The bus hits another pothole and Minseok clenches his teeth, counting backwards in his head down from 10. He’s made a grave mistake. Since the bus left the station it had stalled twice already and it sounded like it might be about to give up again. Jongdae had offered to drive him to the carpool site but out of politeness Minseok declined. Frankly, politeness be damned. Minseok should’ve hauled and seized the opportunity because he only lives once; carpe diem or some like that. He would have had no regrets. Sitting in the rickety bus, Minseok had many regrets. He glances at his watch, nervously watching the digital numbers turn from 8:58 to 8:59. He only has a minute before he is late and he’s not even sure if he’s anywhere near his destination. The bus makes a concerning sound and Minseok clutches at his hiking gear, praying to the gods of ty transportation vehicles that it won’t stall. Minseok wills himself to think positively. He reminds himself that he loves hiking, and his company is paying for all the expenses. Working for a company that sells hiking gear and clothing has its perks; Minseok just needs to get there before they turn him away and force him to ride the godforsaken bus shamefully back to the station. Just as he’s in the middle of another desperate plea to all the higher beings he knows of, the bus lurches and stutters. Well .

-

It’s 9:28 and Minseok is Very Late. He rushes off the bus, contemplating on giving it a swift kick but ultimately deciding against it. The carpool lot looks pitifully empty; the sound of a lone bird chirping in the distance. Minseok is about to sorrowfully accept his fate and head back to where he came from, when a man wearing a cap hurries towards him, clipboard clutched under his arm. The man yanks the clipboard out, taking a pen out from behind his ear and tapping it furiously against the board in front of him as his eyes scan the page quickly. He’s dressed in red plaid flannel, a puffy vest on top for warmth in the early autumn chills. The bottom half of his face is obscured by a long beard, streaks of white visible throughout the unkempt scruff.

“Goddamn finally,” the man mutters to himself, ticking something off on his clipboard before realizing what he had said. He straightens his back and clears his throat, “I mean, you must be Minseok! Hi, I’m Greg and you’re late. Please follow me to the very last car where I’ve been waiting for the past half hour for you and the other two late assh- company employees. Yay hiking!”

Minseok opens his mouth to reply but he’s quickly ushered across the lot to an old hatchback, the brown paint chipped everywhere and the tires looking like they may not be capable to roll much further. Minseok takes a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly to pray once more to the any deity of ty transportation vehicles that is willing to listen to him. He’s not sure if he can handle another engine malfunction or god forbid a flat tire.

“The front is reserved for Elliot, you gotta sit in the back with the others,” Greg announces as he hops into the driver’s seat.

Minseok opens the door behind Greg’s and slides in as the other two people already inside the car the awkward shuffle to accommodate another person. Minseok glances at the passenger seat and his eyes widen incredulously. Strapped down by a seatbelt is an overstuffed moose, the antlers on the plushie making the head droop sadly over the body.

Minsok furrows his eyebrows and opens his mouth to give this Greg person a piece of his mind when he sees frantic movement in his peripheral vision. He looks over to see the other two men beside him warning him about something. The blond one is making exaggerated throat slicing gestures with his hand and shaking his head side to side. The taller one looks at him with wide eyes and makes a large “X” with his arms, making his arms moves back and forth to emphasize his point. Although indignation simmers still Minseok keeps quiet, buckling his seatbelt instead.

“Don’t mention the moose. Whatever you do, never mention the moose,” the blond, sitting in the middle seat beside Minseok, stage whispers at him. The taller one winces as if having bad flashbacks and nods in agreement. “It’s not worth it,” he quips.

“Ok…” Minseok hesitantly agrees, giving them a weird look. Satisfied by his resolution to not talk about the moose the other two relax back into an awkward silence.

“Let’s get outta here,” Greg says, starting the engine of the car. It makes an extremely loud tutting sound and the taller one jumps slightly at the sudden noise. Minseok holds his breath and crosses his fingers as the car assumedly decides whether it wants to start or not. A few protesting tuts later Minseok hears the engine roar to life. He breaths his sigh of relief as the hatchback reverses out of the parking spot and heads towards the countryside road.

Greg fumbles for something in his pockets before pulling out a tangled pair of earbuds. Struggling to undo the knots with one hand, the other hand on the wheel, the three silent passengers stare warily at the driver for a minute before he makes a triumphant “ah ha!” sound. He sticks one earbud in one ear and reaches into his pocket to press a button. Loud screamo music can be heard blasting through the earbuds and Greg, un-phased by the volume, puts the remaining bud into his other ear.

The guy on the right winces, presumably for Greg’s future quality of hearing. The three of them glance at each other awkwardly before the middle blond speaks up.

“Hi, I’m Baekhyun,” he offers, “I work in translations for the company.” Their company originates in South Korea so it makes sense that they have a department specifically for translations. Greetings are exchanged as the right tall guy and Minseok also introduce themselves. Tall guy aka Jongin is in charge of choosing stock for the company. The type of inventory they choose to sell goes through him. Minseok is the stock manager. He primarily travels around various warehouses to mange and approve of the stock.

The three of them make pleasant small talk as the car zooms past rows and rows of trees. The path slopes often causes the car to go up and down the hills frequently. The repetition constant motion makes for a surprisingly comfortable car ride. Baekhyun is in the midst of telling a funny story when he feels something land on his shoulder. He turns to the right to find Jongin’s head resting on his shoulder, the younger snoozing lightly. Baekhyun turns to look at Minseok who merely smiles and closes his eyes whilst resting his head on the window. Baekhyun chuckles slightly at his exhausted seatmates but eventually he lets himself get lulled into a nap as well.

 

-

 

Baekhyun jolts with a start, a cold sweat breaking out all over his body. He looks around, confused about where he is before remembering that he’s in a car sandwiched between two co-workers that he’s only met today. Jongin’s head is now on his lap although Baekhyun’s sudden movement rouses him from slumber. He sits up, rubbing his eyes with a slight pout. If Baekhyun weren’t so shaken he’d find it incredibly endearing. Minseok, who has already waken, looks over from where he was gazing out of the window.

He notices Baekhyun’s distressed state and gives him a quizzical glance. Baekhyun can see the internal struggle going on in the other’s mind before Minseok decides to ask, “Is there something on your mind?”

This conversation could easily be avoided with a white lie Baekhyun reasons. He could just reply with a curt “no” and Minseok probably wouldn’t press further. However, he looks at the two people he just met and something inside him stirs. He’s never shared with anyone before and the chances that he’ll ever see or interact with Minseok and Jongin after the trip is slim. They seem like pretty chill dudes and Baekhyun takes a leap.

“I had a bad dream,” he starts quietly. Minseok hums and nods. By this point Jongin is fully awake, attention on Baekhyun as well.

“Wanna talk about it?” Minseok offers. This is it. Baekhyun isn’t going to back away.

 

-

 

from: byunbaek
yeol im heading to sk. Just wanted to let u know that im not sure when ill be back but this is to let u know that I didnt disappear if I dont reply to ur messages lol

 

Baekhyun turns his phone on airplane mode and puts his seatbelt on as the flight attendants walk around to make sure the overhead compartments are securely shut. There’s a lot of bustling around him and there’s a mother holding a baby sitting next to him but he tunes it all out. He looks out the window as the plane taxis down the runway, the golden glow of the sunset disappearing below the horizon. And then they’re off.

Baekhyun barely moves, choosing to sit in his own thoughts as they race faster than the plane he’s sitting on. The temperature on the plane is chilly and the sky is completely dark. Baekhyun wraps the blanket provided by the airline around himself and continues to stare at the passing clouds. He tries to convince himself to sleep but he pushes it off as he drowns in his worry. He hears an announcement in the background but he doesn’t pick up what the words say. The plane starts tilting downwards, a city skyline suddenly visible. Baekhyun stares incredulously with tired eyes out the window as he feels the thud of the plane landing.

It happened very fast. His family was told that there was a tumour near his dad’s spine and that it needed to be removed right away. They assured them that once the tumour was removed his dad would be ok. He wasn’t ok. Two days after what seemed like a successful surgery his dad had fallen into a coma. Perplexed the doctors had run more tests and found that there were two more tumours under the one removed. The next day his dad’s organs had started failing and the day after he passed. It was Baekhyun’s birthday.

They had a small funeral with mainly family members back in North America. Chanyeol had insisted on coming for moral support and Baekhyun was beyond grateful. It has been a little over a year but the wound is still deep. Now that Baekhyun’s working in another city he doesn’t see Chanyeol very often anymore. Through the extreme hurt he pushes through and perseveres, even on certain days he feels like he cannot.

 

-

 

Baekhyun doesn’t realize that he’s crying until Jongin gently brushes a stray tear from his cheek. The younger gives Baekhyun a hug, trying to fit into Baekhyun’s side despite their size difference.

“Baek you’re so brave,” he mumbles softly. Minseok joins in the group hug. “The bravest,” he agrees. They embrace in silence, the awkward feelings of merely being acquaintances gone. When Baekhyun has calmed they let go but Jongin insists on holding his hand. The younger is a soft sweetheart.

“Since I prompted you to share it would be rude if I didn’t,” Minseok says. Two pairs of eyes fix on him.

 

-

 

Minseok finished all his work early for once. He’s mentally cheering for himself as he thinks of the upcoming weekend. Usually he has an overflow of work and sadly needs to take time from his weekends to completely it but not this weekend. This weekend he’s done He sees his boss sauntering up to him with a folder in hand and he feels himself deflate a little. The folder looks suspiciously a lot like work and his dreams for a free weekend pops like a bubble before his eyes. He boss must have noticed his lack of enthusiasm as he places the folder on his desk.

“Don’t worry, this is an easy one,” his boss promises. “It’s just numbers.” Minseok scans the file and looks up at his boss confused. “These numbers aren’t correct, I think there’s a miscalculation.”

Minseok’s boss shakes his head. “No those are the numbers I want you to use.”

Minseok stares at him. “That’s…highly illegal,” he starts, “Misreporting numbers for taxes would probably not be appreciated by the government.”

His boss doesn’t back down. “That is irrelevant. You just do your job. If you have an issue you can find me in my office.” With that he turns around and walks away, leaving a perplexed Minseok behind.

Minseok ends up finding his boss in his office and that leads to him finding his way out of the building permanently.

After being fired Minseok attempts to find a job to no avail. The lack of finance causes a strain in his relationship and his girlfriend of 5 years ends up breaking up with him. He hit an all time low in his life and what felt like a constant defeat swallowed him whole. After months of disappointment Minseok, with Jongdae’s help, manages to pull himself together and find a new job. He still has his days but the weight is less heavy and he looks forward to the day where he can successfully rid himself of his baggage.

 

-

 

At this point in their journey they’re driving in heavily forested area, branches of certain trees dipping low enough to scrap against the roof of the car. The three of them are nibbling on granola bars that Jongin packed for the trip.

“You’re very inspiring,” Baekhyun tells Minseok, taking another bite from his bar and giving the older a warm smile. The way he says it comes off as nonchalant but Minseok does not doubt the sincerity laced behind every word. Jongin nods his agreement as he finishes off his bar. He crumples the wrapper and sticks it in the plastic bag that he used to contain the snacks.

“So even though I know I don’t actually have to share I want to and I’m just going to start before I convince myself out of doing it,” Jongin says with determination.

 

-

 

[Jongin’s journal entry, date unknown]

I struggle a lot with emotions and self worth. I struggle with how to love; especially how to love myself. A potent bitterness consistently claws at me, finding the weakest part of my mind and taking residence there. There are a lot of doubts and insecurities that I drown in and it seems to wash over me every day.

I’ve touched upon this but I’ve struggled with self worth for almost my entire life. I look to others for affirmation of identity. I desperately crave it but when they cannot provide I tell myself that I’m the one who did something and I’m the one who deserves to be disappointed. I pinpoint everything I shouldn’t have done, everything I’ve said wrong, and every embarrassing memory until it’s so overwhelming that I’m paralyzed with self loathing disgust. On some days the abhorrence really hits hard.

I also battle a lot with the value I put into friendships. I put friendship on such a high pedestal that I constantly let myself down with my expectations. The utter loneliness I feel consumes me and I keep bottling it in, unable to share my thoughts because no one would want to put up with all my problems. I tell myself that I complain a lot about trivial things when I shouldn’t and eventually I realize that I’m such a burden. I feel irrelevant and unwanted and these thoughts hurt me greatly.

In such a state, I look upon my life and see nothing. I see emptiness and failure; I’m losing the will to fight for anything. I’m struggling with some serious thoughts and emotions as I feel as if I’m trying to dig myself out of a bottomless pit. I’m drowning and I don’t know if I can save myself.

 

-

 

“But I told myself that even if I’m drowning, there’s someone out there that drowning in an ocean much larger than mine. If I can help someone stay afloat, maybe I will eventually rise to the surface too,” Jongin says, offering a hesitant smile as he concludes his sharing. Baekhyun throws himself at the younger boy, wrapping his arms around every part of Jongin’s body that he can reach.

“Nini I’m so proud of you,” he says, petting the youngest’s hair, “so incredibly proud.”

Jongin blushes at the new nickname but beams at the compliment. “Thanks Baek,” he replies softly, “My wish is that one day I will proud of myself too.”

“You will,” Minseok says firmly, “we have the utmost faith that you will.”

Jongin’s eyes glistens with unshed tears. “Thanks,” he whispers, nuzzling his head back into Baekhyun’s shoulder.

There’s a lot of metal reflecting the sunshine in the distance, signalling the end of their journey. The three of the start packing their belongings as Greg heads towards the other carpool vehicles that arrived before them. Realization dawns on the trio in the back at how much of each other’s lives they suddenly know. What started off as an assumption that they would head their separate ways after the 5-hour car ride has turned into an unspoken mutual want to spend more time with each other.

Greg pulls out his earbuds after he safely parks the rickety hatchback. “Alright folks, we’re here. Please grab your belongings and quickly exit the vehicle so I don’t have to see your faces ever again!” With minimal grumbling the three exit the car and grab their gear from the trunk. They bid their driver a farewell and make their way towards the cabins that they will be staying at for the next few days.

“Are you rooming with anyone?” Minseok asks the other two, the three falling into a comfortable walking pace.

“I am now,” Baekhyun says, linking his left arm with Minseok before dragging the older towards Jongin. Minseok links arms with the youngest and they walk with renewed vigour towards the last unoccupied cabin.