speak now (or forever hold your peace)

speak now (or forever hold your peace)

Jihoon peeks out from behind an arrangement of white roses, looking out at the scene in front of him. The scent of the roses tickle his nose, and he badly wants to let out an almighty sneeze; but he’s got to keep quiet, or else everyone in the wedding hall would know that he’s here.

Technically, he’d been invited to this grand occasion, but he’d snootily turned down the invitation, claiming that he had some important work overseas. But here he is, observing everyone he knows seated in the elaborately decorated church - white lace and ribbons and roses everywhere. Ironically, most of the guests are wearing black, so it looks more like a funeral than a wedding…

It’s never been on his bucket list, but Jihoon can definitely check off ‘gatecrashing a wedding’ off it.

And it’s not just any wedding - it’s Seungcheol’s wedding.

Seungcheol, the dorky boy from across the street, whom Jihoon has known forever; his confidante, his so-called best friend…now all grown up, getting married to someone who’s not Jihoon.

Funny that it took a wedding invitation for Jihoon to realise that he’s hopelessly, irrevocably in love with Seungcheol.

Jihoon doesn’t even know who Seungcheol’s fiance is - what he knows that it had been a whirlwind romance that lasted for barely two months, at least according to Soonyoung. In fact, no one saw it coming - one day, Seungcheol was single, and the next, he’s announcing to the world that he’s getting married.

Jihoon hadn’t been in touch properly with Seungcheol lately, distracted with work, which consumed most of his life. He didn’t even know anything until he received that damned wedding invitation with its stupid gold lettering and rose scent, and at that moment, his world fell apart…he’d never expected Seungcheol to get married this soon, and to someone he didn’t know.

Maybe he’d been stupid enough to believe that somehow he and Seungcheol would be single together until the end - , he loves him. All of him, from his overprotectiveness and warm cuddles and wacky ways of trying to get Jihoon to smile. He’s going to lose all of that, the moment Seungcheol says his vows; and all Jihoon wants to do now is curl up into a ball and wallow until Seungcheol brings him some cola, which won’t ever happen because he’ll be happily married to some other man.

The church suddenly becomes silent as a familiar figure takes his place at the altar, standing by the priest. Jihoon catches his breath, suddenly getting cold feet as if he’s the one who’s going to walk down the aisle towards the waiting groom at the altar…

Standing tall at the front of the church, Seungcheol looks debonair in his black tuxedo, hair all perfectly slicked back. but even from afar Jihoon knows that he’s nervous, clasping his hands together, and looking out at the sea of black-clad guests for that one face he hasn’t seen in a while, but he’s too jittery to focus - everyone’s faces melts into a blur.

Right next to him, his best man Doyoon squeezes his shoulders quickly in reassurance. Seungcheol takes a deep breath, and plasters a smile on his face.

Even from afar, Jihoon knows it’s a fake smile.

Jihoon can’t help but feel, if Seungcheol’s happy with what’s-his-name, then why does he look like he knows that he’s making the biggest mistake of his life? He tiptoes to get a better view of Seungcheol, still careful to conceal himself behind the flowers. He’s glad he’s wearing white today; he’s practically blending in with the decorations, save for his dyed red hair. He doesn’t want to be here, but he’s curious to see how Seungcheol’s groom even looks like, that lucky bastard.

The grand double doors are thrown open, letting in dazzling sun rays that spilled into the wedding hall, making the whole room appear brighter. Everyone turns their attention towards the commotion at the church entrance - Seungcheol’s fiance, what’s-his-name is finally here, dusting off his dark jacket, his silhouette prominent against the bright light. Jihoon can’t put a name to his face, but the man looks plain, the kind of face that would easily blend into a crowd. There’s physically nothing special about him, apart from the white boutonniere pinned to his chest, otherwise, he’s just a normal old Bill.

Jihoon unconsciously starts comparing himself to what’s-his-name, trying to figure out what makes him so special. He’s just…average, and that’s the best adjective that Jihoon can come up with to describe the guy.

Someone starts playing the wedding march on the organ, its rich tones enhancing the wedding vibes, but to Jihoon, it sounds deathly instead. Seungcheol’s fiance starts walking down the aisle, clutching a bouquet of white roses with a happy smile on his face.

Jihoon wishes - knows - that should be him instead, walking towards Seungcheol, who’s waiting at the end.

There’s a lump in his throat, and his chest hurts - his heart is breaking, watching the man he loves get married to someone else.

But if Seungcheol’s happy, then Jihoon’s happy too.

Anything to see that warm gummy smile from Seungcheol, even if it hurts himself… there’s nothing he can do to stop this holy union.

Jihoon wants to leave, to run away and cry and scream his heart out; but he’s rooted to his hidden spot behind the roses. He doesn’t have to be here. In fact, he’s not supposed to be here.

But this would be the best way to let Seungcheol go - by watching him get married to what’s-his-name - then maybe Jihoon would forget about Seungcheol, knowing he’s off happy with someone else…


Meanwhile, sitting in the second row, Junhui yawns and leans back in his seat, stretching his long legs. He’s bored out of his mind, sitting next to Soonyoung, right by the aisle. Wonwoo, who’s sitting on Soonyoung’s other side, is listening to the priest with rapt attention, even though what’s-his-name has just reached the altar, and the priest has just said two words to make the guests settle down so the ceremony can start.

Right in front of him, Jeonghan and Joshua are probably making out; their heads too close together. They’re probably going to stand up on the altar themselves once Seungcheol and what’s-his-name are married…it’s a wonder that they haven’t tied the knot themselves yet.

“I wish Jihoon was here.” Soonyoung mutters, tapping his foot impatiently. He’s just there to make an appearance - it would’ve been rude to turn down Seungcheol’s kind invitation, even though he doesn’t really like what’s-his-name. At least, he might just get free food out of it at the reception - that, you can’t simply say no to.

“You know he loves Seungcheol. That’s why he’s not here.” Junhui says matter-of-factly, only to be shushed by Wonwoo.

“I know, but if he were, it could be like those movies where they stop the wedding halfway and Jihoon could profess his love for Seungcheol dramatically…” Soonyoung sighs. Everyone who knows Seungcheol well secretly didn’t like what’s-his-name; there’s something sketchy about him; and their whole relationship had always seemed a bit off...

Soonyoung cranes his neck, looking towards the back of the room, just in case Jihoon pops out of nowhere to stop the wedding and claim Seungcheol as his own, like he’d imagined in his mind.

“Soon, stop fidgeting.” Wonwoo holds him down; Soonyoung’s squirming around too much like a wild hamster.

Soonyoung pouts. “Look, all of us except Seungcheol knows that Jihoon loves him. And vice versa.”

“Yep.” Jeonghan turns around and affirms that fact. “You’re right, Soonyoung. They’re obviously in love with each other, yet they’re the only ones who don’t know.”

“Tragic.” Junhui shakes his head, crossing his arms.

“Hey, we all want them to be happy, right?” Wonwoo interjects. He’s all for making this wedding happen - the others hadn’t been there that one night when Seungcheol had drunkenly confessed that he’d loved Jihoon for as long as he can remember; but he didn’t want to ruin the friendship that he and Jihoon had. This went on each time Seungcheol invited Wonwoo drinking every weekend for about two years, up until Seungcheol met what’s-his-name. Glad to be free of all the pining, Wonwoo rejoiced when they announced their engagement. Maybe this meant that Seungcheol was finally over Jihoon…

“Yeah. Well, happy together.” Soonyoung says, fiddling with the hem of his suit.

“Guys.” This time, Joshua turns around. “You know the priest’s gonna say a line, something like speak now, or forever hold your peace, that’s where you can stop the marriage from happening.”

“I’m gonna do it.” Soonyoung’s eyes are glinting mischievously - he’d do anything to halt this wedding, anything to get Seungcheol and Jihoon back together. He’s already about to stand up, only to be held back by Wonwoo.

“Everyone knows we’re married, Soonyoung.” Wonwoo sighs, holding up his left hand, where a wedding band glints on his ring finger. Of course, there’s a matching one on Soonyoung’s hand - and their first wedding anniversary had just passed. “And don’t you dare stop the wedding. Let Seungcheol be happy.”

“Fine. Jun, you do it.” Soonyoung nudged Junhui, who’s almost dozing off, barely listening to the long vows. Wonwoo gives his husband an annoyed look, to which Soonyoung smiles back sweetly in return.

“You said that I’m not supposed to stop the wedding, so technically Jun can.” Soonyoung reasons, patting Junhui’s arm.

“Yeah, sure.” Junhui’s not even listening to their conversation, already thinking about food. He’s hoping they’ll serve spring rolls and gold-flecked chocolate pudding at the reception later. Oh, and he’s got to have a slice of the wedding cake too, which looks absolutely delicious from the photos Seungcheol had sent them in their group chat…

“Okay, so when the priest says that line, you stop the wedding.” Joshua whispers, as Jeonghan leans his head on Joshua’s shoulder.

“Stop the wedding? That’s crazy!” Junhui whispers loudly, and the old lady sitting behind them hisses at them for being too loud.

The priest on the altar even stops his speech, giving them a death glare. Seungcheol’s visibly flustered, wondering why his friends are talking leisurely during the ceremony as if they’re sitting at a bar, but his brain only registers one important little fact -

Jihoon’s not there.

He throws a glance at the church doors on the far side of the room. He’s going to walk out of them later, married to a person he can at least tolerate for the rest of his life. Seungcheol fixes his gaze onto his fiance’s wide forehead; hoping, praying, for everything to be fine. But there’s this little bit of doubt that keeps bothering him, telling him that this is the biggest mistake of his life…

Seungcheol’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t hear what the priest is saying. Damn all these prayers and vows - why is everything taking so long? Is it normal for someone to want his own wedding to finish as soon as possible, just because he suddenly feels uncomfortable? He needs a sign to tell him, if he’d made the right decision to marry the man standing in front of him.

Beside him, Doyoon’s trying to signal to Jeonghan and Joshua in the front row, noticing that something is wrong with Seungcheol; but those two are still plotting with Soonyoung and Junhui and Wonwoo on whatever’s getting them all worked up.

“Should anyone here present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony…” The old priest croaks in his dry tone, turning a blind eye to his surroundings - even he wants to get this over with. The groom looks like he’s having second thoughts; the guests aren’t paying attention - the priest is fairly sure that this wedding might just take a wrong turn.

“That’s your cue!” Joshua turns to Junhui, who looks as lost as ever, coerced into his friends’ devious scheme. Except for Wonwoo, everyone else among their little group agreed to halt the wedding. Wonwoo’s powerless to stop them, so he’s going to sit back and see where this goes...

“Remember your acting abilities.” Soonyoung winks, and pushes Junhui into the aisle, literally throwing his friend into trouble. Someone gasps as Junhui lands unceremoniously onto the floor, thinking that he’d passed out or something, but Junhui expertly ninja rolls to the front, making an impressive entrance.

One minute ago, he’d been a hungry guest, bored out of his mind, but now, he’s Wen Junhui, the next winner of Best Actor for the Oscars. He’s already put on a pained expression; his eyes glazing over with tears; ignoring the horrified looks from all the other guests, his sharp gaze locked onto one person only: what’s-his-name.

“Baby, don’t you remember me?”

“Junhui?” Seungcheol’s shocked at the sudden outburst from the quietest person among his friends. Behind him, the old priest lets out a quiet sigh - he’d seen this kind of interruption coming.

“Not you. You.” Junhui advances towards what’s-his-name, who breaks into a cold sweat, looking guilty for no apparent reason.

“D-do I know you?”

“How dare you get married right in front of my eyes?” Junhui slaps his hand across what’s-his-name’s face, who immediately falls to the ground. But Junhui is just getting started, and he continues his dramatic assault on what’s-his-name.

“Traitor.” Slap.

“Dunderhead.” Slap.

“Fool.” Slappetty slap slap.

Junhui looks like he’s having fun slapping and insulting what’s-his-name, being egged on by Soonyoung. But no one else bothers to help the poor guy, not even Seungcheol, his supposed betrothed - they’re all simply just watching the whole scene unfold like it’s some kind of live-action drama, even though Junhui’s insults get weaker by the moment.

“Stop hitting me, I don’t even know you!” What’s-his-name screams for mercy.

“You don’t know me?” Junhui leans in closer, straddling the man. Some lady in the back squeals at the sudden action - things are suddenly turning a bit risque for a church; but still, the bystander effect is going strong, everyone staying back to watch the drama unfold.

Even so, no one can hear what Junhui is whispering into what’s-his-name’s ear, such threatening words in what seems to be a seductive tone - “Call off this wedding, then I’ll stop hitting you.”

What’s-his-name does it without hesitating, pathetically shielding his slightly bruised face. Satisfied, Junhui stands up and raises an eyebrow at what’s-his-name, who crawls to his knees and flees the church without even looking back once.

“Okay. This wedding is cancelled.” The old priest shuts his Bible and leaves the altar, his sweeping robes trailing behind him.

Everyone’s shell shocked, a din of protesting voices rising up from the guests. Best man Doyoon quickly takes charge, quickly inviting everyone for drinks at what was supposed to be a reception at a grand hotel nearby. With the promise of free alcohol, everyone calms down, but still clicking their tongues in disapproval at the pathetic runaway groom. Some offer apologies towards Seungcheol, but he simply shakes his head - there’s nothing for them to be sorry for.

As the guests file out of the church, already gossiping, Seungcheol’s parents rush over to comfort their son, who’s rooted to the altar. But oddly enough, Seungcheol feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, with what’s-his-name gone.

He’s fine, he tells his worried parents. In fact, he feels better than ever. Seungcheol smiles in relief when he thinks about not having to wake up next to what’s-his-name ever again - no more forced kisses, no more insincere love declarations.

Jihoon’s smiling face suddenly flashes in his mind, and Seungcheol grins even wider.

He has to reassure his parents about ten more times before they leave him to entertain the guests, and to give him some space alone to reflect. But his friends hang back to bother him, with a rowdy chorus of complaints that derail his train of thoughts about what had just happened. One thing’s for sure: he’s glad that he’s not getting married to what’s-his-name - for every slap Junhui had given that bastard, it had made him realise that his commitment towards what’s-his-name wasn’t real, and he’s happy to be free from that.

“You should’ve told the priest that Shua and I were supposed to be up there next so that he wouldn’t have left, and the folks you invited won’t be upset ‘cause there would’ve still been a wedding, just not yours.” Jeonghan says, clinging to his boyfriend. “Can you believe that I woke up early today just for nothing, Cheollie? What do you have to say for yourself?”

“And to think I spent so much for your stag night!” Doyoon says, feigning annoyance, though really, he’s glad that the wedding’s off.

“Too bad for that, buddy. But I’m glad the wedding’s off.” Seungcheol says with a resigned sigh.

Joshua rolls his eyes. “Of course he is.” The others shake their heads in disbelief - when will Seungcheol stop pretending? He hadn’t been in love with what’s-his-name; it was probably some forced attraction, to distract himself from the Jihoon-shaped void in his life.

Jeonghan detaches himself from Joshua long enough to search for his phone in his pockets, then play a grainy video filmed during Seungcheol’s bachelor party.

“Y’know what Hannie. I love Jihoon. What’s-his-name can go rot in hell. I love Jihoon, and I miss him, and I just wanna say that he’s the whole world to me and I don’t wanna get married to anyone but him.” Seungcheol’s saying, clutching a glass of soju.

“Tell him, then.” Jeonghan’s voice floats from offscreen, humouring him.

“I can’t.” Seungcheol starts crying, and the video ends.

Seungcheol’s still trying to register the fact that he did just not get married; and that his (ex) fiance’s disappeared; and that drunken video confession of him...he certainly did not remember that moment, but he knows that he’d said the truth. This is the sign he’d been looking for...

He’s not going to go after what’s-his-name: his friends have that I-told-you-so look on their faces.

He loves Jihoon, that’s for sure.

And he’s ready to say it to the world, and to Jihoon himself.

If he could even find Jihoon, that is.

“And there he is, twenty five minutes too late.” Soonyoung’s the first one to spot him - the redheaded man who’d blended into the pure white background finally reveals himself, standing in the doorway of the church, the bright glare from the sun outside surrounding him like a halo. He looks like an angel descended from heaven in his all-white getup, and Seungcheol can feel his heart beating faster -

“e, Jihoon. You’re so pale, I almost didn’t see you.” Junhui exclaims.

“C’mon guys. Let’s go drink until Soonyoung pukes his guts out.” Wonwoo says, subtly hinting to the others to give Seungcheol and Jihoon some alone time. Soonyoung hits his husband playfully, pouting, and they hold hands as they leave.

“Good luck Cheol.” Doyoon winks, patting his best friend’s back.

The six men exit the wedding hall, already talking about food; leaving Seungcheol and Jihoon alone. Now that the wedding’s off, the whole set-up look ridiculous - all those elaborate flower arrangements requested by what’s-his-name would just go to waste, and so would those lengths of lace and ribbon tied expertly to decorate the plain wooden pews. Jihoon walks down the aisle, approaching a waiting Seungcheol at the foot of the altar - it makes him feel fluttery, the whole experience almost seems like the real thing, the only thing missing being the wedding march, their friends, and of course the old priest to solemnise the ritual...

“You look nice.” Jihoon says quietly, shyly.

“You too.” Seungcheol says, eyeing Jihoon’s casual attire of a simple white sweater and white jeans. “It’s been a while, Jihoonie.”

“A long while.” Jihoon replies, suddenly feeling awkward. The tension is palpable - there’s so many words he wants to say to Seungcheol, but it seems like his mouth can’t connect to his brain, so he’s rendered mute.

“Sorry for your wedding.”

Seungcheol shrugs, advancing towards Jihoon. “I didn’t want to do it anyway.”

Jihoon stifles a laugh, but he turns serious. He’d heard the sound from the video Jeonghan had played earlier - what if Seungcheol’s words are true? For someone who’d just been left hanging at the altar, Seungcheol looks chipper - almost ecstatic, even, in Jihoon’s presence.

“Crazy to think that you were about to get married…”

“I thought you weren’t going to come. You said you had a meeting in Zimbabwe.” Seungcheol sounds a bit hurt.

Jihoon turns red - did Seungcheol actually believe that lie?

“Sorry your fiance ran away.”

“Don’t apologise for things that aren’t your fault.” Seungcheol sits at the edge of the altar, and smiles at Jihoon. “And actually, I’ve got to thank Jun for that.” He’s glad for the sudden intervention from his friends - that was what they were probably discussing about smack in the middle of the ceremony earlier. Where else can you find friends like them?

Jihoon takes a seat next to Seungcheol, staring ahead at the empty wedding hall spread out before them. Silence fills the air, as they ease into each other’s comforting presence; though there’s a million questions unasked and words unsaid between them. Seungcheol steals a glance at Jihoon, who looks exactly the same when he last saw him a few months back; the only difference being his dyed red hair. He moves closer, wanting to reach out to touch Jihoon’s red hair, but he keeps his hands to himself instead.

“Did you love him?” Jihoon asks cautiously.

“Not as much as I love you.”

Jihoon freezes, those three little words uttered from Seungcheol’s own mouth. His unmistakable deep tone saying them, wrapping the syllables smoothly and so naturally. He’s scared to meet Seungcheol’s dark eyes, to reciprocate his feelings - they’re walking the thin line that separates friendship and something more...

But there’s no use avoiding it anymore - Seungcheol’s laid his heart out, making it all crystal clear. Jihoon lets out a small laugh, because he’s making a simple matter so difficult, but he’s never been good with words, and Seungcheol knows that best. Simply, he reaches over to grab Seungcheol’s hand, giving it a reassuring little squeeze, bumping their shoulders closer as he finally makes eye contact - there’s nothing but love in Seungcheol’s eyes, and he could stare at them all day as a smile crosses his lips.

“You’re my whole universe, Jihoonie.” Seungcheol cups Jihoon’s face in his hands, leaning in so close that their noses almost touch.

“Oh, you’re so cheesy.”

Seungcheol grins. “Can I kiss you?”

No more words needed - Jihoon grabs Seungcheol’s collar and pulls him closer, his body tingling with excitement as their lips meet for the first time ever, sealing their beginning together with a passionate kiss.

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