TEN'S POV

If it started as quick as lightning, it will end as immediately as it can be. And as expected, it ended so soon. So fast that I, myself, can’t catch up from the reality. The realness of ‘we’ is now just part of a past memory.

How long has it been? A year, already. But here I am, still living at ‘our past’. Hey, you can’t blame me though! Or, maybe yes. I didn’t see it coming, way too fast. Because I’m thinking ‘we’ were on the right track of ‘our’ relationship. It turned out, it’s just a thought though.

Let me ask you some things. Will you doubt your relationship if your partner is willing to face your family and stand up for you, no matter what? No. But okay, it didn’t happen. Then, next. Will you think of the end if both of you are talking about settling down ‘together’? No, right? Or, it’s just me saying ‘no’? Look, ‘we’ have been planning it after a few months of ‘our’ relationship. Okay fine, that was too early. How about this. Will you think that maybe your partner was not really into you when he wants to be with you every single time? And is really doing all that he can just to be with you? That’s confusing, right? Because, that got me baffled. Now tell me, can you blame me for still not moving forward with my life? Or maybe, I fell to deeply. Like, I dug my own grave and buried myself to him thinking he did the same for me. But unfortunately, it’s all me.

‘We’ had a lot of differences. Both of ‘us’ love music. But not the same genres. Well, for a few, yes. Movie taste. Totally different. He’s into love stories, while I love action. He does, too. ’We’ love horror, suspense, thriller. But he’s more into love storylines. Which I find too cheesy for my own good. Food. I love different cuisines. I like trying countries’ delicacies. While he’s a bit more cautious on what’s being offer to him. But to tell you honestly, those differences doesn’t matter to ‘us’. Well, I can say that because ‘we’ enjoyed each other’s differences, for a while. I tried to watch movies with love storylines. Not bad, to be very honest. He tried my favorite cuisines, and he liked it. Some of it, only. That’s a plus point, right? Trying out new things with your partner. But it seems like ‘we’ were not really meant to be together.

There are days ‘we’re’ totally fine. Doing things, a normal couple does. Going out after work or during day off. Spending time together, at home—his or mine. Talking to each other non-stop, chat or audio or video calls. Saying I love yous and I miss yous, holding each other, kissing and stuffs a couple normally does. Well, those I love yous and I miss yous not actually a thing for ‘us’. I mean… ‘we’ don’t usually say those words to each other. Those who know ‘us’ are raising their eyebrows because according to them, ‘we’ are the only couple they know who aren’t sweet with each other. ‘We’ don’t stick with each other that much. ‘We’ allowed each other to go and have fun alone with ‘our’ respective friends. ‘We’ have free time for ourselves. Sounds ideal, right? But. No. Every relationship has a dark side. It’s very common for ‘us’ not to talk to each other for a day. Yes, for a day. No messages, no calls. Nothing. Like ‘we’ didn’t know each other. He likes to do that. He will not talk to me. And me? I have this thinking that if a person, whoever he/she may be, doesn’t want to talk to me, then fine. I’ll keep my mouth shut. I will not talk to you either. You want space, I will give you. That’s who I am. As much as I’m dying to call him, I will not do it. I don’t know. Maybe I’m afraid he’ll ignore my calls or he will answer just for me to stop bothering him. Then for a day, I’ll be just overthinking things. Or, there are days when he talks to me but you will feel like he’s bored. And that he’s just messaging me because he doesn’t like any drama of me asking what’s happening and all. It will go on for 2-3 days. It’s hard reading him. I thought I got used to it, but no. And it stresses me out every time.

‘We’ tried to save ‘our’ relationship. Yes, ‘we’. But things were not the same anymore. Maybe he got fed up with all the misunderstandings? Maybe I got worn out with all the excuses? Maybe ‘we’ got distressed on ‘our’ daily empty conversations? Lots of maybes we have there, huh. Until we reached to the point that both of ‘us’ called it quits. “Let’s stop now.” “It’s not healthy anymore.” ‘We’ both agreed to it. And suddenly, ‘we’ were strangers again. But look who’s still having a hard time even after a year.

But you know what? I never thought of ‘our’ relationship as a bad experience. I did enjoy every single time that ‘we’ spent together. I was happy during those months “we’ve’ been together. I just hope he felt the same way too. Because as far I know, I did everything for him. He wasn’t my first boyfriend nor my first kiss. But he was my first in everything else. If there’s something I want to be thankful for because of him… it’s the angel I’m holding in my arms right now. At least at the end of ‘our’ journey he had given me a new source of happiness without him being knowledgeable about it. Yes, he didn’t know. I didn’t tell him. I want him to go on with his life without being stuck on me, if that’s what he chose. So, I let him walk away.

Starting anew is never easy. Especially if it’s not only you who you going to support to. But if there’s any decision that I made which I never regret, it is when I pushed through with my little one. Even if it means my family would be mad or I must raise him alone. He may always trigger ‘our’ past memory but the happiness he brought me the first time I saw him made me realize that every ending comes with a new beginning.