I was always five steps behind or five steps ahead of him. 

If I was five steps behind, I could see everything clearly. My two friends would be ahead: talking, laughing, and enjoying each other's presence. The way their lips curled seemed a little more than just platonic, but I didn't want to think about it. It felt like I was watching a scene from a typical romantic movie. My distance from them perfectly captured the scenery and the height difference between the two. The tinges of coral from the sunset painted their cheeks whenever their gazes met. They were the protagonists falling in love, and I was the camera recording every second and detail of the progress.

It didn't matter if he was supposed to be looking forward to avoid tripping over his own feet. (It happened to the klutz quite often, despite being a dance major.) He would face her direction to talk 90% of the time and sneak glances at her while trying not to get caught 10% of the time. 

"Guess what Minho did this morning? The kitchen will probably take days to clean." 

"Are you sure you weren't part of the mess? You're not exactly the best person to have in the kitchen," Jaeyoung retorted, making him furrow his eyebrows in annoyance.

"So I maaay have almost burned my jacket and did burn my hand, but those are minor details." 

"Oh, okay, so burning yourself but not the food means you're chef material. Good to know," she mocked, earning herself a glare.

She laughed teasingly, making her eyes scrunch up for a brief moment. Hyunjin looked away and scoffed, trying to hide the way he automatically smiled. She stood on the tips of her feet, leaning in to joke about the difference between the color of his cheeks and his face. He only got redder and quickly switched the subject by beginning to tell the story. 

It was my turn to look away and scoff, but my actions contained no playfulness, only displeasure. Though the sight sent a sharp sting to my heart, I automatically regretted it. 

I had no right to act like this. It wasn't my place. If they liked each other, they liked each other. I knew very well that feelings couldn't be controlled and that they hit you when you least expect it.

The three of us always hung out with each other, but on one particular day, Hyunjin and Jaeyoung seemed flirtatious.

"Where should we go eat for dinner?" I asked.

"I heard about this new restaurant in downtown," Jaeyoung answered, showing us a few photos.

"It looks good, but isn't it a bit far?" I questioned, pointing to the address.

"Awe, okay, I guess we'll another time," she replied while sulking.

"It'll be fine. I'm the one driving anyways," Hyunjin spoke, brushing off my comment.

Jaeyoung perked up, jokingly sending him a finger heart. He laughed and shook his head. "You're so gross." She pursed her lips and lowered her hand slowly, causing him to laugh even more. 

"Uhh, we have a dance competition and need to be up at 6 for a two hour drive? And your alarm can't even wake you up," I mentioned with a frown.

"Oh yeah, I had completely forgotten-- really, it's okay, Hyunjin. We can go another time."

"And I'm telling you that it's okay. I've never been late to any of my competitions, and it's not going to happen anytime soon. Plus, you've been telling me about this for a week." He had said all of this in a gentle tone with a reassuring smile. He faced me with his lips already pursed as he waved his hand dismissively. "Relax, Y/n. Besides, you wake me up anyways."

"Is that all I am to--"

They had already started walking to the car before I could finish my sentence.

"Thanks, Hyunjinnn," She wrapped her arm around his waist for a hug. 

He chuckled as he easily draped his arm over her shoulder. "No problem."

"Well, isn't this new. Cutting me off and everything," I muttered, crossing my arms as I trudged behind.

When we arrived at the restaurant, Jaeyoung was the first one out of the car and into the restaurant. 

The both of us snickered as we walked side by side. "She's cute," I commented.

"Yeah, she is," he agreed. My footsteps unintentionally froze in its tracks. His voice held a tone that I had never before. It sounded something akin to...affection. I glanced at him while he was still staring at her fondly. How come I never noticed how her antics made him smile so effortlessly? I didn't know why, but the sight made my heart thump and ache all at once. I looked back at my friend and saw her figure in the distance, beckoning us with her hand.

"Coming, coming! You're so impatient," Hyunjin shouted as he started jogging towards her. 

For some reason, my heart ached more than it thumped when he left my side. The feeling left as quickly as it came when I started to run to catch up.  

"What kind of a friend are you? Ditching me like that," I complained, slapping his arm. 

"Haha, sorry, sorry," he responded, rubbing the spot I hit.

We had all ordered our food and were in the middle of eating.

"What's the point of having your alarm scream, 'HYUNJIN! WAKE UP!' on repeat if you don't get up like you're supposed to?" Jaeyoung questioned, making all of us laugh.

"In my defense, I'm a deep sleeper," he replied, putting both of his hands up.

"If you didn't live with your family, I'd have to ring the doorbell nine times before you open your eyes," I complained, rolling my eyes for added effect. "Wait a minute, I actually did have to do that one day-- and you made me late!"  I scowled and held up a fist. 

"Hey, hey, hey, you didn't reject the coffee!" he defended, flinching as it got closer to him. 

"I did reject it, but if I didn't give in, our stubborn selves would've argued until the end of the competition. Plus, you were like 'Oh, it'll ooonly take a few minutes.' It took 20 minutes just to order and another 20 to get our drinks," I deadpanned, giving Hyunjin a look. 

"Okay, so the line happened to be long, and the barista happened to be new, but you still managed to get on stage in time," he countered with an awkward box smile.   

"You were lucky that I had easy clothing and little makeup to put on that day," I grumbled before shoving a bite of food into my mouth.

"Here, Y/n. You always run out of them," Hyunjin said as he handed me a few napkins. 

"Oh, thanks." He didn't look at me while he was giving them, but the thoughtful action still managed to make my heart skip a beat. "I didn't think the food would be this messy."

"Not the food. Just you," he replied with a grin. 

"Tch." I tried giving him a blank look in return, but my lips betrayed me. A second in, they curled upwards into a grin. "I'm still upset by the way. This doesn't make up for it."

"Eyy, the past is in the past," he quoted with a cheeky shrug. 

"Shut up, I hate that saying," I groaned, giving him a lifeless and annoyed glare.

"It's okay. Based on his two weeks worth of laundry to fold, we both know he's the actual messy one," Jaeyoung whispered to me but loud enough for him to hear. 

"Wooow, I decide to treat you both to a nice dinner, and this is how you repay me?" He squinted at us before muttering, "Ungrateful brats."

"Awe, you know we actually appreciate you," I answered, but he only scrunched his nose in reply. 

"Hyunjinnn, don't be like this," she coaxed, grabbing his hand on the table and lightly shaking it.

"Hmph" was what he had said while avoiding eye contact. He did it to feign irritation, but his cheeks were rising and betraying him.

I took another peek at their hands. Hers was still on top of his. He never moved his hand away, and it didn't seem like he was planning on it either. I looked away.

When I swallowed, the food going down my throat felt uncomfortable, almost as if the tube was blocked. "Oh right, I never drink enough water," I murmured before grabbing my glass to take a few sips.

"You're cleeearly smiling, so quit pretending to mope around."

"I was never doing that. You have no proof," he retaliated. 

"Stubborn as usual," I remarked. They didn't hear me or were too busy getting lost in each other's eyes because they didn't respond. I ate another bite of my food before fiddling with my fingers, trying to keep myself occupied. 

"I don't need proof. You've always had a soft spot for me," she countered. He was trying to come up with a response, but she was simply blinking at his flustered expression and babbling. "I mean, I don't blame you. I'm lovable in everyone's book," she said, tilting her head to the side innocently. He snorted, making her slap his hand. "What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Nothing," he teased, giggling at her reaction. "Oh, Jaeyoung, you have a little..." he stopped talking and brought his napkin to the corner of her lip, gently wiping the sauce off. The grip on my hand tightened, and my eyes flickered to her, waiting for her reaction. 

"Oh, heh, thanks," she replied, examining her food as she blushed. When she had recovered enough to raise her head, he was still gazing at her. His eyes crinkled as he beamed, and she did the same. 

My iron grip gradually loosened, while my shoulders slumped. I slightly glanced at the meaningless napkins he had given me earlier. It was only after they went back to talking that I had remembered I was still chewing. By then, the food had lost its flavor, and the texture was a strange lump of mush. I ingested it and then looked back down at my plate with a frown. I just stuck to finishing my water. 

"It's getting late, and we should get home," Hyunjin spoke up after checking the time on his phone.

He held a hand up, signaling for the waitress to come by. "No need to worry. I'll pay for you this time," he said to Jaeyoung who was in the middle of sorting out her bills. was open before he cut her off. "No need to feel bad or anything. I told you I was going to treat you, didn't I?" She shook her head in disapproval, but her dimple appearing showed him how thankful she was.

I was only hearing their conversation, but that annoying feeling was back. I grinded my canines against the straw as I tapped my nails against the glass. "Oh, Y/n, I'd pay for you too, but I didn't bring enough..." he trailed off, giving me an apologetic look while rubbing the back of his neck. 

"It's fine. I'm used to you and your irresponsibility," I joked, shrugging it off as I handed the worker my own money. 

"Thank you for coming. You two are really cute by the way," she commented. They were incoherently stuttering in an attempt to say something back while exchanging wide-eyed glances. She giggled teasingly before patting the two on the shoulder and walking off. "Ahh, young love," she hummed.

Their lips weren't moving, but their cheeks were saying something. They were flushed. Flaming, really, and it wasn't because of the spice in their noodles.

"Oh yeah, Y/n, you only ate half of your food. And you ordered your favorite too. Are you okay?" From her tone to her furrowed eyebrows, Jaeyoung oozed concern. The fact that she had noticed despite spending a lot of time talking to Hyunjin made me grateful and got rid of those negative emotions. 

"It's fine. I kind of lost my appetite because I ate too many snacks at home," I lied, laughing sheepishly.

"You and your show," he scolded. "I'll cook you waffles for breakfast, so you can eat on the way."

"Thanks," I replied, feeling my heart soften just the slightest. I never noticed the little things he does for me until now. "Looks like I'll have to wake up at 5 and wake you up at 5:30."

"But it'll be worth be it," he pointed out, raising his eyebrows for emphasis. 

"IIIII guess," I answered, grinning in satisfaction at his irked expression.

He dropped Jaeyoung off, only leaving once she entered her house. Not too long afterwards, we had arrived at my stop. 

"I'll see you tomorrow." I was scooting towards the side of the car to get out when he grabbed my wrist from the front seat. 

"I didn't want to push it earlier at the restaurant, but I know what you said was an excuse. You never eat snacks the day before a competition because you're worried about getting bloated. I hope you're not thinking you need to eat less. You need energy to dance after all." 

"No, no, that's not it. I just didn't feel hungry today. I had an upset stomach earlier, so maybe that was the problem." 

'White lie number two,' I thought.

"You know I take care of myself. And we visit the convenience store when we're on break from dance practice, go to cafes, and almost always eat at our houses. I literally can't starve myself when I'm with you."

He cracked a small smile at that, but rather than being touched at how he was worried about me, I was more focused on the way he was lightly brushing his thumb against the back of my palm.

"Hyunjin, I promise. I'm fine. If this was a concern, you would be one of the first people I go to. If it makes you feel better, I'll get seconds for breakfast tomorrow." 

"Yeah, you better. It's 100% hard work with a dash of love." 

"Only a dash? I deserve more than that," I protested. My heart warmed when "pfft" came out of his mouth.

"But really, thanks for checking up on me. It means a lot to me," I spoke softly, placing my hand on his. 

"Anytime, Y/n. Who else is going to take care of you if I don't? Now, get inside. It's late, and I don't want to hear you complain about a pimple popping up tomorrow." He ushered me out by patting my arm a few times.

"It's on you for suggesting we even stay out till 12. If you wake up on cue tomorrow, I might spare you." 

"Yeah, yeah, leave." He shooed me away with his hand, so I pursed my lips before shutting the car door.

When I got to bed, my mind wandered like it usually does prior to falling asleep. It went from what to wear to you should go to sleep to how many grapes could I fit into my mouth to Hyunjin. Hyunjin. My thoughts went back to all the things he had done for me. I hugged my pillow tightly with a soft sigh. He was really sweet today: giving me napkins, offering to cook for me, and making sure I was healthy.

'You weren't the only one he took care of today,' my brain reminded. That's right, Jaeyoung. Hyunjin and Jaeyoung. Their interactions. I huffed, my hold around the pillow becoming more tense. The uneasy, suffocating feeling was back. I wasn't sure what I was going through or why. Even though there was something odd swirling in the pit of my stomach, I couldn't take my eyes off of them. I had assumed it was out of curiosity. But when they got touchier, it grew into a burning sensation.

"Really me? You had to have these thoughts now? At 2 A.M.?" I groaned, running my hand through my hair. For a split second, I had wondered what it would be like if I was in Jaeyoung's place today.

I automatically dismissed the thought. "That's nasty. Why would I want to do that?"

The clock ticked a few times, and I rolled to my side then the other before the idea sneaked its way back. 

"Him paying attention to what I've been wanting to do, him paying for me, him wiping off food at the corner of my mouth, him not denying we're a couple, and him...him just gazing at me and uncontrollably smiling at me with fondness."

The more I mulled over this, the more choked up I had gotten. Then, it had hit me with an overwhelming force.

I like Hyunjin. "I like...Hyunjin," I whispered aloud, still not being able to process this.

I never liked anyone before. I always had too many things on my plate to deal with: good grades, dance, playing instruments, and a social life. I didn't have time for a boyfriend. I've seen many shows and read many books about it, but I didn't expect to join the falling-for-your-friend trope. I was always basic. 

Sure, I thought he had a nice face when I first met him. Who wouldn't? We both shared the same passion for dancing too, so it was easier to bond. It was actually how we met in the first place.

I was planning on using the practice room, but I heard a song blasting through the speakers. I peeked inside, mostly because it was one of my favorite songs and partially because I wanted to know who it was. I was thoroughly impressed by how the boy hit every beat and moved so powerfully.

He did a move where he ended up facing the back, so he caught me watching. Naturally, he screamed, so I apologized and explained myself. He chuckled and complimented my music taste, and the room ended up being the place we spent all our time at.  

I let out a quiet sigh. I wonder what would've happened if Jaeyoung didn't make us become a trio. She only started hanging out with us because I invited her after all. It was his birthday, he had cute friends, and she was single. It was the perfect formula. I didn't think she'd end up falling for Hyunjin. The burning feeling was back, but this time, it was because of guilt.

What was I supposed to know? That was two years ago, and I only realized that I like him now-- not to mention she's my best friend. We sat next to each other on the first day of school and clicked because we brought the same snack. She's one of the few people in my life that I can get along so well with, and she's the only person I've felt comfortable enough with to expose all of my emotions and hardships. Somehow, she was always there for me. I pulled my blanket closer with a frown. 

I never understood girls that threw away friendship because they both liked the same boy. It disgusted me to say the least. But most of all, they don't deserve it. They deserved a supportive friend, someone who would put aside their wants for the sake of the two people they care so much about.  

Thinking back on my actions at the restaurant, I felt worse. I was being a complete hypocrite. 

"If the two of them and their happiness are really important to me, my emotions should be repressed," I reprimanded myself, slapping my cheeks to snap myself out of it. "If I don't focus on it, it'll be over before I even know it."

That was nine months ago. For the first few weeks, I pushed them away by texting less. I could never think of them by themselves. One of their names popping up on my screen led to thoughts of the two of them together. Seeing them in person didn't make things any better. They weren't purposefully leaving me out of things, but it continuously happened the more we hung out. My excuses about leaving early for my clubs, to study, or to create and go over choreography eventually increased. I had assumed the more distance I put, the quicker I would stop liking him.

My feelings haven't changed, but I'm better at controlling them. Going back to the memory didn't hurt as much anymore. The pain was almost like a papercut. You can barely tell it's there, but if there's something strong enough to trigger it, it'll sting.

My eyes focused on the two again. Hyunjin had a proud grin on his face when Jaeyoung's lips curled upwards, just the slightest bit at his attempt to entertain her. It widened and turned into snickering once she started giggling towards the end. 

But if he had turned his head to the side a little bit more, he would've seen my own lips unconsciously tilting upwards. I was always a er for the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs way too hard. 

It's too bad that it's a rare sight. He felt unattractive after seeing himself in pictures. Since then, he would cover his mouth or avoid eye contact. To think that what made me fall for him was an insecurity of his. Seeing that facial expression appear proved that he really liked her. It made my heart melt knowing he could be genuinely happy without worrying about how he looked. 

After the conversation ended, Hyunjin's gaze lingered on her for a few seconds longer. His eyes scanned the details of her face with so much affection that I had to tear my eyes away. Even after nearly a year, I'm still not used to seeing him visibly soften at every syllable she speaks. When I faced forward again, I saw him slyly swinging his arms back and forth. They went out a tad further each time, specifically his left arm, so their hands could brush each other. I knew what was going to happen. I saw it coming. 

But that didn't stop an inexplicably tight feeling from clogging my airways when his fingers intertwined with hers. What started off as numb and ticklish turned into a sense of violent throbbing. I weakly swallowed to get rid of the lump in my throat and my conflicted emotions. I didn't look away. I couldn't. My eyes were locked on him gently  the side of her hand with his thumb. She only squeezed his hand in return, but her dusty cheeks and the hearts in her eyes were enough to convey her opinions. 

I cast my eyes downwards and started to play with my fingers. I wanted to do something-- anything to keep my mind off of things and calm down. I took in deep breaths, trying to ease the pent up tension. I shook my head, mentally scolding myself. I really should've been used to it by now. Four months after I started to like him, Jaeyoung would get a tender look on her face whenever we talked about Hyunjin. I had casually brought it up by teasing her about it, and as my instincts suggested, I was right. She explained about how she had been stuck between embracing what she felt about him and the aftermath of falling for a close friend. She then asked me for my advice.

Although the idea crossed my mind, I didn't want to be greedy and let it cloud my judgement. Who was I to ruin a potential relationship? Let alone a relationship between my best friends? After giving her a pep talk, she decided to stop letting her worries get in the way. From then on, she would tell me specific details of them spending time together, flirting, and occasionally received pictures. It was awhile before I got used to it, but it was easy to feign curiosity and excitement and egg her on to tell me more over text. I exhaled shakily before I got myself together again. 

Although the mixed emotions haven't gone away, there are times where I'm kind of glad Hyunjin's distracted by her. My eyes can freely wander along his side profile without having to worry about getting caught. There are days where he has darker circles under his eyes, but they practically disappear when those two see each other in person. Jaeyoung takes naps, so she can handle the late night phone calls and video chats. Hyunjin, on the other hand, goes over dance moves for as long as he needs to until they can be deemed perfect. He has no time for himself, let alone rest at this rate. Every time he closes his eyes for a few seconds longer when he blinks, yawns multiple times in a span of fifteen minutes, or rests his cheek against his fist to keep his head up during classes, I want to tell him to take better care of his health. But if I do that, I'd feel bad for making them spend less time with each other. It's limited as it is since Jaeyoung goes to a different high school. I also can't tell if my actions are out of concern or a facade of my selfish intentions.

If I was five steps ahead, the pain would be more bearable because I couldn't see what was going on. Then again, losing my ability to see heightened my sense of hearing. As I was walking, I couldn't help but eavesdrop on their conversation. I'm not sure if it was because of their quiet voices or the thoughts that were flooding my mind, but I couldn't hear much. My muscles and motions were stiff because of how awkward it felt being there. It felt like I was intruding, and anyone that takes a glimpse at me would know I'm in the way.

I tuned back into their conversation, only managing to catch a few bits and pieces. A loud skidding noise and feminine scream broke my concentration. 

I whipped my head around, catching the moment Hyunjin grabbed Jaeyoung's arm to steady her. 

It would've worked if she wasn't flailing both arms to gain balance again. In the end, she slipped out of his grip and crashed to the floor. 

"Ah, typical and clumsy Jaeyoung," I murmured before rushing over to her. 

"Are you okay? I should've had a more stable grip on you," he rambled as he helped her up. He didn't let her reply before he bent down and gently brushed off the dirt sticking to her knees and calves. He brushed his palms against each other before he held her shoulders and gave them a light squeeze. "Did that hurt?"

"No, I'm fi--" 

"Say 'ow' when it does," he cut her off, proceeding to poke her arms and legs. She squirmed here and there, trying to block him.

"Y/n...help," she whispered, pouting. 

"Hah, looks like that's what you get for having two left feet," I tried to joke, plastering a smile on my face.

"That's with dancing, not stability," Hyunjin commented without even sparing me a glance, insistently poking elsewhere.

I bit my tongue, glaring at the back of his head. That comment wasn't even meant for him in the first place. And of course he would insult me and not the person that tripped over thin air. I guess I should've realized he was unconsciously interested in her from the start. He was always pretending to be annoyed and criticizing every action I made and word I uttered. As for her, he was always caring and understanding. The idea didn't sit very well with me, but it didn't linger in my mind for too long. What snapped me out of it was Jaeyoung's shriek when Hyunjin jabbed her sides.

He quickly apologized and lightly patted her sides to try and make up for it. He huffed. "Don't try to pretend you're okay."  

She huffed as well, staring at him in disbelief. "No, you idiot. I said, 'ah,' not 'ow.' And it was because I'm ticklish."

"Oh," he responded, blinking. 

"Pfft, the last time you seemed this worried was when the manager tried to scout you," I teased.

"He was a burly and intimidating guy," he defended. "And he told us he was from JYP, one of the biggest companies out there. 50% of those people could be scammers."

"JYP?" Jaeyoung asked.

"Mhm, got scouted this morning," he replied smugly, shrugging nonchalantly.

I exaggeratedly rolled my eyes and made a noise of disgust. He shot a glare my way as a reply. 

"And are...you thinking about joining?" She said it in a quiet tone, which was extremely unlike her.

"Yeah, I'd be crazy to waste such a good opportunity," he explained, not noticing her lack of enthusiasm. 

"But...that's such an unstable future. I know you're talented, but there will be so many other trainees you're competing against...not to mention it'll be expensive..." she trailed off, not meeting his eyes.

His smile dropped as the words continued to leave . "So you're telling me I should just quit because things might not work out? Quit without even trying? I actually felt confident enough to go for this, and you're telling me to just give up already?" he questioned, sighing deeply afterwards.

"Of course I want to be encouraging, but you'll be running on two, three hours of sleep if you're lucky-- and be pushed to your limits. I don't want to see you go through that. Think about how little time you'll have for the people around you, especially your family," she continued, taking a step closer to him. 

"You really think I didn't think this through?" Hyunjin scoffed.  

"You did say you got it today...like what, 7 hours ago? Is that really enough time to make a proper decision?" she ridiculed. Hyunjin arched a brow and took another step towards her, about to reply when I gave both of their shoulders a squeeze.

"I understand the points that you both have, but things are going to get nowhere if you're just going to argue." They were in the middle of a harsh staring contest, but that persuaded them to give each other some personal space.

Hyunjin clicked his tongue and stormed off before I could hold him back. "Hyunjin--" I tried uttering, but it was useless. He rarely gets this riled up, and he can't contain his emotions when it comes to topics he's serious about. When I turned back to my left, Jaeyoung was already a few feet away from me. I looked back and forth, conflicted about who to console first. I only hesitated for a few seconds before sprinting after Jaeyoung. 

"I know you care a lot about Hyunjin and just want the best for him," I started, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and gently rubbing it. "But it would've been better if you only talked about one negative opinion, so you could've explained yourself. And added in some positivity since what you think is important to him-- you in general, really."

"Yeah," she agreed before letting out a sigh. "Honestly...I told him those things because I didn't want him to go. I know it's selfish, but I like him a lot. He's got a lot going for him when it comes to dancing. He practically never goes a day without it. I'm proud of him for making it, and I'm sure he'll go far, but I--" she paused, not knowing what to say. 

"I know. I know. I don't blame you or your feelings at all. You want to be able to experience him liking you back and being in a relationship with him." I could feel my throat tightening, so I coughed to get rid of it. "But like I mentioned earlier, he cares about you so much, and he'll definitely do anything and everything to keep you in his life. Do you remember when he and I went to dance camp for a week, and he video called his mom every night and made sure she sent pictures and videos of Kkami?" Her lips turned upwards as she nodded. "He's going to be the exact same way with us. No matter how tired he is, he'll at least send us a message or two."

"But then there's just the industry. It's cruel and offers slim chances. Using, molding, and spending all of your talent and money for years and not being able to make it would be terrifying." She leaned her head against mine and hugged her body. 

"Or making it but not making it big because of the competition," I added, feeling her head move up and down against mine. "But Hyunjin's had enough practice from how much dancing he has done over the years. He's devoted to it, and anyone can see that from how hard he works. If he worked as hard as he did with school, he could get into any college he wanted. Since he doesn't, sticking to this path is the only option he has," I stated matter-of-factly, making her laugh and hug me a little tighter.

"And we both know he's attractive." She hummed in approval at my comment, making me snicker. "How can I not know when you mention it practically every day?" I taunted. She let out a flustered noise, mumbling something along the lines of "shut up." It was hard to tell when she was covering with her sleeve. I grinned cheekily at her reaction before resuming, "The company wouldn't let that kind of a face go to waste. My bet is he'll only need a few years of training."

"I really appreciate you and how well you give advice, you know that?" She pulled me into an embrace, breathing out a puff of air in relief. 

"Not really since you don't tell me that enough, but thanks," I replied, patting her affectionately.

"This is the one time I'm letting you off with your snarky comments," she rebuked, wagging her finger at me. 

"Will you officially let me off the hook if I buy you ice cream?" I proposed. 

"Consider that a deal," she answered, speed-walking ahead. 

The ice cream was good and so was being able to catch up with each other. We unknowingly spent an hour at the shop just talking and eating. We decided to let the food digest by going to the mall across the street. After spending three more hours together and exhausting our legs, we called it a day and headed home. I checked my phone and saw that it was 7 P.M. Since it was still early, I decided to swing by Hyunjin's house.

I could feel my hands getting clammy as I stood in front of the door, staring at it. I wiped my hands against my jeans before ringing the doorbell. When he opened the door, his eyebrows went up in surprise. 

"Hey, what are you doing here?" He was confused but nonetheless opened it wider for me to enter. 

"Why else? You need someone to be here for you." I closed the door behind me after I got in. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I care about Jaeyoung a lot, and I felt like you needed time to cool off." 

"Yeah, I get it. It's just nice that you showed up." He started walking to his room, and I followed along. 

"Where are your parents?" 

"On a business trip. They'll be back in a few days." He picked up Kkami before sitting next to me, patting her head affectionately. I let silence fill the air as he was holding his dog, her eyes drooping as he continued to smooth her fur. "You...you don't think I'm making a mistake, do you?" His self esteem was never this low. I never heard him sound like this, and it hurt to hear. 

"No, no, not at all. Jaeyoung was just concerned about how different your lifestyle would become and how quickly you'd get used to it-- if you even get used to it. She genuinely wants you to achieve your goals, and she's proud of you for making it so far, even if she didn't say it." I rubbed the side of his arm, hoping to bring some sort of comfort.   

"But now that I think about it again, am I really ready to leave everything behind just for my happiness? Is this worth it? Putting myself ahead of everyone else?" He tilted his head back, exhaling deeply as he closed his eyes.

"This isn't just for you. You're making everyone else around you happy too. Why do you think your parents let you accept the offer when you called them? Granted, it took a little convincing, but they were more than pleased when you told them. You could hear it in their tone if the cheering wasn't enough evidence for you. You were always interested in a bunch of things, but dancing was the only hobby that stuck with you as you grew up. They know and can see how committed you are. They want to let you do what you were meant to do."

"Sure, my parents are being supportive, but I'm their only kid. If I'm not successful, they would've ended up wasting money for nothing and on nothing." His voice started to tremble, while his eyes were getting teary. I scooted closer and gently nudged the side of his head with my palm, letting him rest against my shoulder. 

"Don't say that. You're worth more than the amount of money being spent on you. Your parents know what they're getting into. They're smart and have stable jobs. They clearly would do anything to keep a smile on your face, so you shouldn't feel bad that they're doing this." I was rubbing his back, trying to soothe him as he repeatedly Kkami's fur. 

"Yeah, I guess, but their jobs can only do so much. We're not high-class citizens. I can only train as long as my parents can provide for me. If I can't debut before they're out of money, all the time, effort, and sweat I poured into becoming known would all go down the drai--" He refrained himself from making any noises, letting a few tears trickle down his cheeks. I moved Kkami from his lap to another part of the bed. Then, I simply held him closer, letting his tears stain my shirt. I could feel my vision blurring as I tried to console him. 

"Just let it all out. It's okay," I whispered. 

The way his arms were wrapped around my waist with strength while his fingers were shaking as he clung onto the fabric broke my heart.

"The only things you have to worry about are singing or rapping, depending on which route you want to pursue. You're used to using a lot of stamina since you practice non-stop, so dancing and energy will be less of an issue. Don't belittle yourself like this. You haven't even joined the company, let alone discuss the contract, and you're already thinking about failing." I ran my hand through his hair as I ranted, his sobs growing longer. I started to cry at that point, feeling helpless as he continued to spew nonsense about his insecurities. I wiped away my tears in a hurry, trying to pull myself together. 

"But what if I leave, and I can't even get a decent job? I wouldn't be able to do anything to support my family by then." He sounded so defeated, so hopeless as his arms wrapped around me even tighter. 

"You keep thinking about the 'what if's.' So many outcomes can occur with just one action you choose. You never know what's going to happen. Nothing's guaranteed, so you shouldn't be letting your fears hold you back. Even if you don't make it, it's not the end. You simply took the chance you got and went for it. That's more impressive than even being able to debut. Have faith in yourself, Hyunjin. Managers see tons of people on the streets, but this one chose you in particular. You didn't sign up to audition. You were handpicked. Even men fall for your charms, so I know JYP will expose you to the public as soon as he makes plans for a new boy group. This is a chance that happens once in a lifetime. Don't let this moment become another one of your 'what if's,' and remember that everyone's really proud of you. You'll never be a burden, so be happy and continue to make decisions for yourself." Although the tears kept going, and my voice was unsteady, I'd call this a win since I managed to calm him down. His cries decreased in volume, and his sniffling was the only noise I heard from him while I was talking. 

"Thanks, Y/n. You really know how to give advice," he finally spoke. 

"Anytime," I responded, my heart warming at the fact that he finally felt better.

He sat up properly and took one look at me before chuckling. He cupped my face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe away my tear-stained cheeks. The way he did it was so gentle, almost loving. My mixed emotions from how sweet he was being and his red-rimmed eyes and mussed up hair made a few more tears slip out. All that matters was that the negativity was gone, and it was replaced with a fond expression. "You idiot. Why would you cry because of me?"

"Because I love you," I whispered. It was barely audible, but my tone held so much emotion that it scared me. I froze, my palms automatically starting to sweat buckets at the suspense. I wasn't supposed to say that. I wasn't supposed to do that. 

To my relief, he chuckled before saying, "I love you too." I could feel heat rising to my cheeks, but before I could even start to question its meaning, he had already stood up. 

"Let's go outside and watch a few movies. It's been a while," he suggested.

"Good call. You choose, and I'll get the popcorn." I cradled Kkami in my arms before following him into the living room. 

Two and a half movies in, Hyunjin was fast asleep, most likely because he emotionally exerted himself too much. I got off of the couch to help him sleep comfortably. I carefully and slowly laid him down onto a pillow before getting his legs into fetal position. I went back to his room to grab one of the blankets and wrap it around him. When I was done, I couldn't help but stop and stare at him affectionately. " I brushed his bangs out of the way, nibbling on my lower lip in thought. I was thinking about what happened not too long ago.

Did he say it easily because he assumed I had said it as a friend? From the way I had said it, it sounded like a confession to me. But if he had noticed, there would've been some expression on his face, especially shock. Could he possibly...?

I automatically started shaking my head back and forth. That was too much of a reach. I exhaled deeply. Remembering how smitten Hyunjin and Jaeyoung seem to be for each other snapped me out of it. The sentence made my heart flutter and ache at the same time. I was able to hear those three words from him, but they didn't hold the same meaning. 

I brushed his hair with my fingers, scanning his features. His long eyelashes fanned out under his eyes, making me squint in displeasure. Why are all guys blessed in this department? My eyes went to his distinct mole under his left eye. I had always found it appealing, but I didn't tell him since I didn't want to feed his big enough ego. I patted his cheek softly, quietly laughing at the way he nuzzled his face against my palm. Then, my vision trailed down until they stopped at his lips. They were plump and a red shade of salmon. I was ever so slightly tempted to kiss him, but I don't have consent. I'm also the true definition of a wimp. 

'Jaeyoung's a lucky one,' I thought before getting up to pat Kkami goodbye.

As weeks passed, Hyunjin and I had gotten closer, going back to spending our time cooped up in the school's studio. We'd record us dancing, critique each other, and repeat. It was a non-stop, tough process, but it was always a lot of fun. When we were satisfied, we gave ourselves a 20 minute break, plopping down to the ground. 

"How far did you get with practicing for the partner piece?" Hyunjin asked, lifting up his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face. I fleetingly glanced at his abs before averting my gaze, not wanting to get caught. 

"What partner piece?" I only looked at him when I confirmed (with my peripheral vision) that his shirt completely covered his upper half. 

"The one for next week's competition. She's choosing partners in three days."

"Three days?!" I exclaimed, shooting up from the floor into a seating position. My hair was disheveled and blocking most of my vision, but I could care less at this point.

"Yeah, she posted it online two days ago." He talked and shrugged in such a nonchalant tone that it made me want to throw my shoe at him. "What were you doing?"

"Studying for my exam today." I groaned, pressing my fingers against my temples. "She would put something important on the website, even though we barely use it."

"Any more exams?" 

"Not this week."

"Perfect. I can just teach you today." He pulled out his phone, finding the video and connecting it to the TV. He looked back at me and patted the seat next to him.

I whined, patting the seat next to me instead. "I'm tired."

He rolled his eyes. "You're so lazy," he whined back before he rolled his way over to my side. 

"Who's lazy now?" I snorted, lightly hitting his shoulder with the back of my hand. 

"Still you because I made the effort to move." 

I was planning on saying something back, but the video started. I bobbed my head to the melody, trying to follow along with the dance. I slowly stopped moving to the beat when I saw how close the two people had progressively gotten.

'I have to do this with Hyunjin?' I didn't even want to move my head near his direction in fear of making eye contact and anything obvious. '...well, it shouldn't be that bad. I just need to stay professional,' I thought, gripping the hem of my shirt as I finished watching the rest of the video. He replayed it twice. I focused on the routine to get it all down and keep myself distracted. 

"You ready?" It was more of a rhetorical question because he was already up and holding his hand out. 

"Looks like I don't have a choice," I replied, grabbing his hand to let him pull me up. 

He started teaching the portions where we did the same choreography. We reviewed the steps a few times and went back to the beginning before he showed me the next parts. This went on for an hour and a half.

"So you have the gist of things down. Two days is definitely enough to polish it. Do you remember what the duo did?"

I nodded, waving my hand dismissively. "Eeeasyyy. I could do it in my sleep."

He chuckled at my attitude. "Okay, we'll get right into it then."

I faced the right and put pressure on the ball of my right foot, while Hyunjin posed with his hands in his pockets. He did his bit before the beat dropped, which was my signal to go. I curled my upper body to the right as he slid his palm along my back, sending tingles down my spine. His feet slid to the left shortly afterwards. He placed his right hand in then left hand on top and popped his body before making a wave.

I swayed my hips to the right and cocked my head to the left. I popped my right shoulder and knee to the front then my left shoulder and knee. After I did a body roll and slid my hands down my body, I paused and stared straight ahead. As he did a whole 8-count consisting of fancy footwork, I couldn't help but stare at him. He's extremely attractive when he's dancing. It would be nearly impossible to take your eyes off of him because he was so talented. Having a nice face was another reason. 

He faced me, putting pressure on his back leg before hopping, landing on his left foot then right. I made a fist with my left hand, swinging it from the front to the side while turning my body to the left. Then, I stood on the ball of my right foot and propped my right hand on his chest at the same time. I had no time to wonder if he had started working out more because I already had to do the next part. My pointer and middle finger trailed three steps upwards, resting on his shoulder before he grabbed my wrist and moved our arms down to the side. I took two steps backwards as he took two steps forwards. He wrapped his right arm around my waist, pulling me close to the point where our chests were touching. I turned my head to the bottom right, looking at the floor before he grabbed my chin with his left hand and forced me to look at him. We had to stare at each other while the dancers on the side had the spotlight. The purpose was to match the mood of the song, but his intense gaze and having our faces only inches apart made my heartbeat speed up more than a three-hour session without a break. 

He pulled away once it was over, smirking at me. "Why's your face so red? Have you fallen for me?"

I scoffed, making a face. "You wish."

As more time passed by, my phone would get more and more notifications from Hyunjin. I tried not to get to giddy about it in case it stopped, but I couldn't help it. It has been six days so far, so it seemed safe to expect consistent messages. Jaeyoung's busier since she has exams to study for and take. The three of us would meet up, but it went from several times a week to once, maybe twice if Hyunjin and I were lucky. 

I was currently watching a singing competition, stuffing some chips into my face when I heard a "ping." I blindly patted my bed to grab my phone. My eyebrows went up when I saw the message was from Hyunjin. 

Kkami's Owner: Do you wanna go to the mall and watch something?

Me: Sure!! But that's new. What's the special occasion?

Kkami's Owner: No reason. I'll pick you up in 30

My lips curled upwards at the message. "Heh, I'll get to see him soon."

Me: Okay, don't make me wait for too long

Staying true to his word, half an hour passed by before the doorbell rang, indicating Hyunjin arrived. 

"I expected Jaeyoung to be at the door since she's free. Is she passed out in the passenger's seat?"

"No, I wanted to just spend time with you."

I was surprised but also flustered, so I quickly pushed those emotions aside. "Now that I think about it, I can't even remember the last time you willingly did this," I joked, closing the door behind me. 

"What do you mean willingly--" He stared at me with a baffled expression. "I see you enough anyways." He got into the car and ignored my gaping mouth from his words. 

"Ouch, that hurt," I mumbled while frowning, patting my heart. 

"Pfft, don't be so dramatic." 

"What are we watching?" 

"A horror movie."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I saw the trailer. I can already tell I'm getting no sleep tonight."

Throughout the movie, I flinched or covered my eyes when the scenes were dragged out too long for my liking. The snacks and drinks were long forgotten when the plot thickened. Towards the end, I was squishing myself against the seat and hugging my knees. All of a sudden, the lights came on. 

"That was go--" Hyunjin bursted out laughing when he saw the state I was in. "It wasn't even that bad."

"You screamed more than I did," I retorted, furrowing my eyebrows.

We argued on the way out and threw away our trash. 

"You're such a wimp," he insulted before he bumped into something. "Oh, sor-- aHH," he shrieked, clinging onto my arm after he jumped back five feet. It was a cardboard cutout of the creature in the movie. He slowly and sheepishly made eye contact with me and was met with an amused expression.

I glanced at our arms then at him, barely suppressing my laughter. "Look who's talking."

"Sh-shut up," he stuttered, immediately letting go. 

"What a little baby," I cooed, teasingly pinching his cheek and making his ears burn up more. He scowled, pushing my hand away from his face. "Hey, that store's having a sale. Let's go." I dragged him by the arm before he even had time to reply.

Plenty of stores, tens of dollars spent, and arms full of shopping bags afterwards, we stopped by our last store. I let out a deep sigh as I stared longingly at the shirt in my hands. "If only you were cheaper, or I brought more money." I placed it back in its place, while jutting out my lower lip. 

"Tsk tsk tsk, how irresponsible," Hyunjin scolded, popping out of nowhere. "Have you tried it on and taken pictures?"

I had whipped my phone out before responding. "You know it." 

He leaned over to get a better look, causing our shoulders to brush. He hummed in approval and had already gotten his wallet. "I got you covered."

"But you have to help me pay $12."

"Don't worry about it. It looks good on you," he confirmed with a small grin. I returned it and kept my composure, even though I was internally melting during the situation. 

Needless to say, that became one of my favorite shirts. It wasn't too long before he had invited me out again. 

Kkami's Owner: How does going to the arcade sound?

Me: I'm always down wym

Me: But already asking to meet up again. How clingy

Me: You miss me that much? ;)))

Kkami's Owner: gA g

Kkami's Owner: Get ready in 30 before I ditch you

Me: >:-((( r00d

The two of us did a handful of things like basketball:

"Stop tieing with me!" I shouted as I frantically tried to make baskets. 

"You stop tieing with me." He quickened his pace, provoking me to do the same.  

"You're so-- you made me lose my streak!" 

"Ha, who started the conversation?"

In the end, Hyunjin won the round...and the rematches I asked for. 

A first person shooter game:

"Y/n, over there!" 

I searched in every direction possible in a frenzy. "Over where? You have to be more specific!"

"3 o' clock!" 

I managed to shoot a few of the zombies that were coming in, but there were too many. 

"They're gonna corner me soon. I need backup." My shots were starting to miss them entirely as I started running backwards.

"I'm a little busy. Give me a few seconds." He shot a spray of bullets at the horde of zombies, knocking most of them down. 

"You're pretty good at this," I commented, impressed.

"FPS games are my speciality," he said smugly. 

"I killed more of them, but there's still about six of them."

"I got yo-- never mind, I can't move."

"What do you mean you can't move?" I stopped talking to get a headshot. "You're probably pressing the wrong buttons."

"No, why would-- I was. Now, I'm coming."

"Oh well, I'm dead now, so you can take over."

"...I just died too. One of them ambushed me from the back."

Hyunjin was still better, but our skills were practically on the same level for this game.

And air hockey: 

"The final point..." 

"You're not gonna get it easily," I replied, hitting the puck towards his side. It went back and forth for a while before it hit his hand. He hissed, retracting his hand and holding onto it.

"Did you really think I'd fall for that?"

"Ehh, it was worth a shot. Oh, what's that over there?" 

My idiotic self looked to the direction he was pointing in, only to see nothing. He wasted no time, slamming the puck and sending it across the table in a split second. "You little--" I didn't get to finish my sentence because the puck had hit the edge of my goal and went straight into Hyunjin's. 

"Wow, I love karma. I'll order for us." I beamed at him brightly before leaving him to suffer from his defeat. 

We were in the middle of stuffing our faces with pizza and chicken wings when he started a conversation.

"I should've told you this sooner, but I was worried about a lot of things." He clearly displayed his nervousness, not making eye contact and just staring at his plate while he was talking. 

"Worried about what? You know you can always come to me about anything." 

"I know. You've helped me out with so many things, especially my career, but this is a different case. I was worried about your reaction and how it would change our friendship."

My ears perked up at the last sentence. 'Is he...?'

"Almost sounds like a confession."

"It is."

My heartbeat sped up, the sound ringing in my ears louder than the noises from the games. 

"There's this girl that I spend a lot of time with, and we share a hobby."

'Dancing,' I thought, feeling color rush to my cheeks. 

"You guys must be really close."

"Yeah, one of my closest friends." He had a shy smile on his face as rubbed his arm.

It took all of my self-control to not shower him with affectionate words. "So, who's the lucky girl?"

"Jaeyoung." The corners of my lips lowered a tad bit, but I quickly brought them back up. Hearing a different name made my heart drop, but I should've known better. I tried, but it was impossible to ignore the way he spoke her name in such a loving tone. 

"When did you start liking her?" 

"Remember when we went to the restaurant she was begging to go to for a week?" 

Hearing those words made me feel the bile that was on the verge of rising. I swallowed the pain, lightly tugging on the rips of my jeans under the table. 'How could I forget when that was the same day I started to like you?' 

"Oh yeah. From how flirty you two were, I thought you guys were dating behind my back," I teased. 

He was obviously embarrassed from the way he chuckled. "Am I that obvious?"

"Pretty. When are you planning on telling her?"

"That's the thing. I don't know if I should or not."

"I'm gonna give you a useful hint right now: she likes you too."

"What? Really?" He immediately brightened up, the distress he felt moments ago long gone. 

"Yeah, if you had just told me sooner, you guys could've been dating for months by now, haha." The constricting feeling tightened, but I didn't dwell on it, not wanting to ruin the mood. 

"Wow, if only I was less of a coward." I snorted, making the both of us start to laugh. But I was thinking about confessing to her with her favorite flowers. Is that too cheesy?" 

"Nooo, nothing's too cheesy. And that's really sweet."

"Okay, one problem solved. The other one is coming up with something to say."

"Be genuine about your feelings. Talk about when you fell for her, the little things that you like about her, and how you'll cherish her even though you'll be busy."

"Wow, if I didn't know any better, it sounds like it's coming from personal experience."

"Heh." It was hard to hide the bitterness in my voice. "If you watch dramas and movies and read books about romance, you're basically a relationship guru."

"Can you pretend to be Jaeyoung, so I can practice what I want to say?" 

"Yeah, go ahead." I tried to ignore the suffocating feeling crawling back up my throat.

"Okay, I'm not good at this, so I'm probably going to mess up. It took me a long time to get enough courage and finally tell you this, but...I really like you. I don't know how I didn't realize this sooner, but you do so many things that just makes me fall for you even more. You have one of the best hearts I know. You're always there for me and sending encouraging texts, even though you're busy. You're so easy to be around. We could paint for hours in silence, and I wouldn't complain. Mostly because you have a habit of sticking your tongue out when you're concentrated, and it's cute." He paused to grin cheekily, his eyes crinkling in the process. My heart throbbed as I returned the expression, trying to show that he's doing well. "I know you were just worried with my career choice, and I'm sorry for getting upset and not listening to you. You didn't deserve it. To make up for it, I'll give you a date and a boyfriend." 

"Ooooh, how smooth. I approve." We were both laughing until mine suddenly died down. He came up with all of this on the spot. "...you must really like her, huh?"

"Yeah, I don't think I've ever liked someone so much before." 

'Me neither.' I brushed off my thoughts, pumping my fist in the air while chanting, "Cutest couple 2k18." 

It was another week before Hyunjin had asked me to help him out with confessing to her.

It took a while to convince Jaeyoung to walk around the park since exercising wasn't something she liked to do, but the playground and ice cream was enough of an incentive. We were sitting on the swings, telling each other what was going on in our lives. "Be right back. I'm gonna go get us our desserts."

"Alrighty, make sure you get plenty of mint chocolate chip for me."

"Wouldn't be able to forget something that important." As I passed by a tree near the playground, I saw Hyunjin peeking his head out. I widened my eyes and repeatedly jabbed my head towards her direction, finally convincing him to walk towards her. "Good luck," I whispered, squeezing his arm supportively. 

He visibly relaxed, his tense shoulders relaxing as he let out a deep sigh. "Thanks, Y/n." The way his eyes softened made my heart do the same. 

"Now, go make her fall even more in love with you." I lightly shoved his back to get him to move. He looked back at me, giving me a lazy grin. I tried my best to smile back, giving him a thumbs up. 

He approached her from the back, leaning close to her ear. "Boo."

"Y/n!! You-- oh, Hyunjin?" Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion before she remembered what he had just did. "Hyunjin, you--" she growled, whacking him on the shoulder. "What are you doing here?"

"I...I came here to say something I should've told you a long time ago," he said as he revealed the arrangement of camellias, anemones, and primroses that was hidden behind his back. 

"My favorites," Jaeyoung murmured, her cheeks already rising. 

Hearing the confession for a second time didn't faze me at much. It was her reactions, the intensity of their blushing, and their soft, smitten giggles that got to me. I gulped uncomfortably as I watched him grab her hand in the middle of the confession. My grip on the bark tightened when she intertwined their hands, stepping closer towards him. By the end of the confession, the flowers were long-forgotten, just laying there on the floor. The distance between the two closed until there was none left, making it harder for me to breathe. Hyunjin's gaze flickered towards her lips for a brief second before they went back to her eyes. She wordlessly gave him permission by wrapping her arms around his neck and shutting her eyes. He chuckled at her eagerness before cupping her cheek and letting his lips meet hers.

Watching this hurt. Everything hurt. I let the tears freely fall as I clutched my chest, trying to get rid of the heart wrenching ache. I went somewhere with enough distance from me and the playground, not wanting them to find me. They didn't need to be concerned at a time like this. I sank to the ground, hugging my knees and burying my face in my arms. The sobs increased the more I thought about it: how I liked Hyunjin for a year, how I should've moved on the second I suspected something between them, how I thought I had a chance, and how in love they are.

There's no one to blame but me. I led myself on. I was so attached at the thought of doing little things together: cuddling each other as we talk about our day, having our hands intertwined as we drive around town, laughing so hard at the stupidest things until we choke on our spit and laugh even harder, and kissing each other until when we're breathless. In my mind, I dedicated time and effort to the idea of being with him while in real life, he only saw me as a good friend. All along, I was the culprit that broke my own heart. This whole time I was just getting five steps ahead of myself.