He was in his early twenties when he first tasted fame. It was more difficult when you were a newbie in the entertainment industry. When his agency finally decided to make them debut in their home country, he did everything he could to promote their name, to build CNBLUE’s career and also his own. They had to prove that they were more than their pretty faces, and that they deserved to be called musicians, a band – not just a bunch of pretty boys who play an instrument, an idol. As a leader and an elder brother to his brothers and members, he was always the one who is in the limelight, accepting every drama, commercial, or variety show their agency told him to appear. He did what he was supposed to do. No matter how exhausted he was, no matter how he wanted to throw a tantrum and whine because he could only take so much, he couldn’t do it. Because he was the leader. Because he was the older one. Because it was his responsibility. He knew his brothers looked up to him the most. They respected him, they relied on his decisions. He couldn’t let them see him in his vulnerable state. He didn’t want to burden them.

I’m also unexperienced as you, guys. I also don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.

But they trusted him, they followed him, so when a brand new day started, he would pick himself up, determined and hopeful that someday, one day, their hard work would pay off.

His band started to gain followers and he watched them grow right before his eyes. It kept increasing in number until they were known not just in their own country, but worldwide. He enjoyed his popularity very much; he went with the flow but somehow, he lost himself along the current. He could feel himself changing. He followed their wishes and let them dictate him, let them take away the once cheerful man that he was before. In front of them he would smile, show them that nothing was troubling him when in fact it was far from reality. He was grateful, he felt deep gratitude towards them because he wouldn’t be where he was right now without them, but their love suffocated him. Their loud cheers that once made his heart swell became a loud grating noise that hurt his ears. Amidst all of it, he felt empty.

It was only in her presence that he felt alive, warm, happy. She was like a ray of sunshine in his life, taking him out of the darkness that consumed him, guiding him into the right path. He always thought she was heaven-sent, sent to him to save him. She was like a breath of fresh air. With her around, there was no pretense; he let himself be the person who he really was, he didn’t have to be worried of being judged, he was just a man loving a woman with all that he had.

“I’m so tired, Hyun-ah.” He told her once in their daily phone calls.

“It’s okay to be tired, Oppa. We all reach our limits at some point. Take a step back and rest. What’s important is that you’ve worked hard, you’ve done everything you could. You got this. I know you can do this.”

“Sometimes, I just want to quit and drop all my responsibilities you know. I just want to stop trying for a few days, weeks, months, years, I don’t care how long.”

“Will that make you happy? You love music Oppa, moreover, you don’t want to leave your brothers hanging. You don’t want to let anyone down,”

“I am already giving the fans my best, Hyun-ah. But no matter what I do, they are still not satisfied. They will never be satisfied; they always want more. I’m not sure i