"Do I look like someone desperate?" I asked, even though I knew the answer. Mark just looked at me in the corner, and decided to ignore my question and was silent. "Mark"

"What is it, Jaemin?"

"I'm going to go crazy!" I exclaimed with my voice sounding totally desperate, and I really was.

It was close to noon and we were stuck in a traffic jam in the middle of the city. I could not drive with such sensitive nerves, but Mark refused to take the wheel. It was lunch time in college, and we intended to have lunch at some downtown restaurant, however I forgot that the city could turn into chaos during business hours. The idea was totally nullified, and it would be a miracle if we could make it to the rest of the class.

"What was it this time?" Mark finally took off his headphones, and paid attention to me, even though I could see in his face that he was not interested.

"Renjun wants to drive me crazy!"

"What happened this time?"

I sighed, paying attention to the street again. "He kissed me yesterday. Hard."

"Oh." Mark laughed.

"I was studying in the room, and he grabbed me. He teased me, and then he left. The next day it seemed like nothing had happened. Is he crazy or does he want to drive me crazy? It's working," I confessed, and Mark was amused by my agony.

Huang Renjun, this was the one for whom I had nightmares at night. He was not someone who could be called a friend or companion. He could be hell and heaven in the same place, and nothing would change.

He was quiet and silent, but his thoughts were always screaming. His eyes were so intense that there was not even a soul to resist him, even if he did not have to say a word. Everyone fell for Huang Renjun, especially as he was a foreigner in the midst of a new culture, he stood out everywhere.

Ottawa was a big city in which Renjun fit perfectly, everything revolved around him. People, their faculty, their business, me.

He had them all, but Renjun belonged to no one. I've split apartment with Renjun since I got to Ottawa, and our relationship (if that's what it's called) started at the end of the college semester when we drank alcohol until we forgot our name. It was a crazy night, and since then Renjun makes me his toy. And worst of all, I'll leave, after all, who would resist Renjun? I'm not strong enough to say no to him and his charms.

Honestly, I like to be used, even though I have really fallen in love with it. That was the only way to be able to stay with Renjun in a more intimate way than as roommates.

Renjun was a bad boy with just about everyone from campus. Renjun had whoever he wanted at any time and day, in the palm of his hand. Everyone was available to Renjun and he stayed with whoever he wanted, and I was no different.

At first I tried to refuse his blatant onslaughts, but then I realized that I could not have Renjun just for me, so I would take advantage of the opportunities, even if the difference between us was that Renjun used me the way I wanted, and I loved him all the times we were together.

"You did not say that you would only use Renjun in the same way that he uses you? Those are the consequences." Mark said.

"I tried to do this, but I'm too weak for that," I whimpered. I hung up the car as soon as I parked in the restaurant, and then we got out of the car. "I'm a fraud."

"You need to meet other people. You know, at our age, we should not just get arrested," Mark said as he walked into the restaurant. We picked a table and sat down.

"You have a boyfriend, why are you saying things like that?" I said, and Mark was silent, thinking about what he had said. "Anyway, I really need to meet someone else."

"I know that, so I made a date for you." Mark smiled after throwing that bomb.

"What?" I choked on my words. Mark was definitely an unpredictable person. "With whom?"

"Do not worry, it's cool."

"Who, Mark Lee?"

"Lee Jeno. From Class 2 of Design. "

I was silent for a few seconds, thinking. "Jeno?" Mark nodded, smiling. "He's very handsome."

"I know. Do not worry, he does not want a romance, he just wants to kiss."

"That's exactly what I need," I replied, somewhat shaken.

 

 

 

 

 

When we returned to the campus, I went to Jeno to introduce myself, and incredible as it may seem, he seemed even more charismatic than Renjun, although my heart only wanted Renjun.

Jeno was like me, had no time nor patience for wrong romances. He liked to use people, but he did not treat them like objects like Renjun did