"The Sun is laughing maniacally outside"

June scribbles on his math notebook. After he looks out to the window beside his desk he scratches that one line which been running in his head all this afternoon. He should pay attention to his teacher but he just can't. His teacher is talking about algebra in English; "like algebra alone is not difficult enough", June thinks.

"The sun is really bright outside", June writes again. Trying to not exaggerate anything.
Cicadas are playing their song in the distant.
It's a weird noisy silence.
Does time stop when we start paying attention?

To small things like a drop of sweat fell down on striped shirt collar.
Or that light through the leaves when we talked about mundane things on our way.
That was soothing, that tree shadow that befell us.
I feel safe, detached from this world

"Jun, can you solve this?!", suddenly Mr. Okamoto, their Math teacher, calls out June.
He actually needed to repeat his call three times before June finally woke up from his musing. June feels his heart suddenly drops to the floor and jumps out of his seat. His mind is still somewhere else but he tries to figure out whatever written on their blackboard.

"I... um", June looks around cluelessly. He doesn't even realize that he's not on his chair anymore. One girl across the class is giggling. June turns his eyes to her. She's one of the rare native Japanese that studies here. Her name is Kako Oguri. June wonders if she thinks he looks really stupid right now. He's just about to open his mouth when Kako raises her hand; "Teacher, I can solve that one!", she exclaims full of excitement.

Still stands between surprise and relieve he just looks at Mr. Okamoto blankly while glances to Kako couple times. Kako smiles at him, amused.

"Alright, you better pays attention more, Jun-kun, otherwise you'll spend another year here staring at your window", Mr. Okamoto sighes.
"Y-yes, I'm sorry", June bows and sits back. He looks at Kako who happily solve his problem in front of the class. She's in the dance club and pretty popular among boys. Her figure is quite developed for a high schooler, she's also smart though not necessarily charming. June quite realizes that she's interested in him. Sometimes in lunch she will find a way to talk to him, since she's the class-rep she usually reminds him about homeworks, festivals or school forms. Or after doing her dance routine she'll watch June and his friends playing soccer in the field.

Being a normal 17 year old, he must have some attraction towards that girl, at least for ual reasons. But he has zero. Sometimes he wonders why, maybe she's just not his type?

"Isn't it really, 100%, totally, CLEARLY- obvious- that Kako is into you?", Yunhyeong, other Korean student in June's class, says. He's actually June's senior, but because some transfer bureaucracy he has to repeat his year.
"Kako? our class-rep?", June tries to play it cool.
"Yeah, who else", Yunhyeong sighs, quite annoyed.
"Our class rep with really nice butts and decent face?", June continues.
"Yah, she's quite pretty. You shouldn't be that cold to her", Yunhyeong replies.

"I don't know. I have no feelings whatsoever to her", June says casually, still scrolling through his Instagram.
"Aren't you lonely?", Yunhyeong places his face right in front of June. "Don't you want someone to hold at night? Isn't it boring to just play vide~"
"Yah, hyung! you're always about videos. You ert", June pushes Yunhyeong's head away.

Yunhyeong purses his lips out of disappointment; "Talking about videos~"
"I don't want ero-guro*", June cut his words for the second time.
"Why do you think I want to give you another ero-guro?", Yunhyeong protested.
"You're a freak", June rolls his eyes.
"It's not ero-guro though. I don't understand you, while other boys circling over a really hot you're just standing there unmoved. You must be the most erted one", says Yunhyeong while scrolling through his phone looking for something.

"So that's why you gave me sliced up lady video? cos you think normal love-making doesn't give me any kick???", June chuckles, can't believe his hyung.
"Ah! so you're the polar opposite. You're just so normal. Yaaah... so boring...", Yunhyeong squints at June trying to provoke him.
"I like boring stuffs. What's wrong with that?", June says. His mind travels back to yesterday again, when he met Jinhwan and randomly talked about life. What's so special about it?, June thinks. He suddenly remembers his Math notebook poem. He reaches his desk drawer and pulls it out.

"To small things like a drop of sweat fell down on striped shirt collar", he read the second verse. He really likes it, that view of Jinhwan's sweat on his neck, falling down to his blue and white striped open collar shirt. It looks like a Pocari Sweat advert, June thinks. Even the light that time fits him so well, it was so bright, so nicely reflected on Jinhwan's porcelain skin.

God, it was just sweat.

June shakes his thoughts. Yunhyeong is right though, he gets excited by the most boring thing.
"This, this, look at this", Yunhyeong hands June his phone. June closes his Math notebook and immediately puts it back to the drawer. He focuses his eyes on the image of some girls on Yunhyeong's phone. They're in their two piece swimsuits each other on the beach.
"You like it?", asks Yunhyeong.

June just sighs while keep looking at it. He's quite disgusted by it but he doesn't quite understand why. Is this should be hot?, he thinks.
"She's that actress that we were talking about yesterday with others", says Yunhyeong excitedly.
"Ah, Mari.. ko... something...", June wonders to himself.
"Yes yes! ahh totally hot. It's dangerous!", Yunhyeong snatches his phone from June, turns off the screen immediately.
June just looks at his hyung puzzled.

"She's really hot I admit that", June fakes his giggle.
"Right??? Right????", Yunhyeong rounds his arm around June's back. "I see, you like this kind of things. Ok, I won't give you other ero-guro", he says confidently, patting June.
"No one likes ero-guro, you idiot", June chuckles.
"If no one likes them then no one makes them!", Yunhyeong protested.

"Aish, to actually went extra miles and download it is just unimaginable", says June.
"It's not like I have weird kinks, I just find it interesting that people are by such thing!. And I'm pretty concerned with you. No one is at this age, in this era", Yunhyeong chuckles.
"I believe at least 80% of students here are !", June retorts.
"Eh? most boys in this class aren't anymore though", Yunhyeong teases June with his serious face.
"Who cares, really. Is it really nice to do it with girls", says June without thinking.
"With girls?. You mean real girls?", Yunhyeong makes sure of June's words.

"Yeah, I mean that", June throws his gaze all over the place. Trying to comprehend his own mind.
"Of course it feels nice. You can feel their warmth and... their soft s. Ah I really like big, fluffy s. While you're taking care of the business with your hand, it's just hand, you know. But down there with a real woman... it naturally fits, I don't know. Like we're right just like that", Yunhyeong tries his best to explain.

June just looks blankly at him. Is his hyung trying to conceal his ity or he really is not anymore. Images of Kako flash to his mind. But then Jinhwan replaces her quickly. ", why?!", June tries to picture Kako again. Her firm s. Yeah, her firm s. They must feel nice, June convinces himself.

"How about butts?", those words blurt out of June mouth, beyond his control.
"Butts? butts are nice too. But s are nicer. Yah, I never think about this...", Yunhyeong muses.
June just nods, he knows exactly after he tried hard to replace his thoughts about Jinhwan with Kako his mind went back exactly to his annoying neighbor. He's small in stature but his butts are really round. June thinks maybe that's why he can't keep his mind focused. Cause no girls in his memory have that kind of butts?. "I must really into butts", June thinks.

The sun almost disappears into the horizon while June keeps musing about his ual preferences. He glances at Kako for a minute cos he feels she's staring at him. Their eyes meet and Kako turns her head right away. June scratches his neck. "What's with this girl", he wonders. "Will she kill me in a quiet alley or something?". His eyes travels to her butts that sitting nicely against the chair. "They look quite nice", June thinks.

Kako catches his gaze and smiles.
Completely panicked, June looks around the class. It's pretty late though, Kako makes up her mind and asks June to go to the karaoke with two other boys and two other girls. Yunhyeong is included. And he can't take no from June.
"Come on, I know you have nothing to do anyway. It would be fun", Yunhyeong poke his shoulder.
June's eyes roll to the back of his head. He knows exactly why Yunhyeong does this, he glances to Kako and others that circling him. The other students are couple, Mari, a half German and her boyfriend, is Jake- a half black American. Yunhyeong is with a girl that he's been looking for awhile, a Thai junior called Lisa. 

June tries hard to think about an excuse but how if he's actually gonna like Kako once they go out together?. He doesn't have any plan either. Maybe it's the time to make real friends in Tokyo. So this city won't feel so cold anymore to him.

"Alright", June forces a smile.
"Yay!", Kako cheers and the others look at each other and giggle. They walk together to the nearest station. The order of the bunch is Mari and Jake in front, Yunhyeong and Lisa second in row, then June and Kako last. June tries to level his walk with Yunhyeong and engages to their conversation but he always goes back behind, it's a busy sidewalk.

Kako notices this and tries to light up the atmosphere.
"Do you have any plan on living permanently in Tokyo?", she asks.
"Right now... not really. I think I'll go to a university in Seoul", he smiles.
"Aa... Seoul must be really nice", Kako replies quite disappointedly.
"Tokyo is nice too. But I don't know... I miss Seoul", June laughs awkwardly.
"If you find someone important in Tokyo you're gonna love it more", says Kako candidly.

This is it, June thinks. This is an obvious attack. He only chuckles awkwardly as he doesn't really know how to respond.
"I'm just kidding, wherever you are, you're always gonna miss home", says Kako, reading between the lines.
"It's more like, missing my life before all this though", June smirks.
"You're living alone aren't you? not with your family?", asks Kako.

"Yeah. Business is bit bad in my dad's company. My parents are fighting all the time. My older sister is married in Seoul. So I try to remove myself from them", June answers.
Kako looks at him longingly, doesn't expect he would suddenly expose himself like that.
"It's cool though, it's not like I ever been close to them anyway", says June, brushes it off.
"Ah... are you that kind of rich bad boy in K-dramas? putting up cool facade but actually really sensitive and need to be loved??", Kako's eyes widen.

"What?!", June squeals.
"He's exactly like that", Yunhyeong suddenly turns his head and agrees with Kako.
"Yah, mind your own business", June exclaims.
"Right? right? I have a strong feeling about you being like that. You have that atmosphere surrounds you", says Kako, still very excited.
"What atmosphere... yah, you watch too many K-dramas. There are no such person like that in real life", June tries to defend himself.

"She tries to say that you're handsome like K-dramas male lead", Yunhyeong interrupts again.
"Tsk!", Kako hits him, totally embarrassed.
"Thanks for making it worse, ahjussi", June calls out Yunhyeong that still giggles and talks about them with Lisa.

It's hard to hide, but June is bit embarrassed too. He puffs his shoulder and inhales deeply. He wonders if he indeed looks like K-drama male lead. Then he glances at Kako that now is busy looking down. They don't say a word until they reach the Karaoke bar.

June is of course all talkative and lively again once a microphone handed to him. He sings out loud and screams out loud comfortably. He likes it bit too much, he can't do that in his apartment especially if Kim Jinhwan is his neighbour. Between his songs he wonders it must be really fun to take Jinhwan to karaoke, he can finally forces him to listen to his loud voice.

He chuckles, amused at his own thought.

"Are you thinking dirty stuffs???", Yunhyeong notices and elbows him.
"Huh? you really are a ert", June looks at him disgusted. Kako is singing and dancing with Lisa right now. He watches her butts swing right and left.
"She's a nice girl", June sighs.
"I know... come on. I bet she will confess to you tonight", Yunhyeong says before he stands up and sings his song.

And... he's right.

Kako asks June to take her outside to buy some snacks, but instead she takes him to the karaoke bar's back alley. In the dim light, Kako who has been walking in front of him turns her back and asks him point blank;

"Let's date"

June stops for awhile, organizing his thoughts. He looks down and sighs. Though she's nice, pretty, and smart... And hell, she has the courage to ask first. That's pretty hot. June already knows his answer. It will be even meaner to give her another false hope. So he decides he won't take it any further.
"Sor~"
"I know it's really sudden! I- I don't expect you to give your answer now. You can think about it first", Kako cuts him.
"Sorry, Kako... I"

"Don't! It's okay. It's my mistake", Kako forces a smile and runs away.
"You're cool and all~!", June shouts. But it's all meaningless now. He leans on the dirty wall and stares at the ramen stall in front of him. Never in his 17 years of life he thought he'll hurt a girl like this. Someone that actually likes him a lot. Guilt circles in his guts. No wonder God gives me an awful family, I'm such a horrible person, he thinks.

After gathering some courage he goes back to the karaoke bar just to find that Kako already went home first. Everyone looks at him uncomfortably as he passes through the door. Yunhyeong sighs at him.
"Sorry guys, I suddenly have an urgent business", June sourly takes his bag and waves others a goodbye. They all know what happened.

An awkward silence follows but then they sing again cheerfully like nothing happens. June hears them. No one actually cares, he thinks. No one actually cares what others feel. Yunhyeong just want to play a matchmaker role, and everyone else just want to have fun with their partners.

Who cares if he feels ty right now. So much for making a friendship... Tokyo is cold like that. He walks to the station when he finally sees someone that he know in front of Kabukicho gate. Someone that fills his head all afternoon. It's weird that the gloomy cloud on his shoulders is lifted once he saw him. Just like that, it's warm again.

"Kim Jinhwan!", June calls him without hesitation.
The small guy searches where it comes from. And he sees June from across the street; "Ah, Koo June", he shouts. He knows it must be him though, that's a voice he always heard through the wall.
"What are you doing here?", June catches his breath as he walks closer to Jinhwan.
"I'm waiting for someone. Are you alone?", Jinhwan looks around.
"Yeah. Um, we were at the karaoke. I'm not feeling it though, so I get home early", June points the karaoke bar that blocks away now.

Jinhwan follows June's finger but more interested in his neighbor's expression; "What's with that big smile?", he asks.
June feels like thousands of needles poke his face. It's really hot. His endorphin level goes through the roof; "Ah? this? what? hahahaha I don't know I'm smiling"
"You are... you're funny, you know that?", Jinhwan chuckles.
"Ahahaha I guess so~", June awkwardly laughs.

"Are you happy seeing me?", Jinhwan puts back his straight face.
"What? no. I'm just... I'm happy that I'm gonna go home", June scratches his head.
"Sorry. I'm waiting for someone, in other time I could probably have a drink or two with you. This is my working hour", Jinhwan says, completely sees June through everything.
"You're a e???", June blurts. Out of anxiety, maybe. Or he's just stupid.

"Tsk. A host. I'm a host. I have appointment with one of my clients now", Jinhwan sighs as a pretty office lady approaches them.
"Good evening", the pretty lady bows at them.
They both bow back at her. June looks at her quite stunned. She's in her mid 30s, with long, volumized wavy hair that effortlessly left as they are. Her Chanel boy bag hangs on her padded, 80s styled navy blazer while her long legs are beautifully wrapped in matching navy pencil skirt, with black kitten heels to complete her look. She's being understanding to Jinhwan, June thinks. She's already taller than him, if she wears taller shoes she's gonna definitely tower him. One thing for sure, she looks like a supermodel out of this age.

"This is Koyuki", Jinhwan randomly introduces her to June.
"Ah, I'm Ju-ne", June emphasizes his name's pronunciation.
"Jun-e? Nice to meet you. Is he your friend, Jin-chan? he's cute", Koyuki's natural face is glowing as she playfully flatters him. She's so radiant that June is just too reluctant to correct her.
"Yeah, you like him? I can ask him to come too", Jinhwan jokes.
June opens his mouth in disbelieve. He's more than happy to have fun with Jinhwan but with other woman like this is pretty absurd. Koyuki muses with the idea and finally chuckles.

"What? something's funny?", Jinhwan smiles.
"It's totally random but... Jin-chan and Jun-kun. You both sound like a comedy duo", she covers as she giggles.
"Hahaha... what's wrong with you today?", Jinhwan smoothly responds.

June on the other hand doesn't find anything funny about it so he just politely smiles. "So this is what he does as a host", June wonders. He's really good at it.
"Sorry I was drinking alone this afternoon", Koyuki says.
"Your works are that stressful?", asks Jinhwan.
"Yeah, you know... our English boss came today~", Koyuki continues to talk about her job as Marketing Director of luxury retails. June who feels completely left out finally excuses himself out; "Alright, I think I have to go home now".

"You're sure you don't want to drink with us?", Jinhwan still pushes his joke.
"Stop it, Jin-chan... he's still underage. Sorry, Jun-kun. I'd love to drink with you but you're barely legal here. I don't want to get any trouble. Maybe when you turn 20", Koyuki smiles, elegantly tackles the situation.
"It's okay... Bye guys", June waves and half running towards the station.

Funny feelings swirl in his stomach though. It's like when you're really happy and then everything is shattered. It's bit sickening. But oh, when he saw Jinhwan out of the blue back then... that also felt funny. June stops and looks back, Jinhwan is already gone. It's his job, isn't it, caters many women with many needs. That's why he saw him all day, it's not that he's jobless, it's because he works at night.

June continues to walk and arrives at one park. Going home feels bit wrong right now. He pulls one coke out of a vending machine and sit. Funnily enough it's a park where gay people are cruising. Accross from where he's sitting, a guy with prominent jawlines wearing purple beanie and white t-shirt is listening to his headphones religiously. June stares at him as he drinks his coke. That man doesn't need to do anything but somehow he's overflowing with charm. A hypebeast who's quite plain looking approaches him after awhile. He puts off his headphones and talks to the hypebeast. That purple beanie guy has bunny teeth. They're cute touches for a jawline that manly. The hypebeast guy flirts with him but it's obvious that he's not interested. But finally he gives up anyway, he stands up, glances at June then leaves.

It suddenly becomes clear to June, he likes boys. And worse, it's his host neighbor Kim Jinhwan. He takes his Math notebook and rips out his sweat poem.

"", he screams out loud. Other people who are making out in the park turn their heads and look at him but he's completely oblivious; "I can't fall for him", June convinces himself.
 

*ero-guro: genre that usually involves gore. As the name suggest; "" and "grotesque"

hi, guys. It's such a late update. I like slowburn story, and slice of life like this. I hope you guys are also into it. I'm also totally immersed in World Cup rn lol. I support Germany with all my heart but they just lost in their first group stage against Mexico. I'm totally depressed.