'What am i doing here?', Taeyeon thought.

The path didn't change after all those years, it still looked the same, just like when those days happened. It felt different right now though, as if something is missing, someone. Everytime she was here, she was holding her hand, walking at night, they didn't care if some could kidnap them, they just needed each other, their touch could make them forget their problems, only forget, not make them disappear.

That is what made their relationship toxic, they didn't talk about their problems, always avoided them, one day those problems became so big they exploded. They were young, they thought their problems could go away, a kiss would make everything perfect again, but this isn't a fairy tale. Deep down they knew they couldn't go long like this, but they were afraid this would end, and no one want to end something that is "perfect".

Taeyeon walked to 'their' tree, you could see "T+J” carved in a heart, even if it was made 11 years ago, it was still clearly visible.

A lot of things were going through Taeyeon's head at this moment.

'Where is this forever we promised each other? You said that even if the world ended, our love would still remain, where is our love then? I'm mad at you, I despise you, you took my heart and never gave it back but what's worse is that I still love you, I'm mostly sad because I couldn't be there for you when you needed me, that we ended it this way, without talking about how we're feeling.'

She liked to blame Jessica for what happened, so it wouldn't hurt her that much, but she knew, she knew she was at fault too. She was the one that didn't want to talk, she's not good at it, she always keep her feelings and emotions to herself, she knows it's not good but she doesn't want to burden others with her own problems.

Taeyeon felt something cold and wet on her nose, she looked up on the black sky and saw snow falling on the ground.

'Ah, it was snowing those days too.'

Flashback

-december 23, 2007-

"Taeyeon, what are you doing?! what will manager oppa say if he knew we came here? and it's dark what if something happens?" Jessica panicked, even if she was afraid of what will the manager say, she was more afraid of letting go of Taeyeon's hand, she didn't know why but everytime she held it, her heart began racing like crazy, but it would also bring her calm.

Taeyeon kept shut and dragged Jessica to a place she found right before debut, where she runaway because of stress, not a lot of people knew about this place, it was kinda far from the city, and entoured with trees, there was bench in the middle, it was old but still usable.

Just before Jessica could see this place, Taeyeon went behind Jessica and covered her eyes with her own hands.

"Be prepared because your jaw will drop"

"Am I supposed to be scared? you're not planning on killing me right? oh my god, I just debuted, I can't die yet" Jessica jokingly said.

"Don't worry, I'm not planning to do it yet" Taeyeon made sure to emphasize on yet. 'You're killing me instead with your cuteness' Taeyeon thought instead

Taeyeon continued to lead Jessica to her secret place. When they arrived, Taeyeon dropped her hands and allowed her to see where she was. Jessica started to look around, slowly she walked to the bench and taeyeon followed her. They both sat in silence.

Jessica broke the silence first."It's peaceful here and quiet, I like it”.

Taeyeon smiled,"glad you like it."

"Why did you bring me here?"

"It's my special place, after I runaway before our debut, I found this place, now everytime I'm stressed, I come here, so that means you're also special to me"

Jessica was surprised that her leader opened to her. She usually keeps her feelings to herself.

There was nothing to say after that so both girls just stayed in silence, it wans't an uncomfortable silence, but a 'let's enjoy this moment' kind of silence.

Taeyeon didn't tell Jessica the real reason she brought her here, she brought her here because she wanted to confess. When Taeyeon and Jessica became trainees, they clicked right away and became best friends. They were always together until Tiffany and Jessica became close, they weren't friends from the start, Jessica actually didn't really like Tiffany at first, she thought she was one of the mean girls they showed on TV, but gradually they started talking more since their korean wasn't that good at that time so they could talk together in english.

Taeyeon didn't knew what she was feeling at that time, everytime she saw Jessica with Tiffany, she became angry.

When they debuted together, it was Taeyeon's happiest day, she immediatly told the other girls that she wanted to be in a room with Jessica. It wasn't a problem so they agreed. One day when other girls were out, Taeyeon and jessica decided not to go so they just rested in the dorm. They both decided they wanted to watch a movie so they sat on the couch and watched a movie that was on TV at that moment. Teayeon didn't know what movie it was, she didn't pay attention, all she could think of is how kissable jessica's lips are. It was at this moment she knew she was in love, the feeling she was getting when she saw Jessica and Tiffany was jealousy.

It freaked Taeyeon out. She avoided Jessica for a week, but it didn't bring anything good, only sadness of being away from Jessica. After the avoiding plan failed, she decided to make her fall for her, she was always with her, when she asked something, she did it without questioning, she often said how pretty she is, how her voice is beautiful.

It's been 3 months since she started to be so sweet to Jessica, she thought it was finally the time to confess, so here she is, she brought Jessica to her secret place, she thought it was very romantic but there was one problem, she didn't know HOW to confess.

”Sica-ya, did you have your first kiss?” Taeyeon wanted punch herself badly right now 'How stupid am i?' she thought.

Jessica's answer was unexpected, ”I haven't yet.” She shyly said.

'Might as well go for it, I guess' Taeyeon already brought up the topic of kissing, she had nothing to lose now, well except their friendship but Taeyeon wasn't thinking about that at this moment.

”Do you want to try with me?” Taeyeon bite her lip.

Jessica looked at Taeyeon's eyes to look if she's joking, but she found a determined look instead. Her heart was already beating racing because of their closeness right now, but it became even faster.

Jessica's head was full of thoughts, 'What do I say? I think I want to do it, I started to having weird feelings when I'm around her, I searched on the internet and it says I'm in love, if I kiss her, I could know, alright, I'm gonna do it.'

Taeyeon waited for Jessica's answer, she thought about saying it was just a joke but she know she won't have a second chance.

Jessica grabbed Taeyeon's hand and nodded. Taeyeon couldn't believe it, the girl she liked wanted to kiss her, it was like she was in heaven.

Taeyeon turned her whole body to face Jesica, her hand was shaking when she brought it to Jessica's face, it was actually her first too.

Taeyeon leaned her head towards jessica's, just before their lips could touch she asked if she was sure about it.

Jessica nodded her head a little and said that she was sure, Taeyeon only needed to hear to to proceed.

Their lips finally touched, it was a sweet kiss, they didn't move their lips, they were just touching, it was innocent, it was their first kiss.

Taeyeon backed out after 5 seconds, she felt something cold on her face, she looked at the sky, it was snowing.

”Kiss me once more.” jessica whispered, and she did kiss her.

End of flashback

That's how it all started, sweet and pure, innocent kisses here and there. Two weeks after their first kiss, Taeyeon asked Jessica if she wanted to be her girlfriend, without a doubt Jessica said yes.

It all started from here, their kisses became more lustful, more passionate, their hands touched places that are kept from the public, it was harder for them to keep their hands of each other.

They got caught by their members, some were okay with it, others were a bit reluctant about it but they accepted it after some time. They warned them, if they ever broke up, it couldn't affect the group. That was the only rule they got from their members.

Their fights started to become more serious, the small fights they had at the beginning of their relationship transformed to broken cups, things got lost from their purses because of the throwing, they didn't want to talk about what's wrong so they had , it was forceful even painful, it became normal to them to have bruises after , that was their way to forget all the problems.

The others didn't interfere, they thought it wasn't their problem, at first it wasn't, but the groups atmosphere became gloomy because of their fights. They probably feel guilty now. 'What if we interfered? Maybe things wouldn't became like this' which is probably true. If they interfered, maybe Taeyeon and Jessica could finally talk and not their problems away. But what's done is done, you can't go back in time, unfortunatly.

'I just want things to be like it was at the beginning, I want to be happy with her, but now it isn't possible because our love ended' Taeyeon thought.

Flashback

-december 23, 2014-

The snow was intense at this moment. They were now sitting in the same bench that they first kissed 6 years ago, but taeyeon doesn't feel happy at all, she feels as if something bad will happen.

”Let's break up.” These are the first words that came of Jessica's mouth since they got here.

Taeyeon wants to think it was unexpected but she knew it'll come to this sooner or later.

Jessica continued,”Things aren't working out, we barely have time for each other now that i'm not in the group anymore and everytime we meet up, we end up fighting. I'm tired of this”

”If you didn't left the group then it wouldn't have come to this.”

”Right, blame me, like you always do. I don't want to be an idol for the rest of my life, I want to establish my own things, I have my own company, I don't have a manager following my every step, I don't have restrictions anymore, I'm happy and free.”

”But it costed your friends to be hurt, your girlfriend to be hurt, millions of people to be hurt, is that what you call happiness?”

”You have to be selfish sometimes, since our debut I did everything people told me to do, I just want to be happy even if it cost our relationship, you know we'd break up anyways”

”I know our relationship isn't the best, we constantly fight, but I still love you just like I did 6 years ago.” Taeyeon started to tear up.

”I know and I love you too, you're the only person i've ever loved and you'll probably be the last too, but we have to end it, we need some time apart, 6 years is a lot of time, I think I need to experience new things”

Taeyeon tears just fell one after one, she knew it'll come to this, she knew, yet she did nothing to change it, she didn't show her enough love, if she wasn't so stupid and stuborn, they would've been sitting here on the ground with a picnic to celebrate their anniversary. She took her love for granted.

Taeyeon got up from the bench,”I-I understand, but please remember that when you'll need me, I'll always be there to help you.”

Taeyeon started to walk out, she wanted to turn around to see her but it was too painful, she wouldn't even see her because of the tears.

End of flashback

After that day, Taeyeon spend days rethink about their relationship, what they did wrong, what she did wrong, she promised herself to became a better person.

That's why she's here now, at the same place she found the love of her life and also lost it.

She wonders if she'll ever get her back, or maybe she's happy with her new life.

"It was snowing these days too, wasn't it?" A voice said behind her.

"Yes, yes it was."

fin