“I should probably head home.” I say, knocking my finger on the table.

     Dahyun sits on the chair in front of me and faces me. “But you said you’re going with us in the Karaoke!”

      “I just said that to make you shut up,” I chuckle. “I have a lot of editing to do. I need to make it to VFF.” She sighs in disappointment. I have a makeup channel on Youtube and I make tutorials. Makeup has been my passion ever since grade school. My mom’s makeup ignited that passion.

     I saw her putting it on and it amazes me how it made her beautiful. Makeup brought color to her lifeless, depressed body. My mom was beautiful until my dad died because of terminal illness. It’s like her soul was buried on the ground together with the corpse of my dad. She didn’t smile the same. Life isn’t the same as before.

      “Okay, but promise me you won’t promise again if you’re gonna break it.” Dahyun pouts like a child. Dahyun is my best friend since freshman year and I like how honest she is. She is young, full of life, and very beautiful too.

     I put all my books inside my bag and make my way downstairs. I open my locker to change my shoes and exchange my books because we have homework. I close the locker to find Seongwu leaning against the lockers beside me.

      “Hey.” He says as he put on that cocky smile of his. Seongwu has that -dropping smile. His black hair suits his pale skin and his clothes match his skinny figure. Girls are crazy for this guy.

      “Hey, you.” I say, putting my shoes on. “I already told you I am not interested.” I head to the exit without looking at him until he’s standing in front of me.

     “Why do you hate me so much?” He asks as if he doesn’t know what he did. I shake my head in response because there’s really no point in arguing with him and I don’t like him now. I walk pass by him and I hope he gets the message.

xxx

     After washing my face, I go straight to my room to edit a video. It’s almost winter so I filmed a tutorial that is very suitable for winter weather. I also checked my subscribers if I already reached thirty thousand, but it’s still on twenty five. I started filming when I was fifteen years old. So basically, I’ve been doing makeup tutorials for almost three years.

     My first ever video was when my mom gave me a phone with a front-facing camera. She said it was a gift to make up for all the days that she’s not a mom to me. I filmed random stuff. My room, the streets, the trees, food, buildings, name it. And then one day, I started filming a makeup tutorial and I posted it on Youtube. I didn’t know about income from views back then. I was just doing it because I like it.

     It was pretty lame and it has thirty thousand views as of today. The comments are harsh. The viewers are very attentive of what I was doing but I was just fifteen and makeup tricks and trends aren’t the same like today. I'd like to thank the few people who appreciated the look and said the outcome looked cute.

     My eyebrows were jet black as if there’s a pair of eel above my eyes. My eyes were lined with a very thick wing to make my eyes look bigger. Of course, you can’t miss the raccoon eyes and the very bright aegyo sal-- It is a trick to make your eyebags puffy and it gives an illusion of smiling eyes. And to complete the look, my face was covered in foundation that was a shade lighter than my skin and a chapped gradient lips.

     I don’t plan on deleting it even though I am ashamed of it. It was fun when I was fifteen and I feel sentimental about it. I filmed it using my very first modern phone and it was from my mom.

     I must have slept because it’s already dark outside. I look at my laptop and the video has finished rendering. I shut down my laptop so it won’t overheat. I’ll finish it tomorrow and post it on Youtube. I walk outside my room and see Aunt Sol preparing dinner.

      “You’re awake?” she asks as if I’m sleepwalking. She’s cute.

      “Yes. Are you cooking ramen? I’ve been craving for it for days.” I say as I my lips. I don’t like eating ramen when I’m alone. It tastes better when you’re with someone you love. Is it the taste or is it the vibe?

     After eating, I wash the dishes and let her watch the TV to rest. She owns a small restaurant wherein she sells samgyeopsal and samgeopsal wraps. She lets me walk into my room after finishing the house chores.

     I lie on the bed and scroll through my phone. It is not the same phone I had when I was fifteen. It broke a long time ago in this very room. My mom said she was looking for something when she accidentally hit it with her hand and it fell on the floor. The screen broke but it was still usable. Days passed and the screen started showing black lines and suddenly the screen stopped recognizing touch or press. I was sad when that happened because all of the photos and videos are saved in the internal memory so there was no way to retrieve it. I didn’t have an external memory card back then.

     Scrolling through my Instagram account, I start liking photos and notice that Dahyun posted a picture of her and our classmates in the Karaoke. The caption says, “I miss you Nayeon-ah~~~ TT”

     I feel the guilt rushing through my body. I was so focused on earning subs that I almost forgot how it feels to socialize with real people. I know Dahyun is an optimistic person  and she doesn't usually take things seriously but sometimes I feel like there’s a growing space between us and we are slowly drifting apart.