Waking up ten minutes before the alarm rings, Minseok's body moves on auto-pilot. Opening the curtains, cracking the window open, airing out the comforter...

One of the only things that registers is the fact that Minseok's head is completely empty. Going into the bathroom, turning on the tap, squeezing the toothpaste onto the toothbrush, Minseok doesn't hear the front door lock opening.

Absently, Minseok gets up and crosses off today's date and as he does, Minhee comes into the bedroom. She's smiling because Minhee thinks it's cute when Minseok crosses off the dates -- a habit that's been going on for about two years now. 

"I knew it would be empty" she says as she opens the refrigerator. "What do you live on?!"

Minhee thinks this habit of Minseok's is adorable because she thinks he's counting the happy days with his significant other. Little does she know that, really, it's to count the days without him.

As Minhee keeps talking, flashbacks of last week block out all other sounds in Minseok's ears.

%%%

After a long month of no fresh food, a rare, short day at the office had taken Minseok to the grocery store. It had felt awkward in his suit and shiny leather shoes and the bright fluorescent lights had hit the tiles, hurting Minseok's eyes. Minseok had found a plastic basket and had been regretting the fact he hadn't written a list out, when he sees him. 

Even in a crowd of thousands, Minseok knows he can spot him at once. There he is, also in a suit and dress shoes, but he looks natural such a garb. His body flows in the rich fabric and his gait is like a dance, even in the stiff leather of his soles.

His son had been in the fabric lined baby seat of the grocery cart and he had been smiling at the child as Minhee had pondered over which pick of watermelon she's going to purchase. But at that moment, Minseok hadn't even been concerned that Minhee might see Minseok. All Minseok can see is the glowing grin he has on his face. It's been so long since Minseok has seen that genuine smile.  It overwhelms Minseok like the crashing of waves over his head.

Minseok had stood there, rooted to the spot for... who knows how long? But it feels like days. It can't be days however, since Minhee finally picks a watermelon which he had helped to load onto the cart. He had pushed the cart away, further from Minseok, and Minhee had linked her arm through his - her husband. The three of them had walked away, back towards Minseok, and it's the picture of a happy, perfect family.

Minseok had known he shouldn't cry. He doesn't deserve to and there's no reason to. Instead Minseok had clenched his teeth teeth and balled his fists until it hurt. There's nothing there for Minseok any more; there's no traces of him. So Minseok had turned around, replacing the grocery basket, and had walked home empty-handed.

%%%

"Don't forget to clean out the tupperware before things start to mold, okay?"

Minhee's voice brings Minseok back from his memories, but that hollow feeling in the center of him stays. Minseok turns his head so that Minhee doesn't discover the tears threatening to fall. 

"Oppa?"

Minseok can hear Minhee walking towards him so he clutches at whatever's in front of him. Minseok fingers the pages of the calendar on the wall and Minhee chuckles.

"Are you meeting Sehun today? Is that why you're so distracted?"

"...mm.." Minseok mumbles noncommittally.

"Alright, I'll leave you to it then" Minhee says.

"Okay..."

The door opens and closes behind Minseok. It's only then that he can let out the sigh he's been holding in. Minseok doesn't know what's worse - the fact that he notices the food Minhee's brought are all his favorites or the fact that Minhee smells faintly of him.

Perhaps the worst part is the fact that Minseok knows exactly where he is; he isn't far. He knows exactly where to find him; it's not a difficult journey. He's so close but too far for Minseok to reach out to now.  Right now, Minseok feels so weak and so small that he allows himself to whisper his name into the palm of his own hand.

"...Kim Jongin.... Jongin-ah..."