A/N: Ok, so this has been an idea for many months. Probably almost around the time I really started writing here, but then I lost the draft and found it recently. Then I decided to just give it a try. I think most of us can relate to the situation of being in love with our close/best friend but they have a s/o. And I think we all know how that usually works out. This fic will be broken up into three parts each focusing on the main character's point of view. Please enjoy.

Son Seungwan has found herself in a hopeless situation. For the past 11 years she has known her best friend, Kang Seulgi. She has been deeply in love with her for much of those years of friendship. It wasn’t as if she ever planned to fall so hard for Seulgi. After all, people don’t just wake up one day and decide to love their closest friend in a romantic manner. In fact, it would have been so much easier for her had she not grown feelings for Seulgi. At the same time it was also so very easy to fall for her.

Kang Seulgi was so kind, warm, and one of the sweetest people she had ever met. The epitome of a teddy bear in both personality and physical appearance. Everytime, Seungwan received a hug from her. It felt like the most amazing bear hug a person could get, and she would feel instantly better. Many times she would find herself lost in Seulgi’s bright, monolid eyes. Despite, how she knew it was wrong to keep doing so. She also understood why she should stop feeling this way for Seulgi. It’s also just hard to turn feelings off. Especially feelings going on for this long.

“I really shouldn’t love you, Seul.” Seungwan thinks to herself as she lays awake in bed. She is usually up at all times of night thinking about Seulgi. Whenever she tries not to think about Seulgi. Her mind will still drift over to her bear-like best friend. She should continue to think of her as such, only when Seulgi smiles she finds herself smiling along too. When she laughs in that adorable way, with eyes forming crescent shapes. Seungwan will laugh right along with her. No matter how much her heart may actually hurt in the inside. Sometimes being with Seulgi will make her feel better, and she can forget for a few moments how much she loves her.

When Seulgi is hurt in anyway, whether it’s being sad, disappointed, or frustrated. Seungwan wants to right away wrap her arms around her in a hug. Just as she had done from the time she was a teen. She finds that she wants to be the one to comfort Seulgi. She wants to be the one to return the smile to her face. Although, she really shouldn’t want to continue to be that person. They’ve been best friends since 14. They have only been best friends for as long as they’ve known one another. The two have bonded quickly over their shared birthday months, and realizing they were only 11 days apart in age. They loved almost all the same music, and would sometimes have duets in between study breaks mostly to keep focused. The two friends even shared the same life dreams.

“We both wanted to be idols.” Seungwan thinks. She can still remember how they promised to become famous together. They would work hard and maybe one day debut in the same group. If they were lucky to do so. She can still remember them holding each other, tears in their eyes as they mourned the loss of their dreams. Real life kicked in and they had to think more practical. There was no guarantee being an idol would happen. It was time to look to college and more realistic goals for their future. Seungwan going into medicine, and Seulgi, still looking to keep some of her dream alive, was in the process of studying to be a dance choreographer. The friends may have gone into different career paths. But they still promised one another they would be best friends no matter what life threw their way.

That promised remained true for years after their failed dreams. Seungwan knew she could count on Seulgi to be there, and she knew her best friend could easily say the same. For years as teens growing up, all they really had was one another. The feelings continued to grow for Seungwan. What had begun as admiration turned into a crush. That crush ultimately bloomed into full blown love, at least it did for her anyway. She never knew if Seulgi felt the same for her, and as the years went by. It became harder to be in love with her best friend.

Especially, as her best friend has a girlfriend. Seulgi has been dating a slightly older woman named Joohyun for the past three years. Making Joohyun now 27 to their 24, even though she doesn’t look at all like her age. Before Seulgi told her she was older. Seungwan would have never believed it. She has indeed met the woman on several occasions, and it would have been much easier had Joohyun been mean or rude. She was the opposite of those things. Joohyun was kind, sweet, impossibly gorgeous that it would make anyone look down in shame at themselves. On top of those things. It was simply impossible to find a reason to hate her.

(Flashback)

For months, Seulgi had been quite secretive about this girlfriend. She said she was nervous to bring her around, because she was slightly older. Seungwan wondered if this girlfriend even existed if she were being honest. They had never met this Joohyun before. But there were other obvious signs Seulgi had a girlfriend. She was always on her phone, either texting or calling someone. She never accepted anyone asking her out at school, and Seungwan did see her get ready for dates and come back with hickies a lot of the times. This would be the first time she’s meeting her girlfriend. Seungwan couldn’t pretend that she wasn’t a bit worried. She and Seulgi both are 21 years old. How much older can this girlfriend be, and what would she want with her best friend.

Not that Seulgi isn’t an amazing catch. She is surely a wonderful catch, someone who is kind, sweet, considerate and takes care of her friends well. That would of course translate into a wonderful girlfriend. Seungwan just wishes she could be her wonderful girlfriend. At the same time she did come here to meet Joohyun. She is her best friend first and foremost. She has come here to sit in a restaurant she has no interest in eating at. All because she is her best friend, and this is what a best friend would do. Seulgi texted her a few minutes ago to say she’s on her way and will be here soon. Seungwan told her she hadn’t ordered anything yet. She’s waiting for them to get here first.

It couldn’t have been anything more than 10 minutes when she spots her friend, or what is the back of her. Seulgi seems to be talking to someone. Seungwan can’t see the other person because Seulgi is all she can see so far. Then Seungwan looks to see Seulgi leaning down to kiss the side of someone’s face. It means her girlfriend must be shorter than her if she needs to bend down. Seungwan can already imagine people saying how cute their height difference is since that seems to be the case. Seulgi reaches for her hand too, and when they turn around, Seungwan’s mouth nearly drops to the floor.

The dark-haired woman beside Seulgi is breathtaking. She looks like a goddess with her doll-like features, pretty lips, eyes, and face. If Seungwan were being honest she and Seulgi looked absolutely perfect standing together. They do have the height difference she just imagined. The two of them look like an idol couple too, or as if they just came from some fancy date with Joohyun in a black dress and gucci bag. Seulgi as well looking sharp in a dark collared shirt, and dark slacks. They are honestly screaming couple goals, and that hurts a bit. Seungwan is zoning out because Seulgi is trying to get her attention.

“Hey, Wannie, are you alive in there?” Seulgi speaks.

“Huh?” She blinks several times.

“Hey there,” Seulgi smiles, “you’re alive. That’s good. Will you meet my girlfriend, Bae Joohyun.” The monolid girl happily introduces Seungwan to her goddess-like girlfriend.

“Oh, hi.” Seungwan smiles. “Hi, I’m Seungwan. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Hi, Seungwan,” the goddess speaks politely, “Seul has told me a lot about you. It’s very nice to meet you too.”

(End)

Joohyun was the epitome of girlfriend goals. She was sweet, thoughtful, kind, intelligent, and clearly in love with Seulgi. It would have been easier had Joohyun not shown how great she was. She was beautiful that much was clear to Seungwan. But not conceited about it in anyway. She was so thoughtful to Seulgi and others around her. She would even drop off homemade lunch to the bear-like girl, ironed her clothes, and even did her laundry on many occasions. In turn, Seulgi was such a doting girlfriend. Joohyun may have been older, but whenever she was scared. For example, thunderstorms terrified her. Seulgi would immediately know and be there to wrap her arms around her. She would make sure her jacket was covering her and not once lose hold of the umbrella. All while kissing her forehead and making sure she was fine. Anytime, Seungwan noticed Joohyun afraid Seulgi would be right there with hugs and kisses to make her feel at ease.

Seulgi wasn’t the best cook, but she did try her best. She would make constant food runs to Joohyun’s job, making sure it was from any restaurant she loved. Seulgi would even stay on the phone with her for hours. Even during times where the two of them were supposed to be hanging out together. Plenty of times they would be watching movies, or rather they were supposed to be watching movies. Seulgi would be on the phone with Joohyun talking to her until she fell asleep, or sometimes until they both fell asleep. Leaving Seungwan to cover her best friend with a blanket and carefully take her phone out of her hand. She could see how strong they felt for each other. This was in the beginning, when they were more solid.

As of late. The couple have been hitting constant rough patches. Since she is her best friend, Seungwan was front row and center to their fight, arguments, and Seulgi would usually come running straight to her. Anytime she had been hurt or upset because of a fight with Joohyun. Seungwan was usually the one she would call or talk to. All of that would have been fine if the petite blonde wasn’t so helplessly in love with her. She would of course hug Seulgi and tell her everything would be fine. Sometimes while wishing that she and Joohyun would just break up. Because of how very miserable Seulgi seemed whenever they were at odds.

She has had these feelings for Seulgi so long, and fortunately the bear-like girl never picked up on any of them. She hid her feelings well, and tried her best to be happy for Seulgi. In the beginning, Seulgi and Joohyun seemed to be going more than well. They were happy, solid, and all over each other like any typical love sick couple. Nowadays, Seungwan didn’t understand why they didn’t just break up. They seemed to fight with one another more than actually love one another, or at least that’s what it looked like to her whenever she observed them. At the same time, Seungwan couldn’t just tell Seulgi to break up with Joohyun. That is something she would have to do on her own. If she even wanted to that is.

Tonight, is like any usual night. She is curled up in bed trying her best to sleep. When she hears familiar knocking at her front door. It’s 3 am, and she knows all too well who it is. It can only be one person at this time of night anyway. Many nights, Seungwan has contemplated not opening the door. It would be easy to just not let her in. But she is also her best friend. Seulgi would be there for her no matter what, so she also knows she will be there for her too. Just as she always is whenever Seulgi needs someone during these times. The blonde takes a deep breath, and gets out of bed. She puts on her blue slippers and makes the slow walk to answer the door. When she gets there she takes a final deep breath to steady her fast-beating heart.

“Yo, Wannie, mind if I crash here tonight?” Seulgi eye smiles right away as she opens the door. Her smile makes the shorter girl lose her composure. Seulgi has the kind of smile that lights up the room, and in turn warms her heart. Seungwan puts on a brave smile after she regains herself.

“Did Joohyun kick you out again?” She asks knowingly.

Anytime her girlfriend kicks her out of their apartment, or in some cases Seulgi will leave herself for the night. Seulgi would normally crash at her place, even though there were other friends the taller brunette could have asked. It makes sense to come to one’s best friend first.

“Yeah, she’s in a mood again, like usual.”

Seungwan has no overall problem with Seulgi’s girlfriend. She is sweet, and it’s clear how much she does care about and love her best friend. One of the faults in their relationship is that Joohyun is very easily jealous, and sometimes can be possessive of Seulgi. She hates it when Seulgi is flirted with and there are times where she does accuse her of cheating. It’s never true but when Joohyun is angry. It’s best to appease her or just leave her alone until she calms down. Seungwan can’t speak so much about their relationship. She is Seulgi’s best friend, and mostly has her side of the story. That doesn’t mean there isn’t other things going on that she might not know about. After all, there are two people in that relationship and they know all the details.

Seungwan lets her in like she normally does. Seulgi gives her a hug in gratitude. She feels lucky to have a great best friend. Seungwan always lets her in, and is there whenever she needs her. The shorter blonde tries not to think about how good it feels to be in the taller girl’s arms. She pulls away soon.

“It’s late, Seul. You should probably try to get some sleep.”

She has a spare bedroom for reasons such as this. If any of her friends just need to crash at her place for a few days or so. Her best friend prefers to share her bed. It makes everything so complicated, well for Seungwan anyway.

“Seul, you should probably go sleep in the guest room.” The blonde tells her afterwards. Seulgi blinks curiously. She doesn’t understand why suddenly Seungwan thinks they shouldn’t share the bed. They have had years of sharing each other’s bed for sleepovers.

“Why, we always share your bed?”

They usually do. But it’s hardly appropriate anymore since Seulgi has a girlfriend, a very jealous girlfriend. Joohyun probably wouldn’t be upset in this case. Since she knows the two of them are best friends. If she knew Seungwan was in love with Seulgi, as more than just a friend. Then she surely would be upset, and certainly not okay with them sharing a bed.

“Seul…”

“Come on, Wan. It’ll be like a sleepover. We’re best friends.”

Best friends, of course. That was why Seulgi didn’t see anything wrong with them sharing a bed. She had never seen her as anything other than her best friend, leaving the shorter girl to deal with her feelings alone. Rather than the two of them just standing around in her living room. She knows they need to get some sleep. Seungwan leads the way to her bedroom and Seulgi follows. The blonde gets into bed first. Seulgi lifts up the sheets on the other side. There is a decent amount of space between them, but being this close to the brunette makes her want more. She craves things she shouldn’t, like longer hugs, kisses, and inappropriate touches. In order to distract herself from those thoughts, Seungwan changes course and asks her something.

“Why’d she kick you out this time?”

Seulgi is awake with her arms behind her head. Her feet are crossed over one another as she gets comfortable.

“The usual . I don’t even remember what the original argument was about. But she keeps asking when we’ll get more serious. Um, marriage.” The taller girl summarizes.

That hurts to hear. She never imagined that two of them would be discussing marriage. They’ve been together long enough for the topic to start coming up. But at the moment. They are having so many issues within their relationship. Marriage should be the furthest topic from either of their minds.

“Marriage?” The blonde whispers.

“Yeah, I know. I told her we’re probably not ready to get married. She got upset and then we ended up fighting about that too.” Seulgi sighs. When she thinks back to earlier events. It really frustrates her. It was a stupid fight that spiraled even further out of control. They both said hurtful things to one another, and now needed this time to be apart.

“I’m sorry.” Seungwan softly tells her.

“Wan, I honestly don’t know how much more I can take.”

When Seulgi says this. It causes Seungwan to look at her. The monolid girl has never admitted to being tired, not once during this particular hard year for the couple. Seulgi hasn’t ever said she was tired.

“Seulgi, what are you saying?”

“I just think she and I need a break, or maybe a breakup. I don’t know. It’s getting so hard fighting for something.”

Seungwan wants to hug her then. Seulgi turns suddenly and hugs her first. The action surprises the blonde.

“W-What are you doing?”

“Sorry, Wannie. I just needed a hug. I feel a little better now.”

The feelings are hitting the blonde fast. She doesn’t want to be in Seulgi’s arms this way. Not when it’s not even truly about her. Seulgi is mostly upset because she had a fight with her girlfriend. Also, she loves Seulgi more than as her best friend. This type of embrace really hurts her.

“Seul…”

“I don’t know what to do.” Seulgi admits with a sigh.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out, Seul. You’ll talk to her later, and you guys will work this out.” As they usually do. No matter if  they fight. Seungwan has seen them right back together soon enough. She is convinced there is nothing that could really break them up.

“Maybe, things would have been a lot easier if I could have fell in love with you, Wan. Since we’re best friends and know each other so well.” She admits then, and that makes Seungwan push her away some. She knows that Seulgi didn’t say it to be malicious. It’s not her fault she doesn’t know the extent of her feelings. Right now the fact that it’s said anyway. Is what actually hurts the most.

“No, please don’t do this to me.” She thinks. Seulgi looks at her with worried eyes. She can see Seungwan is upset so she carefully takes her chin in her hands.

“What’s wrong, please talk to me?’

“There’s nothing wrong, Seul. I’m tired. I had a busy day at work. Can we just sleep?” She turns suddenly.

“Um, sure, Wan. Goodnight, okay.” Seulgi whispers softly and turns around too. She is worried about her and with good reason. Because she hears Seungwan’s muffled crying soon enough.

“Wan, what’s wrong? You’re not fine.”

“I’m fine.” She denies, as she wipes her tears away with her sleeve. Seulgi sits up fully and helps her sit too.

“You’re my best friend, Wan. Whenever I need you’re there for me. Let me help you.”

“Seul, please don’t worry about it.” The blonde tries to turn away again.

“How can you tell me not to worry about it, or you? You’re my best friend.”

Seungwan can’t take anymore. She knows that she is Seulgi’s best friend, as if she doesn’t hear it enough.

“Exactly!” The blonde snaps when she doesn’t mean to. “You’re my best friend, and it’s not fair for you to be here comforting me. It’s just not right.”

She doesn’t completely say all she wants to say. Seulgi, however isn’t stupid. She hears the unspoken words. The taller woman again takes her face gently in her hands.

“Wannie, do you love me?”

“Of course. We’re best friends.” She laughs bitterly.

“That’s not what I meant.”

Seungwan avoids her gaze. But Seulgi lifts her face so they can look at one another. The blonde wishes that the ground would swallow her now so she wouldn’t deal with this.

“Son Seungwan, do you love me?” Her soft, gentle words is all it takes for the blonde to start crying all over again.

“Yes.” Seungwan admits with tears. “I love you so very much that I tried my best to pretend. But I can’t. It’s so hard to keep pretending.”

She doesn’t miss the stunned look on Seulgi’s face. She did ask but she probably didn’t expect for her to actually go on and admit it. Seungwan knows she has questions. After all, she never really showed any signs that she was in love with her.

“Wan…”

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Wan, I…” She still has her hand to her face, and then wipes away her tears. She wishes there was more she could do. What can she even say now? How can this even be okay?

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. You’re with Joohyun, and…”

That’s right, Joohyun. Her wonderful, loving, girlfriend of three years. The woman she loves despite the fighting lately. Then she also sees Seungwan looking so sad, and it pains her to see her best friend miserable. She has no idea what comes over here when she leans down.

“Wannie, I…” She leans to place a kiss against her lips. It’s not a peck, but nothing to say they are making out. It’s somewhere in the middle, and it takes Seungwan but complete surprise. It also isn’t long before the blonde loses herself and starts to kiss back, but for a second. That is until it hits her that Seulgi still has a girlfriend. She isn’t single just because they got into a fight. They are both wrong here, and what are they doing? Seungwan abruptly ends the kiss.

“What are you doing, Seulgi? You have a girlfriend.”

“I know.” The monolid girl nods. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” She stops, as she tries to find the right words. “I just…” Seulgi doesn’t finish again. She honestly doesn’t know where her head is now. She hasn’t forgotten about Joohyun. The woman is her longtime girlfriend whom she loves. Then at the same time, Seungwan is her very best friend, who has just confessed her feelings to her. It’s currently messing things up in her head.

“I didn’t know you had feelings for me.”

Seungwan blinks. What does that matter when Seulgi has a girlfriend. Sure, the blonde gets how the confession would no doubt get to Seulgi and confuse her some. Still, it shouldn’t change the fact she is involved with someone else, should it?

“Seul, let’s not, okay? We should really try to get some sleep and forget this happened.”

“But how can I? You just admitted you love me, Wan?”

“I’m sorry. Please, let’s just forget about it. I’m sorry.” Seungwan repeats again, and turns around.

Seulgi has no idea how the blonde just expects for either of them to forget. Seungwan cries herself to sleep softly, hoping Seulgi can’t her hear. Seulgi can hear her. She just doesn’t know what to do. She’s so lost in her thoughts. She doesn’t right away see her phone light up with the notification. Her girlfriend is trying to reach her.

Baechu: Seul, baby. I’m sorry we fought so much earlier. I love you, and I’m worried about you. Please call me back when you can.”

When Seungwan finally does get some sleep. She dreams, and it’s about Seulgi, as it usually always is. It’s a good dream because the taller girl comes through the door with a warm smile on her face. She goes straight to her, wraps her arms around her, and kisses her.

“Hey, Wannie.” She grins.

“Seul, what’s going on?” Seungwan doesn’t understand what’s happening. How can Seulgi just come in here and start kissing her so?

“Nothing. I can’t kiss you?” She grins and kisses her lips again. Seungwan would lean up into her kiss. God does it feel so good to be kissing Seulgi like she has always wanted to.

“I love you so much.” The blonde promises. Seulgi nods and tells her she loves her too. It's everything she could have wanted. Finally, her feelings are being returned to her. She will be together with the one person she has loved for years. It’s all a bit too good to be true. That’s when she remembers.

“Seul, what about Joohyun?”

“We broke up. We’re not together anymore. I know that you and I should be together, Wannie. Don’t you want the same thing?””

“I…”

Of course she does. However, the dream ends because she can hear talking. Seulgi is no longer asleep beside her. Seungwan can hear her voice coming from in the kitchen. There can be no doubt to who she is talking to.

“Hyun,” Seulgi sighs. “I don’t know how many times I can tell you I’m sorry.”

Seungwan isn’t necessarily trying to overhear her conversation. It’s too easy to overhear certain parts.

“Hyun, I don’t want to fight.” The brunette sounds so drained, as if she didn’t get much sleep last night. Seungwan knows she also didn’t sleep but so well last night. Seulgi pauses as she seems to be listening to Joohyun on the other end.

“I didn’t know you texted me, Hyunnie. I saw it a while after you sent it. Listen, can we please talk about this when I get home.” There is another pause from the monolid girl.

“Yes. I’ll come home. I’ll see you then, bye Hyunnie.” She ends the call. Seungwan uses the time to enter the kitchen.

“Hi, good morning, Seul.”

“Wan, hi, good morning.”

They avoid each other’s gaze. The blonde takes the time to start making herself some tea.

“Are you hungry? I’ll make us some breakfast.”

“Are we really not going to talk about earlier?”

Seungwan stops, dropping the pan in the process. “Seulgi, there’s nothing to say. You have a girlfriend.”

“Then you just want me to go on and ignore what you said? You dropped a major bomb, Wan.”

So what if she did. What does it matter when Seulgi is still with her girlfriend? The same girlfriend she just got off the phone with.

“You shouldn’t have kissed me. I also shouldn’t have kissed you back. But for a second it sounded like…” The blonde pauses.  “It was almost like you got my hopes up for a second. I know you wouldn’t ever hurt me intentionally, but when you kissed me.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know where my mind was, Wan. I couldn’t believe it at first, and I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

“I’m sorry for telling you about my feelings. I didn’t mean to make things complicated, and you have Joohyun.”

Seulgi frowns some. “You don’t have to keep on reminding me about, Hyun. I know that she’s my girlfriend. I’m just so confused right now.”

Seungwan wonders then if there is any chance at all that Seulgi might feel the same. She tries not to dwell on those thoughts. Because it’s not fair. Seulgi is someone else’s.

“Seul, I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything. I just need to figure some stuff out.”

The blonde doesn’t want to get hopeful in anyway. It’s a bit too easy to almost allow herself to hope.

“What does that mean? Please don’t get my hopes up.”

“Hyun, and I we’ve been in a bad place for a while.” The taller girl admits.

“That doesn’t mean you don’t still love her, Seul.”

Seulgi does still love her girlfriend. They’ve been together for three years. Just because things are hard now. It doesn’t mean she has stopped loving her. Yet, the monolid girls knows some parts of the relationship are getting difficult, and would need to be worked on. Like any relationship. Seulgi’s lack of answer is all Seungwan needed to know. She gently squeezes Seulgi’s hand.

“That’s all I need to know. Figure it out, Seul. Whatever you need to, just figure it out. But please don’t get my hopes up. I can still make you breakfast if you’re hungry.”

“I can’t. I need to get going. I also have to tell, Hyun the truth. I won’t lie to her about what happened.”

Seungwan nods. She didn’t expect Seulgi would lie to her. She will certainly tell Joohyun the truth, as she should. They don’t speak anymore. Seulgi simply gets her jacket and puts on her shoes. Seungwan doesn’t think this is the last time they will speak. It is such an indecisive air right now at the moment. Seulgi does however thank her for letting her crash here the night. Then leaves her apartment. Seungwan uses the time to sink down into one of the kitchen table seats and cries. She hopes she doesn’t lose her best friend over all this. That would be the worst thing to possibly happen. She would much rather have Seulgi as her best friend than nothing at all.

“Oh, god. What did I do?” She mutters through tears. Meanwhile, Seulgi is outside texting Joohyun back.

Baechu: Did you eat already? I was going to make breakfast anyway. Come home soon so we can talk.”

A/N: Hey so there we have the first chapter of Wendy’s POV mostly, and next will be Joohyun, last Seulgi. So I really like this and hopefully there is some interest here so I can complete this. Thanks for reading.