jisoo holds onto her purse in her lap like a life preserver. her knuckles have gone white from her grip on the leather strap.

they sit in dead silence, the radio turned off so jin can concentrate—jisoo learns this is a very good decision. kim seokjin is, evidently, a terrible driver. he makes hesitant turns, and leans forward into the steering wheel like an old man. his eyes shift around anxiously, passing from mirror to mirror and then back again.

the car jerks and stalls. passing drivers honk and cast dirty looks. she’s pretty sure they’ve been flipped off three times.

when, solely by divine intervention, they safely arrive outside of jisoo’s apartment she lets go of a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.

her fingers are wrapped around the handle poised for escape when he turns to look at her.

“in case there’s been any misunderstanding, i want to make it clear i have no romantic interest in you.”

“it’s crystal clear.” jisoo lets out a long sigh. this is the third time he’s told her as much.

“i don’t know why yerim would say something like that. my feelings for you are only professional.”

“yeah, okay, i get it. same here.” she snarks back, maintaining her grip on the door handle.

(but somehow she can’t look him in the eye anymore.)

“do you know what i study, kim jisoo?”

she turns away from the window at the sudden change of topic.

“the role played by the neural mechanisms of emotion systems in mate selection and behaviors.” she rattles off easily, tilting her head. “so basically… love.”

“and why do you think i study love?” she blinks at him silently. his tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip. “because it doesn’t really exist—not the way we’ve convinced ourselves it does. love is just… chemicals.”

“ah, it’s just chemicals.” jisoo repeats, staring thoughtfully at the dashboard.

seokjin watches her with a scrutinizing eye, as if trying to make sense of her facial expression.

“you think i’m pathetic, don’t you?” he asks cautiously. jisoo can almost physically feel the barrier suddenly constructed between them. her eyes widen as he swears under his breath. “i don’t know why i even told you that.”

“i don’t think you’re pathetic.” she reassures him, reaching to place her hand over his. he flinches at her touch, but his grip on the steering wheel relaxes. “you’re not pathetic. you’re… right.”

“i’m right?”

“what, you’re not used to hearing that?” she teases, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

“why are you touching me?”

“hm?” she stares at her hand. “to comfort you, i guess?”

“you thought i needed to be comforted?” he watches her through his glasses. she can see herself reflected back in the lens—she looks as stupid as she feels. “you must have a strong maternal instinct.”

she rips her hand away, unbuckling her seatbelt.

“forget it, okay? sorry for invading your bubble.” she takes her bag and pushes open the door.

“kim jisoo, wait.”

“what?” she snaps back, eyes fierce.

“i forgive you.”

"ugh!" she lets out a frustrated groan, turning away from the car as her black curls whip wildy around her.

. . .

“i think i misunderstood kim seokjin.”

jisoo picks at her pasta, moving it around absently with her fork. jennie frowns at her from across the table, wine glass in hand.

“what, he’s not a narcissistic a-hole?”

“no, no. he is. but he’s more than that, too.” she finally sticks a forkful of pasta in and chews thoughtfully. she washes it down with wine as jennie lets out a sigh.

“what do you mean, jisoo?” jennie places her glass back onto the table as her frown deepens. “somehow i feel like you’re just repeating the same vicious cycle. don’t sleep with him, okay?”

“i’m not going to sleep with him!” jisoo lets out an indignant huff. “sorry i’m not like you and your boring boyfriend.”

“i’m just worried, no need to get angry.”

“i’m not angry.” she laughs humorlessly before taking a long sip of wine. “i know i don’t have the best track record, but that’s why working in the lab is so fun and interesting. maybe i’ve been going about it wrong the whole time—love isn’t even real. i’ve been ing up because it’s actually all just chemicals.”

“jisoo that’s really sad.” jennie sighs.

in response jisoo gives her an unbothered shrug.

“why do you think you like kyungsoo? because he’s older? because he’s boring, which you think means stable? you don’t really love him, you just think he’s a capable mate.”

“bravo, kim jisoo.” jennie slowly claps. “so with that logic explain your messed up love life?”

“i like older men because they seem more experienced and capable, but it never works out because they’re never what they seem. i’ll put it this way: i’m like a raccoon that thinks she’s found a delicious meal when in reality it’s just trash.”

“jisoo, you’re rationalizing.” jennie advises her calmly, but jisoo has already turned her attention to her ringing phone.

“sorry, i’ve got to take this call!”

. . .

jisoo peers into the lab office. it’s quiet, but she’s learned not to think too much of that. kim seokjin is almost obnoxiously silent, she nevers knows when