Prompt: Jaemin doesn't think he'll ever find love, not in the form of his best friend at least.

 

Jaemin likes romance stories. It's all he ever read and watch to be honest. He likes the uncomfortable tightness in his chest when the main characters hurt each other, be it intentional or not. He likes it even better when the tightness fades into tingling butterflies as those characters make up and confess. Cliche and anti-climatic may they be, but he still likes them anyway.

But as cliche as it may seem, Jaemin never thought that such stories will ever come into life. He does dream though. He dreams of leading a life with a love story worth to be told and written about, whatever its ending might be. Mark thinks he's strange for wanting a love that may end up painful but Jaemin thinks otherwise. He thinks he would rather have a broken heart more than having a dull, empty life.

But again, life isn't fair. All Jaemin ever want is a life with stories worth remembered yet all he's ever led is just a dull life devoid of colours. Jaemin has had a few crushes here and there before, never quite close to being called love sadly, but he had wished that those crushes might make a beautiful story for once. Except, they never did.

The crushes ended before they could even blossom. Jaemin always found himself liking someone unattainable. Like that guy whom he had seen once in the subway station, or that foreigner guy he'd managed to talk to about some great books who apparently was only in Seoul for his two weeks vacation. Always, always unattainable.

At this point, Na Jaemin already thinks that never in his life will he ever find love. Love just doesn't work out for him and such stories will never be his story to tell. "Come on, Nana. You're just being pessimistic again. Just be patient and I'm sure the right guy will come to you. You don't have to look for it," Mark once told him when Jaemin had voiced his thought about his own love life. Jaemin wishes he can say yeah, I know to him. But how can he, when life once again wants to prove the same point all over again?

 

 

"Nana, you're frowning again." Jeno says with a grin, Mark and Donghyuck only agreeing with simultaneous nods. Jaemin blinks a few times before his frown deepens as he shakes his head.

"No, I'm not." Jaemin denies but his reply only stretches the grin on Jeno's face as the latter gently pokes a finger against the skin just between Jaemin's eyebrows.

"See? A frown." He counters and Jaemin stiffens. "Your frowning look is cute, but it doesn't suit you."

"I. am. not. cute. Jeno." Jaemin hisses and softly slaps Jeno's hand away, a pout already forming over his thin lips. Jeno just shrugs the comment off before he picks up his fork again.

"Why do you look so constipated anyway?" Jeno asks after that, munching on a piece of chicken off of his half-empty plate. Mark and Donghyuck snicker at his question and Jeno quirks a curious eyebrow at Jaemin's frantic denial.

"I do not look constipated! And shut up, you morons!"

"We didn't even say anything!" Donghyuck counters.

"Your sickening grins are loud enough." Jaemin grunts with a roll of his eyes.

"But seriously, why though? You look happy just a while ago." Jeno asks again and oh how Jaemin wishes that Jeno will just drop the question already.

"Isn't he just jealous?" Mark says it offhandedly, almost as if he doesn't almost kill Jaemin with his heart attack-inducing comment.

"Jealous? Jealous of who—"

"No one! No one is jealous of anyone! So can we please just have this lunch in peace before someone gets killed?" Jaemin harshly hisses as he glares at the other two perpetrators.

"Yeah, wouldn't want to have to visit someone's funeral so soon, right, Nana?"

"Hyuck, shut the hell up."

"Wait, wait. Nana, why am I out of the loop? Who are you talking about?"

"Nana is just jealous, Jeno. You should comfort him." Mark answers instead, and Jaemin really doesn't know who he wants to murder first. Mark, or Donghyuck.

"Jealous of whom?"

"Hmm, I wonder. Maybe someone who was just here a minute ago?"

Okay, that's it. He's assassinating Donghyuck first, preferably with a silencer gun.

"You mean, Lami? Nana, you're jealous of Lami?" Jaemin widens his eyes and shoots up from his seat so suddenly that the chair would have toppled over if not for Jeno who held onto it for him.

"I- I'm not jealous of anyone!"

"Okay, okay. I get it. Calm down, Nana. I'm sorry I didn't notice your feeling. I'm really not a good best friend, am I?" Jeno says, a look of guilt caresses his look as he pulls Jaemin down into his seat again. Mark and Donghyuck immediately exchanges looks, a silent conversation taking place between them while Jaemin has his own crisis battling in his chest.

 

, did he notice? Did he realise?

 

Jaemin just looks over at his dejected-looking best friend, feels his heart hammering painfully against his chest as he waits for Jeno to drop the ticking bomb.

"I'm really sorry for not noticing, Nana." Jeno apologises, makes Jaemin feel worse as he readies himself for a rejection. "You like Lami, don't you? Is that why you're jealous when she came over to talk to me?" Jeno says instead and,

Oh.

Jaemin cannot decide whether he's lucky or unlucky enough that Lee Jeno can be this dense. He notices how Mark rolled his eyes at Jeno's conclusion while Donghyuck literally slams a palm against his forehead-- a literal definition of facepalm.

Jaemin just lets out a deep breath he doesn't realise he's been holding and forces a bitter smile.

"Yeah. Maybe." He doesn't think it can hurt this much just to find out that his feeling will probably never reach his friend.

"Oh. Um, I— I'll make sure not to hit on her, okay? I promise. You don't have to worry."

"Whatever, Jeno. It doesn't matter. Just drop it, okay." He dismisses nonchalantly, only to feel his chest heavy and tight when he notices the way Jeno's face falls a little at his cold tone.

"Uh, I'm full. I think I'm gonna head on first for my dance practice." Jaemin says as he grabs his bag, standing up. "See you guys tomorrow?"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, Nana." Mark and Donghyuck replies with a wave, mouth still chewing despite that. He is just about to make his way out when Jeno too springs up from his seat just as he rushes his few last bites of his food.

"Wait, Nana, I'm coming with you." He says with his mouth full and Jaemin just shakes his head amused.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Jeno." He tells the other, swooning internally when Jeno frowns and pout.

"But I thought—“

"Lami is waiting for you, remember? You don't have to wait for me." Jaemin explains, doesn't notice the way Jeno's shoulders deflate a little at that.

"But I promised not to—" Jeno tries to reason but Jaemin doesn't let him.

"Yeah, but you promised Lami first. I hate a guy who breaks his promise, Lee Jeno. So go." He cuts the other off and wave a dismissive hand.

"I get it. Sorry, Nana. I'll see you tomorrow." Jeno agrees with a weak smile.

"Yeah, don't miss me so much, okay? Later."

Jaemin forces a grin before he finally leaves for the studio, his steps heavy and his hand clutching tightly unto the fabric over his heart.

It hurts. It really hurts, falling for your best friend that is.

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

"Are you ever going to tell him about your feelings, Nana?" Mark asks as he belly-lies on Jaemin's bed, fingers dancing as he prances onto the controller in attempt to beat Jaemin at his game. It catches the latter off guard that he misses one push of a button to unleash his special attack unto Mark's character when the other uses that window to deal a significant blow to Jaemin's instead.

"Yes! Finally, one win!" Mark whoops and pump a fist into the air. Jaemin rolls his eyes as he throws the controller unto his bed.

"That's cheating, ."

"Cheating is allowed if it means that I can finally beat your up at your own game." Mark chirps happily, grabbing a handful of homemade popcorns as he munches on them.

"Cheap ." He mumbles, flipping through a few movies to watch.

"Anyway, you didn't answer my question." Mark continues as he watches Jaemin scan through his choices.

"I thought that was only for cheating." Jaemin says with an eyebrow raised. The other just shrugs his shoulders off and fix his lying position.

"Well, might as well continue the conversation. So? Tell me. Are you?"

"Why should I?" Jaemin shoots a question back, avoiding.

"Uh, because you should? Who knows, maybe he feels the same way?" Mark tries to argue.

"Mark, you watch too many dramas. There's no way something as cliche as that can happen." Jaemin answers anyway, shaking his head amused while his friend just rolls his eyes back at him.

"Says the one who spends most of his life reading and watching love stories." Mark comments, annoyed and Jaemin just chuckles loudly.

"Exactly, Mark. It's exactly because I do that so much that I know how to differentiate between stories and reality. And Jeno returning my feelings is something that I know will never happen."

"I think that you just tend to think too much, Nana. Why don't you just let loose and go with the flow for once? Tell him you like him and whatever the outcome is, aren't you happy that you can at least say that you tried?" Jaemin knows Mark is trying to reason him out, tries to convince him but Jaemin is stubborn.

"And I think you think too little, Mark. There's no way I can do that."

"And why not?"

"Jeno's been my friend since we were little. There's no way I'm harming our friendship just because my feelings get in the way."

"Jeno's not like that. He won't change just because you tell him your feeling. You know him better than that." Mark replies, not without a frown marring his face.

"It's exactly because of that, Mark. I know he wouldn't change so how do you think I'll feel to find out that my feeling for him changes nothing at all?" Jaemin shoots back and it takes Mark by surprise, a silence stretching on within the bedroom. Jaemin sighs at his friend's silence.

"You know me as well as they do. I won't be able to recover if that happens, Mark. I won't be able to pretend like everything is okay when I know that nothing between Jeno and I will ever changes, even with my feelings in the way. I won't be able to keep being his friend." He continues after a while.

"I'm fine with the way things are. I'm sure this is just a little crush like the ones I've had before. It'll go with time." He tries to convince, but whom he is trying to convince, he isn't so sure himself.

"Little crush my . You've been crushing on him for two years now. You think it's gonna go away just like that?" Mark retorts.

"It'll have to. Besides, what are you here for if not to help your best friend out, right?" Jaemin answers with a sly grin instead.

"What?" Mark shakes his head, looks confused for a while.

"I think it's about time I look for a new crush, don't you think so?" Jaemin suggests.

"Wait, you mean—"

"Yeah, Renjun seems like a nice guy." He interrupts, blinks his eyes hopeful.

"You like Renjun?" His friend asks, eyebrows connecting as he frowns at the other.

"Not yet, but I might be if we start hanging out."

"And you aim for all the cute guys, huh." And Jaemin grins devilishly as he winks.

"Only the best for Na Jaemin."

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

"Where's Nana?" Jeno asks as he puts down his bag, taking his usual seat. Donghyuck just rolls his eyes as he shrugs his shoulders off.

"Same ol' same ol'." Donghyuck says, obviously annoyed at something.

"Oh, Renjun?" Jeno asks, just to clarify.

"Yeah, what else would it be? That dickhead actually dares to dump my for that guy, that ungrateful prick. I'll have to pound some reality check on him soon." Donghyuck comments, grits his teeth too.

"What reality check?"Jaemin interrupts out of the sudden.

"Oh, there he is. I thought he's forgotten all about us now." Donghyuck jabs but Jaemin's oblivious, doesn't exactly notice the sarcasm dripping from the words.

"Why would I forget about you guys?" He questions back.

"I don't know. Oh, Mark, do you happen to know? Cuz I definitely don't." Donghyuck says, spitting venom.

"Hyuck, come on." Mark says, pulling on his elbow while Donghyuck just snaps his arm away and pretend that he's busy. Jaemin blinks his eyes confused just as he takes his seat, leaning in towards Jeno as he asks.

"What's gotten into his head?" Jaemin whispers, a concerning frown on his face then.

"Nothing. He'll be fine later. Just some mood swing maybe." Jeno answers and smiles. "By the way, Nana. Mark, Donghyuck and I are planning to swing by the karaoke after class. You up for it?" He continues when he remembers their plan.

"Oh, um, sorry, guys. Uh, I already make some plans with Renjun."

"Oh."

"Yeah, yeah. Same reason every time. Why don't you just go over there and dump us all anyway? Why bother coming over here if you don't even care?"

"Hyuck, what are you talking about?"

"Hyuck, calm down. Look, Nana, can't you make some time for us today? Please?" Mark pleads.

"But I really can't. I promised Renjun first."

Donghyuck stands up suddenly just as he slams his hands unto the table.

"You know what? I don't even know why you're ditching us like this."

"I'm not ditching anyone! I really just—"

"Yeah? You might wanna think about that again because I'm so done putting up with you. Whatever, we can just go without you. We've been doing that for months now anyway. One more day wouldn't hurt, right." With that said, Donghyuck grabs his bag and storms out of class.

"Wait, Hyuck!" Mark shouts as he grabs his own and follow the other.

"What's with him? I don't under—" Jaemin doesn't get to finish his words when he sees Jeno's disappointed look and Jaemin hates that look, so much. Jeno shakes his head as he too grabs his bag and makes to leave, though not before he gives Jaemin a few words that leave a very heavy, bitter feeling in his chest.

"You wouldn't be saying that if you actually remember what day it is today."

"What day—"

"Happy birthday, Jaemin."

Oh. Oh .

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

 

"Happy birthday, Nana!" They shouted altogether, popping firecrackers as they smeared some whipped cream all over Jaemin's face. The latter could only laughed and screamed, arms hovering over his face just to avoid the oncoming assaults of sweet creams, enjoying the moments.

"Okay, that's it! You guys are soooo getting it this time!" Jaemin shouted as he grabbed the whole cake from the table and began running around to smash it to any unlucky face that he could reach first— Mark Lee was just unlucky, as usual.

"Yah, we just wiped some cream on you! Not the whole cake, you moron!" Mark groaned as he tried to clean some of the sponge cakes off of his face.

"Yeah, but don't tell me you don't like it. I know cakes are your favorite. You should be thankful you get the whole cake to yourself now. No one wants to eat that now that it's been in contact with you. ewww."

"Oh, that's true too. Thanks, Nana. Love you too." Jaemin just rolled his eyes at the other before he picks up a piece of chicken.

"That was fun. We have to do this again next time." Jeno said as he laid back, the sauce off his fingers one by one, his stomach fully satiated.

"We totally should! So the next birthday would be Mark's, right?"

"Yep, mine was months ago." Jeno continued.

"How about yours, Hyuck? When is yours?"

"I, err, I don't have a specific date."

"What do you mean? Everybody has a birthdate."

"Not me. Um, I'm an orphan. My parents left me at the orphanage when I was 1 year old without any information so the staffs don't really know my name nor my origin. The orphanage named me and told me it was a snowy day when we first met. So we've been celebrating my birthdays on any first snow day."

"Oh." was all they could say then. They were young and there were no words that they know that could've helped with the painful memories. So Jaemin did whatever a young boy could do then. He decided.

"Okay. I decide that you Lee Donghyuck, is going to share my birthdate! So mark today's date in your memory, Hyuck! We're celebrating your birthday together with mine from now on!"

"But—"

"No buts! So now you and I are twins! Twins stick together forever!"

"O-okay." He nodded albeit still a little hesitant. The rest of them pulled up an even wider grin then, taking that very same tattered cake as they ready for an attack.

"Happy birthday, Hyuck!" They shouted altogether and Jeno smashed the cake into his face.

"Yah! There were Mark's snots on this cake and it got on my face! Ewwww!"

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

Jaemin knows he ed up this time. There is no denying it now, not when he knows how much Donghyuck actually treasures their birthdays together. It's been a few years since they have been celebrating them together, never missed doing so no matter what. Because it's their promise and Jaemin really hates anyone who breaks promises.

And right now, there is no other person that he hates more than he hates himself.

He tries calling both Mark's and Donghyuck's phone but none of them even bother to pick up. But it makes sense. Why would they when Jaemin s up this badly? He knows he can always try calling Jeno's phone, but he's been trying to avoid doing so for the past few months and has only barely succeeded with it last month. He doesn't dare to start it again now that they've managed to survive without any text messages and random phone calls.

But he knows he can't avoid this any longer. He has to do something.

"Hello?" He hears Jeno's voice from the other side. Oh, how much he misses listening to that voice like this.

"Jaemin?"

"Y-yeah. Um, Jeno, I—"

"We're at the usual rooftop if that's what you're asking."

"Oh, why didn't I think of that? , sorry. I'll be there soon."

"Yeah. See you, Jaemin."

He still listens even as Jeno disconnects the call. It’s probably just his pessimistic feeling but Jaemin thinks that there's something wrong with their brief phone call just now. It's almost as if that phone call wasn't supposed to go that way, like it was different than usual. He just couldn't quite put a name to it.

But he shakes his head immediately. Focus, Na Jaemin. He thinks just as he begins running for their usual place.

It takes quite a while before he reaches it. And when he swings the door to the rooftop open, the sight that greets him is almost too heartbreaking. Seeing that Donghyuck is gobbling up the whole cake with tears and snots running down his face and Mark just watching and letting him do as he pleases. It isn't supposed to go this way.

His effort to forget the little crush he has on his best friend is chipping their friendships away and that is ultimately what he's been trying to avoid when he starts all this distorted plan of getting a new crush.

"Hyuck." Jaemin calls, chest breathing heavily as he approaches his three friends.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with Renjun now?" Hyuck manages to spew some despite his full mouth.

"I cancelled. This is more important." Jaemin answers, determined to make things right again.

"Oh, really? I don't know. We just don't seem important to you anymore for these past few months though." Donghyuck shoots, Mark and Jeno barely exchanges a few glances as they watch the duo argues.

"Look, I'm sorry. I know I've been a dickhead. I don't have any excuse. But I wasn't trying to discard any of you when I start hanging out with Renjun. I, I just, uh, I like him. So I was trying to, you know, get close to him. But I swear I wasn't trying to ignore you guys." He tries to explain.

"So does getting to know someone means you can ignore your friends?" Donghyuck retorts, digging a spoon into the cake as he glares at his friend.

 

"I know and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I forget about our birthdays. I'm really sorry, Hyuck." Jaemin says, hope his apology reaches the other, a look of guilt already making its way unto his feature. Donghyuck probably sees the sincerity, can probably feels that the other means every single word that he had said so he just heaves a sigh out, putting the spoon down.

"Fine. I forgive you but that doesn't mean I'll forget." Donghyuck warns, a small smile curling on his lips. Jaemin's own immediately stretches further, a wide familiar grin making its way.

"Sure, got it." He says merrily.

"You'll have to make up for everything from now on, Nana." Donghyuck adds, still watching the other cautiously and Jaemin readily nods his head.

"Yes, yes. Anything for your highness' forgiveness." He replies, drawing a small laughter when Donghyuck pretends to smack the spoon unto Jaemin's head.

"Good. Now come eat this cake with me. Happy birthday, Nana." The other wishes, finally smiling wide and sincere.

"Happy birthday to you too, Hyuck." Jaemin responds, stealing the spoon out of Donghyuck's hand before feeding himself.

"Finally, happy birthday to both of you." Mark wishes, flashes a relieved grin as he takes a bite.

"Happy birthday, Hyuck, Jaemin." Jeno says afterwards, and oh. Jaemin. Jeno calls him Jaemin. When was the last time Jeno ever calls him that? Oh, it was the day when they first met. Years and years ago. So why is Jeno calling him that again? Where's the Nana? Why Jaemin? Why does it hurts so much? Why now?

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

"Hey, guys." Jaemin greets the table, Renjun following suit from behind. The three of them raise their heads simultaneously and Jaemin would've seen the way their looks change if he hasn't turned around to make sure that Renjun is following him.

"Mind if Renjun joins our lunch today?" Jaemin asks, looking a little hopeful that they would agree. Mark steals a look at both Jeno and Donghyuck before he gives the go.

"Sure, why not." He answers for them, dreading the awkwardness that's coming.

"Yeah yeah, take a seat." Donghyuck adds afterward, swinging the pencil in his hand as he motions for the empty seats. Renjun smiles and thank them before he seats himself beside Jaemin.

"Hey, Renjun. Nice to finally meet you. Nana doesn't talk a lot about you. Keeping you to himself I see." Donghyuck finally says with a smirk, trying to break the palpable silence when he realises that no one is going to say anything. Especially not when Mark is looking at him cluelessly and Jeno simple keeps his focus on the book in front of him. Fortunately Renjun just laughs it off, shaking his head as he makes himself comfortable.

"And Jaemin keeps talking about you guys, it almost feels like I already know you guys personally." He tells them, their ears' perking as they watch the way Jaemin panics.

"What, what did he say? I sure hope he only talks about all the good points, like how good-looking and smart I am." Donghyuck replies, eyebrows wriggling as he emphasises his face with his hands.

"Well, for once, Jaemin—"

"Wait, Renjunnie—"

"—says that he doesn't get you sometimes. He said your mind is a wonder to the world and he wants to sacrifice you to a lab so they can crack your head and find out whats's going on in that head of yours." Renjun continues, simply dismisses Jaemin's flailing arms as he smirks at the latter, liking the way Donghyuck glares at the other.

"What the hell? Yah, Nana! What sorts of stories are you telling him? I'm perfectly normal and sane!" Donghyuck retorts just as Mark laughs out loud.

"And he also says that you are too boring," Renjun continues as he shifts his eyes towards Mark. "He wonders why so many girls are lining up for you when you can't even look at a girl in the eye. Jaemin thinks that you are overrated." He says with an even wider grin when Jaemin's eyes widen, mouth ready to spew denials.

"Nana, you—" Mark wants to retort too but couldn't when Renjun is already looking Jeno's way, an even more devilish grin makes its way unto his gentle-looking face. Jeno blinks at him curiously.

"And, Jaemin says that you have the prett— mphhh," Renjun doesn't get to finish his words though when Jaemin immediately presses a palm to silence the older man's mouth. Jeno raises an eyebrow as he watches Jaemin and Renjun having a telepathic argument with their eyes.

"Okay, Renjunnie, that's enough of backstabbing from you. I trusted you." Jaemin grits the words out, glaring but Renjun simply shrugs the comment off.

"And we trusted you too! How dare you talk about us badly behind our backs!" Donghyuck shouts, almost charges at Jaemin, albeit with a playful wide grin on his lips when Jeno suddenly stands up. It catches everyone's attention when the chair scrapes a little against the floor.

"Hey, I'm going to head on first, okay? Later?" Jeno says, sends an out-of-place smile their way as he packs his things.

"Okay, see ya later." Mark nods and wave, all of them just watch as Jeno's back disappear from their sight.

"Oh shoot, I think I gotta leave too. I promised Chenle I'd teach him math. See you guys." Renjun says in a hurry after he checks the time, grabbing his bag before he dashes off.

 

"Okay, bye, Renjunnie!" Jaemin waves loudly before he turns back towards his friends.

"So where is Jeno going? We don't have class until in another hour, right?" He finally asks.

"Oh, um, he's been disappearing here and there sometimes. He probably has something to do? I dunno. He's not talking much lately." Mark says with a shrug of his shoulders.

"What do you mean he's not talking much? Jeno always talks too much, although it's always about boring stuffs." Jaemin elaborates with a small chuckle, reminiscing how they've been calling Jeno as No Jam because he always kills the mood.

"Well, not lately. We noticed that he's a little off recently. We thought you might know something cuz you know, you guys are closer than we do with him." Mark tells.

"Um, actually that's not really." Jaemin says, winces when Mark and Donghyuck immediately flicks their heads towards him. Jaemin is almost worried that they might sprain their necks if they do it that fast.

"What do you mean?" Donghyuck asks this time and unexpectedly, Jaemin feels a surge of guilt fleeting through him when he's about to answer the question.

"I mean, I haven't talk to him at all for the past month so." He says and both of his friends crease their foreheads at that.

"Wait, at all?" Donghyuck clarifies and Jaemin hesitantly nods his head.

"Yeah, the only things we've said to each other was when we celebrated our birthdays."

"Jaemin, that was more than a week ago." Mark comments instead and Jaemin can only sigh.

"I know." He mutters.

"Did you guys fight?" Donghyuck asks.

"No, not really."

"Look, I don't know what's going on with you two and we don't want to interfere. But talk to him, Nana. He needs it." Donghyuck adds, looking over Mark worriedly before he shifts his gaze back at Jaemin.

"What? What's wrong?" The latter questions, noticing the way Mark and Donghyuck have been glancing at each other rather oddly.

"We thought you knew." Mark says after a brief silence.

"Knew what?" Jaemin knots his eyebrows together and Mark bites unto his lower lip, debating if he should say or not.

"His dad came back, Nana." He decides to tell the news anyway and Jaemin finds his own blood boils at the unexpected and unwelcome news. He grits his teeth and hardens his muscles in reflex.

"When?" He asks through his gritted teeth.

"Last week."

"Did anything happen?"