“Did you hear about what happened on Friday?”

“At Nayeon’s party?”

Sana put her History textbook back in her locker, grabbing her Chem binder from the top shelf.

“Momo made out with some chick by the pool. Hot!”

“Does that mean another one is off the market then?”

She knelt down to shove the binder in her backpack, then stood up straight and checked her reflection in the mirror inside the locker door.

“Only Sana’s left. How long do you think that’s going to last?”

“Oh, she’s mine.”

“In your dreams.”

She straightened the straps on her shoulders, grip tight on the cellphone in her hand.

“Did you see how she ran out that night?”

“Yeah, someone I know said she had a psychotic break.”

“Still a babe, though.”

Taking a deep breath and plastering a casual facade on her face, she closed the door and headed towards the cafeteria.

“Well, apparently she-”

“Someone said that-”

“Have you heard-”

Eyes and whispers followed Sana as she paced down the hall.

It wasn’t unusual. In fact, after years of building reputation she had, it was expected. Sana should be used to it, enjoying it even. But it was getting harder. Listening to the gossip, people talking about her like she wasn’t there, like she was hardly a person. She wondered when that switch flipped. When did she stop enjoying hearing it as much as they enjoyed saying it?

Students stood in their little clusters, lining the hall, jabbering away about the only thing anyone could talk about. The party. There was of course the standard, who went, who pointedly did not make an appearance, who had to be admitted to the hospital to have their stomach pumped before the clock had even struck 11. But overwhelmingly one topic took center stage. How Momo and Mina fell into the pool tangled up in each other and Sana had stormed out afterwards, effectively shutting the entire affair down. Sana supposed bitterly that she couldn’t really blame them for talking about it. It was the only thing she was thinking about too. 

Despite how much she might wish the opposite, Sana remembered the night in perfect detail. The week leading up to it had been rough. After the blow out at lunch and her subsequent talk with Momo, everything just felt off with her friends. Nayeon and Jeongyeon spent more time alone together, which still grated her more than she wanted to admit, and Momo seemed like she was walking on glass around her, stressed and quiet. In all of their years of friendship, they’d never been this out of sync.

But Sana figured maybe this party could be a way to reconcile. She and Momo could get wild, ease the tension with drinking and flirting. Maybe once they let loose at the party, Nayeon and Jeongyeon would revert back to their single selves, and Sana would be able to stand being around them for longer than fifteen minutes. It could be like old times, before every interaction was laced with strain and hesitation.

Of course it hadn’t panned out that way.

Momo seemed only more strung out, drowning her anxieties in anything she could mix together in a solo cup. If anyone appeared the closest to how they used to be, it was Nayeon, playing the part of the perfect hostess, throwing back shots and getting in the thick of the dancing. But she was showing a considerable amount of restraint and searched the scene for her girlfriend every two minutes. And the Jeongyeon Sana knew before her relationship was dead in a ditch somewhere. She hardly seemed happy to be there and only got mopier as Nayeon had to focus more attention on the party. She disappeared upstairs after one drink, squeezing Nayeon’s hand in a vomit-inducing farewell and leaving Sana alone with an absolutely plastered Momo clinging to her body like a koala. She disentangled herself to walk around the party, needing fresh air.

She made her way through Nayeon’s admittedly expansive house, not dancing or getting really into it, but just observing. She ran into people from school, girls she’d been involved with in the past, girls trying to be involved with her in the future. It seemed like everyone was there, but she didn’t want to interact with any of them. 

It was incredible how different the party seemed when she looked at it from her new perspective. The wildness of it all, the thrashing and crashing and the searing heat of being in the middle of a crowded room and knowing everyone was paying attention to only you, didn’t give her the kick it used to. Actually it was making her a little nauseous. 

She might have gotten a bit too far into her own head. It was a party, she was supposed to be having fun, drinking her friends under the table and indulging the girls begging to hang off her arm. But she couldn’t will herself to pursue the sophomore making eyes at her across the room. The drink Nayeon had happily greeted her with at the beginning of the party was set aside, bitter to the taste.

Sana was in a mood, to say the least. She couldn’t get her mind off her worries long enough to enjoy herself and the throbbing base permeating throughout the house was only aggravating things. Determined to find some respite, she shouldered her way past sweaty bodies and made her way to the pool. There at least the air was laced with chlorine instead of weed and instead of dodging drunken teens, she could look at the stars while she thought about her crumbling friendships.

They’d been in such a good place, for so long. In eight years she’d never felt this uneasy about their relationship. If Nayeon and Jeongyeon hadn’t gone and changed all of the dynamics, disrupted that long-standing balance, than they wouldn’t be in this mess and Sana wouldn’t be moping on the outskirts of the party she should be owning. And no matter what Momo said, Sana couldn’t shake the feeling that there wasn’t something more happening, another bridge being built that would only pull Sana’s last friend further from her.

Just as she began to wonder if she should leave, Sana looked up and saw Dahyun standing at the door.

Oh, Dahyun. That girl. Ironically, Sana felt like the only thing connecting her to her previous life was this new challenge. When Sana was chasing after Dahyun, it felt like she was really herself, in a way she couldn’t really explain. She supposed the thrill of the chase was the best distraction she could get from this whole situation. And Dahyun was just, so good at providing that thrill. 

Everytime Sana caused the familiar red to bloom in Dahyun’s cheeks, she felt something like a rush of adrenaline. Everytime Dahyun stumbled over a word, Sana glowed with pride. It was the most addictive, exhilarating feeling, made her feel better than any party she could remember. She supposed it was probably a side effect of the uneasiness in the rest of her life, the technicolor of every scene she shared with Dahyun only so bright in comparison the conflicted grays of everything else. But really, who could blame her for calling the girl over, if only to get another taste, another burst of color flashing before her eyes?

It hadn’t gone exactly the way she intended. Sure, there was a strong start, but Sana could feel the weight in the back of her mind, slowly dragging the conversation down, and had to apologize for what had happened at lunch. Maybe it wasn’t so much the altercation itself that she was upset over, but the fact that she had impeded on Dahyun’s space and then gotten aggressive. It wasn’t cool, and Sana was a firm believer that impeding on a girl’s space was something best left to when they were alone, and Sana could have more fun with it.

Maybe sitting next to each other at a party. Or something like that.

The conversation did take a bit of an upswing, they had some banter and Sana got the rush of seeing the blush spread across Dahyun’s face. And then the mood changed again. This time in a even more preferable way.

Dahyun got nervous, Sana leaned in deeper. It was like her body was on autopilot, knowing exactly what to do without having to think. She felt back in her element. The world narrowed to the two of them. And she almost got the girl to kiss her.

Then you know what happened next.

Sana was too shocked to react for a second. She was jarred, so abruptly ripped from the cloud of bliss she had been in. The fog that quickly dissipated and left behind the confusion she had been feeling before, mixed with a newfound anger.

Sana met Momo’s eyes and somehow in her inebriated state, Momo seemed to realize what she had done. She pushed away from Mina and tried to paddle over to the side of the pool, but she’d never been the strongest swimmer, certainly not when she’s drunk, and Sana was already standing up, stalking away. She didn’t want to hear excuses, explanations, anything. She felt like she was the one dunked into that pool, and this was her desperate swimming for the surface. But she couldn’t find which way was up.

Sana brushed shoulders with Nayeon on her way out of the door. 

“Hey, where are you going?”

Sana paused, wondering if maybe she should slow down, explain what had happened and her conflicted feelings and everything that had taken dominion over her mind since the beginning of the school year. Maybe this was her chance to get some air.

Nayeon turned away from her, eyes scanning the crowd. “And have you seen Jeongyeon anywhere?”

Sana gritted her teeth, and kept walking.

And that was how she ended up here, torn between stomping her way to the cafeteria with all the anger she could muster or taking as much time as possible to avoid the confrontation at all. That’s what she’d done over the weekend, ignoring texts and attempted phone calls, knowing she’d snap if someone tried to talk to her about what had happened. But she was starting to feel like she was going to snap anyways. Every emotion in her heart felt so volatile, not even a word would be necessary to set her off.

At last Sana made it to the double doorway of the cafeteria. She zeroed in on the table in the back corner where she knew her friends would be sitting: Nayeon and Jeongyeon on the far side, with Jeongyeon next to the window, and Momo saving her seat on the near side. The same way they’d sat since third grade. A configuration she’d never really thought about all that much. But it was like a tree you never noticed outside your window, a constant you never recognize until you see that it’s been cut down. 

Because Momo wasn’t saving her seat today. It was already taken. By Mina.

Not even a word was necessary.

Sana approached the table, the casual mask she adopted for the halls, the one she should have been able to drop around her friends, frozen on her face.

“You’re in my seat,” Sana said by way of greeting, the chillness not lost on her nor anyone else at the table. Mina wouldn’t meet her eye, but Momo put on a brave face.

“Sana,” she greeted, valiantly brushing aside the frostiness of her tone. “Hey! I couldn’t reach you all weekend, but I wanted to tell you-”

“She’s in my seat.” Sana wouldn’t relent, staring down Mina’s bowed head.

“It’s Mina,” Momo said, hesitation beginning to creep into her voice. “You know Mina. You run a club with her.”

Sana sniffed condescendingly. “Well,” she said. “There’s a lot of people I thought I knew. Can’t be too careful these days.”

Immature, sure, but Momo took the hit of the insult, biting her lip and looking down. Nayeon and Jeongyeon looked between them like they were playing tennis with a time bomb. 

“Listen,” Momo started. “I know there’s some stuff that happened that we need to talk about, so if you could stop being so dramatic-”

“Oh, am I being dramatic?” Sana asked. “You’d know all about drama. Tell me, could you have come up with a bigger spectacle for breaking my trust?”

“I wasn’t trying to break your trust, Sana, it wasn’t like that,” Momo insisted. “It was just-”

“It was my fault,” Mina said. Everyone’s focus turned to her, and though she seemed to shrink under the weight of their attention, she persisted. “I initiated it, she was drunk, she didn’t know what she was doing.”

Momo looked at her agape. “Mina, no, that’s not what-”

“You better believe she didn’t know what she was doing,” Sana said scathingly, staring disdainfully down at Mina. “She isn’t going to throw away our entire friendship, certainly not for you. I mean, she’s stupid, but not that stupid.”

The sting of the comments hung in the air. No one seemed to know how to react. The cafeteria might have been active around them, but it felt as if the world had stopped spinning.

Mina broke the silence. “I’ll just go,” she said in a small voice.

“What? No, come on, you don’t have to-” Momo started, but Mina shook her head, standing up and slinging her bag over her shoulder.

“We tried, Momo,” she said, patting Momo’s hand consolingly. “It’s fine.” Her voice quivered, the only betrayal of her casual demeanor.

“Mina,” Momo called after her, standing up to reach out, but Mina walked calmly away, steps tight like she was holding herself back from breaking into a run. Sana watched her go with an unplaceable emotion. It didn’t feel like the victory she expected. 

Momo tore her eyes from Mina’s retreating form and rounded on Sana, who hadn’t moved to take the seat she was so set on.

“How could you do that?” Momo asked, aghast. Nayeon and Jeongyeon looked equally taken aback, twin nervous eyes and hesitant mouths.

“How could I do that ?” Sana returned. Whatever thin facade she’d maintained was abandoned entirely, burned away from the inside by the anger Sana had let brood and grow in silence. “Momo, what the hell, you lied to me! Directly to my face, about something you knew I cared about!”

Guilt surfaced in Momo’s features, but it wasn’t enough to erase the anger. “Listen, if you would just let me explain, instead of yelling at my girlfriend-”

“Girlfriend?” Sana asked, incredulous. “You’re dating your drunken hook up?”

“Her name is Mina!” Momo nearly shouted. “You know that! And yeah, I know I was drunk at the party, but it’s more than that.” There was an insistent emotion weighing in her words. “She means something to me.”

Sana scoffed. “Oh, she means something to you? What does our friendship of eight years mean to you?” She exhaled deeply, the fire set in her mind spitting sparks. “You lied to me,” she repeated. “You told me it was casual, your exact words were ‘it doesn’t mean anything.’ What, did you develop feelings for her over the weekend? God, I’m the stupid one. I knew you were lying. I knew you were falling in too deep with Mina, but I let you lie to me. Because I thought you were my friend. And I never wanted to think my friend would betray me like that.”

“Betray?” Momo asked, her voice getting higher with passion. “Why is my happiness a betrayal to you? Maybe if you were really my friend, you’d care about me having something good in my life.”

“Are you saying you weren’t happy before?” Sana challenged. “You had nothing good in your life?”

“No, Sana, stop putting words in my mouth,” said Momo, frustrated. “You know that’s not what I meant-”

“I didn’t realize it had been so hard for you, being friends with us all these years. Really, if all the emotional support and mutual care for each other was weighing on you so heavily, you should have said something. When you were going to fail science in seventh grade, Jeongyeon wouldn’t have helped if she knew how hard it was making your life. All the sleepovers when we told each other we’d never stop being friends, that must have been so difficult to sit through when you knew you didn’t mean it.” 

A line had been crossed. Something wounded flashed in Momo’s eyes, and she snapped. “Jesus, Sana, why are you so trapped in the past? You cling to this flirting thing that we started in elementary school and get pissed when the rest of us move on. We haven’t had a sleepover since we were fourteen, and that’s not my fault. And all this emotional support you’re talking about? Nayeon and Jeongyeon are in a happy relationship and all you can do is be bitter. I try to make things work with the first girl I really care about and you have to go and ruin it. You need to grow the up. Before you hurt more people that care about you.”

Momo grabbed her bag and ran out of the cafeteria, followed by the eyes of every student in the room. Silence echoed loudly in the space, and through the fog of her passion, Sana suddenly realized how closely watched the whole argument had been. It didn’t help her anger.

She nearly growled, slamming her hands on the table. Nayeon jumped as far back as she could while sitting on the bench. Jeongyeon leaned forward hesitantly, hands stretched out with caution. “Sana, maybe you should calm down…”

“Don’t tell me to calm down, Yoo Jeongyeon!” Sana looked at the two of them accusingly. “What? I guess you’re siding with Momo then?”

“It’s not about siding,” Jeongyeon said. “We aren’t picking between the two of you. But you shouldn’t have said that to her, or to Mina. ”

Sana groaned angrily. “Of course you’d say that.”

“Because it’s true, Sana,” Nayeon said. “Listen, this isn’t how we wanted to talk to you about it, but,” The two shared a look, and Sana’s raw nerves were rubbed just a little more. “We’ve been thinking about saying something for awhile. We think maybe you are a little to invested in the past.”

“You’ve been talking about me?” Sana asked, disbelieving. “And, you, you agree with Momo?” She shook her head in shock. “I’m not too invested in the past, I’m invested in keeping our friendship alive. And clearly I’m the only one.” 

“You’re not the only one,” Jeongyeon said. “We are all trying to keep our friendship together. But maybe part of that is learning to see other points of view on the situation. Momo might have lied to you but that doesn’t make her points any less valid.”

Sana was at a loss for words. This was not how she saw any of this turning out. Jeongyeon and Nayeon weren’t supposed to team up against her, Momo wasn’t supposed to yell at her, and somewhere deep down she knew she wasn’t supposed to have started it at all. 

“No, you know what?” Sana picked up her head, eyes directing her full fury at the couple across from her. “I don’t have to listen to this. You two get into a relationship and you think you know everything. And you’re talking about me behind my back now?” She shook her head again. “I guess it all really did mean nothing. You two and Momo can enjoy your new lives without me. I’m sure it won’t be too difficult for you.”

As Sana left the cafeteria, she almost felt like something was chasing her. She picked up the pace, fueled by resentment and bitterness, ignoring calls from behind and allowing poison to push her out of the school and towards her car in the parking lot, steadily ahead of reality. But she reached her car and she had to stop, and it all seemed to catch up with her.

What was she doing? None of her actions matched her motives and none of her motives seemed to have any reasonable origin. She’d just shouted at the only three girls she’d been able to rely on since her childhood. And why? Because they were happy and she wasn’t? Because they’d managed to find other people that meant something to them? Because they didn’t need her anymore?

It was all hitting her in waves, and she didn’t know how to react. There was a bitter taste in , the residue of harsh words spat in the wrong direction. Tears pricked at the back of her eyes and she squeezed them shut, forcing the emotion down.

Why was she so upset with her friends, she asked herself, nails cutting crescents into palms, when she should really be upset with herself?

“Momo could barely stay afloat, some of the kids standing at the edge of the pool had to fish them out. But by that point, Nayeon came out and was making everyone leave,” Jihyo said.

“And just when it was getting good,” Chaeyoung bemoaned. 

Dahyun walked beside them silently, trying to zone out as Jihyo filled Chaeyoung and Tzuyu in on what had happened at the party. She focused on the uproar of the cafeteria a few halls ahead, or the assignment due next week in math class, anything but The Story. It was starting to get stale, hearing it repeated by every mouth in the school and in her own mind any time she was left alone with her thoughts.

“So are Momo and Mina together then?” Tzuyu asked.

Jihyo frowned, shaking her head. “I don’t know. Believe me, I’ve tried to find out, but Mina won’t answer any of my questions.”

“Maybe we don’t know the full situation,” Dahyun piped up. Her attempts at blocking it out had failed miserably and her instinct to defend the unrepresented party finally overruled her better judgement.

“Oh, please, the situation seemed clear enough,” Jihyo turned to Dahyun, stare blunt. “And I have questions for you too.” 

Dahyun, not very convincingly, feigned aloofness. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Jihyo wasn’t backing down. “Don’t think I forgot about what I saw you doing before they fell into the pool. I swear, you and Sana...”

Chaeyoung perked up, interest piqued. “Sana? What about her? What happened?”

“Nothing,” Dahyun insisted. 

“I wouldn’t call the closing distance between your mouths nothing,” Jihyo said, side eyeing her.

“What?” Chaeyoung exclaimed. Tzuyu’s eyes widened.

“It’s not what, we weren’t-” Dahyun protested in vain. The passion on Chaeyoung’s face told her she wasn’t getting out of this without an explanation. And she didn’t have one for herself, let alone for her friends.

Before her awkward stuttering could go on for too long, Mina jogged down the hall from the cafeteria, her entire body quaking. A shaky hand covered her face, and she wasn’t looking where she was going.

Tzuyu, the closest, reached out to stop her, concern written on all of their faces. “Mina, are you okay?”

Still trembling like a leaf, Mina looked up, recognizing them, and appeared to relax slightly, though the sadness didn’t fade from her eyes. “I, Sana and, and Momo,” she struggled to get the words out. Chaeyoung stilled her shaking hands with her own.

“What happened?” she asked. Mina shook her head, eyes getting wetter by the second.

“Did Momo already break your heart?” Jihyo asked. She didn’t say it coolly, she almost seemed genuinely concerned. But there was another quality there in her voice.

Mina turned her head with her eyes lowered, hesitance in her tone. “No,” she choked out, although they had obvious reasons to doubt the truth of that statement. Her legs looked like they were about to give out.

“Come on, you don’t have to lie to us,” Jihyo wrapped her arms around Mina’s shoulders. She was being comforting, but it didn’t feel right to Dahyun, and Mina seemed to feel the same way.

“It’s not like that,” Mina insisted. “Momo just-”

“Why are you making excuses for her?” Something dropped in Jihyo’s tone. The concern seemed to slowly drain away, replaced by something harsher. “I always told you this would happen if you got involved with her. And look, I’m right. I hasn’t even been a week and she’s already hurting you.”

Dahyun exchanged tense looks with her friends, feeling like intruders as the situation escalated. Mina shook her head, taking a deep breath so she could get a full sentence out. “She didn’t hurt me, she was trying to-”

“Mina, she clearly did hurt you,” Chaeyoung interjected. “It’s okay, though, we can-”

“No, it’s not okay,” Mina said. She took her hands from Chaeyoung’s grasp, pulling them to her chest.  “It’s not okay for you to be talking about her like this. She was trying to defend me and-”

“Would you need defending if it weren’t for her and her insane friends?” Jihyo asked, harsh skepticism outweighing care. “Mina, I swear, we’re only saying this because you need to hear it. It’s tough love.”

“I don’t need tough love from you.” Mina pulled away from Jihyo’s grip, hurt painted on her features.

“Why, are you getting enough from Momo now?” Jihyo’s tone was accusing. Seeing her act like this while Mina was on the brink of tears made no sense to Dahyun. It sent bolts of discomfort worming through her stomach. “I have always tried so hard to help you-”

“I don’t need your help,” Mina could hardly meet her eye, trying to hold herself together. “I know Momo, I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you?” Jihyo asked. “Because I don’t think people who know what they’re doing in a relationship end up running away crying.”

Mina finally gathered the courage to look up, returning Jihyo’s gaze with equal indignance. “People who are trying to help their friends don’t start lecturing them when they come to them crying.”

“Mina!” Everyone looked down the hall as a familiar voice echoed from the direction of the cafeteria.

Jihyo looked back to Mina scathingly. “Oh, listen, it’s your girlfriend. Maybe she’s coming to finish what she started.”

Mina looked so wounded and disbelieving. “You don’t even, you have no idea,” she stumbled over her words, breathing with difficulty. She looked between the four of them like she couldn’t recognize the people in front of her. And then she ran, halfway down the hall into the girls bathroom. The squeal of the hinges and the bang as the door closed echoed in the silence of the hallway.

Dahyun was in shock. She looked between the people standing there with doubt. Jihyo’s brow was furrowed and she stared intensely at the spot Mina has just left. Chaeyoung and Tzuyu looked back at her in similar discomfort, but they weren’t about to say anything. Dahyun wanted to scream, it was so unfair.

“Jihyo,” she started tentatively, trying to keep the emotion of her voice in check. “How could you say that to her? She was hurting.”

Jihyo scoffed. “She did this to herself, I was only trying to help.”

“She needed comfort,” Dahyun said. “I know you have your problems with Momo but you shouldn’t take them out on Mina.”

“I try to give her advice and she ignores me. She doesn’t have any right to expect comfort from me,” Jihyo tried to speak assuredly, but there was a flicker of doubt in her tone, like maybe she realized she had made a wrong move, but she was too proud to admit it.

“That’s not, come on,” Dahyun looked to her friends for support. “Tzuyu? Chaeyoung?” But they wouldn’t meet her eye. “You guys, really? You’re just going to let…” She couldn’t finish the sentence. She felt such a strange, unidentifiable upwelling of emotion. 

“Fine,” Dahyun said. “But she’s hurt, and I’m going to go help her.”

She strode away, hopefully with more confidence than she actually felt. She knew they were watching her leave. She stopped at the door to the bathroom, taking a deep breath.

Dahyun eased the door open, conscious of the eyes on her back but even more conscious of the fact that Mina might not want to be disturbed. The bathroom was empty except for the two of them. Mina stood at the farthest sink, knuckles straining white against the rim and tears splashing down as she struggled to stop them. 

Dahyun rushed to pull some paper towels from the dispenser and approached her gently. Looking up and seeing who it was, Mina sniffed and bit her lip, trying her best to stay composed. 

She reached out for the paper towels. “Thank you, Dahyun,” she said weakly.

Dahyun opened , not sure what she could say in this situation to make it better.  “I’m sorry,” she tried, “for what happened out there.” That wasn’t much of anything. “It, uh, it wasn’t cool.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Mina said, dabbing at her eyes.

“No, I know, it’s just,” Dahyun struggled for words. “You didn’t deserve that. I should’ve stepped in or something.”

Mina looked sideways at her. “You’re here now.”

“Yeah,” Dahyun said. “For whatever you need. Seems like you’ve had a rough day.”

“‘Day’ doesn’t really cover it,” Mina said. “It’s been a long time coming.”

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Dahyun asked. 

Mina shook her head, but then seemed to reconsider. “It’s just…” She exhaled deeply, crumpling the paper towels in her hand. “It’s just so much, with Jihyo and Momo and all of them. Jihyo and how protective she is and…” She trailed off. “She’s always been like this. I met her in middle school, right after I moved here from Japan. I was so awkward and I couldn’t really talk to anyone because I hardly spoke the language. And then on the first day, she sat down next to me when I was eating alone in the cafeteria and she just, took me under her wing. And she pointed to these four girls sitting across the room and said ‘Don’t ever talk to them, they’ll hurt you’.” 

Mina’s voice was deep, contemplative. “I still remember, just as she said that, chocolate milk shot right out of Momo’s nose. And I thought to myself, ‘they don’t look that bad’. But I listened to Jihyo. Because she’s just like that, you know? She could tell you the Earth was flat and you’d believe her.”

Dahyun nodded, because she absolutely understood. Jihyo had told her the same thing, and she’d believed it. How long had she spent, avoiding Sana, sprinting down the hall in the other direction if she so much as heard her voice? All because Jihyo had told her one thing, and why would Dahyun need to doubt someone so trustworthy?

“But as time went on,” Mina continued, “it got harder and harder to believe. Because I got to know them. I joined the dance team and Momo was nothing but kind to me. Sure, she was a little flirty and goofy, but she wouldn’t laugh at me if I couldn’t get a step right and she helped me when I didn’t know the language all that well. Then she brought me to Japanese club and introduced me to the rest of her friends.

“Nayeon and Jeongyeon...” She searched for the right thing to say. “Well, even before they were dating, they were untouchable. Nayeon was this pretty, popular, perfect girl, with the big parties and the bigger personality. Jeongyeon was the star in sports or school or whatever she set her mind to. They were so far beyond anyone’s league, that’s what drew everyone in. When Momo introduced me, they were so intimidating, but they talked to me, about moving and school and never made me feel inferior.

“Sana was so bubbly and happy and welcoming. Sure, she was a flirt, all of them were, but I could talk to her about how much I missed my home and my culture and she listened to me. She has such a reputation for being so surface level but she’s deeper than that.”

Dahyun swallowed, clearing the choked feeling coming up in . She related to Mina’s words more than she wanted to admit. 

“And Momo,” Mina said, “God, Momo. She’s such a dork. She’s so cute and funny and down to Earth.” She broke from her reminiscing and looked up, almost expecting judgement, but Dahyun didn’t give her any. She just nodded, prompting Mina to keep going. 

“But all this time, when I’d dance with them or laugh with them, there was this voice in the back of my mind saying ‘These people are going to hurt you’. And you know what? That voice wasn’t even wrong.” She started picking at her nails, as if what she was saying was going to be hard and she needed to focus on something else. “I watched Momo work her way through the entire cheerleading squad before the end of my freshman year. Nayeon’s admirers blocked the entire East hall on Valentine’s day, trying to stick notes in her locker, and you could just see how much she was reveling in it. For a decent part of last year, Jeongyeon had a literal fanclub that followed her around from class to class everyday until the faculty shut it down.”

Dahyun might have laughed at that, if it weren’t for the heaviness of the atmosphere and the notable name unlisted so far.

“And Sana,” Mina continued. “If you listen to the rumors, there isn’t a person in this building she hasn’t been involved with in some way. But that’s just the problem, with all of them. It’s all rumors and hearsay and worship or hatred, nothing in between. You feel like you never know anything about them for sure.”

Dahyun nodded, once again feeling like their circumstances were far too similar.

Mina went on. “And then, last week, Momo texted me and said she want us to meet and talk alone. But it was right after everything happened at lunch so I was hesitant, I told her I didn’t think it was a good idea. And then she begged me to come to Nayeon’s party. I knew it was an awful idea but I was so tired of being confused and never knowing where I stood. So I gave in.

“When I found her at the party, she was too drunk to stand up straight, and she slurred out what I’m sure would have been a beautiful speech if she was sober. She told me about her feelings and she was so honest and vulnerable and,” Mina looked up, staring at her own reflection like even she couldn’t believe what she was about to say. “And I just kissed her. I think I caught her off guard, or maybe she was just really drunk. Either way, two seconds later she lost balance and pulled me into the pool. I think you were there for that.”

Dahyun remembered the moment in painful clarity. The cheers of the crowd, Jihyo’s look of confusion and objection, Sana’s hot breath still too close to her face until none of her warmth was there at all. Sana had stormed away and Dahyun felt lost again, alone in a sea of people she didn’t know or didn’t want to face. When Nayeon came out and told everyone to leave, she was more than happy to do so. She found Chaeyoung and Tzuyu on the front lawn, looking absolutely wrecked and like they’d had a lot more fun than she had. She spent the ride home in deep silence and contemplation, and in a way she’d been the same state ever since. 

She nodded for Mina to continue. “Surprisingly, one drunken kiss and a quick swim didn’t do much to clear up my confusion. But Momo called me the next day and apologized for being drunk during our first kiss, because she’s such a sap like that. We kept talking for hours. I told her about how confused I felt and she asked me to be her girlfriend. For real, feelings and commitment and everything. God, I was so happy.” For a second a real smile seemed to break through on Mina’s face, but it turned bitter almost instantly. “And now look what happened.”

“What did happen?” Dahyun asked hesitantly. “Jihyo didn’t really let you get a word in.”

Mina grimaced. “Momo and I decided we were going to try and explain everything to Sana, because she seemed really upset that we were together. But Sana got pissed when she saw that I was sitting at their lunch table and her and Momo got into an argument. I think there’s more to it, I don’t really know. I left pretty quickly but I heard them shouting as I ran out.” Mina sighed deeply. “And then I ran into you all, and for some reason, I expected some real comfort or support.”

“Hey, I’m here for real comfort and support,” Dahyun insisted. “I can’t believe how Jihyo acted, it was so immature.”

“Honestly, Dahyun?” Mina asked wistfully. “I can believe it. She hates Momo and her friends. It seems so out of character, but from her point of view, I think it makes sense. She tries so hard to love everyone, but I think she watched to many people she cared about get hurt by them. She’s reached a breaking point and she’s lashing out.”

“It’s still not okay though,” Dahyun said. “You didn’t deserve any of that. Sana and-” She stopped herself from finishing the sentence. It was a slip of the tongue. She was getting too into her head, making the situation about herself. 

“I know,” Mina said. “But you can see how she’d act like that, even if it isn’t okay.” She turned to face to Dahyun. “I don’t want to pry, I know we haven’t really talked about it. But I feel like you might be in a similar situation.”

Dahyun averted her eyes, which only seemed to serve as a confirmation. Mina continued, “I’m not sure what I can say to help. I think this might have to be something you figure out by yourself.”

Dahyun nodded slowly, staring at the tile under her shoes. Taking a deep breath, she gathered her courage and met Mina’s gaze again. “Can I just ask you a question?”

“Of course,” Mina replied.

“Do you regret it?” Dahyun nearly spit the question, trying to get it out before her bravery failed her. “Trying to be happy with Momo, even though all of this happened?”

It was Mina’s turn to take a deep breath. She mulled it over for what felt like weeks, tension high in the air. “No,” she finally said. “I don’t regret it.” She looked to Dahyun apologetically. “I’m sorry I can’t say anything more to help.”

“No, thank you,” Dahyun said. Her head started churning, her brain trying to process what all of this meant for her. “You helped a lot.”

The door to the bathroom burst open and Momo stumbled in, breathing heavily like she had just finished a race.

“I’m so sorry, some stupid hall monitor was on a ing power trip and wouldn’t let me past.” The quiet tension of the room was broken by Momo’s arrival and replaced by something much softer and brighter as she rushed over, wrapping Mina in a tight embrace. “I had to sprint to get away from him but he can’t follow me into the bathroom.”

Mina laughed quietly, but Momo reached out to cup her cheeks, worry still evident in her face. “Are you okay? I’m sorry for what happened with Sana, she’s being a for no reason.”

“I’m sure she had some reason,” Mina said. 

“Yeah, well, no good reason,” Momo insisted. “There’s no excuse for what she said to you. I swear I would’ve decked her right there but you ran out and I needed to follow you, and I didn’t think you’d appreciate me getting sent to principal's office even if I was defending your honor.”

Mina giggled, cheeks still tearstained but the sadness seeming to have abated for now. She pulled Momo in for a kiss and it might have been the most tender thing Dahyun had ever seen. Which reminded her that she was standing in a school bathroom next to a happily reunited couple and she should probably give them some space.

She started to back away towards the door, unsure what the etiquette was in this situation, when Momo pulled away. “Dahyun,” she said. “Thanks for helping Mina when I couldn’t be here. I’m seriously grateful.”

“It was nothing,” Dahyun deflected, trying to lighten the mood.

“No, really,” Mina said. Her hand rested on Momo’s chest. “Thank you for listening. And remember what we talked about.”

“Yeah,” Dahyun said. “Yeah, I will.” She nodded goodbye and ducked out the door, leaving the couple in peace, staring into each other’s eyes.

~~~

Dahyun sat alone on the bus ride home that afternoon. It was okay though. In fact, it was probably for the best. She was thinking about a lot.

Everyone saw Sana run out of school after lunch and of course it was the only thing anyone wanted to talk about. The only thing that could have eclipsed one of the notorious four starting a serious relationship was two of them getting in a shouting match in the middle of the cafeteria. Dahyun assumed Sana skipped the rest of the day and drove home. She didn’t know why she was so fixated on it, and tried to focus on something else, but the alternatives for fixation weren’t much of an improvement.   

Chaeyoung and Tzuyu were nowhere to be found. Dahyun glanced down to her phone once again, but no new messages had appeared on the screen. Her own messages had been left unread. An uncomfortable feeling settled in the pit of her stomach, precarious on top of all of the other uncomfortable feelings. 

So much had happened that day, that week, that school year, it all whirled around her brain like a cyclone. Her feelings of conflict and slight dejection mingled with more unidentifiable feelings, like how it felt when Jihyo acted earlier and no one said anything, or when she saw Mina and Momo embracing lovingly despite the turmoil that already surrounded their infant relationship. It all coalesced into one big mass of confusion and discomfort that wouldn’t budge from her mind or her stomach or the back of or behind her eyes. It was getting stressful, to say the least. Anyone who sat next to her on that bus would be in for a heaping load of self doubt and teenage angst.

So yeah, being alone seemed like the best course of action.

She got off the bus at her stop and started the trek to her building. The overcast sky did nothing to improve her mood, and the cold wind whipped through the thin material of her uniform shirt. A block from her apartment, she passed the innocent front of a coffee shop and she had to stop in her tracks. Because, God, that coffee shop.

It was there, days ago, huddled in a circle around their drinks, that Dahyun and her friends had decided to go to Im Nayeon’s party. Jesus, what were they thinking? Dahyun had to wonder, what would’ve happened if they just listened to Chaeyoung and stayed home that night? Would anything have been different? It was probably stupid to think, but with the way Dahyun felt right now, she was willing to wonder anything, just to get some sort of explanation.

She was lost in thought, probably staring very forlornly though the window of this cafe, when the bell on the door jingled, shocking her back to reality. The business man exiting the shop gave her an almost dirty look as he walked past and she decided maybe it was time to head home. She gave one last look through the front window. 

And spotted Tzuyu and Chaeyoung, seated together at a table. With drinks in front of them and smiles on their faces. And Dahyun felt her stomach drop to the ground.

They were hanging out in secret now. Without her. It was everything she feared would happen but felt even worse. She knew that high school was going to put strain on them, she knew that their dynamics would shift and it might be harder to all be together at times. But she was right there, looking like a loser, standing alone in front of a coffee shop, watching her best friends in the world just laugh and talk like there was nothing missing. It hit her like a ton of bricks. She tried to pry her eyes away, deciding she didn’t need to take anymore hurt today.

Then Tzuyu leaned in and sheepishly pecked a kiss to Chaeyoung’s lips.

As they pulled apart, Tzuyu glanced through the front window, and her eyes went wide. She’d seen Dahyun. But all Dahyun saw was red.

It seemed like she had two options here. She could keep walking home, stew in this insane mix of sadness and anger for a night and come to school tomorrow with a calmer head and have a reasonable discussion about what she just saw.

Or she could charge into that shop with in a blind rage and demand the answers that she deserved. And with the day she’d had, one option was looking a hell of a lot more appealing.

The little bell jingled a lot more violently as she barged through the door. Tzuyu seemed to be filling Chaeyoung in on what happened and as she approached them, they both turned to face Dahyun with twin expressions of guilt.

Dahyun opened , ready to lay into them with fury heretofore never seen on the face of the Earth. And then she realized she had no idea what to say.

“You…” she started, nearly trembling with emotion.

“We can explain,” Chaeyoung said quickly, setting out her hands in an appeasing motion.

“Yeah,” Dahyun nodded fervently, “You better ing explain.”

“Dahyun…” Tzuyu said hesitantly. The curse had made them both flinch. But Dahyun wasn’t about to be calmed down.

“Please, explain what’s going on here. Because here I thought by best friends were just avoiding me, not avoiding me and making out in the middle of coffee shops,” she fumed.

“We weren’t-” Chaeyoung started, but was quickly cut off.

“How long has this been happening?” Dahyun asked, looking expectantly at the couple as they grimaced under the pressure.

“Since the beginning of summer,” Tzuyu said quietly.

Dahyun flashed back to the past few months. A summer that was supposed to be their time and their time only, a last hurrah before starting school again, that Dahyun spent mostly alone because Chaeyoung and Tzuyu always had “family events” or “prior commitments”. The assembly, when they both ditched and didn’t seem that upset that Dahyun decided not to. Every afternoon she went home alone because they were working on projects or getting tutoring. The party, when they seperated from her for the sake of “experience” and came back looking disheveled and delighted, clearly not needing Dahyun around to have a good time. Maybe she was just holding them back all along. Why else would they be hiding this from her?

“Five months,” Dahyun said. “You’ve kept this from me for five months .”

“We were going to tell you,” Tzuyu insisted. “It was the beginning of high school. We all knew it was going to be awful, and you were already stressing out so much. You had enough on your plate. We didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You didn't want to hurt me?” Dahyun asked, incredulous. “Please, feed me something more cliche. You thought keeping this from me would help? You lied to me for months-”

“Well, you lied about Sana,” Chaeyoung interjected. Dahyun felt herself get whiplash.

“What?” she asked, dumbfounded.

“We know something’s happening with her that you aren’t telling us about, did you think we couldn’t tell?” Chaeyoung continued, gesturing to Tzuyu for support that she did not receive. 

“Chaeng, I don’t think-”

“How dare you,” Dahyun raged. “How ing dare you get mad at me for ‘something happening’ with Sana, when you two are pulling this behind my back?”

“What was that thing at the party that Jihyo was talking about, huh?” Chaeyoung asked. 

Dahyun remembered the poolside, Sana’s warmth pressed against her, her perfume surrounding her, her lips getting closer. She was flustered for a second, spluttering out, with as little conviction as possible, “We were just sitting by the pool together.” 

Chaeyoung glowed victorious.

“Maybe,” Dahyun came back, remembering the real purpose of all this and regaining her confidence, “I had to find some company at the party because the two friends I’d gone with abandoned me to make out in a closet.” The triumphant light died in Chaeyoung’s eyes.

Tzuyu tried to get back into the conversation. “Dahyun, I don’t think you understand-”

“Sana just had to be your company?” Chaeyoung ignored her and plowed on. It felt like the conversation was a runaway train headed towards a cliff, but nothing would be able to pull the break now.

“You know what, Chaeyoung?” Dahyun asked, seething. “Sana was there. That’s more than I can say for you.” Chaeyoung fell silent, scowling but unable to come up with a response.

“And what,” Dahyun rounded on Tzuyu, “do I not understand? I understand that Chaeyoung is deflecting, because she’s been caught red handed and doesn’t know how to deal with it. I understand that you’re trying your best to defuse the situation, but it isn’t working because you caused this and you can’t just now decide you want to take it back. And I understand, in some twisted turn of events, Minatozaki Sana has been a better friend to me for the past month than either of you.” Dahyun almost could have laughed at that, but no humor welled up in her. She wasn’t any happier than they were that it had come to this.

Tzuyu went quiet, remorse deeply lining her face. Chaeyoung spat out one last scathing response. “Well if Sana’s been so nice to you, why don’t you go be best friends with her then?”

Tzuyu protested. “Chaeyoung!”

Dahyun paused. She frowned, feeling the emotional weight in her body shift, like the falling of a boulder that triggered an avalanche.

“Maybe I will.”

Dahyun turned and walked steadily out of the cafe, fist clenched in the pockets of her jacket. Behind her, she heard Tzuyu calling out for her to stop, but there was a roaring in her ears, and she ignored her.

Dahyun made it maybe block and a half away before she broke down.

The pressure everywhere in her built up too much and she nearly collapsed on the pavement, the blood in her veins turning to lead. Sobs wracked her body, tears streaming down her face. All of the anger had melted and revealed itself for what it really was. Sadness, abandonment, fear. The avalanche had been triggered, but it wasn’t mad. It was hopeless.

Dahyun curled up in a ball on the sidewalk. She knew she looked pathetic. Any passerby who saw a teenage girl crying on the ground would look at her askance, debate if they should help her or simply let the police handle it. But she couldn’t find it in herself to care. There was nothing to be helped. What had just happened? What had she done?

She clasped her shaking hands in front of her, trying to figure out if she was shaking because of the cold or because of the emotion. Probably both. The warmth had left, both literally and figuratively. She didn’t have her friends anymore and the bitter autumn chill was quick to remind her. What was she supposed to do now?

Any other situation, where she felt this alone or helpless, she would have turned to Chaeyoung for her bright comfort and fierce passion or Tzuyu for her even reasoning and quick wit. Wind whistled through the hole where their presence should of been.

Maybe she would have talked to Jihyo. If what happened with Mina hadn’t, if she really thought she could tell Jihyo everything and she wouldn’t get chastised at the very least. But she didn’t feel comfortable doing that. Not today.

So what was she left with? In one afternoon nearly every pillar of support in her life had crumbled. Where could she turn before the ceiling caved in?

Then, like a lamp winking to life at the end of a dark street, she remembered a piece of paper hastily shoved in the back of her binder, a cute message and a phone number scribbled next to a kiss mark in bright pink lip gloss. 

It might have been the genuinely stupidest idea Dahyun had ever had. What made her think that she could use a number she’d probably been given as some joke and actually receive support? Why was she even considering this?

Because it was all she had. And despite what negative thoughts had been placed in her mind, she knew the girl who gave her that note was the best person she could turn to.

With shaking fingers, she pulled her phone out of her pocket. She stared at the keypad, thinking about the number she hid in the back of her notebook and resolved to forget about. The number she kept pulling out and examining, trying to decipher the meaning of those digits and how they made her feel, to no avail. The number she memorized in spite of herself. The number that seemed like her only life line in a sea of troubles.

Dahyun steeled herself against the doubts that cropped up in her mind. She was determined, jaw set. Really , Dahyun thought, entering the numbers with quivering fingers, it can’t get worse .

“ Hello? ” Confusion. She wouldn’t have Dahyun’s number saved. Dahyun swallowed thickly.

“Hey,” Dahyun started, but she heard how fragile her voice was, barely able to get the word out. She cleared . “Hi, uh, Sana. It’s Dahyun. Could I,” Her voice cracked against her will. “Could I come over?”