King POV:

          When I heard of the news of Eden leaving I felt as though I had been hit by a car. I wasn’t told the news until the manager had sent Eden on a plane back to Canada. I sat in the corner of my room trying to comprehend everything. I felt multiple emotions all at once but the one that stood out the most was betrayal. Even though we hadn’t been in the band together that long me and him were like brothers. We were practically inseparable. We even showered together, mainly because I was impatient and hated to wait for Eden to finish showering. What hurt the most is he didn’t even say a simple goodbye. I started punching the wall and throwing things with anger. When I stopped and looked at the room I noticed that my room was littered with nothing but my stuff not a single thing of Eden’s was there. I fell to my knees as I looked around the room. If anyone would look at the room they would think that Eden had never been there, but I saw the details that showed he had. There was the orange stain on the wall from where I had thrown pizza at Eden but he had dodged it causing it to splatter on the wall. There also was the dent in the wall where I had hit my knee while I and Eden horse played. The most memorable was where we had put our initials on the wall in permanent marker, it was the first day we had arrived at the dorm. While we had drawn our initials we had promised each other we would always stick together even when the group grew apart. I guess he had forgotten our promise or maybe back then I had too much naïve youth thoughts. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek as I recalled the memories. I quickly wiped away the tear as I heard someone tap on the door. I looked up to see AO. He tried to give me a fake smile as he came to sit by me. I saw that his face was puffy from crying. I felt bad that the youngest had to take on these hard times so soon, because like Eden had left Rasa was drafted to the military. Just like how I was closest to Eden AO had been closest to Rasa, to be honest the first time I saw them I thought they were brothers. AO looked up at me his eyes tearing up as he said, “hey King can I sleep in here tonight?” I softly nodded and said, “yeah little man that’s fine with me.” He started to wipe away a tear as he said, “it’s just my room feels so empty.” A tear streaked down my face as I said, “the empty space will never be filled completely full.” I then pulled AO into a hug as I chocked back a sob. AO clung to me as if he would disappear if he let go. After thirty minutes of sitting like that I heard AO mumble into my shirt, “What are we going to do now king?” I whispered, “What we always do keep practicing and grow stronger. We need to show good performances to show that we’re ok.” AO said, “But King I’m not ok.” I tightened my grip on him as I said, “I know neither am I, I just thought if I said that I could trick myself into thinking that everything will be fine.” AO said, “King how about we just be honest with ourselves for now before we have to accept they are gone.” AO sighed before he said, “I really feel like these lyrics I heard the other day.” I softly let him go and said, “oh yeah how does it go?” As he sat back against the wall he said, “It’s a very old memory but my heart still gets saddened because I miss you, there are still times when I crazily want to go back to those times, when I had immature pride, even now those times are beautifully painful.” I felt my vision begin to blur again as I said, “Hey AO how about the four of us write a song for Eden.” AO nodded and said, “Yeah let’s call it East of Eden.” And so six months from that day East of Eden was made. It was finally the day we would film the music video. I felt as though I was re living the day that Eden had left. Unlike that day I had no tears to cry because I had cried them all the night before. I was happy the music video would be shot in black and white so that the puffiness of my face wouldn’t be as noticeable. I hadn’t seen AO since the day before but I knew his face would be puffy too, because I had heard him crying the whole night until two in the morning when he finally passed out from exhaustion. I knew today would be a hard day for all of us. It was our first time shooting something with just four members, and we felt very small and empty. Luckily it only took three shots to finish. The first shot Jun started crying halfway through and the second shot J-Hyo began to tear up. Neither I nor AO cried but I could tell we both wanted to even though our eyes had become dry. After the music video the manager tried to cheer us up by tacking us out for ice cream. None of us had and appetite though so we gave our ice cream to the staff who were very thankful. The manager talked to us for a while and told us that if things in the military went good Rasa would be able to return in four months. And for the first time in six months everyone brightened up and smiled a real smile. Unlike the fake smile we had grown so used to using. Even though I felt happy I also felt longing. Longing that the manager would continue talking and say that Eden would also be returning after his studies, but I felt reality on the edges of my hopes as the manager said his goodbyes and let us have the rest of the day off. Even though I just wanted to go back to the dorm the members forced me to stay with them insisting that I needed some time away from the stuffy dorm rooms. Because lately I have become much paler due to lack of not getting out of the dorm. They each took turns holding my hand as they dragged me down the streets of Seoul to look at different shops. When we went into shops J-Hyo would try on grandma hats and frilly scarfs to try to make me laugh, but to no avail I could only muster one of my many fake smiles. After so long the members stopped at a coffee shop to sit down for a while. I decided I wanted to look at some shops on my own so I told Jun to tell the others I would be back in ten minutes. Once out of the coffee shop I felt a soft breeze hit my face and I closed my eyes as I took in all the smells of the different foods and candles being sold. I slowly walked down the side walk looking at all the shops as I passed them. I then spotted a cd shop across the street. I started to wonder if they would have any merchandise from our group. Curiosity got the better of me and I quickly crossed the street. When I entered the shop I slowly walked around as I scanned the posters, cds, and everything else they had. I finally found that they had a whole section of a corner dedicated to LC9. I softly flipped through the posters of all the members. It hurt to know that every single one of the posters was just a memory now. I then saw a key chain that caught my eye. It was a little plastic circle with a picture of only me and Eden. I touched it lightly as if it would break if I touched it too harshly. I then took it off of the rack and walked towards the checkout counter. I softly set it on the counter for the girl to ring it up. As I started to pull out my wallet I stopped when I felt the girl rest her hand on my shoulder. I looked up surprised before the girl said, “I don’t want you to pay for the key chain just keep it and promise me you’ll keep hope.” I softly nodded as I returned my wallet back in my pocket. The girl pulled out a small draw sting bag and placed the key chain in it before handing it to me. I quietly thanked her and then walked out of the shop. As I walked towards the coffee shop I slipped the bag into my pocket so I wouldn’t be questioned about what I had gotten. I then straightened my shoulders to hide my emotions and softly walked in to sit with the other members who happily welcomed me back with an Americano. Four months had gone by and we finally received news that Rasa would be returning to the dorms that afternoon. The whole morning J-Hyo and Jun prepared decorations for Rasa’s returning party while I helped AO move all of his stuff back to his room. The whole time AO buzzed with excitement and told me many stories about the trouble him and Rasa would get into without being caught. One of his stories actually intertwined with one of my stories. I could remember it clearly as if it had happened yesterday. It was a cold October night and all the members had gone to bed disappointed that the manager didn’t let us go to the convenient store after practice. I and Eden had a tradition of getting enough candy to give us diabetes after finishing practice. So we decided to sneak out the window and go to the convenient store. Once we climbed out the window onto the fire escape we realized we had made the worst idea ever. It was freezing cold especially in thin pajamas, but when I looked at Eden he gave me a look that showed he was too determined to turn back without his candy. We quickly ran to the convenient store and passed a couple of old ladies who called us erts, but I couldn’t blame them after all I was wearing pink hello kitty pajamas. When we got the candy me and Eden ran towards the checkout counter but ran into two other people causing us to fall. The other people fell to the ground as well. I sat up and began apologizing but I suddenly stopped when I realized it was Rasa and AO. We all stared at each other for a while before we silently got up and bought our things. While we walked back to the dorm we each promised each other that we wouldn’t say a word to the manager, but the manager figured it out later when the four of us ended up sick the next day from both eating too much candy and sneaking out in the cold without any warm clothes. I then returned to reality when I heard a knock at the door. I and AO both looked up as we heard Jun say, “Come on guys Rasa is at the door right now.” I watched as AO flashed out of the room and went to the door. As soon as Rasa came through the door everyone started cheering as J-Hyo stepped forward holding the cake. Rasa softly blew out the candles before he said, “You know what I could eat more than cake right now?” Jun tilted his head and said, “What is it?” Rasa stepped forward hugging AO as he lifted him off the ground a little and said, “My AO baby!” Everyone started laughing and AO started crying with joy as he wrapped his arms around Rasa’s neck and hugged him tightly. The rest of the night AO was glued to Rasa’s side, and for just the slightest moment it felt like things were going to be better. After watching a movie together Jun and J-Hyo decided they were going to bed. Then AO said he was going to the bathroom and I was left alone with Rasa. I was at a loss for words so we just sat silently. Then Rasa broke the silence and said, “You know the chances of Eden returning are like the chances of you being able to keep chalk on the sidewalk for two weeks.” I looked at Rasa a little hurt by his sudden words. Then I heard AO returning and I stood up as I said, “I’m going to get some fresh air real quick.” I softly walked out onto the patio and slid the glass door closed behind me. I looked up at the sky to see it lit up with stars. As I looked at the stars I said out loud, “I wonder If you’re looking at the stars too Eden?” I whispered, “I used to be able to see a star during the day. That star was you and oh how you shined in my eyes.” I grabbed a yellow piece of chalk that was on the table. I then bent down and drew a star on the ground with the chalk. I smiled at it and said, “You’ll be my new star now.” I then scoffed, “I’ll show Rasa I can keep chalk on the concrete for two weeks.” If I could keep the chalk I wonder if Eden would return and I could keep him again. I then walked back inside and said good night to AO and Rasa before I made my way to my room. Once in my room I looked to see that once again there were only my things. I walked over to my stereo system and hooked my phone to it. I then scrolled to “Talking to the moon” and put it on repeat trying to fill the once again empty room. I softly fell on my bed and wrapped myself in covers. I don’t remember when but at some point I fell asleep with the music and lights till on. When I woke the next day I found a sticky note by the light switch that read, “I’m sorry about what I said last night let me make it up to you by taking you and AO to get some cake at lunch. Oh yeah also turning off the music before you sleep should give you better dreams- Rasa.” I crumpled the sticky note up and threw it in the waste basket before I went and grabbed a fresh pair of clothes and headed towards the bathroom. After I took my shower and changed I made myself some toast. I was surprised when I realized that everyone was still sleeping. I then sat on the couch and watched some random cartoons as I ate my toast. When I looked out the glass sliding doors I saw that the chalk star was still there. I started to smile a little at the sight of it. Then I felt pressure on my side as Jun leaned against me as he sat on the couch. He looked over at me and said, “What are you smiling at?” I glanced at him and said, “hmmm oh nothing.” He wrinkled a brow and said, “I haven’t seen you smile in so long, you couldn’t possibly be smiling at nothing so tell me what it is.” I then put a thrown on my face and said, “Seriously Jun I wasn’t smiling at anything I think you’re seeing things.” Jun leaned forward and lightly pecked me on the cheek. I looked at him surprised before he said, “Did that make you happy?” I nodded slightly, “Yeah but don’t do that anymore.” I then stood and grabbed my empty cup. As I started to walk away Jun said, “But why?” I kept walking, “Because you’re only supposed to kiss J-Hyo.” At that moment J-Hyo walked past me patting me on the shoulder, “I’m glad you know your place, King.” After rinsing my cup I walked over to AO and Rasa’s room. As I opened the door I heard J-Hyo say, “Wouldn’t go in there if I were you.” Before I could ask why I saw Rasa and AO making out on the bed. I screamed like a little child and quickly slammed the door shut. I then fell to the ground and curled into a ball and rocked back and forth as I said, “omo omo why do I always walk in on this stuff.” I then kicked my heels on the ground and ruffled my hair as I continued to grumble. Jun said from the living room, “I don’t know why you make a big fuss it’s not like you haven’t seen me and J-Hyo making out.” I hugged my elbows as I yelled, “Still It’s not something I’ve gotten used to.” Jun yelled back, “Hey, It’s not something you would mind if it was you and Ede-.” I heard J-Hyo slap Jun’s shoulder as he tried to whisper, “Jun don’t say that.” Then J-Hyo yelled, “I’m sorry King, Jun has a problem with saying things before he thinks about them.” I just said, “No J-Hyo it’s fine, and Jun don’t worry about it after all what you were saying was true anyway.” I sat on the ground for a while before AO and Rasa finally came out of their room. AO immediately grasped me in a hug as he said, “Sorry you walked in on that King Hyung.” I just patted his back and said, “It’s okay little man it was my fault for not knocking.” I then looked up at Rasa and said, “Thanks for turning my music and lights off for me last night.” He just nodded his head and said, “Hey do you want to just go get cake now instead of waiting until lunch?” I softly nodded as AO jumped up and down saying, “cake, cake CAKE!” When we finally arrived at the cake shop we sat down and ordered six slices of cake so each of us would have two slices. I ordered a chocolate which was my favorite and a strawberry cheesecake which used to be Eden’s favorite. After eating the chocolate slice I couldn’t bring myself to eat the strawberry cheesecake so I had it bagged up to take home and eat later. We then sat for a while and Rasa talked about all the different people in the military. As he was talking it started raining heavily outside. AO said, “Oh man looks like we’ll have to hang around here for a while until it stops raining.” I sat back and relaxed until I realized my chalk star would wash away. If I couldn’t keep the chalk star then that would show I couldn’t keep Eden. I quickly grabbed my bag with the cake and ran to the door. As I went out the door I said, “Sorry guys I’ll meet you back at the dorm.” I then ran as fast as I could down the side walk slipping a couple of times but I still got up and kept running. I ran through many puddles and my shoes began to fill with water but that didn’t slow me down. When I got to the dorm I ran straight to the patio not even bothering to take my shoes off at the door. I was surprised to find Jun squatting on the ground holding an umbrella over him and the star. I squatted next to him and said, “What are you doing?” He yelled over the rain, “The whole morning I was trying to figure out what you were smiling at. I finally figured it out, it was this star. I knew if it washed away you would stop smiling. King I want to see you smile so I’m making sure the star doesn’t wash away.” He then looked over at me and gave me a toothy grin. When I smiled back the rain stopped suddenly. Jun looked up at the sky and said, “Woah see what happens when you smile the sun come out again.” I said, “Thank you Jun for saving my star, I would hug you but I’m kind of soaking wet.” I was surprised when Jun hugged me tightly and said, “I don’t care if you’re wet I can still feel your warm heart.” I couldn’t help but smile as I laid my face on his shoulder. A week and six days after Jun had saved my star I made sure to check the weather every day. I was proud of myself because if I made it through today it would be exactly two weeks that the star has safely stayed on the concrete. Today it was supposed to be a clear and sunny day. Today we also were going to have a photo shoot. Rasa had finally grown a little bit more hair so the stylist had bleached it blonde. I grabbed my bag and put the key chain of me and Eden on it as I hurriedly walked down the stairs and got in the company van to head to the photo shoot. While at the shoot we were each dressed in neon tuxedos. We each also got a designed snapback with our names studded on it. I watched as AO and Rasa pretended to head each other with their hats while J-Hyo and Jun played paper, scissors, stone. I felt kind left out being the only person without someone to play around with, and that’s when out of nowhere it started raining. I quickly grabbed my bag and started running once again, but not towards the enclosed area where the other members were being led, but towards the dorm where my star was in danger. As I ran I heard the manager screaming my name but I only urged my legs to go faster. When I was down the street I heard something drop. I stopped and looked down to see my key chain. I bent down to grab for it right as it went down the gutter. I laid flat on the ground as I stuck my arm into the gutter trying to reach for it but my arm was too short. When I sat up I began to beat the ground with my fists as I yelled, “No, No Why?!” I then stood and began running when I realized I still had to save the star. When I made it to the dorm I ran directly to the patio only to find a puddle full of yellow chalk. I knelt in the puddle of swirling color. I whispered to myself, “I guess he was right, I couldn’t even keep the chalk on the sidewalk for two weeks.” Then I broke down crying as the rain mixed with my tears. Within a couple of minutes I felt the rain pelting my back disappear. I looked up confused because I still saw rain all around me. I looked sideways to see a figure holding an umbrella over me. I looked at the figures face and busted into tears again. He bent down and grabbed my arm as he started to pull me up. Then I heard his deep husky voice say, “King it’s just a chalk drawing nothing to cry over.” It was a voice I thought I would never hear again. I looked into the warm brown eyes I had grown to miss. My throat was so hoarse I was only able to say one word, “Eden?” He smiled and pulled me into a tight hug and that’s when I realized, I wasn’t imagining he was really there.