jisoo

             androphobia(n.) the fear of men

 

six year later

 

"jisoo yah, it's your first day of school as a high schooler, how are you feeling?" eomma asked me in her usual chirpy voice.

 

"i'm fine mum," i answered in my cold voice.

 

nothing was fine. nothing was ever fine with school. i had to see so many boys in the school. it was so scary. everytime i see boys, i get reminded of him. 

 

i was always reminded of him.

 

seeing my worried expression, eomma comforted me. "don't worry honey, it'll be alright, just avoid eye contact with boys if you can't take it anymore." 

 

that's what she always said, and what i always did but it never helped.

 

"come on jisoo it's been six years, at least try to get over your fear of men," eomma said. 

 

"it's not even worth it to give up on men just because of what he did," eomma continued.

 

what he did? does she even know how painful it is to even look at myself in the mirror? no. 

 

"anyways, finish up this packet of milk on the way to school, and just do what i told you to. you'll do perfectly fine because you're my perfect darling daughter," eomma encouraged.

 

but of course that wasn't enough.

 

"now get going!" eomma pushed me out of the door and slammed it behind me before i even got the chance to say goodbye.

 

"goodbye mom," i whispered and walked towards the lift. 

 

-

 

i got off the bike that i rode on to school and parked it at the bicycle stand, before slinging my back around my shoulders. 

 

first day will always be the worst.

 

not only did i have to face my androphobia but i also had to face the many new faces swarming around me.

 

i headed towards the school gates and tried to act as natural as possible to this new environment. 

 

seoul academy high. here we go again to a new school year.

 

as soon as i stepped in, i saw many unfamiliar faces. there were so many pretty senior girls that made me feel comfortable. but as soon as i saw the boys, i felt like choking or maybe fainting right there and then.

 

keep it cool jisoo, they're just human like yoy just that they're of different gender.

 

i hesitantly walked on into the school compound. damn this school is pretty big. it looked more like a palace than a school.

 

it was really hard for me to find my class.

 

"hi welcome to seoul academy high! i'm kim seokjin would you like me to bring you to your classroom?" 

 

the sudden question made me snap out of my thoughts. was that a boy's voice i heard? 

 

i turned towards the voice of the boy and mustard up my courage but all that came out was a soft "no," before i swiftly walked away.

 

poor boy.

 

i thought. it was so rude of me to do that but i'm not over my fear of men just yet.

 

i looked at my letter of acceptance once again and found that my classroom was on the 2nd floor. class 101. 

 

cool i'm in the first class.

 

i immediately headed straight up the stairs and walked along the corridor to my classroom.

 

after a long walk, i finally found class 101.

 

i guess i was the latest to arrive because there were only 2 seats left. one was beside this fat guy that was super noisy while talking to his friends in front of him. while the other was this quiet guy that was listening to music while scrolling on his phone. 

 

i had no other choice. they were both boys.

 

being a normal teenager, i obviously chose the quieter one. i mean lesser interactions means lesser chances of fainting.

 

hence i walked up to the guy that was seated at the back of the classroom and placed my bag on the ground.

 

i guess my presence was a big deal because the boy immediately looked up at me and smiled.

 

oh no is this some sort of introduction thing.

 

but just as i thought about that, he turned back to his phone and continued scrolling through his, instagram feed.

 

oh man another anti social next to me. that's a good thing.

 

the classroom was totally quiet. well, except for that fat boy and his friends. this was totally normal for the first day of school, where everyone pretends to be nice until they get their leadership roles.

 

since social interaction wasn't my thing, i didn't know what to do.

 

hence i silently took out my earphones and my phone and started listening to twice's new 

song - what is love

 

-

 

"hi my name is joon ki, can i have your number?" a sudden voice came.

 

i looked up to see that fat boy at my table. he was asking for my number. already? seriously school hasn't even started officially.

 

i was sweating. cold sweat was dripping down my neck. my hands and feet were cold too. i didn't feel like even looking a boy in the eye. but i pep talked myself out of this.

 

i gathered all my courage and retorted politely.

 

"what if i don't want to give it to you?" i asked confidently while i took out my ear phones.

 

"why would'nt you want to hmm?" joon ki asked with a playful smirk on his face.

 

"because i don't want to," i said calmly but internally i was screaming. my heart started pounding against my chest aggressively. i haven't spoken to a boy in a long time.

 

i don't know if what i said was rude but this joon ki guy got really mad at me.

 

"well you better give it to me or i'll-" he stopped and whispered into my ear "i'll eat you alive." 

 

by then, he unleashed my trauma.

 

                                        -

"you think you can hide from me huh? well no you cant little girl,"  the man smirked as he came closer to jisoo each second. 

 

jisoo was trembling in fear. she didn't know what to do.

 

"i'll eat you alive tonight little girl, just be a good girl and maybe you'll survive."

                                        -

 

i didn't know how to respond then and there. he reminded me of him. i was dumbfounded.

 

joon ki smirked and leaned away. 

 

"well, will you give your number to me now little girl?" joon ki asked with a sly smile plastered on his face.

 

i was at a lost.

 

"she said she doesn't want to give it to you so leave her be," another voice popped up. 

 

it apparently came from the boy seated next to me. he stood up and walked towards joon ki and pulled joon ki by his collar.

 

by now the whole class was watching this awkward situation.

 

"who are you to interfere with our conversation?" joon ki asked, while being held by his collar.

 

please be over soon please be over soon

 

those words chanted in my mind.

 

"who am i? i'm her boyfriend," the boy next to me replied.

 

b-boyfriend?

 

no seriously dude you could've came up with a better one bro. 

 

when the whole class heard it, they "oohed and aahed". it was so disturbing.

 

"oh just because you're her 'boyfriend', she cant have other friends that are boys?" joon ki retorted angrily, preparing his fist.

 

"it's not that i don't let her, it's she who rejected you," the boy spat at joon ki.

 

out of anger, joon ki's fist finally revealed itself. but just as he was abt to give the boy a blow, the boy dodged in time and gave him a flip in return. 

 

joon ki landed flat on the ground while the entire class went wild. 

 

"don't harrass her ever again you punk," the boy blew his fringe and went back to his seat.

 

i was still seated there - speechless, with my mouth wide open.

 

joon ki became a really good boy and stopped harrassing me but of course because of pride he just had to say "you will pay," to the boy next to me. 

 

"yea sure i'll definitely pay," the boy answered sacastically and went back to scrolling his instagram feed.

 

around me, i heard some people already saying that they had crushes on this boy. this boy that was seated next to me.

 

seeing that everything went back to normal - except for the fact that people started talking to each other - i plugged my ear phones in again and started on a new song.

 

"are you ok?" i felt a tap on my shoulder.

 

i turned to the boy next to me and saw him looking at me, waiting for a response.

 

"yes i'm fine"

 

that was the first time in ages i replied confidently to a boy.

 

-

 

a/n

hello welcome to my world !1!1 hope yall enjoyed this chapter🙆🏻‍♀️ do rmb to like and comment for feedback and sorry for my horrible grammar❤️💁🏻‍♀️ bye loves✨