corner waving frantically for some reason. He’s got a few loose screws, huh?” Chanyeol feels mean for laughing, but the man is shaking himself silly. “Do you see him?”

In Chanyeol’s vision, the guy facepalms and chuckles a bit. Startlingly, he hears Baekhyun do the same.

“Chanyeol, you’re not slow right?”

“What?”

“Hang up, idiot.”

Albeit baffling, he heeds her word and taps the red button to end the call. When he glances up, the guy beckons him closer. Chanyeol eyes him, questioning his intentions. The other gives up and gets on his feet to bring him closer with exaggerated gestures.

Chanyeol comes over cautiously. “Uh… Yes?”

“Chanyeol, it’s me!”

“... Baek?”

Chanyeol’s world stops on its axis.

This is Baekhyun? The woman of his dreams?

“Yes, love. If it wasn’t me, then who? Who else do you know here?”

Her - his - words are true. They make sense. Just hours ago he was fretting about his cluelessness to this city. How would he know anyone other than Baekhyun?

Chanyeol steps back curtly when the man attempts to reach for his hand. He bites his lip to remain silent, and Baekhyun coughs a bit awkwardly. The block of air existing between them is thickened by misunderstanding and contempt. The tension refuses to falter, to dissolve on its own for the sake of Baekhyun’s comfort, so he takes it upon himself. “It’s probably the first-date jitters getting to you, isn't it?” He tries.

Stiff as a board, Chanyeol does not answer.He feels bitter, baffled, but mostly betrayed by the past eight months he had devoted to Baekhyun. He took unpaid leave off from work to fly to a whole different area of the country to be with her. He spent money on the ring in his pocket and the suitcase in his clutch to appeal to her. He ventured far out of his comfort zone to step forward in his relationship with her. All this he has done for a strong, talented, gorgeous woman, but not a man claiming to be his love.

“Haha, I guess I just tried to get over the whole doubt and turn it into excitement,” Baekhyun shrugs, voice small from the discouraging silence. But again, Chanyeol leaves him hanging without a reply and his effort considered useless.

“I assume it didn't work well...” The man trails off, scratching at the black stain of his white shirt. “Perhaps I should let you get yourself together… What do you want to drink? Surely you’re thirsty.” Baekhyun's tone of utter disappointment isn’t masked, nor is it subtle. The strained grimace on his lips fails to disguise itself as a smile.

Although he’s much more than angry and hurt, Chanyeol decides he’s already gotten this far. He might as well face the problem at hand and address the elephant in the room. But beforehand, a whopping dose of liquid encouragement would be helpful.

“Um… Anything with caffeine, please,” he answers Baekhyun reluctantly, hesitating to add under his breath, “I’m going to need a lot it.”

Baekhyun returns minutes later with his hands full and a dim but hopeful curve upon his lips. “I got you a caramel macchiato… I hope it’s to your liking…”

He hands the drink to Chanyeol and their fingers touch ever so slightly. There is a stark contrast between his warmed hands and the other’s cold ones. Baekhyun reddens with a blush, but Chanyeol flinches away in severe discomfort. It doesn’t slip past unnoticed.

“So, how… how was the flight?” Baekhyun struggles to make conversation, but Chanyeol is dazed out of his mind.

Reality is sinking in, but none of it registers as logical. How can this be Baekhyun? Baek Baby? How can this man be the love of his life? A distant discussion with Jongin about his romantic interests comes to mind. Chanyeol recalls his adamant refusal of homoual interests. It only confirms that he isn’t interested in men, not at all. Never has he been and never will he ever be in love with a man.

“-yeol?”

Startled, Chanyeol looks up to see Baekhyun’s face clearly. In two seconds, he detects the glossy glaze over his eyes that wasn’t there earlier. The joyful shine from just minutes ago is presently absent.

“I’m sorry, were you talking?”

Chanyeol’s tone is clipped, rude. In some pit deep within him, he wants to see the other hurt. In his heart, he refuses to acknowledge the man as Baekhyun.

“Ah, um, y-yeah. I asked…” Baekhyun stops to lean back and blink away a few tears.

“Sorry, something in my eye,” he says through a sniffle and a darkened laugh. “I asked how your flight was. Did you get to sleep at all?”

Chanyeol sneers, “Sleep? No.”

Despite the heavy mockery, Baekhyun lightens up a little as Chanyeol finally engages with him.

“Oh, I see. Was there turbulence?”

Chanyeol resists the persisting urge to scoff at the comment. Turbulence, meaning this inner turmoil wrecking his insides as they speak?

“Not exactly.”

“Ah, that’s good…” Baekhyun coughs. He looks around, searching for anything to make conversation material out of.

“I like your suitcase. It’s the new one, right?”

“The new one…” Chanyeol exhales deeply, “Yeah.”

“It’s even red, hmmm. I remember how jumpy you were on the day you purchased it. You texted me with that juvenile innocence of yours, proclaiming to the world how proud you were. You must have been very excited.”

Baekhyun lets his statement linger in reminiscence with the tiniest smile, an invitation to recall the easy times. Chanyeol feels a pinch inside when he hears the slight familiarity in the other’s joy. Despite the lure,he doesn’t accept the extended offer.

From there, it is quiet between them. White noise fills the void they leave behind: clinking cups behind the counter, mellow indies music playing in the background, light chatter among surrounding tables. It all seems so normal to Chanyeol, but the truth is far from it.

Since Chanyeol makes no further advances, Baekhyun opens up with caution, “Listen, um.... Maybe I’m just being hyper aware out of nervousness, but uh... is there something wrong between us?”

Chanyeol is taken aback. What? He snaps, “Did you just ask me if something is wrong?”

Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrow together in an internal type of contemplation. He bites his lips bloody and stares at Chanyeol for a few seconds before jerking his gaze to something outside window. There isn’t anything entertaining to see, but he trains his line of vision strictly to the side. “Nevermind,” he mumbles, the word itself ending up warped by emotion.

Chanyeol intakes a breath, slowly. This isn’t who he is. He messed up, lost himself in the moment to confusion and pain. The understanding, sincere person he truly is failed to break through the mirage of bitterness. Who is he to be unkind to this man who hasn't given him reason to? Even if he isn’t what Chanyeol expected or wanted, it seems he is innocent to the situation.

“I’m sorry… That was uncalled for…” He pinches the dip of his nose. Rubbing his eyes he asks, “You don’t see the problem?”

As he turns to meet the other, Baekhyun’s stare intensifies and his features wobble.

“I-” He chokes under his breath, the words stuck in his throat. “I really don’t… I’m at a loss… What’s wrong, Yeol?”

Chanyeol winces hard at the pet name. He’s caught it over the phone a million times and read it in texts trillions more. He has yearned fervently to hear the title in person, dreaming of this destined day. Yet it doesn’t have the ring he dreamingly fantasized it would. Instead, it is akin to a low rumble - much like thunder.

“Okay, see I don’t get why you keep shying away from me. It’s like you think I’m infected with some kind of contagious skin disease,” Baekhyun elaborates with attention to detail. Even in times of affliction, that trait of knife-like precision confirms his identity.

Chanyeol takes notice of the clear misery etched meticulously on the man’s face as he shifts again towards the window. He hides his face away from sight and curls in on himself. It’s obvious how his shoulders seem to deflate. Chanyeol can’t help but acknowledge the strings pulling in his chest - he’s always been the sensitive type. He genuinely wants to at least confer about the issue, but frankly doesn’t have the slightest clue how to go about it.

He clears his throat of thickness and pulls his hair back in frustration with himself and the whole ordeal.

“Baekhyun,” the simple name stings his tongue like acid. It’s the first time he’s addressed the other man, believing who he says he is. “I’m going to ask you this very plainly.” He waits for any reaction of negative opposition, but his company doesn’t stir. Chanyeol uses the opportunity. “Are you gay?”

The inquiry draws Baekhyun from his trance. His posture straightens, and he leans forward with a crinkle in his face. Chanyeol’s eyes are blunt as he searches them for rationality.

“Excuse me?”

Chanyeol raises his hands before him with his shoulders in a shrug. He shakes his head and defends himself with, “I’m just so confused. I mean if you're into me, you obviously must be gay.”

Baekhyun scoffs, jaw agape and hands clamped on hips.

“I was trying to be contained, maybe give you the benefit of the doubt, but what is this?” His tongue snaps. Effectively, his volume rises a couple decibels and draws a few onlookers. “How are you confused? Moreover, what right have you to even be confused when I’m the one sitting here like a fool, not knowing what on earth is wrong, because here you are and here I am, and we’re supposed to be laughing in joy and talking about little nothings and just loving each other, but what is this? You ask me if I’m gay? Not only is that both irrelevant and nearly a no-brainer, but also an extremely insensitive question at that! You have the nerve to randomly ask someone their uality when you’ve denied all my other attempts at conversation. Most people agree that it’s rude, unacceptable to do so in such a manner. Even if you’re dating, it’s not right to discuss it in public, and don’t even tell me I’m making a scene, because it’s out now, why stop it? Besides, I don’t understand why my preference should have to matter.” Baekhyun stops his ramble for a second, breathing heavily. “I love you, and you love me… I just don’t see what’s wrong here!”

Somewhere during the rant, his hands ended up in circles against his temples. They offer no ease, and he stands abruptly, sliding his chair back with a screech of metal against the floor. His eyes are shut tight as a long groan ruptures his throat.

Baekhyun is close to sobering up emotionally after a few moments, but the apology dies on his lips when Chanyeol expresses a low spoken, “No…”

The word shrivels Baekhyun’s calm to smithereens. “No, what?”

“No… You’re mistaken,” Chanyeol confesses, but he doesn’t appear to be truly there in the moment. There is a faraway bluntness in his eyes as he looks off to the side. “I don’t-”

“Stop.” Baekhyun huffs, the air leaking from his lungs in some sort of defeat. He wants to claim it’s just because he’s riled up, but he knows it’s really because he’s afraid to face the rest of whatever Chanyeol has to say. “We’re going to have to do this somewhere else, I can’t do it here.”

 

 

 

 

 

They walk the distance to Baekhyun’s apartment in a tense silence that seems to prolong the five-minute commute.

The majority of Chanyeol’s journey is spent with his eyes glued to the back of Baekhyun's heels. He’s hardly paying attention to the other, only focusing on his navigation. Beside this, however, Chanyeol is preoccupied with bigger matters. His mind could host the Olympics with so much running through it. Questions for Baekhyun, for himself, for the world attack him in a constant head-splitting barrage. As hard as he wills it away, the growing ache persists.

His ignorance is a shame, for Chanyeol could have seen the city’s distinct suburban beauty had he bothered to leave his own conscience. The leashed dogs barking away at their surroundings would have tickled him pure. The white noise of the various motor vehicles wheeling around would have been enough to put him at ease. But mostly, the tears of the man ahead would have sent a twinge of pain to his heart, softening it in a manner all too familiar to him. None of this happens though, and by the time they reach the one-room complex, Chanyeol is still as shaken as he was when they left the cafe.

“I don’t know where to start, so tell me why I’m mistaken,” Baekhyun sighs in exasperation.

His demeanor no longer holds the weight it did earlier when Chanyeol observes him again. A spark lies in his squinted glare partnered with a tight press of his lips. He leans back in his chair, arms folded across his chest. The condescending stance challenges Chanyeol to produce a moronic answer. It is useless, because he does it anyways.

In short words, Chanyeol confesses, “I don’t love you.”

The strong front Baekhyun had been maintaining with his sadness-turned-anger wavers with a stutter, “W-What?”

“I just met you. You’re a stranger!”

A watery scoff ruptures Baekhyun’s throat.

“Stranger, huh?” He has to pause to regain himself. This man really wants to test the extent of his limits. “Park Chanyeol, cut the crap.”

Chanyeol knows he is digging for excuses when he repeats that they just met an hour ago. He knows they are anything but strangers.

“If I were a stranger, would I know what your favorite pizza joint is? Would I know the huskiness of your voice when you’re close to sleep? Would I know the slight hitch of your breath when you laugh? Tell me again, Chanyeol. Tell me I’m a stranger.”

His eyes are pointed, daring the other to deny him.

“I-”

“You can’t. You know I’m right,” Baekhyun’s fight dies. “Just tell me the truth. No more useless coverups. I can see right through you.”

Chanyeol’s mind is going off the rails, searching for some kind of excuse. Words want to explode from his mouth, but they crash into each other. He wants to launch explanations in sentence fragments and unfinished thoughts that won't mean anything. Everything is blinking behind his eyes in a scattered mess, but only one thing is clear:

“You're a man! I can’t love a man!”

The time it takes for Baekhyun to process the information is undefined. His eyes scrunch together and his lips purse. “What do you mean I’m a man? Are you saying you didn’t know?” The interrogation comes out jumbled as his hands fly about. “Chanyeol, what?”

“I didn’t!”

Baekhyun all but yells, “How?” He nearly knocks his chair back, slamming his palms on the tabletop and ripping himself from the seat. He conjures up a quick prayer asking that the other will see sense and give him the worthy explanation he knows will never come.

“I don’t know! I just assumed you were a woman since I was so attracted to you!”

“Unbelievable… W-What kind of messed up logic-” Suddenly, the dam’s cohesion bursts full force. Currents rush out of Baekhyun’s eyes as he struggles to gulp down air. Strangled gasps match his trembling hands that are white as they clutch onto the table’s surface - an anchor.

The scene before him reminds Chanyeol that he isn’t an outsider to the situation. This is his doing; this is his fault. Sympathy comes fast, and his fingers itch to wipe those tears away. But who is he to provide comfort when his very ignorance is what stole it away in the first place? Instead, he sinks back in resignation. Better to play it safe than sorry. He was never good with consolation in the first place, and Baekhyun would know.

From his seated position, Chanyeol takes time to observe the other’s state. His head is in his hands again, choking the sobs behind it. Vaguely, Chanyeol recalls his lover’s confession to hiding her - his  - vulnerability. He had always made a point to coax her - him - out of the habit. What a cruel, ironic twist of fate. In his best interests, Chanyeol lets the emotional man across him return to his wits. He is barely coping, but Baekhyun lifts his head high towards confrontation. His insides may be shattering to mismatched shards, but he deserves to at least comprehend the situation.

“I’m going to lay down common sense for you, got it?” The question is rhetorical, and he leaves no room for an answer. “My name is masculine. My voice is that of a man. My interests could be considered manly. Are you not seeing this?”

“We already covered this… No, I didn’t. Besides, I tried to get to know you! I searched for you online. Nothing of relevance really stood out, but I did find a picture of you!”

“Well, obviously, I don’t have any feminine parts!”

“Oh, but you did. You had hair to your waist, all nice and curled! There was definitely lipstick and eyeliner on your face.”

Baekhyun scoffs.

“Please, that was forever ago! In high school! There was a cross-dressing contest!”

“How was I supposed to know?” Chanyeol argues with a sputter.

“You were just- Ugh, I don’t know! Regardless, I still don’t understand! How didn't you see it?”

His hand has a grip tight on his hair, reddening the flush of his cheeks. On the surface Baekhyun is fuming. If Chanyeol were to investigate further, he’d disclose the utter heartbreak beneath it.

“...That would be assuming gender.” Another alibi.

The drop of Baekhyun’s jaw is heavy enough to cause tremors in the earth. The gall of this man!

“You must be stupid if you aren’t realising you did it anyways!”

With every word the tension and anger and volume and fire in the room elevate with a heat too intense to even breathe in.

“Look, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol acknowledges him with a hesitant lull and a twinge of heartbreak. “I already told you. I would never love another guy…”

“That stupid, idiotic, dumb, faulty logic again, huh?” He scoffs bitterly to mock his own misery. “I’m really attempting to see things from your eyes. I’m trying to glue myself together over here while simultaneously dealing with you. I want to be strong, but-”

Baekhyun’s words hitch in the back of his throat like a hiccup. Emotions all across the spectrum fly across his features at varying times. They paint one eye a mournful space blue and the other a raging sangria red. The full lashes framing them are stained deep plum purple for the frustration shredding his insides apart. His lips are tainted juniper green with forgotten promises of kisses, and his teeth are burned clay orange by the deceit of love.

“There are so many things wrong with what you just said, you know?”

He brushes away the tears blurring his vision, blinking rapidly to clear it. “To clear up your flawed reasoning,” Baekhyun starts while wiping his waterline, “let me help you out... Were all those times fake?”

“Don’t-”

“When you originally commented on my audio clip, praising the articulation and my rendition of the piece, what did that mean?”

He leaves time to size up the other’s expression, secretly - desperately - yearning for any symptoms of nostalgia.

“When you inquired about my inspiration to play and I confessed that you had become my muse, do you remember?

When I called you in nervous shambles to tell you I loved you for the first time because the feelings had been bottled up for much too long, and I was falling quicker and harder and more than I ever thought possible.”

Chanyeol’s been staring at him like a mule the whole time, but when they lock eyes at the last second, Baekhyun’s last fragment clatters to the grave.

“All I asked you to do was catch me… and you couldn’t even do that.”

The universe’s forces maintain their engagement, but Chanyeol defies gravity. He directs a glare at the ground with a fervor that could melt rocks. Almost regretfully, with a reluctance, and hushedly, he entreaties, “Stop trying. There’s no going back now.”

Baekhyun’s flip switches once more, his profound sorrow momentarily converted to madness. “You must be kidding me!”

“I’m sorry!”

“No, you’re not!”

The way the other speaks as if he were inside his brain ticks Chanyeol off. He hardly understands his own feelings, so how could he possibly vie for another’s? “Is that so?” He challenges, fury seeping into his tone for the first time. “And how can you be so sure?”

“I know you!”

“If you know me so well, then why didn’t you realise I didn’t love you?”

“Don’t give me that bullsh-”

“Shut up!” Chanyeol roars.

The room is shocked to silence, and it is so still that a pin drop could be heard on the floor.

“You don’t know how I feel,” he bores holes through the other, “and that is final.”

It is an insulting move to go for the spot where it hurts most, but Chanyeol is over the crap. “I’ll find a hotel to stay at tonight. I’m booking the first flight back tomorrow morning.”

Baekhyun’s voice is whisper-low at this point. “... You wouldn’t…”

“I would.”

Quietly, a sarcastic laugh slips through Baekhyun’s lips. It sounds so hollow, resigned, and defeated in a way that even demons would mourn for. Still, despite everything, it pricks Chanyeol right in his heart. Here is this being that was once upon a time the strongest, most stubborn, and the most beautiful person he had ever come to know. Now, though, he stares ahead blankly with sullen eyes and bruised, discarded wings.

“So that’s it, huh?” Baekhyun inches up in his chair after a minute or two of woe. “There is a spiral notebook on a desk in that room over there, written to the brim with details about these next couple of days. It’s got schedules of what we were supposed to do, places where we could have gone, things we were going to eat. A couple of pages have charts of budgets for food, souvenirs, and recreation because I knew I would try to overspend for you. There is a section solely devoted to what I wanted to say to you when we met - things that have been accumulating since the very beginning… It feels like I’m being belittled and teased for planning everything so intricately, because none of it is even going to happen now. But all I can do is accept it.”

Chanyeol interrupts, “Baekhyun-”

“Accept it… and move on,” he rubs his temples as if it is the last thing keeping him rooted to this planet. “You have five minutes to get out of here before I do something drastic.”

And although everything feels so unfinished and wrong, Chanyeol takes advantage of the leeway and says no more. No ghosts of ‘goodbye’s or ‘I love you’s. Just like that, he’s gone with a slam of the door.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun are over before they even really got the chance to begin.

 

 

 

 

 

When he finally finds the time to unwind after checking out a hotel room and booking a flight, his first priority is to finally read up on and reply to Jongin’s forgotten messages. They were sent with urgency, but he brushed them aside. Hopefully it was nothing of any real importance. Perhaps he might even bring some good news.

It was vain to hope.

 

Me:

hey shoot im sorry it has been a long y day and im just getting the time to answer

Sent 18:32

 

As soon as it sends, he drops the phone and drapes an arm over his face. Too much has happened today. Sleep starts to sound like the greatest blessing until a buzz disrupts the peace.

 

Jongin:

i thought so… i see you know the truth now.

Sent 18:34

 

This shakes his senses awake. Would Jongin know?

 

Me:

umm… what are you talking about?

Sent 18:34

 

Jongin:

you met baekhyun, right?

Sent 18:36

 

Chanyeol sits up in confusion, rubbing his jawline. What?

 

Me:

yes

Sent 18:36

 

Me:

what a pleasant surprise. found out the love of my life was a man this whole time. got played like a dunce.

Sent 18:37

 

Jongin:

yeah, i know. is it safe to ask how youre holding up?

Sent 18:37

 

Me:

don’t be fooled, i’m barely keeping myself from bursting at the seams.

Sent 18:39

 

Me:

but how did you know?

Sent 18:39

 

Pushing aside the heavier thoughts, Chanyeol brings up the topic he’s been curious about. How could Jongin, thousands of miles away, have known about Baekhyun’s real identity?

 

Jongin:

you’re probably confused af rn.

Sent 18:40

 

Chanyeol has had it up to this point.

 

Me:

look man, i don’t wanna be a jerk or anything, but quit beating around the bush. what is going on and how tf do you know?

Sent 18:41

 

Jongin:

i thought i told you before, but i took a few classes in computer science. learned how to hack into things and find deeper knowledge through the course. long story short: i did a search on byun baekhyun and was able to find out a lot of things you didnt know before.

Sent 18:43

 

Me:

is that not an invasion of privacy??? why did you do it…

Sent 18:44

 

Jongin:

yes i know, but i was worried for you. you met this amazing girl online, but had never seen her or heard her voice clearly. you guys fell in love and have been dating with no problem. it was suspicious this whole time, how could she actually be real? i guess she never was.

and i remembered our conversation from way back when. i did assume baek was a girl, and you told me she wasn't just because you wouldnt have loved her otherwise.

Sent 18:44

 

Jongin:

i did it to protect you. and i know i have always said i admired this relationship, but there was always an inkling that it was too good to be true.

the only thing different is that i actually acted on the intuitions this time…

Sent 18:46

 

Chanyeol stares at the text. He’s barely skimming through the words to get the gist of it, and his focus blurs again and again.

Thanks to his languid eyes and mind, he’s been reading the incoming messages with the attention span of a goldfish. The information is all coming at once, and Chanyeol desperately wants it to be over. The raid has refused to let up since departing for the airport in Junmyeon’s car, since the earliest hours in the morning. From his worrisome insecurity, to his lingering anxiety, and the added load of wake-up calls from Baekhyun and Jongin, the day has been constant mental warfare between Chanyeol and Fate. So far, it seems the latter is winning by a long shot.

 

Me:

i really, really, really want to go to sleep right now and just shut out the world for a couple hours.

Sent 18:50

 

Jongin:

then do it. it’s been a rough day.

Sent 18:50

 

Sinking into a bed of blankets sounds like the most appealing thing in the world right now, but it would be sensible to understand how he missed such a huge part of his lover’s being. So Chanyeol does away with the idea of rest for now and further inspects the case.

 

Me:

i will eventually… but tell me about what you found first.

Sent 18:53

 

Jongin:

it was hard to find anything relevant, but something kept telling me to investigate further every time i felt like giving up - call it instinct.

Sent 18:54

 

Jongin:

anyways, i started in his music profile, the one where you met. it piqued my interest that his recents were only uploaded audio files. it lined up with his claim that his camera wasn’t working. but i went way back to his past videos. they were only of his hands - and i’m sure you’ve seen them before?

Sent 18:55

 

Me:

yeah, but those are from like four years ago. i wasn’t even a member online yet.

Sent 18:57

 

Jongin:

still, i was watching one of them, and he cleared his throat. lemme tell you, he’s got pretty hands but i have never heard a woman’s voice sound like that.

Sent 18:59

 

An icy feeling shoots through Chanyeol’s veins. He vaguely remembers a video like that. The throaty, deep cough had sparked a curiosity in him, inviting him to uncover the truth right before him. But he was blinded and refused to see other than what he willed.

“Screw it all,” he growls, flopping on the bed like a fish out of water. How could he have been so ignorant? The truth was right there! It was practically wrapped, tied, and presented to him with a card saying “Hey, It’s Reality!” as if it wasn’t obvious enough. Not only that, but the fact that he had a masculine name was a huge tip as well. Baekhyun and Jongin both made the point, it was thoughtless to dismiss even the possibility.

Chanyeol whines, kicking his legs in every direction. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” His appendages flail all over the place until eventually, he exhausts himself into a star-like position with his arms akimbo and legs apart.

 

Me:

yeah, i get that now. ugh, i’m so pissed at myself.

Sent 19:05

 

Jongin:

woah, you weren’t the most insightful, but let’s not degrade ourselves

Sent 19:06

 

Me:

but still… whatever, just continue what you were saying

Sent 19:06

 

Jongin:

i thought it was odd that this pure, angelic woman would have such a guttural sound. my senses were tingling,,,, i had to give in. so i bypassed the security of his profile and looked at the settings.

Sent 19:08

 

Jongin:

chanyeol, he identified as a male. it just wasn’t displayed.

Sent 19:08

 

Again, salt gets tossed in the wound, searing him with a hot burn. It really would have been great to have known this months ago. They never would have dated if Chanyeol had known. He doesn't yet know if that would have been for the best or not.

 

Jongin:

so i kinda went all creepy stalker, pieced all the personal details together, and did a search (more accurate than your cross dressing one)

Sent 19:09

 

Me:

pfft i could have told you that

Sent 19:10

Me:

i just still can’t believe i fell in love with a man. i’m not gay!

Sent 19:11

 

Jongin:

...yeah, because that’s how it works, huh?…  go to sleep. we will talk tomorrow.

Sent 19:12

 

Me:

wait, i still have questions

Sent 19:12

 

But Jongin shuts him down quickly.

 

Jongin:

sleep on it.

goodnight.

Sent 19:12

And so Chanyeol is left to his own devices, to his thoughts. Although he had begged Jongin to let him alone, the fear of having time to think had pricks at the back of his conscience. Anything is fair game now that he is immersed in a deafening silence. Despite the void of sound, the pressure around him felt grave and unlike anything he had experienced before. It is as if Apollo removed the Sun from the sky and tossed it away.  A black hole. Somehow, Chanyeol thinks, losing Baekhyun is comparable to such tragedy.

He sighs for the umpteenth time.

All the things he wanted to do are to be boxes eternally unchecked on his bucket list. They will never sleep together under a blanket with fire warming their toes frosted by winter. They will never watch the entirety of the Harry Potter series in a single night together. They will never island hop in the pacific. They will never say their first in-person ‘I love you’s beneath a sprinkling of stars and celestial bodies. They will never exchange vows and slip on shimmering rings before an altar dressed in white. They won’t ever have the chance. They could have been a thing - the thing. A formidable couple that serves both looks and love. But things just didn’t work the way they were supposed to.

It’s something regrettable. To throw away a future’s worth of smiles and serenity. Chanyeol can’t help but blame himself for a good chunk of their sudden split. It was quite obviously clear Baekhyun hadn’t the slightest clue what was wrong, but he does shoulder partial responsibility. For what reasons, Chanyeol doesn’t know yet, but knowing he wasn’t alone in ruining the relationship gave him a sad sort of twisted comfort. After all, what did Baekhyun expect? How was he supposed to know anything about him when all his private information is locked within a safe?

A prolonged whine squeezes between the part of Chanyeol’s lips.

No more mental breakdowns, he resolves.

Tomorrow will be better.

 

 

 

 

 

A shrill ringing forces Chanyeol from his dreamless sleep, tugging a groan from the deepest pit of his insides. It is early.

Vaguely he recalls the alarm he had set weeks in advance, aiming to maximize his time with Baekhyun as much as possible. He now begrudgingly wonders why anyone would ever wish to wake up this early in the morning. Himself included of course. He can already detect the hoarseness in his voice without having to unhinge his jaw the slightest bit. His head is pounding a percussion paradiddle through pulses of dulled pain. Two pills of aspirin run down a dry throat and work their best to soothe the ache.

He finds himself running on autopilot and tugging open the curtains by habit.Immediately, he recoils from the sun’s stark rays with a yelp. It puzzles him how much he feels he’s nursing a hangover - it’s not like he had anything to drink last night. Perhaps that was the issue. Since leaving the cafe, he hadn’t replenished himself with drink or food. It must be taking its toll on his body right now.

“Ugh,” he grumbles.

At some point between getting out of bed and actually waking up, it occurs to him that he’s wearing the exact same clothes he’d worn waking up the day before. A quick whiff of musty body odor sends him straight to the shower for the next ten minutes.

The water has a soothing effect. It massages his muscles, releases them from tense holds of stress. He unwinds under the cloud of steam and lets the hot beads roll of his shoulders. It opens his lungs, his mind, his heart. Finally evaluating yesterday’s events with a tiny bit more clarity, Chanyeol realises just how much of a jerk he was to Baekhyun. The guilt comes slamming into him faster than a bullet train and harder than a sledge hammer.

How could he have said such insensitive things to another? The harsh talk of the other’s uality was certainly uncalled for. It’s not something to be discussed so crassly in public. Not to mention his ignorance to Baekhyun’s feelings. It’s one thing to be conscious of your own happiness, but another to be selfish with it. Just because he doesn't have the same preferences for love, he treated Baekhyun like a rag. He exploited his emotions and made light of them.

However, Chanyeol knows it isn’t his fault entirely. Baekhyun came off strong as well, putting up a stubborn, strong front. He did attempt to see it from the other’s side, but claimed the logic to be full of fallacy. Looking back, Chanyeol can understand the perspective. After all, he did last so long in love, even if it was under false pretenses. It makes him realise now, after everything is over, that they could have compromised. They could have gotten together to make something work out. As lovers, not very likely. But as friends, they could have been unstoppable. (And maybe one day, Chanyeol could have warmed up to becoming something more.)

As he dries and dresses himself, the thoughts plaguing his restless mind itch to be released. The remorse, the hope, the nostalgia, the feeling of not wanting to let go, the love. It’s all seconds from lysing his brain. Needless to say, there isn’t much that holds him back from whipping his phone out and opening up the messaging app. To his dismay, there are no new notifications on the screen. Had he expected any? Honestly speaking, no. But he did have the audacity to yearn for Baekhyun to reach out to him while he was sleeping.

Chanyeol sighs, and takes it as a chance to man up for once. He drafts a text several times, starting to type a word then erasing it just as fast. He even lets himself become distracted by games at some point. Five minutes later, he returns and exits out again to update himself on social media.

Baekhyun’s music blog wanders to his thoughts. Curiously, he taps over a few times and ends up on the website he met ‘the love of his life’. It almost feels like something is looming over him as he searches the familiar ID. At first, he brushes it off as leftover worries from the precious day. But when the piano player’s profile seems nowhere to be found, he begins to panic. Further investigation confirms his fears and more with bold, apologetic digital words. Baekhyun had deleted his account.

It hurts more than he had expected it to. Everything comes crashing down. The beginning of their beautiful chapter, gone in just a few clicks. Everything they had ever had between them, demolished. The last eight months, thrown away like rubbish. A sterling silver promise necklace encased on his hotel room drawer, without a purpose. Everything was rendered meaningless now, and all he could do was stand by for the show.

So much destruction, caused by one missed detail on his part. It feels like Hell.

Chanyeol still doesn't have a clue in the slightest of what to say to Baekhyun, but calling him had always been the number one way to clear his mind. So he does just that. The line rings. Once. Twice. Three times. It continues for what seems like ages to Chanyeol until a chime finally sounds. The familiar speaker offers him a second chance, but it’s clear enough to him that it is really over. Before the beep can even play, he hangs up.

Chanyeol crumbles and lets the weight of his actions dig him into his grave.

That’s it. It’s actually over.

 

Hey! It’s me, Baekhyun! I’m currently unavailable, but if you’re trying to reach me, it must be important. Please leave a message after the tone and I’ll get right back to you. Take care!