she’s 17 when she realizes she’s in love with kang seulgi. 

it’s the worst realization in her life, even worse than that time when she was 15 and went to visit her father at work, walking past his secretary’s empty desk and into his office and dropping her coffee all over the expensive white carpet– because that’s definitely not her mother he was kissing. but no, this is worse. a hundred times worse.

because kang seulgi is her best friend. because best friends shouldn’t want to kiss their best friends; best friends should want to do normal best friend things, should think about normal best friend things, like going to the mall or gossiping about cute guys and girls or planning out their last summer together before college. but joohyun can’t think about any of that when she’s with seulgi. somehow, going to the mall and gossiping about cute guys and girls and planning out their last summer together before college becomes seulgi, seulgi, seulgi. seulgi and how she talks with her hands when she gets excited. seulgi and how joohyun can’t stop thinking about how it would feel to kiss her, maybe on one of those nights when they’re laying in joohyun’s bed and the lights are dim and seulgi’s head is on joohyun’s shoulder.

seulgi, and how irresponsibly in love joohyun is in with her. 

and she’s not sure exactly how it happened. it snuck up on her, hit her right in the head– and it hurts. because she already knows how this is going to play out.

there are two options as she sees it. 

option one. she tells seulgi. seulgi, miraculously, will feel the same way. they will fall in love together, they will get date nights, joohyun will get to learn what it sounds like when seulgi says her name between breathy moans at three in the morning. we’re lucky, seulgi will say, when they’re cuddled up together on the couch or on the bed or wherever they find themselves. and joohyun will agree; she’ll let seulgi kiss her good morning and good night, let herself find solace in the girl she has fallen in love with.

but then comes the bad part. the heartbreak. seulgi will become distant. she will start hiding her phone. there will be no more date nights, no more good morning and goodnight kisses, no more passionate glances from across the room or seulgi leaning on her in the dark. they will fall apart. it’s as simple as that. joohyun will go to college and seulgi will follow a year later; but in that year, seulgi will forget about joohyun. and joohyun will let her heart be broken.

and then there’s the second option. she tells seulgi. seulgi will reject her. they will never speak again. joohyun will spend the rest of her senior year in absolute misery; seulgi will no longer come to her graduation or hold her hand when they walk to the mall or hold joohyun while they watch scary movies. for all intents and purposes, seulgi will disappear from her life.

(there’s a third option. a much happier one. but joohyun doesn’t even want to think about that one. there’s no use in giving herself false hope.)

//

“tired?” joohyun laughs softly, turning to tuck a wisp of seulgi’s hair behind her ear. they’re laying in seulgi’s bed, seulgi resting her head on joohyun’s shoulder as the older girl taps on some game on her phone. “you can go to sleep. it’s late.”

“nope, not yet,” seulgi mumbles into joohyun’s shoulder. “you still haven’t told me how your day was.”

(god, maybe that’s what she loves the most about seulgi. the girl is kind to a fault. always checking up on her, always making her fall for her harder and harder. joohyun almost hates it. almost.)

“it was okay,” she says at first, but because seulgi looks so beautiful under the dim lighting of her room, she can’t stop herself from tacking on something disgustingly romantic. “better now that i’m with you.”

seulgi, of course, reacts as expected. “so cheesy,” she laughs into joohyun– she can’t see it for sure, but joohyun already knows seulgi’s wrinkling her nose, cheeks red. it’s too easy to get her flustered. 

there’s silence, for a while. the only sounds in the dark room are joohyun’s occasional taps against her phone screen and the indistinct pounding of her heart against her ribcage– seulgi’s lips are dangerously close to her skin, and the faint possibilities joohyun’s brain is inventing for her isn’t helping her calm down at all. she can’t help but wonder what would happen if she turned her head just a little, what would happen if she tilted seulgi’s jaw just the right way, just enough to know what seulgi’s lips feel like against her.

it’s a hell of a temptation.

luckily, she doesn’t have to think too much about it. because then seulgi’s the one pressing her hand against joohyun’s cheek, tilting her head downwards until joohyun’s lips are able to be pressed against her own. 

(joohyun knows that first kisses are always horribly cliched. they are nothing like the ones in the movies, where boy meets girl in a downpour and they kiss like their lives are ending the next day, like all they have is one night. joohyun’s always found it all to be absolutely ridiculous.)

and yet this feels absolutely magical, everything like every first kiss in every romance flick she’s ever watched. seulgi’s grip on her jaw weakens as they melt into the kiss, falling together, and god, this must be what heaven feels like. heaven is kang seulgi’s lips on hers, heaven is this moment, right here.

and that’s the turning point. that’s when everything changes.

//

and, for a while, everything is good. perfect, even. it’s the kind of love that joohyun thought she would never experience, never in her wildest dreams. seulgi is good. she’s loving and caring and she holds joohyun when she can’t sleep and they talk about everything, everything from when they were kids to their future to everything in between. 

and maybe, for a little while, joohyun lets herself believe in the unstated option three. in the happily ever after she has never truly believed in. seulgi is kind and wonderful and everything she has ever dreamed of; joohyun gets her date nights, her morning kisses, her sloppy makeout sessions in the back of her car. it’s perfect.

it’s better than perfect, actually.

joohyun can’t really explain it. there’s something about seulgi that entrances her. she wants to spend all her time melting into her– kang seulgi is an absolute fairytale.

“i love you,” seulgi says it first. there’s nothing particularly special happening at the time; they’re spending one of the rare hot days in spring at the beach, basking in the rays of the sun. seulgi manages to coax her into the cool water– joohyun’s not sure how it exactly happens. one moment, she’s laying on the sand, content. the next, seulgi’s pulled her into the ocean, wrapping her arms around joohyun’s waist as they settle into the shallow water. seulgi’s forehead leans against hers; beads of water drip off of seulgi’s tanned skin, and joohyun can’t help but find it more than slightly attractive. “i love you,” seulgi says, and joohyun knows that their love is a fairytale come true.

//

spring turns into summer. the flowers bloom, the birds begin singing again, and joohyun falls deeper and deeper. soon enough, nearly every waking moment is spent with seulgi. they’ve always been connected, ever since they declared each other best friends at the tender age of six.

and, yes, maybe it’s naive to believe in joohyun’s op