Of Summertime And Heartbreak

 

“Do you really have to go?“ Jisu whined as she held onto her boyfriend, unhappy at her current predicament. “You're seventeen. Isn't that too old for summer camp?“ She scrunched up her nose, making the other chuckle as he bopped it with his finger.

“I have been going since I was ten, babe.” Baekhyun simply responded, wrapping his arms around the girl that was basically sat in his lap. “It’s quite fun, plus this is my last year.”

She just huffed in response. The whole point of having a boyfriend is so they can be all cute and actually together during the summer break. Not for him to leave for a month.

“I’ll be back before you know it. Promise.” He planted a kiss on her lips, feeling her smile into it even though she still had her arms crossed in front of her chest. It was cute. “I’ll miss you.“ Baekhyun added and she finally melted into his embrace, returning the kiss now.

“You better miss me. Don’t even think about looking at any other girl while you’re gone.” She demanded, fingers brushing through Baekhyun’s hair all the while.

Said boy planted a kiss on her cheek. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

 

 

 

Sitting on the train as it started moving; Baekhyun closed his eyes, a small smile appearing on his lips. They still tingled from the goodbye kiss, and his shoulders slumped down from exhaustion the past few days brought him, but he smiled anyway.

He’s almost there. He’s almost at camp.

Looking out the window, Baekhyun watched as city streets turned to trees. This was going to be his last year at camp. He will make it count. After all, the boy’s favorite memories have been there; made under the shades of pine trees and between cabins, next to camp fires. The one month of camp has been what he was looking forward to since the day he left last year.

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“Are you sure you want to go to camp, Baekhyun? Aren’t you a bit old?” Mrs. Byun looked at her son in confusion. She was sure he would ask not to go, yet here he was, insisting to.

“Yea mom.” He grinned. “I have friends to say goodbye to. It’s our last year.”

“Well, of course you can go if you really want to. You think your girlfriend won’t mind?”

His smile went down just a little bit. She didn’t notice. “She’s completely fine with it.“

“I’ll talk to your dad about sighing you up then.”

“Thanks.” It felt like his heart was hurting sometimes, the way she looked at him as if she knew why he needed to go. As if she knew Baekhyun.

This is the last year though; he told himself. Last year of summer camp.

There will be nothing to know after this year.

That made his heart hurt too.

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Stretching before taking his bag and walking out on his station, Baekhyun let out a sigh as the bones in his back popped. Three hours of not moving much was a pain, but necessary if he didn’t want to lose his seat. And since he still had about forty minutes of walking, standing would have been a hustle.

Almost there tough; the thought brought the smile back as he slung the bag over his shoulder and started walking through the familiar path as the sun stood high on the sky above.

It must be almost lunch time by this point.

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“Baekhyun!” Luhan ran towards his fourteen year old self with a big smile on his face. “I missed yooou!”

“Missed you too!” Letting go of the hand holding his own, Baekhyun hugged the blond he hasn’t seen in a year. Oh man did he miss his bubbly friend.

Luhan looked at the boy still standing next to him, sending him a bright smile too. “Have you talked to your mom yet, Baekyhun?”

The excitement on his face did not match the sadness that now took over Baekhyun’s.

He did.

He wishes he didn’t.

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Looking up as he neared the entrance of the camp, his eyes met brown ones and Baekhyun grinned, hurrying his step until he was standing right in front of the tall boy that was leaning against one of the poles.

Said boy pulled him in for a tight hug the second he was close enough, grin matching his own.

I missed you.

The words were left unsaid as the two hugged in silence. They didn’t need to be said.

“You almost missed lunch, Baek.” That all too familiar voice rumbled next to his ear and Baekhyun had to suppress a shiver. He missed that voice. He always missed that voice.

“You could have eaten without me dummy.”

“I always wait for you.” Those eyes. Baekhyun could get lost in those eyes. He has.

The boy just smiled in response, big, bright and happy as he hooked his arm onto Chanyeol’s and started walking towards the cafeteria.

Last year; words appeared in his mind as a mantra, making him blink back tears. He was determent to not cry. It’s their last year, and he is not letting it be a sad one.

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“Hey son.” The words coming from his father made Baekhyun look up from his plate, waiting for him to continue. “You like any of the girls yet? I hear from your brother that you’re quite popular in school.”

“Ah. Yea I was confessed to a few times.” He bowed his head back down as he spoke, not wanting to have this conversation at all.

“Any to your liking?” The man pressed on and Baekhyun sighed.

One.

He didn’t say it though, just smiled up at his father instead. “Not yet, but there’s one I was thinking of approaching.”

The man had smiled at the words, obviously happy at his son’s response. “Well you better do it soon, before people start to think you’re a or something.” He joked, patting his back.

Baekhyun flinched.

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Being pressed against the wall of their little cabin Baekhyun felt lips against his own, warm and needy. Wrapping his arms around the others neck, there was no hesitation in kissing back. A smile taking over as those hands found themselves on his , making him hitch his legs up and wrap them around the others waist instead, the new contact of their bodied making him moan into his mouth.

“Baekhyun…” It was whispered against his lips as the two stopped to breathe. The words sounded needy and full of promises.

Nothing needed to be said because just from the way he said his name he knew it all. Baekhyun could hear everything Chanyeol wanted to say from just that one word.

I miss you.

I need you.

I promise you.

I wish to.

I love you.

“I know.” Was all the shorter said in return, fingers brushing over Chanyeol’s cheek as those eyes looked at him as if he was the most beautiful thing in the world. Nothing needed to be said. Nothing ever needed to be said.

Baekhyun leaned in to connect their lips again. Craving the contact after so long has passed.

No words needed to be said.

His lips were enough.

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Baekhyun, barely ten years old, felt sad as he looked at the cracking frames of the camp fire. The sun was setting and he hated that he had to be here. The boy would rather be home, with his friends. He didn’t know anyone here. It was awful.

His parents were awful for making him go.

“You’re supposed to roast in on the fire.” The sudden words started him into looking at a boy that he was sure wasn’t sitting next to him before. Actually he was sure no one was sitting next to him before.

“Ha?” The words weren’t really registering in his mind as the newcomer moved the stick he has been clutching in his hand so it was above the fire now. Baekhyun blinked at it. He didn’t even look at what it was he was given when he sat down, now he could obviously see it was a stick with a marshmallow on top. The other boy had a similar one and held it over the fire just like he did now.

“You’re supposed to turn it too.” The boy chuckled, looking at him with a bright smile.

Almost robotically he did as he was told, wincing as he saw that he already managed to turn the marshmallow black on one side.

Damit.

Moving it from the fire Baekhyun regarded the once tasty treat with regret.

“Don’t worry, I took some more from Mr. Huan when he wasn’t looking.” The boy whispered, leaning in into Baekhyun’s personal space to show off the few squished looking marshmallow he was holding in his hand.

It got the other grinning at the sight.

“We can share.” He had poked one onto Baekhyun’s stick, throwing away the ruined one in the process.

“Thank you, umm…” Did he tell him his name yet?

“Chanyeol.”

“Thank you Chanyeol.” He repeated with a grin, holding the marshmallow above the fire but paying close attention not to burn it this time. “I’m Baekhyun.” It was added more as an afterthought.

Chanyeol hummed next to him, munching on his own treat, that he didn’t burn like the other. “Nice to meet you Baekhyun. Wanna be my friend?”

“Sure.”

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“You want to go see the campfire?” Baekhyun was the first to speak as the two laid in the small one person bed, Chanyeol’s arms around him being the only thing that kept him from rolling down onto the floor. Not that he minded.

There were five more beds around the room, but since the pair were the only seventeen year olds to sign up this year they had the luck of not having to share with anyone. Not even Luhan showed up this year. The thought kind of made Baekhyun’s heart drop since he was looking forward to seeing him again, but with how many times he has complained last year about having to share the room with the two of them maybe it wasn’t so much of a surprise he didn’t come.

Maybe he wanted to give them a proper last year, with knowing their situation. One where they didn’t have to worry about other people.

Luhan was the only one who knew, and yes he was exactly the type of friend who would do something like that. He was a really really good friend.

“No.” Chanyeol mumbled his response with lips pressed against the top of his head. It made him smile. “I want to stay like this for a little while longer.”

“I want to stay like this forever.” Baekhyun spoke in return, feeling the other smile now too as he just squeezed his body closer.

They were both sweaty and gross and covered in things Baekhyun really doesn’t want to think about right now, but it was still the first time in a year that he felt genuinely happy.

“I know love.”

It was the first day and there were quite a few more to go before they had to be separated again.

Suddenly they didn’t feel like enough though.

But then again, have they ever?

Baekhyun just snuggled in closer at the depressing thought. No sadness; he reminded himself. This is the time to be happy. No tears.

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“You’re cute Baekhyun.”

“No I’m not.” Said boy protested, huffing out his cheeks. “That’s what you’re supposed to say to girls.”

Chanyeol hummed, not even looking at him anymore. “I still think you’re cute.”

“Well you’re stupid.”

The other just grinned.

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“Come on Baekhyun!” The taller yelled from a few meters away, jogging backwards so he can face him now. “I don’t want to lose again!”

“I’m sorry.” He huffed out, feeling breathless as he tried to catch up but failed. “Are you complaining Mr. Long Legs?”

The question left Chanyeol laughing as Baekhyun finally caught up, not even having enough time to stop and catch his breath before he was being pulled onwards by the hand. “Come oooon. I’m not going to be defeated by some damn twelve year olds!”

“Well, you should have chosen a better fit partner then.” The other retorted back, close to wheezing now. Forest tag was always his least favorite activity. He can definitely live the rest of his life without it.

“Never!” Chanyeol exclaimed, still leading on even as he slowed down a little at seeing him struggle. “You know you’ll always be my partner, Baek. Together we can win this!”

Baekhyun’s heart skipped a beat. If only.

They lost.

Chanyeol pouted about being beaten by damn thirteen year olds before Baekhyun kissed him behind a tree. As always it was way too easy to forgive and forget with one simple kiss

Or you know, two to three more.

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“You still think I’m cute?” It was their first day at camp and Baekhyun stood before Chanyeol, who looked awfully taller than him, with arms crossed over his chest and in the ‘manliest’ clothes he owned.

Chanyeol looked him up and down, grinning before stepping closer. “Very.”

The look in his eyes made Baekhyun’s stomach feel weird as he tried stepping back, only to be stopped by a hand holding his own, before his lips came in contact with something too.

It took the boy a second to notice it was Chanyeol.

Chanyeol was kissing him.

“Wha-What was that for?” Baekhyun was in shock as the warmth disappeared, barely even noticing that the other was still holding onto his hand.

The other shrugged at the question even as he felt nervous as hell. “I felt like it.”

“But I’m a boy.” The shorter cried out. Still not letting go of Chanyeol’s hand.

“So?” He stepped closer again, feeling braver by the fact that Baekhyun technically wasn’t running away nor yelling at him. “I like you, Baekhyun.” He whispered, his breath hitting the lips he has kissed only moments ago from how close they were standing now.

He really wanted to do it again.

Baekhyun on the other hand felt very confused. All he has been taught in his twelve years of life was that boys are supposed to kiss girls and only girls. But he really liked the feeling of Chanyeol’s lips on his own.

“Can..” He his lips, uncertain but curious. “Can you do it again?”

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“Are you still with Taeyon?“ Chanyeol asked as the two sat by the campfire, letting the singing and chatter of other campers become background nose. A week has past already. Time was ticking way too fast.

“Jisu now.” The other didn’t dare look away from the fire as he answered.

“She nice?”

“She is.”

“You love her?”

Baekhyun sighed. “You know the answer to that Chanyeol.”

“I still want to hear it.”

“No. No I don’t.”

Next to him there was a sigh of relief even as he said nothing in return.

“What about you?”

“Kyoru.”

“She nice?” Baekhyun repeated the same as he was asked just moments ago.

“Yes.”

“You love her.”

“No.”

Silence fell between the two, even as their hands clasped together between them, away from the sight of distracted campers.

Three more weeks.

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“Mom?”

“Yes sweetie?”

Baekhyun felt nervous, almost chickening out but taking a deep breath instead. He can do this!

“I-I have this friend at camp.” He started, clasping his hands together behind his back. “He said he likes me…”

At the words the woman’s back tensed, the boy could see it as he was standing behind her as she cleaned the dishes. It took a moment but she closed down the water and looked at him for the first time since he came in.

There was a smile on her lips, but in the eyes he could see something he hasn’t before. Disappointment.

The sight had him stepping back before she even spoke.

“And what did you say?”

“Umm, n-nothing. I pushed him away.” He lied, forgoing the speech him and Luhan spent a week to prepare the second he saw that look.

“Good. That’s good.” She relaxed a little bit at his words. “I don’t want you being this boy’s friend anymore. Okay, Baekhyun?”

“Y-yea sure.” His answer was quiet as he bowed his head down. It was also a lie.

“That’s just not right. I might have to talk to the camp councilors before even thinking about sending you there next year.” As Baekhyun looked back up he could see the frown on her face. She was definitely not taking this information well at all. “Can you tell me this boy’s name please?”

“No need, mom. He only said that because he’s not coming back next year.” He has never lied to his mom in his life and here he is doing it three times in a row.

“Oh, well that’s good then.“ The smile was back and the boy felt like he could breathe again. “If something like that ever happens again, don’t hesitate to punch him.”

“Why?” Baekhyun’s eyes went wide at the comment.

“Because sick people like that don’t deserve to live.”

It felt like she slapped him in the face.

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Baekhyun’s chest hurt from laughter as he rolled onto his side on the floor at the pout it got him. It only made the laughter worse.

“Hey, stop it.” Chanyeol whined, moving to hover above him again, a hurt look on his face. “I was trying to be y.”

Baekhyun grinned up at him, little fits of chuckles still going. “That’s what’s funny.”

“Baekhyun.” The taller whined again, this time making it a point to let his hand trail down his side, all the way to his perky little . Enjoying the little moan he got as he squeezed the flesh now in his hand.

“Not fair.” The other complained, feeling Chanyeol a fat line up his neck now too. Damit.

He definitely wasn’t chuckling anymore.

“How is this not fair? This is exactly what we have been doing before you so rudely interrupted me.”

“Well I’m sorry.” Baekhyun was grinning again as he turned and hooked a leg around Chanyeol’s waist. “Please do continue.”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes but was far from hesitant to comply. “Laugh again and I’m leaving your right here by yourself.” He growled the threat into Baekhyun’s ear even as they both knew it was meaningless.

“Oh please. Like you could leave my anyway.” The other was quick to tease, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s neck as he did. “You love my .”

He hummed. “That I do.”

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“Honey, did you hear about Hyuna’s son?”

“Hmm?”

“Jongin. Hyuna’s son.”

“What about him?”

“He was caught kissing another boy.”

Baekhyun was brought to attention by his mothers words, trying to subtly turn down the sound on his headphones so he can hear better from the back seat of their car.

“Yea?” The boy couldn’t see his father’s face but he could very clear hear the disgust in that one syllable. It made him shrink down in his seat.

“Yea. No one in town was very happy about it. They are both in the hospital right now.” He could feel her eyes bore into him from the rearview mirror. Baekhyun pretended as if he heard nothing. “The little Do kid is in a very critical condition. They’re not sure if he will make it.”

“Good.”

Baekhyun would be stupid if he didn’t understand the conversation for what it was.

A warning and a threat.

His mother clearly suspected something no matter how hard he tried for her not to.

It was a few weeks later, on his fifteenth birthday, that Baekhyun introduced his first ever girlfriend to his parents with a big smile on his face.

Thoughts of Chanyeol the only thing on his mind as he kissed her for the first time that night.

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“You think it would be different if we lived in a big city?” Baekhyun asked, watching the rain fall from the bed that sat next to their only window.

“Doubt it.” Chanyeol had his eyes closed on their bed. He had wanted to take a nap at one point, but Baekhyun kept asking questions they both knew the answers to already. He answered them anyway.

“Do you think we would make it if we run?”

“Where would we run to?”

“Soul?” Baekhyun could see the others reflection in the window. He was looking at him now, eyes soft. Sad.

“That’s on the other side of the country, Baek.” Chanyeol reminded the boy.

He knew that. Of course he knew. They already had this conversation and it always resulted in a dead end. Sometimes it was Baekhyun asking the questions like he was now. Other times it was Chanyeol. But no matter what it was always the same. Baekhyun was always reminded of the boy that was beaten to death in his own town for doing far less then he has done.

You must love small cities; he thought bitterly. They would never survive if they stayed together. There were no ‘what if’s’ about it. Just plain facts.

“I love you.” Baekhyun spoke up again.

“I love you too.”

If only love was enough.

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“Chanyeol, we should stop this.” Baekhyun looked at their entwined hands as he spoke.

“What? Why?”

“Because it’s not right. This isn’t right.”

“It feels right.” The other made him look up and he bit his lip at the hurt expression on the others face. He didn’t want to hurt him. “Doesn’t it?”

“It does.” He let himself be hugged by the one who was taller than him now. It made him kind of upset to notice that between their fourth and fifth year together Chanyeol has gotten a full inch taller than him. It wasn’t fair.

This whole situation wasn’t fair either as he felt his heart beat faster at the contact a simple hug gave them.

How can this be wrong?

It didn’t feel wrong.

“Then why?”

“Because we could never be together outside of camp. You must know this.”

“Then we will just use up the time at camp. Yea?” Baekhyun was pulled back so he can look at his face again. The care he saw there hurt; the love neither of them dared to say.

“Yea.” His voice was small. But it was enough.

Chanyeol smiled at him; big and bright just like he always did.

He smiled back.

Camp was three more years. That’s plenty of time for his heart to adjust.

It will have to be.

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Baekhyun lay lazily on the shore of the small lake, watching the clouds move with a smile.

“Hey, shortie!” Tall body and a big grin obstructed his view and any peace he had as a dripping wet Chanyeol stood above him now. Baekhyun would have let his eyes linger on the way droplets of water slid down the boy’s chest if said boy didn’t decide to sit down onto his stomach. All of his heavy, bony self.

All air left his body at the unexpected weight. “What the Chanyeol?”

The shorter yelled out, pushing him onto the ground and wheezing to get his breath back while the idiot just rolled on the ground laughing.

“Not. Funny.” He glared, hitting him with his leg at each word. It only had him laughing harder. “You’re heavy. Idiot.” And he was now wet; Baekhyun grimaced.

“You looked lonely.”

“Well you could have just sat next to me.”

“Wouldn’t have been as fun.”

Baekhyun hated him sometimes. Or at least tried to; but then there was that grin again. Damn it.

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“Bye, Chanyeol.” The sixteen year old grinned big as he held onto the others hand. They said goodbye with kisses earlier, but they were with others now. So a hand will have to do.

“Bye, Baek.”

See you next year; he didn’t say it.

I’ll miss you.

I love you.

I don’t want to go.

He didn’t say any of it as he watched Chanyeol smile back at him as if he was promising him the world. One both knew they would never have.

That’s why some words are better left unsaid.

It was easier that way.

“Have a good year.”

“You too.”

His heart hurt as they let go.

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It was their last day.

Their month has past.

Time was up.

And Baekhyun found himself gripping onto Chanyeol for dear life as the other pressed kisses all over his body. Leaving little red marks whenever and wherever he could as if to stake claim while he still could.

The boy couldn’t even find it in himself to reprimand him for doing something so obvious this time. He didn’t have it in him to do anything but pull him in for yet another kiss as their last few hours together ticked along faster than either wanted it too.

If only time could stop.

If only they could stay like this forever.

If only.

“Bye, Baek.”

He was not going to cry.

“Bye, Yeol.”

He can be strong.

They have done this many times after all.

It was never for forever though.

The boy’s heart felt as if it broke into a million tiny pieces as their hands let go, falling down to their sides and feeling emptier than ever before.

Baekhyun cried the whole ride home; hands clumped into fists right over his heart, one still tingling from the warmth he will never feel again.

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The little eleven year old said his quick goodbye to his parents before hopping out of the car and hurrying through the trail that led to camp. Unlike last year he was very excited to go, as he knew friends were waiting for him now.

As he turned the corner and set his sights onto the entrance he was heading towards, he could already see one of them. A big smile stretching his lips as his eyes fell on the lone figure leaning against the pole.

“Chanyeol!” Baekhyun ran the last few meters, immediately enveloping the boy into a hug as he reached him. Feeling arms wrapping around him too in return.

“What are you doing here?” He asked as he let go, a big grin on his face matching the one on Chanyeol’s.

“Was waiting for you, of course.”

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“Did you have fun at camp?” Jisu asked, holding onto Baekhyun’s hand from across the table. They were in a café since he promised her a proper date once he got back.

Not that he felt much like going anywhere at the moment, but he can’t dwell on that. He doesn’t have time to nurse his broken heart when life moves on. His life. The one he is expected to have. One with Jisu.

“It was fun.”

“You don’t sound like it was.”

“I’m sorry.” He smiled at her apologetically, trying to get a hold of his own grumpiness. There was no point. “I’m just a bit tired that’s all.”

“Oh.” She smiled back. But it wasn’t the smile he wanted to see. “Well we can go to your place later. Cuddle if you want.”

“Sure.”

“What’s that mark on your neck?”

“Mosquito bite.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Okay.”

He hated this.

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Baekhyun felt nervous as he pressed Chanyeol under the cover of the trees and leaned in to connect their lips for the first time.

It was always the other doing stuff like that, never him. But he just wanted to kiss him after seeing that happy smile of his.

Chanyeol was shocked at the sudden contact, but was fast to wrap his arms around Baekhyun to keep him close as he kissed back.

The grin he gave him as they pulled back had Baekhyun going back for seconds.

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Baekhyun broke up with Jisu only two weeks after coming back from camp. He just couldn’t deal with her near him after everything.

But life still kept going. Even if he didn’t feel like it could, it still did. And before he knew it, he was signing up for collage and looking for a summer job.

He knew he shouldn’t. Knew it was pointless and stupid and will only hurt him even more, but Baekhyun did it anyway. He signed up as a counselor at his old camp. Because maybe just maybe. Chanyeol did too.

It was stupid.

It was hopeful.

It will hurt him.

Baekhyun did it anyway.

He got the job.

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“Chanyeol.” At the sound of his name, said boy looked up; being met by a grin.

“You’re cute.”

His heart skipped a beat.

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He didn’t dare look up as he walked. He didn’t dare look up because he knew how much it will hurt to not see him standing there. Waiting for him like he always did.

This was stupid.

He shouldn’t have done this.

His heart was hurting again.

“Baekhyun!” That voice. That amazingly deep voice.

He looked at the call, eyes meeting brown ones, unable to stop his feet as they ran right into the man’s arms just like he always did.

“Chanyeol.” The tears were back. He knew the others shirt must be getting wet but it didn’t look like he cared as he just held him close. “You’re here.”

“I told you I’ll always be waiting for you.” He kissed the top of Baekhyun’s head. The other just cried harder.

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“Don’t you think you should find a girl to settle down with?”

“I’m only eighteen, mom.”

“You should still find someone to be with for longer than just a few months. We wouldn’t want people to talk, now would we?”

Baekhyun tensed at her words. “Yes, mom.”

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It was different this time. They couldn’t spend all days together since they both had a job to do, kids to watch over. But there were still the nights. Baekhyun lived for those nights.

It felt like they were loving on borrowed time, but he didn’t care. He will take any kind of time as long as it was with Chanyeol.

“I love you.” Baekhyun spoke as his heart finally stopped hurting after a year of nothing but pain, as it started beating again while he laid there in the other’s arms.

A kiss was being pressed onto his bare shoulder, a smile. “I love you too. Always will, Baek. Even if we never see each other again, it won’t change my love for you.”

This was dangerous. Words like those will hurt worse than anything else later. Later when this little bit of borrowed time disappears.

Baekhyun couldn’t find it in himself to care though. Not now. Not here.

He can deal with the pain later. He will do better this time.

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“Gross, guys.” Luhan scrunched up his nose in disgust as he once again entered their room to find his roommates making out on Chanyeol’s bed. He really should have taken the offer to sleep with the ten year olds.

“Sorry.” Baekhyun moved from the other boys lap, much to his dislike.

“Hey. No.”

The shorter just shook his head with a smile, dodging the hands grabbing for him to be pulled back.

“Sorry, Yeol but I think we’ve traumatized poor Luhan quite enough already.”

“Yea, you have!” Said boy shouted from his bed, back turned to the pair in order to avoid seeing things he would rather not. Again.

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Baekhyun was dating again, collage was passing by alright, with his first year behind him now too, but more importantly; he was back at camp. Back in Chanyeol’s arms.

“Miss me?” Chanyeol asked with a grin as their eyes met.

Dangerous.

That question was dangerous.

“So much.”

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“Why don’t you ever want to have with me Baekhyun? Is it because you never have before?”

The question leaving Yuna’s lips had the man tensing under her gaze.

“No.” He answered simply, putting yet another thing onto his pile of lies because she can never know. No one can ever know. “I never have.”

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“I’m getting married in a few months.” Chanyeol spoke as he held onto Baekhyun on their last night. It felt as if he was holding onto him for dear life.

He probably was.

“Oh.” Baekhyun didn’t know what to say, keeping his face buried onto the other man’s chest. It felt like he was holding on for dear life too. “Is she nice?”

“Yes.”

“Do you love her?”

“No.”

Would you leave her if I asked you?

The words were never said.

“I won’t come back next year.”

Oh.

Baekhyun was definitely holding onto the other for dear life now.

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“Baekhyun, scoot over. Come on.” His words were a whisper as a thirteen year old Chanyeol tried to fit his body next to the others on a bed that barely fit one.

“What are you doing?” Baekhyun hissed back even as he tried his best to give the pushy boy some space without falling onto the floor himself.

“Cuddling.” Chanyeol grinned as he was finally able to maneuver them both to fit. His arms were around Baekhyun’s waist, holding the two of them pressed together quite snuggling.

They were nose to nose as the boy, whose bed this originally was, stared with wide eyes. “Cuddling?”

“Yes, now go to sleep. I’ll kiss you tomorrow.”

Baekhyun may or may not have fallen asleep with a smile on his lips. And he definitely did get that kiss tomorrow.

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Stay.

Please stay.

Don’t go.

“Bye Baekhyun.”

“Bye Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun watched as Chanyeol let go of his hand, feeling the pieces of his heart burst through the duck tape he so hastily wrapped them in before hitting the ground. This time with finality.

Time was up.

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“Hey,” Chanyeol grinned at him as they sat said by side in front of the campfire, counting down their last few days. They were just two fifteen year olds in a mass of many, but in their own little world all the same. “Wanna know a secret?” The boy bumped their shoulders together, feeling almost giddy.

“Yes.” Baekhyun answered with his own grin; leaning in with anticipation, so he can hear better.

“I love you.”

The other felt his heart beat faster at the words, feeling as if it will burst out of his chest as his grin got even bigger.

“I love you too.”

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Life moved on even as Baekhyun himself didn’t feel like it ever could. His broken heart became the only constant in his life.

No more big smiles.

No more summer camp.

He had cried as he came back to his third year of being a camp councilor only to see that Chanyeol indeed wasn’t there this time. It was stupid to think it would be.

They have never said that they will see each other again next year; it was more of a silent promise. Like so many they have made through the years. Promises of maybes and what if’s. But the other said that they won’t see each other again. And that too was a promise.

Baekhyun has cried himself to sleep the whole month of camp because of a love that once was, but can never be again.

He needed to move on with his life though. So he did.

The man finished collage with honors and met a nice girl that made him smile.

He didn’t love her, no. But it’s not like he will ever be able to love anyone the way he has loved the boy that was his first everything. He was his first love. He was the reason for his biggest smiles and happiest thoughts.

The smiles with her weren’t as big; the love not nearly as strong, as his heart still barely beat even after so many years. But he married her anyway.

He had to move on.

They had a son, and Baekhyun found himself falling in love again as he held him in his arms for the first time. It was a different kind of love. But maybe it manages to heal his broken heart at least a little bit.

Years continued passing, one after another even if it felt like it was impossible. Memories of summer camp were being pushed aside by jobs and responsibility and life itself.

And still, the man would find himself unable to stop the few stray tears that would escape as he laid in bed next to his wife; on the nights where it was still hard to breathe and his heart hurt at the once happy memories.

It hurt as if it was the first day no matter how much time has passed because he missed it.

He missed him.

Baekhyun missed the days of summertime, big smiles and a boy named Chanyeol.

But life had to move on.

And so did he.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Well...sorry for the broken hearts guys.

Broke mine too.

We can cry together.

Thanks for reading!

Please do comment down below.