Ever since GD's confession, I avoided him like the plague.

And what helped me more in avoiding him was that I have been out of school because of a very very bad case of flu.

It was touching how almost every one of the boys from the team texted me to ask me how I was and Kuya Hero even dropped by the house to bring me fruits and a slew of vitamins na kung kani-kanino galing na sinabi nang lahat na ubusin ko daw.

It was my fifth day in recovery and my third day out of school and I was feeling a little better than before and had just freshly showered when I heard somebody ring the doorbell.

Kumatok sa kwarto ko ang kasama namin sa bahay and told me na meron akong bisita.

Apparently, Kuya Hero decided to drop by again today.

I told her to give me five minutes so she can help me go down and at least make myself look the most presentable I can so I can finally talk to him.

Noong unang beses kase na bumisita siya e hindi kami nakapagkita dahil hinang-hina pa ako at nakahiga lang sa kama.

We only got to talk over the phone habang nasa salas siya at awkward na awkward daw na mag-isa.

I put my thickest hoodie over my pajamas and sighed at the mirror before going down.

This is the most decent I could look and besides may girlfriend na siya, I reminded myself. Hindi naman na niya papansinin kahit ano pa itsura ko.

Habang pababa ako sa hagdan, nag-sommersault ang puso ko nang ma-realize ko na instead of Kuya Hero e si GD ang nakaupo sa may salas.

"Naisip ko na baka hindi mo ako kitain pag pinasabi ko pangalan ko e" he told me unabashedly.

Tumingin ako nang matalim sa kasama namin pero nginitian nya lang ako. "Manliligaw mo daw siya sabi niya e at saka nagmaka-awa talaga na makita ka. Ilang araw na din siya pumupunta dito para lang kumustahin ka sa akin e. Mukhang alalang-alala sa'yo kaya pinagbigyan ko na."

I sat on the other end of the sofa set and looked at him sharply. "Paano mo nalaman saan ako nakatira?"

"Tinanong ko kay Kuya Hero."

"Hindi ba niya sinabi sa'yo na medyo matindi yung sakit ko? Di ka ba natatakot mahawa?"

He smiled. "Malakas immunity ko. Hindi ako mabilis tablan nang sakit."

I bit the inside of my cheek trying to think of what I should say to him.

The last time na nagkita kami e sinigawan ko siya nang matindi at galit na galit ako pero kahit ganun pa man e andito pa rin siya ngayon. And apparently even in the past days too.

"Thank you sa pagpunta" I told him na lang as I fiddled with the ends of my hoodie.

It was a good gesture I still had to acknowledge.

"Gusto talaga kitang makita" he said "Namiss na kase kita."

I sighed in exasperation. Parang walang kwenta lahat nang sinabi ko sa kanya nung huli kaming magkita.

"GD, sabi ko sa'yo –"

He cut me off with a hand.

Nabigla ako nung tumayo siya and sat in front of me.

"Wala kang karapatang bawalan ako sa gusto kong sabihin" he told me really seriously.

"ANO?!?!?"

He reached out a hand to tuck my hair in and willed me to look at him. "Wala kang karapatan kase hindi mo alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. And you also don't know that I have always been watching you and that I can't keep you out of my mind kahit pilitin ko pa ang sarili ko. Hindi mo alam kung gaano ako nagpipigil na sabihin sa'yo halos minu-minuto na lang na gusto kita kase gustong-gustung-gusto talaga kita."

He pursed his lips and steeled his gaze on me.

"Hindi mo alam how it pains me to see you chasing after Kuya Hero and how much I want to always tell you to stop looking at him and just please look at me."

"Seryoso ka talaga?"

"I have never been more serious about anything in my whole life" he answered "At siguro totoo na ang weird nang timing ko nung sinabi ko ang nararamdaman ko sa'yo pero naramdaman ko na talaga na kailangan kong sabihin sa'yo yun nung araw na yun or else sasabog ako e. I couldn't wait for the perfect moment because sino ba ang makapagsasabi kung kelan darating yung moment na yun? Naniniwala ako na you have to seize it rather that wait for it. And everything I told you about how I feel is true each and everytime I say it to you kaya wala ka karapatan sabihin sa akin na itigil ko ang kakasabi nun sa'yo."

"Pero –"

He cut me off again.

"Kung sasabihin mo sa akin na hindi mo ako gusto, ok lang yun. Alam ko naman yun e. Pero ang sinasabi ko nga sa'yo e ako gusto kita. Hindi ako titigil hangga't hindi mo ako magustuhan din."

I covered my face with my hands and felt him trying to unclasp them, finger by finger.

I could feel my heart thundering and knew that if there was anything I was really angry about... it was the truth that I have always been afraid that he had been doing all of these things just to make fun of me.

I have prepped myself to always expect the worst in people because there has never been anyone as bullheaded as this guy in breaking through my walls by lurching himself at them at the speed of more than 100 kilometers per hour.

"Baliw ka kung gusto mo nga talaga ako" I told him.

He smiled, his eyes almost disappearing and his lips curving in mischief. "Ok lang e di baliw na."

I felt my heart start to thaw.

"Akala mo lang gusto mo ako."

The smile he had deepened. "Willing naman akong patunayan sa'yo kung mali yung sinasabi mong akala ko o hindi e."

"Kapag ako niloloko mo..."

"Huwag mo na akong kausapin kahit kailan" he challenged "Aalis ako sa team. Lilipat ako nang school. Hindi mo na ako kailangan makita ulit."

"SOBRA NAMAN –"

"Hindi ko alam ano ang kailangan kong gawin para maniwala ka e."

He looked so sincere.

His mere closeness was taking my breath away.

"Hindi ako sanay na ako ang nagugustuhan" I admitted to him.

"Alam ko" he replied, closing the gap between us until all I could see was his face and the promise his eyes held "kaya sasanayin kita."

Nakakainis na he had an answer for everything I could think of at the moment.

"Paano kung di ako masanay?"

He grinned like a cheshire cat. "Pumapayag ka na ba na ligawan kita?"

I swear I wanted to throw a vase at him.

"E parang wala din naman akong choice sa'yo e."

Is it weird to feel like I had run all the way to the top of the mountain when his grin became solemn and he said the next words to me like they were a confession?

"Pasensya ka na na parang ang "aggressive" ko and it feels like you don't have a choice. Because you do. At mahalaga sa akin na pipiliin mo ako dahil pinipili mo ako at hindi dahil napipilitan ka. Hindi ako magaling sa ganito e. Hindi ko alam kung balanse ba yung sinasabi ko. Hindi ko alam kung sobra na ba. I wish I could better articulate how much I like you and how much I want you to like me too. But all I have are words I don't even know how to arrange."

He took my hand.

"Ang alam ko lang para kang paro-paro. Nakita kita kagad kahit di ka pa pinapakilala sa akin. At hindi ko na nagawang ialis yung mata ko magsimula noon. Kaso kahit kelan hindi ka naman dumadapo sa akin e. Kahit nung hinahabol kita at kinukilit kita, lalo mo akong ayaw pansinin. Kaya ngayon, sinasabi ko na sa'yo na hindi na kita hahabulin pa kung talagang ayaw mo. Aantayin na lang kita kung sakali man dumating yung pagkakataon na... dadapo ka din kung nasaan ako."

Naramdaman ko ang bwisit na gumapang sa buong katawan ko dahil gustung gustung gusto ko na patuloy na mainis sa kanya.

Pero sa tingin ko matagal ko na rin namang alam na hindi naman na inis itong nararamdaman ko e.

"Nakakagalit ka!" I couldn't help but tell him as finally... inevitably... I reached out to hug him.

"I've landed" sabi ko sa isip ko "The butterfly has found its home."
 

- End -