Of course she liked Vivi. Everyone did. Haseul had even more reasons to, since she knew Vivi better than most of the other members. When the rest of LOONA 1/3 went to school and LOONA ODD EYE CIRCLE worked on their solo and group promotions, Haseul had stayed at the dorm with Vivi.

Wong Kahei was determined, hard working, and thoughtful. She had a sillier side that she tended to put away whenever there was work to do.Soft spoken,, but not shy. She was just careful with her words, probably because Korean wasn’t her first language. She had a warm smile and a big heart. Surprisingly unambitious. (Haseul had asked her if they could win something like rookie of the year. Kahei had just smiled and said “maybe.”) A good cook. She didn’t like to look back.

So maybe Haseul shouldn’t have been so surprised when her reply to Kahei was interrupted by an itch in . Haseul turned and coughed, and was surprised to find a petal in the crook of her elbow. She quickly hid it before anyone else could see it.

“I must have eaten something. Let me go throw this out.”

Haseul peeked at the offending item between her fingers. It really was a flower petal. Could this mean-? No . No, it couldn’t be. Anyway, it was just one petal. Not the same thing at all.

But her cough persisted. Every day, Haseul would hack up a petal, almost always when she was around Vivi. (Or was it always? Haseul really should’ve kept better track.) Haseul even started carrying a handkerchief around. She ignored the occasional looks from other members, insisting it was nothing.

The next week, it got worse. From one petal to multiple petals. Haseul’s throat wouldn’t stop aching. The looks of pity and concern were unavoidable, and almost daily. Yerim even went as far as to confront her about it one day.

“Haseul unnie, what’s going on? If you’re sick, why won’t you see a doctor?”

Haseul looked away from Yerim’s pleading eyes. “A doctor can’t help me.”

“Unnie, what’s happening to you? Every day, you’re coughing. You keep getting paler. You’re avoiding everyone.”

Haseul stayed silent.

“If you don’t tell, I’ll call the manager over.”

Haseul turned back to Yerim. The usually smile lighting up her face was gone, and she looked serious, in a way Haseul never seen before. This girl was seriously threatening her.

“Okay, I’ll tell you. But, just…can you please not tell anyone?”

Yerim’s brow furrowed. “Unnie, why won’t you trust me?”

Haseul sighed. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just that…well…I have...hanahaki disease.”

Yerim’s eyes widened, and she covered with her hands.. “Haseul unnie...”

Haseul took Yerim’s hands from her face and clasped them in hers. . “ Please don’t tell anyone.”

“But you’re dying!”

Haseul forced a smile. . “It’s not that bad.”

Yerim huffed and glared at her. Haseul knew Yerim didn’t believe a word she said, and to be honest, she didn’t even believe it herself..

“How about this: if it gets really bad, I’ll tell the manager. Does that sound good to you?”

Yerim still looked upset. “Not really.”

Haseul squeezed Yerim’s hands. “It’s not that bad. It’s just a few petals every now and then.”

Yerim frowned, but didn’t say anything. Thinking that the conversation was over, Haseul let go of Yerim and went back to her bed.

“Haseul unnie?”

“Yes?” Haseul replied, turning back to face Yerim.

“Who is it?” Yerim asked.

Haseul knew what she meant. Yerim wanted to know who was the instigator of the disease, the reason always felt clogged and sore, the reason wouldn’t stop tasting of flower petals.  

Haseul really didn’t want to tell her, but she knew Yerim would persist until she found out. Haseul sighed and gave up.

“I’m not sure, but I think…Kahei.”

Yerim gasped.

“ Please don’t tell her .”

“But-”

“ Please. ”

Yerim nodded and swallowed, blinking back tears. All of a sudden, she crossed the room and threw her arms around Haseul. “I love you, unnie. Please...just please don’t die.”

Haseul hugged her back. She felt her eyes starting to get puffy. “I love you too, Yerim.”

She didn’t make any promises about not dying. She couldn’t. Yerim knew that.

Haseul didn’t know if Yerim had told other members or if they’d guessed themselves, but there were whispered conversations that would stop when she entered a room. Haseul hated it, but what was she to do? What was important was that Yerim hadn’t told anyone who Haseul was suffering for, and the manager didn’t seem to know about Haseul’s disease at all.

“Haseul, your 500th day since debut is tomorrow. Would you like to do something to celebrate?”

Haseul shook her head. “No. I’m feeling sick, so I’d rather rest.”

The manager nodded, her eyebrows drawn. “Get well soon. Your debut as a group is sooner than you think, and you need to prepare.”

Haseul nodded. “Understood, unnie.”

The next day, Haseul coughed up a whole flower. There was even part of a stem. Despite her best efforts to hide it, Haseul was pretty sure Kahei saw either the flower or the blood on her handkerchief. Without thinking, Haseul ran to her dorm and hid herself in her bed.

A full flower. It was truly unavoidable now. Haseul had hanahaki disease. Given the frequency with which she tended to cough up petals around Kahei, it couldn’t have been for anyone else. If she was coughing up entire flowers, then she didn’t have much time left before the disease became fatal. That was evident from the blood. She could either hope that Kahei loved her back (which seemed extremely unlikely, at best), or she could get the operation, be cured, and forget this ever happened.

But at what cost? Some of Haseul’s happiest memories were of Kahei. Would the operation erase those memories, or just the feeling of them? Would Haseul be the same person after the operation? Could she still find love afterwards?

But if she didn’t get the operation, she would die. She didn’t want to die. Management wouldn’t allow it either. They’d probably force her to get the operation. Would she even remember having it? Could she fight back? Round and round her mind went.

Haseul’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the dorm room door. Haseul pulled her blanket off her head to see Kahei slip into the room and close the door before her.

“Haseullie? Can I talk to you?” Kahei’s voice was soft and slow but tinged with concern.

Haseul gulped and nodded. “Yeah.”

Kahei walked over and sat on Haseul’s bed, not looking her in the eye. Haseul sat up to see Kahei better.

Kahei paused. “I saw the flower. And the blood.”

Haseul felt the air thicken. Her chest tightened, and she wasn’t sure she could get out of bed if she tried.

“I-I looked it up. I believe you have hanahaki disease.” Kahei looked at Haseul out of the corner of her eye.

Haseul nodded. “Yeah. I do.”

Kahei turned to face her, frowning. “Then why won’t you get the operation?”

Now or never. “Because…I don’t want to forget you,” Haseul said, looking Kahei right in the eyes.

Kahei blinked and looked away. Haseul figured as much.

“You’re sick…because of me ?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“I can’t believe this.”

“I’m sorry. Don’t worry, I’ll get the-”

“No, you don’t understand . I’ve been in love with you for weeks and you-”

Haseul could feel opening up.

“Wait, what ?”

For the first time in weeks, didn’t ache. This couldn’t be real. She had to be dreaming, right?

Kahei finally looked back at Haseul. There were tears in her eyes.

“Unnie, please don’t joke with me.” Haseul knew it wasn’t a joke, but she couldn’t process it as real.

Without warning, Kahei leaned over and kissed Haseul. Kahei’s lips were gentle and inviting. Her eyelashes fluttered against Haseul’s. She smelled like azaleas.

When Kahei pulled away, she stayed close, mere centimeters from Haseul.

“Did that feel like a joke?”

Her eyes had never looked more beautiful.

Haseul grabbed Kahei’s head and pulled her into another kiss. This kiss was rougher, but Haseul couldn’t help it. After days of suppressing her emotions, and then coughing them up, she wanted nothing more than to take in as much of Kahei as possible. She had all this space to breathe, but all she wanted was for Kahei to take her breath away.

They broke apart, gasping. Haseul shouldn’t have done that.

“I’m sorry, that was...a little much, wasn’t it?”

Haseul saw Kahei’s eyes crinkle up at the corners. She was smiling.

“No, it wasn’t enough.”

They kept kissing, not bothering to think of the time. A knock on the door interrupted them. They broke apart and turned their heads to the door to see Yerim poking her head in.

“Unnie?” Then she saw Kahei. “Kahei unnie!”

“Yerim,” Haseul smiled. “I’m not sick anymore.”

Yerim quickly went from surprised to delighted. She ran over and embraced both the other members.Haseul expected Yerim to say something, but there was only silence. She felt her shirt get wet.

“Oh, Yerim, don’t cry. Shhhhhh.”

“I thought you were gonna die.” Yerim sniffed.

“I’m gonna be fine. Just a little dehydrated is all.”

Yerim pulled back and looked at her. “Oh, do you need water?”

Haseul smiled. “Yes. That would be nice.”

“I’ll go get it!” With that, Yerim bounced off, bright as usual.

Kahei turned back to Haseul. “Why didn’t you tell me you needed water?”

Haseul laughed. “There’s something else I want from you,” she said, pulling Kahei into another kiss.