The memory drowned Haseul's mind like it did every Saturday.

She didn't know if it was good or bad, that she couldn't stop thinking about Jungeun. And the blonde was always avoiding her, as if Haseul was poison. And maybe she was poison; Haseul felt like she was hurting herself too.

Haseul wanted to leave the apartment this Saturday. Perhaps hang out with Kahei and clear her mind. It probably wasn't meant to be, anyway. Just a senseless kiss based on impulse, not thought out.

She took a deep breath and called Kahei. Haseul was too caught up, she didn't even think to message the girl; see what she was up to. It was egotistic, that's what it was. Haseul used to be better.

"Good morning, Jo Haseul..." The voice trailed, as if she was thinking and not really speaking.

"Hey. Are you busy?" Haseul spoke a little too fast, and backtracked. "Ah, sorry. Morning to you too."

Kahei laughed. "Um.. I don't know. What are your plans?"

Haseul furrowed her eyebrows, scratching her head for an idea that simply wasn't there. "I don't know, to be honest. I thought you might have an idea."

"Okay… and what about Jungeun?" The name made Haseul swallow thick, taking a moment to stretch the phone away and take a deep breath before going back to it again.

"She isn't… home. She's busy, I guess." She pressed her lips together, shutting her eyes. Trying not to think about Jungeun was a hard task.

"Okay. Well… I was thinking maybe we could hang. And bring the unnie squad too. You know… you, me, Jinsoul and Sooyoung."

Haseul smiled for the first time since she had woken up. "Yeah. That sounds good. Moonshine?"

"Hell yeah. Okay, you call Jinsoul and I'll call Sooyoung."

"Alright. See you there." She hung up the phone, her lips and taking another deep breath.

It seemed like it would remain another never ending habit of hers since she met Jungeun.

Haseul shook her head, almost to see if the thought would be batted away with the movement; no trustworthy conclusion on that note. She pressed Jinsoul's numbers on the screen, but chose not to call. Maybe Jinsoul was with someone, it was hard to know when it came to her.

Instead, Haseul texted.

Haseul: hey jingolassssss

Jinsoul: geez why are you up so early

Haseul: idk why are you up so early

Jinsoul: none of your business.

Jinsoul: anyway what's up

Haseul: nothing much. was just wondering if you wanna hit up moonshine with us

Haseul: by us I mean Kahei, Sooyoung and yours truly

Jinsoul: oh. cool. I'm with Jungeun though

Haseul: ah. then you better stay with her.

Jinsoul: are you sure? we can still come

Haseul: nah, it's okay. stay with Jungeun.

[...]

"Where is Jinsoul?"

Haseul looked up from her phone on the table to see Kahei and Sooyoung approaching.

"Hello to you too." She smiled, getting up from her seat to hug them. It had been a while since Haseul last saw Kahei, and an even bigger chunk since she saw Sooyoung. To put it simply, things could easily change in three weeks or so.

"Your hair is not pink anymore." She pointed out, causing both Kahei and Sooyoung to burst into a fit of laughter.

"Haseul, you should pay more attention to social media." Sooyoung stated as she settled into her chair, smiling brightly.

"Is that the rhetoric now? I thought social media was unhealthy." Haseul furrowed her eyebrows, playing confused.

"It goes both ways." Kahei clarified, or tried to. "Is Jinsoul coming?"

"Nope."

That's all Haseul wanted to say, but it was clear in her mind that Kahei was going to pry, and even clearer, get whatever answers she craved.

"Why?"

Haseul took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second. The memories hit her like a truck, again, drowning her. It was like headlights, all up in her space, and not even closing her eyes helped; it made it stronger.

"Haseul?"

She felt Sooyoung's hand close around her wrist and the lights clicked out, brief like the alarm of a car.

"I- sorry. Uh… Jinsoul… didn't want to come. She said she was busy."

Kahei and Sooyoung exchanged glances for a second. Haseul pretended not to notice, only if just to feel a little more normal.

"Anyway, I'll go get our orders. Same usual?" Sooyoung asked, getting up from the table.

Haseul and Kahei nodded. As soon as the girl was out of their speaking range, Kahei locked eyes with Haseul, silently asking what the hell was happening.

"... she's with Jungeun." she whispered, closing her hands into fists unconsciously, swallowing another thick ball of nerves which just bounced happily around her stomach, reminding her of the anxiety.

"Haseul..." Kahei reached for her, but the girl only recoiled in subdued anger, trying to control her chest from going up and down too fast.

"No. It was my mistake pretending something could happen between us. I shouldn't… I shouldn't have kissed her." Her fingers trembled as she said the last words, pressing her lips together until there was no more color in them, trying to make the tears welling in her eyes disappear.

Haseul felt arms wrap around her back, another pair wrap around her waist. She was engulfed in a hug, knowing there were her friends comforting her even if she felt like she didn't deserve it. The pain subsided and there was no more dampness in her cheeks. Haseul didn't even worry if others were curiously looking at them, because for once, she was at peace.

[...]

When she arrived home, she was drunk and tired. Haseul threw her coat on the floor, not even caring if it wasn't proper, and opened the door to her room. It was dark, and a drunk Jo Haseul would never find the light switch, not even if it was right in her face.

She waddled around, tip-tapping slowly to find her bed.

"Ow- ..." Haseul cursed, stubbing her toe on the corner of the bed. She climbed to the mattress, wiggling closer to the headboard, eyes already closed.

Haseul patted the bed for the blanket.

The bed wasn't empty.

She held her breath, suddenly all too conscious of her every move. It was her, Haseul was sure of it - Jungeun's scent was unmistakable - but why was she on her bed? Did she have a guest or something?

Haseul couldn't help but wonder.

Very carefully, she started getting up. Haseul was very tired, but she never, in a million years, wanted to make Jungeun uncomfortable. And Haseul's presence was certainly making Jungeun uncomfortable, in her mind.

Just as her feet reached the floor, Jungeun grabbed her wrist. Haseul had no idea if she was still asleep, because the blonde had told her before she sleep-walked sometimes. She was pulled in back to the bed, and Jungeun held her waist, locking her in place. Haseul didn't know what to do, and sleep was already taking her away.

She couldn't fight it. But Haseul didn't want to either. Jungeun so close, Jungeun holding her, even if it wasn't really her… it was kind of like heaven.

Perhaps, Haseul was meant to only knock on heaven's door for eternity. But if this was knocking? She wouldn't ever mind remaining locked out of heaven. Haseul was easily fine with it.

[...]

The headache was throbbing like it was its first time coming to the show, headlining inside the thick, sensitive walls of Haseul's brain. It knocked against her temples, burning her from the inside out.

She got up unwillingly, traversing through the apartment with the heel of her hand against burning skin, opening the cab