Camera flashes. Thronging crowds. Pushes and pulls through the airport.

This was the life that Bae Joohyun lived and it’s the life she chose.

Joohyun, or Irene as she was known to her fans, was something of a legend in the media at the moment.

A fresh new artist, rising to number one almost immediately, the nation captured by her natural beauty and the sheer power of her stage presence made Irene a force to be reckoned with in the entertainment industry. And Joohyun knew it. She milked it for all it was worth and the people loved her for it.

But Irene was not Joohyun.

And Joohyun was not Irene.

This was something she had to tell herself day in and day out. Irene was a role, a character, a mask. Joohyun wore that mask and she wore it with pride but that was not all she was.

Joohyun was more than Irene. Joohyun was a person who loved to knit, who baked even though she was never very good at it, who called her mom on the weekends so she didn’t have to worry. That was who Joohyun was, Irene had nothing on her.

Of course, the public never saw this side of Irene, as far as they were concerned, this side never existed.

The only person who knew about Joohyun’s life as opposed to Irene’s was her family, her close friends and her personal bodyguard, Son Seungwan.

Seungwan was never meant to be more than a security detail for one of Irene’s concerts. She was posted to Irene’s dressing room, keeping the girl company while also keeping her safe.

Joohyun found a strange sense of comfort having Seungwan around.

It started out very one sided. Joohyun venting her nerves and anxious thoughts before a show while Seungwan stood there, stoic and unmoving, but listening nonetheless.

Joohyun would ask small questions, asking whether this or that would be okay, that a part of a song sounds fine or not, small questions but ones that would put her at ease if answered by anybody that’s not her.

Seungwan would always listen to Joohyun’s nervous ramblings, it was part of the job after all, and she would always answer with the same words. Words that, over time, brought comfort to Joohyun before a performance,

“Yes, Ms. Bae.”

Joohyun soon started requesting Seungwan be there at every show for her, the bodyguard may not have known it but she became something of an emotional crutch for Joohyun.

Soon enough Joohyun was asking Seungwan to accompany her in other parts of her life. To the airport, to the hotels, no matter where she went, she asked for Seungwan to be at arms reach.

Seungwan was happy to oblige. Giving her usual catchphrase,

“Yes, Ms. Bae.”

“Do you ever say anything else?” Joohyun once asked in her hotel room.

For the first time in the weeks she’d had Seungwan by her side, she finally saw the small girl show any form of emotion. She smirked.

“Yes, Ms. Bae.”

Joohyun huffed and lightly threw a pillow Seungwan’s way, the girl caught it and placed in on the bed next to her.

“Smart …” Joohyun huffed with a small smile of her own, “You know what I meant.”

“If you’re asking if I know how to speak, ma'am, I do in fact have that skill, yes. Do you have a language preference? I know English, Korean, French and a little bit of Chinese and Japanese. The last two are a work in progress.”

“Oh my God,” Joohyun presses her hand to her forehead, “remind me again why I requested you.”

“I believe you called me a good listener.” Seungwan smiles at her again. Joohyun finds herself enthralled by the simple grin she’s receiving.

She should be mad at Seungwan for sassing her employer but Joohyun finds it refreshing.

She’s so used to the screams of fans, to the rushed conversations with her managers, this is the first time in a while that someone has spoken to her like a person, like an equal.

Between Seungwan and Joohyun, Irene has never existed. In the hotels and the dressing rooms, Seungwan has only ever dealt with Joohyun.

That was how it started. Seungwan and Joohyun in a hotel room. Irene’s latest single had been announced to have won first place on a music show and that the song itself had earned Irene her first All Kill in the charts. Naturally, Joohyun cracked open the champagne and invited Seungwan to celebrate with her.

At first, the guard was reluctant but was soon easily persuaded by Joohyun to indulge for once in her life.

“No protecting Irene tonight,” she had said, “just me and you, Seungwan.”

Seungwan swallowed her pride then and there and took the glass Joohyun had offered her,

“Yes, Ms.--”

“Joohyun.” Joohyun gave the girl a pointed look, “My name is Joohyun.”

Seungwan goes quiet for a moment, but clinks her glass with Joohyun’s in a toast.

“Yes, Ms. Joohyun.” Joohyun groans, it’s a start she supposes.

“To Irene.” She lifts her glass slightly.

“To Irene.” Joohyun echoes.

By the next morning the events of last night seemed a distant fog in the back of Joohyun’s mind.

All she knows is that when she woke up, she didn’t wake up alone.

She looks over to the other side of the bed and sees a small pile under the sheets breathing regularly. Joohyun takes a moment, in the quiet of the still morning air, to just sit for a while, and watch the person in her bed rest.

In

Out

In

Out

Joohyun thinks she missed the moment when she fell for Seungwan, but thinking about it, she’s not really sure there was a specific point in time where it happened. It’s just something that happened along the way. Seungwan has always been this constant being in her life. In both her lives, as Irene’s bodyguard and as Joohyun’s companion. She can’t seem to imagine not having Seungwan by her side.

She looks back to the small lump in her bed, still snoozing lightly. Joohyun laughs to herself and shakes her head.

Of course, Seungwan would be more affected by the alcohol than Joohyun. Joohyun grew up on champagne and a life of luxury but Seungwan, she figures, probably stopped drinking the moment she entered the force. If she even started drinking in the first place.

The dull ache in Joohyun’s head told her that whatever she was feeling, Seungwan was going to feel it ten times over.

She extracts herself from the covers and wraps herself in her robe. Checking the time, Joohyun notes she has a schedule in an hour and that a car will be there to pick her up soon.

She pads over to the kitchen quietly and pours herself a glass of water, then another to place on Seunwan’s nightstand, after which, she put two aspirins next to the drink.

Joohyun quickly gets ready to leave for her schedule and then writes Seungwan a note, telling her she had to leave but didn’t want to wake her bodyguard. She tells Seungwan to rest and not worry about her, that she’ll get other members of security to fill for her.

After putting the sticky note on the glass of water, Joohyun makes sure she has everything she needs, and then leaves the room.

Seungwan makes an appearance around the middle of the day. Joohyun didn’t expect this, she meant for the girl to just rest at the hotel. But when she went to greet Seungwan, she was met with a cold gaze and a curt nod.

After Joohyun is finished with her schedule for the day, Seungwan guides her back to her dressing room, just as she had done a hundred times before. But something felt off to Joohyun.

After the door closes behind them, her curiosity gets the better of her.

“What gives, Seungwan? I thought I made it clear in the note I left that you should stay home and rest?”

“But that’s not my job,” Seungwan snaps back, “my job is here and it’s to protect you. First and foremost. I shouldn’t be excused from my duty because you’d rather keep me as a pillow warmer.”

Joohyun is taken aback by the sharp remarks Seungwan just threw at her.

“Pillow warmer?” The hurt in Joohyun’s voice is evident, “Since when did I ever imply such a thing?”

Seungwan stiffens at Joohyun’s voice, trying not to allow herself to be affected by the tone Joohyun uses on her.

“It is my job to protect you, to let nothing get in the way of that. Least of all myself. How am I supposed to keep you safe when I’m sleeping next to you. I was foolish and unprofessional last night and I apologise. I will ensure no such instances occur from here on out.”

Seungwan straightens her posture and nods to Joohyun,

“I must now go check the perimeter and the exterior security detail. Please, excuse me, Ms. Bae.”

And with that Seungwan exits the room swiftly, with Joohyun staring after her in disbelief. The change in formal address punching her square in the chest.

Joohyun drops into her chair.

Where did she go so wrong?

She only wanted Seungwan to rest and not worry about her for one day. She never meant o jeopardise her job or question her ability to be a good bodyguard.  All that happened last night was all on the alcohol and Joohyun’s mixed up feelings, surely Seungwan knew this was never meant to reflect on her.

Then it dawns on Joohyun.

She used her.

It comes back to her in small pieces but she remembers enough. Drinking with Seungwan, laughing with Seungwan. All the pent up emotional energy she harboured over the months of being around her bodyguard, all the security she felt when she was around her, it built up and bubbled over that night. She didn’t think about Seungwan and where she stood in all this. She didn’t think about how Seungwan might feel about it.

Truth be told she didn’t think Seungwan had feelings at all. Not until last night.

No. Joohyun didn’t think at all. She just did.

Literally.

She used Seungwan as an emotional release. And a drunk Seungwan let her. Because she didn’t know any better. She didn’t know about how Joohyun felt towards her and she just let Joohyun use her anyway. Because she trusted her.

And a part of that trust was broken because Joohyun didn’t wake her up.

To Seungwan, Joohyun realised, sleeping with her meant Joohyun didn’t trust her to look after her in the same way as before. Joohyun looked after Seungwan, leaving her the water and pills and then Joohyun left, not trusting Seungwan to do her job because she might be hungover, not trusting the girl to do the job she’d trained her whole life to do because of a night of drinking.

Seungwan always struck Joohyun as a proud person. And now she understood why. In a weird, twisted kinda way, Joohyun represented Seungwan’s life’s work. Everything she worked for, everything she trained for, manifested itself in Joohyun and the need to protect her.

And Joohyun questioned it. Which hurt Seungwan.

And didn’t that make Joohyun feel like a fool. She never asked about Seungwan. She always asked the latter about herself, about Irene and about how she was feeling. And then waking up to an empty bed, Joohyun having left her alone in favour of her schedule, must’ve echoed that feeling, that Joohyun was using her as nothing more than a wall to bounce her anxieties and feelings off of.

But Seungwan was a person. Who, not matter how hard she’s trained to not notice them, has feelings too.

Joohyun knows it’s true. She saw flashes of them last night, when Seungwan smiled and spoke about her training in Canada, about how she came to be Joohyun’s guard, when she laughed as Joohyun described her life as Irene compared to the person she really is.

Joohyun is dragged out of her thoughts by the sound of her door opening, she looks around wildly before realising Seungwan isn’t there to help her.

“Relax, it’s just me.”

Seungwan slips through the door before closing it behind her.

“Perimeter is all clear. We’re good to make a move when you are Ms. Bae.” Seungwan goes to move back out of the room, to give Joohyun some privacy to get changed and gather her things.

“Wait..” Joohyun pleads the back of Seungwan, “can’t you just… stay?”

She sees Seungwan’s shoulders drop as she turns to face the singer, “Why?”

Joohyun sees hurt flicker across Seungwan’s face, Joohyun decides to swallow her pride and speaks up.

“I’m… I’m sorry.” She swallows thickly before continuing on, “For this morning and last night and for all of it. It wasn’t right that I took advantage of you. You’re my bodyguard for crying out loud and I didn’t think that us, last night, I didn’t think that would make things so complicated, you know?”

Seungwan continues to just stare at Joohyun, the hurt in her eyes replaced with a look of curiosity.

“And I didn’t mean to question your job this morning, I just wanted you to rest, to do a nice thing for you? Like you’ve always listened to me and always been there to help me… even though you’re paid for it…” Joohyun looks up in alarm at what she’s just implied, “but I don’t mean it like that!”

She takes a breath, letting the panic in her veins slowly ebb away. Seungwan is still looking at her. Still listening to her.

“Look, I just…” Another beat passes between the two, “All the people out there,” she gestures towards the door, “they see Irene, and they see this powerful singer who’s going it alone in the world, who’s taking over or whatever. But you,” she drops her arm and looks at Seungwan weakly, all the strength in her body being directed to keeping the singer standing upright, “you see me as Joohyun. You spoke to me as Joohyun last night. And that… it meant a lot to me…”

Joohyun lets her sentence die as it leaves her lips, not entirely sure where to go from there and emotionally spent from her apology. She looks to Seungwan, eyes begging her to say something. Anything.

“Will that be all, Ms.” Joohyun’s shoulders drop slightly at the formal address, but watches as Seungwan her lips and goes to finish her question, “Joohyun?”

Joohyun’s head snaps up so fast at the mention of her name. The two of them exchange a weak smile before Seungwan slips out of the room, giving Joohyun the privacy she needs.

A short while later, Joohyun softly knocks on her door, a signal to Seungwan that she’s ready to go. The door opens and Seungwan immediately swoops in next to her, placing her hand on Joohyun’s side, a new sensation but not an unwelcome one. She lets the girl, and the security detail that quickly surrounded her, guide her through the lobby and out to the front of the building.

It’s there where she’s met with the shutters of camera and the blinding flashes as they take photos. People scream for Irene, to look this way, to look that way, but Joohyun just keeps her head down and keeps walking forward. The only thing occupying her mind is the strong, secure grip Seungwan has around her waist as she’s guided towards her waiting car.

Once they’re in the car, the noise of the outside world is left behind with the closing of the door.

Nothing is said between the two of them for the whole journey, but as time goes on, Joohyun lets her hand fall between the two of them and land on Seungwan’s. The bodyguard doesn’t make any attempt to show she’s noticed the hand, but she also doesn’t go to move her hand away from Joohyun.

They sit like that. The entire journey goes by and they remain sat like statues. Joohyun looking out the window at the world whizzing by while Seungwan continues to stare straight ahead, eyes on alert at all times.

But their hands never move. They remain connected through their touch, taking comfort in knowing the other is still by their side.

Weeks pass by in a similar fashion. Small touches here and there as Seungwan escorts Joohyun to and from her venues. Small smiles and short jokes when the two are alone in Joohyun’s dressing room. The tiniest of flutters in their chests when they lock eyes across the rooms.

They don’t talk about it.

They never mention the night of Joohyun’s All Kill. They never speak about any of the moments they have between them.

Joohyun pretends to understand why. Because Joohyun is her friend. But Irene is still her client.

She knows it doesn’t have to be so complicated, but she also understands she can’t ask Seungwan to not do her job.

So for now, this is enough.

One morning, Joohyun awakens to find that the bed next to hers is empty. More worryingly, it’s made. And Seungwan is nowhere to be found around the hotel room.

Joohyun suddenly sits upright at the realisation, her head spinning slightly from the head rush she induced. She’s not used to waking up without Seungwan in the room, greeting her and telling her the plan for transport over breakfast.

Their routine had become more relaxed when they were alone. Seungwan sitting at the table with Joohyun for breakfast, as opposed to her standing near by and watching. The two making small talk to pass the time while they were waiting for the next schedule.

So, Seungwan not being there, it felt off to Joohyun.

Joohyun’s eyes scanned the room one last time in the hopes of finding a trace of Seungwan.

Her eyes fell on a neatly packed up suitcase,

Okay, so she’s coming back, Joohyun lets out a shaky breath, finding comfort in that small realisation.

Her eyes continue to scan the room and finally come to rest on a neatly folded piece of paper resting on Seungwan’s pillow.

How did I miss that?

She picks it up and opens it, her eyes are met with Seungwan’s neat cursive writing,

Good morning Ms. Joohyun,

No need to panic if I’m not in the room, I am just checking the perimeter before we’re due to move you. There have been reports of fans appearing at the hotel and I would like to ensure you are entirely safe before we move. There’s a guard outside your door while I’m gone, though he’s not instructed to enter unless you call for him.

I regret to admit that rogue fans are not my only motivation for not being present this morning.

I’m sure you’ve felt something between us, I’m sure you’ve felt it since the night we spent together a few months ago.

I have tried my utmost to remain professional, to maintain the image I was trained to have. But that is difficult when it comes to you.

I’ve found to have allowed myself to grow comfortable around you, Joohyun, and now that I know what that feels like, it’s been difficult for me to revert back. To just being your bodyguard again.

I swore I would stay by your side, to protect both you and the image of Irene, and that is what I intend to do. But to say I wouldn’t want to be by your side as something else, would be a lie.

I have never been good at managing my feelings, in the years I spent training, I was taught to forget. To forget what it felt like to be held, to be appreciated and to be talked to, personally rather than professionally. You made me remember.

You say I was the first one to see you as a person, but, Joohyun, I could say the exact same.

I left early this morning to give you the space you need to process this. I understand I am not the only player in this game and that you need to consider your feelings just as much.

I also understand if this situation calls on you to request a new personal bodyguard. I never intended to make the situation become such a way, but I cannot, and will not, lie to a client, let alone someone who has come to mean something to me.

I leave the decision in your hands and will respect the choice you come to make.

Son Seungwan.

Joohyun held the paper in her hands, eyes skimming over the words in front over her. The sound of the door opening alerts Joohyun. She looks up and sees Seungwan walk in. She’s in her signature ‘casual’ look, black Nike cap and dressed in all black sweats.

She notices the girl is trying to keep a straight face but she can’t hide the nervousness in her eyes.

There’s an awkward pause between the two. It feels like the distance between them has suddenly grown far beyond the few metres that separates the two of them.

Joohyun can’t take it anymore, she gets up and closes the gap between them. She watches Seungwan visibly stiffen at the sudden close proximity.

And then she simply pulls Seungwan into her. Wrapping her arms around the stiff girl and Joohyun finally feels Seungwan relax in her arms. She realises, in that moment, the sheer amount of stress that Seungwan must have been putting herself under, choosing between being with Joohyun and protecting Irene.

She grips Seungwan tighter, and her cap falls to the floor, forgotten in the moment. She feels two arms snake around her waist as the other girl fully exhales, allowing herself to finally let go in Joohyun’s embrace.

They stay like that for a few minutes, bodies moulded to each other as if they were made to fit together. Joohyun rubbed small circles in the small of Seungwan’s back, hoping to relieve any remaining stress in the girl’s body.

Joohyun is the one to pull away, she leans back, resting her hands on Seungwan’s weak shoulders. She locks eyes with the girl,

“Why on earth would I want a new bodyguard when I have the best right here?”

Seungwan drops her gaze to the floor, relieved she’s not out of a job and that she still gets to work for Joohyun.

“S-so you’re not upset,” she lifts her eyes to Joohyun, worry etched into her features, “about the letter?”

“Why in the world would that upset me?” Joohyun laughs, letting her hands slide down Seungwan’s shoulders, she lets one hand drop while the other nests itself in Seungwan’s, “I’ve liked you for awhile you know, I just didn’t want to come between you and your duty, it would never have been fair on you. That night we spent together made that pretty clear.”

There it was.

They were speaking about it.

Joohyun looks down at their hands, still intertwined with each other. She can’t shake the feeling of how nice it feels to hold Seungwan, of how well they fit together.

“You know,” she says slowly, “this doesn’t need to be complex or complicated,” she gives their hands a squeeze, causing Seungwan to also focus her gaze on their interlocked digits, “we can just let it happen, see where it goes, you know?”

Seungwan smiles and nods shyly, knowing Joohyun wasn’t making her choose between her and her job. Instead she was being offered both, something she didn’t see as a possible outcome.

“I’d like that.” Seungwan replies with a quiet voice.

Joohyun feels the smile on her face before she even knows she’s doing it, her lips part as the smile grows wider. She suddenly remember who she is and where she was, she shakes her head and looks towards Seungwan.

“So,” she lightly swings their hands between them, “what’s on the agenda for today?”

Seungwan laughs, it’s a musical laugh, one Joohyun is sure she could listen to on repeat for the rest of her life if she could.

She runs through Joohyun’s schedule for the day before letting her go change and get ready to leave.

Shortly after, they exit the hotel together, hand in hand, Seungwan guiding Joohyun to her waiting car, as was routine.

But this time it felt different. With Seungwan next to her, Joohyun felt she would always be safe. That she would never have to worry about anything again. She felt the promise of something more hanginging in the air.

Of course, she knew that was a naive way to think, especially in this industry. She knew people would come and go in her life. Popularity would rise and fall for Irene.

But she also knew none of that really mattered.

So long as she has Son Seungwan by her side.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This was so cringe I can only apologise to my friend and to you guys. I guess there's just some AUs I can't write very well.