It isn’t until we parted that I realise

What we had wasn’t purely just infatuation

I loved you

You loved me

We had the whole world in our hands

But I guess time wasn’t ours to hold

We met; fell in love , all at the wrong timing

If we were to cross paths again sometime in the future,

Will it finally be the right moment for us

To start anew

And have the whole world in our hands once again

With time finally on our side too?

24 May 2019

It’s unfair, Sojung thinks. How everything— her past— is suddenly coming back to her when all she has been doing for the last five years is to forget. It feels like torture to her that she has to remember memories that she wants to shut out badly.

The smiles;

The laughters;

The random stolen kisses they shared.

All those bittersweet memories are slowly returning to her that Sojung can only feel a sense of helplessness and longing as each of them plays in her mind over and over again like a broken record. She misses her. As much as she hates to admit it, she really does. What they had wasn’t just some game, it wasn’t a child’s play. Sojung knew she was in love with her and she was just as in love with her too but Sojung was afraid back then. She was afraid to fall deeper for her.  To surrender her whole heart to her. It was a mistake that she was finally about to move on from until she receives a letter early in the morning— a wedding invitation—, causing her to regain the memories that had caused her life to turn from pure bliss to misery all over again.

Sojung is happy for her of course. She still recalls clearly how she wanted to have two girls and two boys once she gets married. The way her eyes sparkled as she talked enthusiastically about her future. It was the day Sojung realised that her heart raced whenever she was near her. The day Sojung wished she had ignored the weird thumping in her chest and not think much about it.

Would she have stayed with her if she did so?

Sojung could only chuckle weakly at her thoughts for she knows that it’s useless. It’s useless to think about the past and wanting to change it because it’s impossible. What had happened, happened. All that is left with her are regrets and memories of days she wishes she could revisit.

5 March 2013

Sojung was busy trying to finish up her essay that was due the next day until she felt a pair of hands covering her eyes, halting her from writing so she would not smudge her paper by accident.

“Guess who?” she heard the all too familiar soft, honey-like voice giggling in her ears, making the corners of her lips tug up to form a small smile.

Instead of answering the question, Sojung held onto the pair of hands and pulled them away from her eyes, turning to face the other girl. “How did you know I would be here?” she asked, her smile not faltering.

“You’re no fun, Sojung,” the shorter girl huffed and crinkled her nose up in a cute manner, eliciting a soft laughter from the said girl. “Hey, I made you laugh!” she grinned cheekily, chest protruding out slightly to show how proud she was for making such an achievement.

“You didn’t answer my question, Eunbi,” Sojung clicked her tongue and playfully narrowed her eyes at her friend.

“And you didn’t answer mine either so we’re equal now,” Eunbi said smugly, taking a sit opposite of Sojung.

“Tsk, I can never win against you, can’t I?” Sojung sighed exasperatedly and pouted.

“I doubt so,” Eunbi snickered. Resting her elbow on the table, she cushioned her chin on the palm of her hand and glanced at the open book and paper in front of Sojung. “Will I be like you in two years’ time, rushing my essays like this?”

It was a serious question but Sojung could not help but smile in amusement seeing how the younger girl looked extremely discontented at the thought of having to write out long essays.

“Earlier on, Mrs. Yoon asked the whole class how we wanted our future to be. She only asked for a few sentences but I think I can write a five page essay about how I want my future to be.”

Sojung’s expression softened seeing how happy and excited Eunbi was as she talked about her day in school. Completing her essay within the hour was long forgotten as she gave all her attention to Eunbi who seemed like she still had a lot to tell. She could bring it home and finish it anyway. Spending time with Eunbi who had a curfew was more important at that moment. “So, what plans do you have for the future?”

“First of all,” Eunbi started, her voice chirpier than ever. “I want to graduate high school as one of the top students in my cohort. I’m sure that would be an easy task for me since I have a smart tutor like you!”

Sojung felt blood rushing up her cheeks at the sudden compliment given. Eunbi was looking at her with a bright smile that she was not sure how to react. Lifting her chin up slightly to meet Eunbi’s eyes after staring at her lips smile for a little too long, Sojung felt warmth coursing through her whole body, her heart rate unexpectedly increasing in pace at the same time. Before Eunbi started to think that something was wrong with her, she quickly said, “I—I don’t think I’m that good of a tutor. There are others who are better than me out there.”

“I don’t really care about other tutors out there,” Eunbi said nonchalantly. “You’re the only one I’m willing to learn from! You teach better than the teachers in my school.”

Ignoring the weird feeling in her chest, Sojung cleared and took a sip from her glass of iced tea after. Sometimes, she wonders how Eunbi can be extremely generous when it comes to complimenting her when the people around her— Sojung— had only been comparing her to her sister whenever they see her. ‘That's because she hasn't met your sister yet, you ,’ Sojung thought to herself.

“Moving on, after graduating, I want to enrol in the same university as you but in a different major, of course. It’s an excuse for me to be able to see you whenever we both have free time,” Eunbi laughed lightly, once again, causing Sojung’s heart to flutter. “It’s so hard to see you lately. The only time I can have you all to myself for more than an hour is when you come over to tutor me. Did you know I had to lie to my parents just so I could be here right now to see you?”

“What?” Sojung’s eyes enlarged upon hearing Eunbi’s last sentence. “You know you shouldn't lie to your parents. They’re going to get worried if they find out that you’re not where you told them you’d be. ”

“Don't worry too much,” Eunbi waved her hand as if telling the older girl to dismiss the thought. “I’m sure they won't be too worried knowing that I’m with you and not anyone else. They treat you like their own daughter, you know? My parents talk about you sometimes when we’re having dinner.”

Although she was curious of what the Jungs talked about her during dinner, Sojung did not want to pry more details from Eunbi. Instead, she asked the latter to continue on with what she was talking about. “What about after university? What are you going to do?”

“I want to take a break from all the studying and go on many trips before finding a stable job. Is it too much if I were to ask you to be my holiday buddy? I want to go everywhere and anywhere with you,” Eunbi leaned against the table and looked at Sojung hopefully, waiting eagerly for her reply.

“Why not your other friends? For example, Yuna, right? You talk about her quite a lot. Why don't you go on a holiday with her instead?” Sojung furrowed her brows, curious as to why Eunbi seemed to be greatly interested in her. It had only been three months since she first started tutoring the younger girl so she had not expected the latter to get attached to her quickly.

“You can just say that you don't want to go on a holiday with me,” Eunbi sulked as she crossed her arms across her chest and leaned back against her seat with her eyes looking somewhere else that was not Sojung.

“I—I didn’t say that I didn't want to!” Sojung panicked a little. A sulky Eunbi was hard to handle from the past experience she had when she chose not to heed the former’s words. “I—I just thought it would be better for you to have fun with your real friends for the holiday. I’m only your tutor. Someone your parents hired to teach you.”

“Do you really only see me as someone you have to teach?” Eunbi muttered, a hint of disappointment could be heard in her voice. “Because I’ve always seen you as a friend and not only a tutor. You're a very reliable and smart friend to me.”

To say Sojung was surprised was an understatement. Having tutored three other students before Eunbi’s parents hired her, none of them had shown any interest in wanting to know her as a person— a friend, hence, from then on, her relationship with her tutees had always been kept professional.

Sojung noticed that Eunbi liked to ask questions unrelated to the topic whenever she came over to tutor her but she had never thought much about it, thinking that Eunbi was the kind of student who gets easily distracted. It was weird at first when the younger girl, out of nowhere, asked her about her day. However, as weeks passed by and Sojung spent more time with Eunbi, she found herself eager to head over to Eunbi’s house so that she could share her day with her before they start studying. Without herself realising, Sojung had treated Eunbi as a friend since that day.

“I’m sorry.” Sojung did not know why but she felt the need to apologise for hurting Eunbi unintentionally. “I actually do see you as a friend, Eunbi and I’m not saying that to make you feel better.”

“Sometimes, I wonder if you’re really human or a robot disguised as one,” Eunbi scrunched her nose up for the second time, frowning at Sojung. “You need to speak with more emotion.”

Sojung chuckled lightly, finding Eunbi’s words silly. “Alright, I’ll go on a holiday with you but on one condition.” She propped her cheek on her palm and looked at the younger girl with a smile.

“What is it?”

Sojung had to blink to make sure that she was indeed seeing Eunbi looking at her with eyes that looked like they were twinkling with excitement. She couldn't understand why the younger girl was happy that she had agreed to go on a trip with her. “You'll really have to graduate as one of the top students in your school. That's all.”

“Really? That's all?” Eunbi looked at Sojung for a reconfirmation. “Is that a promise?”

“Really,” Sojung answered firmly. “And yes, it’s a promise. I’ll go anywhere and wherever with you once you fulfill that condition.”

“I’ll make you proud!” Eunbi nodded in determination.

“I know you can achieve it, Eunbi. I believe in you,” the older girl smiled warmly, looking at the other in adoration. Eunbi was like a little sibling she wished she could have. “Now, why don't you continue telling me what you're going to do once you finally find a stable job in the future.”

“I’m going to find an extremely good looking husband and we’re going to have two daughters and two sons! That sounds ideal don't you think?”

Somehow, Sojung’s heart clenched tightly in her chest hearing those words coming from Eunbi. Bringing her hand up to the left hand side of her chest, she unknowingly frown when she felt her heart still beating faster than usual.

“Sojung, are you alright? Are you feeling unwell?”

Eunbi’s concerned voice instantly brought her out of her thoughts and she quickly glanced up, mustering a smile on her lips.

“I’m fine.”

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