Her eyes traced the feathered outlines of her shadow, growing fainter when the sun hid behind the clouds. She has been sitting here in the corner of the yard; the scent of the freshly mowed grass still fills the air. Her back can still feel the cool stone bench behind her. Her cheeks have not lost their flush, her eyes still puffy, the tip of her nose still red; her whole demeanor spoke of misery, a stark contrast to the vibrant lush greenery surrounding her. Right here, right now, the birds are chirping in the branches, flowers look so alive she can almost see them bloom in front of her eyes; the skies so blue, so clear it’s as if she can dive and swim right in them. But her heart is full and so, so heavy.

She felt rather than heard her light steps, her figure still lithe and graceful belying her age. The older woman is carrying two steaming cups of macha, and handed one out to her before sitting down on the bench behind her. She took a grateful sip and closed her eyes, letting its green scent waft around her, its steam a welcome caress on her face.

She leaned onto the older woman’s knee to rest her head, and just like that tears threaten to spill once again. She felt light hands caress her head, the fingers combing through her hair gently. Her touch is soothing, her silence a comfort. Words weren't need; only the acknowledgment of the reality of what she feels. Her quiet acceptance gave her that.

After a moment, she found her voice.

“Thank you, Halmoni.”

“For what, my dove?”

“Just for being here with me, for not asking anything from me or needing to say anything.”

She felt the feathery touch of her hand, the fingertips cool on her warm skin.

"I was young once, too, Rin-ah," she heard the lady say. "I've had my share of pain, of heartaches. It's ok to be heartbroken. This just means your true love is still waiting somewhere."

The rush of her tears has slowed, though they still fall freely. She brushed them off with impatient fingers.

"Why does it hurt if it was not meant to be?" She couldn't help the sob that escaped her lips.

"Because that is just the way love is, unfortunately." Her halmoni picked off fallen cherry blossoms caught in her curls, letting the petals float and be carried away by the breeze from her upturned palms.

"It all sounds so hopeless. Why love then if it will just end like this. I don't want to do it anymore."

"It may seem that way for you right now. But love is a funny thing. There is always hope when there is love, Rin-ah. We tell ourselves platitudes about searching for 'the one' as if it were some treasure hunting expedition," she chuckled softly, "though it may very well be, mightn't it? But then we tell ourselves we should learn to be happy alone; that we should not go seeking; that love that is meant to be will find a way to stay."

Hye Rin heard her slight sigh behind her. "What to do then? Our brains tell us this but our hearts tell us otherwise. We are only human after all and female at that. So, we learn to brick up a wall to protect our hearts from any possibility of pain. Still we fall in love because we cannot help it. The truth of the matter is, we just want to love and be loved in return. Getting hurt is inevitable sometimes, no matter how hard we try to avoid it. But all we can do is put a brave face on, greet the world with a smile even when that smile lies a little crooked sometimes, and then even when our faces are still damp from our tears... we learn to carry on."

Hye Rin was quiet for a moment. They shared a comfortable silence between them.

"How did you know it was him, Halmoni? How did you know he was the one?" She glanced behind her, then shifted herself to face her grandmother fully. She kept her head resting on the lady's knee, her body leaning into her for comfort.

Grandmother looked down at the young woman, a small smile lifted the corner of her lips. "I didn't. He was just another boy. A good looking boy. So handsome, so charismatic. He was sweet and kind and playful. Always teasing. Always so charming and caring. And no, I didn't know. I didn't plan to fall in love. You see, by the time I realized it, I was already so deeply in love. He made me fall in love with him so effortlessly." Her voice trailed to a murmur, soft and wistful.

"Tell me again, please. I'd like to hear your story, Halmoni."

She stared at her grandmother's serene face, still so youthful looking even as she neared her eighty years. Her face only bore faint traces of lines, and her moon shaped eyes are still bright and twinkling. Her hair silvered now she kept long and is lush, worn tightly in a bun. She has seen photographs of her grandmother, taken a long time ago during the height of her career. Grandmother had been a beauty; even now one can see she still is. There were so many photographs of them, of her and grandfather, both looking so lovely together. She can easily believe how he could have quickly fallen hard and fast for her grandmother a long time ago.

"Your Haraboji was such a handsome boy. He is still very handsome right now, don't get me wrong. But back then, in his prime, he was extremely popular. The girls would flock to him, vying for his attention. To me he was just another good looking boy. And even though I liked him before I met him, I wasn't too worried. I've known plenty of good looking boys; I had no doubt in my mind I'd be quite capable in handling another pretty faced boy who would try to charm me. I've handled such attentions before, I wasn't worried about my heart."

"But your Haraboji turned out to be much different than the others." A sigh escaped her lips. Her hand stole to caress the cheek of the young woman sitting on the ground before her. "He was persistent; he was not shy in telling me, in showing me he loves me. And even when I was pulling away, trying to keep my distance to protect my poor heart, he didn't stop. He told me he didn't want anybody else but me. And he was ready to move mountains to keep us together." She glanced at Hye Rin, "you didn't realize your Haraboji is such a romantic, did you?"

The young woman nodded, "I know he is affectionate. I can see it still in the way he is with you. He is still madly in love with you, Halmoni."

"Ah, well, we're old now," Halmoni's cheeks pinked slightly. "Your Haraboji is too affectionate to a fault. I still remember the time we first met. That was the only time he was shy, in the beginning." They both shared a smile. "After that he was always teasing me, flirting nonstop."

Halmoni sighed, "Being in a relationship even then was difficult for us, who were always under the spotlight, under everybody's scrutiny. I was much older than you are now but I was still very much naïve about love then. I have never been in love before, you see. And I’ve liked him for a very long time, way before we first met. I would have been fine if he was just admiring. But I became afraid for my heart when he started paying me all those attention. What was I do to? My heart was prepared to reject him, to keep him at arms' length. I was not ready to be in a relationship again. I turned him down many times and told him we were begging for a heartbreak if we continued. But those times we weren't together were miserable times...You know what he told me, right? I've told our story so many times."

"Tell me again please, Halmoni," she asked, holding her grandmother's hand in place.

"He told me, I am willing to live an ordinary life if it meant being with you. You think I'm giving up everything to be with you… You're wrong...You see, you are my everything. I'd only lose everything if I lose you. My love is already yours forever; be my forever love too."

"He loves you so much even then." Hye Rin whispered, her voice awed yet tinged with envy for a love she has yet to experience.

"One day you will meet someone who will love you the way you deserved to be loved. I didn't believe it then, not until I met your Haraboji. Back then, I used to feel like I didn't deserve him. But I've come to realize no one could ever love him the way I do. You know why? Because he loves me. It's because he loves me and only my loving him back could ever fill that void in his heart."

Grandmother bent to kiss the top of her head, "I'm sorry you had your heart broken. I'm sorry that man did not deserve the love you gave him. But fate and destiny aren't done with you yet, my dove. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. You will meet a man, one whose heart only you can fill, because he would want and love only you."

"I'm not like you Halmoni," she replied mournfully, her eyes teary are once more. "What if the one I'm searching for is not even searching for me?"

"Aish, why would you think that? I believe there is a person out there for each of us, a soul mate, be it rooted first in friendship or something else. Not everybody gets to meet their soulmate in their lifetime, I believe this to be true. But do you give up your dreams just because it has not happened yet?"

She took Hye Rin’s hand and kissed it tenderly. “You are just beginning your life. You have just reached your 21 years. I didn’t find my heart until I was 28. I waited a very long time to find my love, for him to find me. Your Haraboji and I had plenty of times we could have met early in our careers, but it was not until we were fully prepared to be each others’ that we finally met. I believe this too: love is timing.”

Grandmother looked up and pointed to a bunch of flowers growing beside the house. "Do you see those flowers? You wonder why I love those flowers so much and why I have them around the house constantly? Those flowers were the flowers Haraboji and I saw when we went out on our first date, one I was brave enough to accept finally. He had asked me many times before, but always under the guise of rehearsals with others, of being out in groups. We finally went out on a date, on a picnic, just ourselves. I still remember that day; I was worried about the weather because it was cloudy. But it turned out to be a beautiful sunny day. Those flowers grew in abundance at the park we went to. They were all around us where we sat under the tree for a picnic. It was then we really talked. We talked about everything and nothing; it was then we finally admitted our feelings for each other. I was shy but tried to be brave anyway.” She paused then added, a faraway look stealing into her eyes as she reminisced, “he was always much braver than me. I’m so glad he was brave enough to love me.”

“Why were you so scared, Halmoni?”

“It was not easy to show our love in public then. I have always been a private person, as you know. I've always been afraid of scandals, of rumors. I didn’t want that for us when we were both just building our love together. Your Haraboji was reckless sometimes, but he became very private for my sake. Back then, some people thought he became sikcretive to avoid rumors and scandals because he was just starting his career. In reality he did it to protect me. He hated how others were so critical and quick to judge me, how the public is quick to attach my name to other men. He was and is still very protective of me. Even though he wanted nothing more than to let the world know about our love, he realized our circumstances were not ordinary. And so he indulged my whims for secrecy without a second thought.”

“I remember Eomma telling us kids stories about Haraboji, how he serenaded you often, on the set back then, even with others around.”

“Oh goodness, yes.” She chuckled softly, “it wasn’t really a serenade, but he did sing to me many times. He has a beautiful voice, doesn’t he? He didn't sing for anybody else he worked with either, just me. We only worked on one drama together; after that, it felt too awkward to act with him again. Not for lack of offers, mind you. Everybody saw we had a very good chemistry on-screen. But I felt it to be too much like exposing ourselves to the public. I didn't think I could separate myself. I didn’t feel like I was a good enough actress to pull that off. Maybe it was just my own feelings of insecurity back then, or maybe my wanting to be private.  At any rate, your Haraboji didn’t need much encouragement to sing to me. He sang because he knew it was my weakness.  He sang because he knew he could say all the words he couldn't say to me in public through a song." She smiled, "he loves to sing for me, even now.”

“He sang a lovely song for you in your wedding. It is one of my favorite songs, Halmoni.”

“It is a beautiful love song, isn't it? It was made more beautiful because your Haraboji sang it. Plenty of people thought he wrote it for me, but he didn’t, though. We were fortunate to have a good friend who wrote and sung beautiful songs. It was his gift to us, since we were both fans of his. It became more meaningful that he wrote it especially for us.” Halmoni hummed a few bars softly. Both women were lost for a while remembering the lyrics, the thoughts and feelings behind them.

“I don’t think there are many men like Haraboji anymore…”

“My dove, you don’t need someone like him, because you are not someone like me.”

Grandmother set aside the cooled tea that has sat forgotten on the bench beside her. “I know it sounds cheesy and everything, but he and I fit one another perfectly. We are all unique individuals, each one of us, so we needed our other half to be just as unique to fit us. And once you find that person, then begins the hardwork to keep that relationship strong.”

“How did you manage when he left? He was gone for 2 years!”

“Those were difficult years, yes. Back then service was also still mandatory, just like now, but for married couples it was very difficult. A lot of things has changed since I was a young woman. Now married couples can have more time together even during their active duty. But back then, there were no special dispensations or arrangements for married couples. We waited just like everybody else. I cried many nights missing him. We had been together for so long, so often that not having him around was no longer easy.“

“What did you do, Halmoni? Did you visit him a lot?”

“I would have, but there are rules about visits. Besides, even though your Haraboji wanted to see me more than anything, he was too protective. He seemed to think the others would go crazy if they see me visiting. He has an over-inflated idea of my charms.”

Hye Rin watched her grandmother giggle shyly, and for a second, her mind saw a flash of that shy young woman her grandmother had been. She has seen plenty of old photographs, of hers, of his, before and after the wedding, and all the subsequent family photographs accumulated throughout the years.

She listened while her grandmother continued with her story, of that time her grandfather left for military duty. How she dealt with being alone; how she wrote him a letter each day. And how her grandfather saved all those letters and showed them to her when they were finally reunited again.

Grandmother spoke of the time after he completed his military service. She had given herself all these pep talks about not appearing clingy when she see him, and to maintain her decorum and public face on. She talked herself into being her usual calm and collected self. But when he walked across the field to greet her, she said all thoughts fled her mind. All she could see was him. He was finally there in front of her, in the flesh, not the pictures of him she stared at every single night. She had burst into tears, unable to contain her feelings. All the emotions she held in check those two years he was gone came rushing back, overwhelming her. And then he was there hugging her. To be back in his arms, to feel his warm embrace, to hear his voice whispering softly in her ears again...it was all more than she could bear. And he let her cry, soaking his uniform with her tears. When she finally was able to look up to meet his eyes, she saw that he too had shed tears; he too had cried upon seeing her. He missed her just as much.

“Unlike other men, your Haraboji does not equate tears as a sign of weakness. He does not think any less of a man who shows emotions. I love this about your Haraboji, you know. He is transparent to me at least. It tells me he need not hide himself from me."

"You are too perfect for each other. I wish..." Hye Rin paused and bit her lip. She dropped her face on her grandmother's lap.

"Rin-ah...we are not perfect. We had our ups and downs; we had our fights. But from each of those experiences we learned. We promised each other we will not just give up, that we will talk things through. It took awhile for me to be brave enough to fight for us. Your Haraboji has always been the strong one in this relationship from the start. Even with the threat of our exposure, he was stubborn. He was vehement in keeping our relationship at the expense of his career. There was a time I thought we were breaking up, when the possibility of exposure became imminent. I didn't know what to do; do we continue with the hush money, do we make a deal, do we end things to keep any rumors from escalating? It was a very fearful moment in our relationship."

Grandmother's voice trailed softly as she recalled this emotional experience. "Thinking of this though it was so long ago still makes me shudder. We could have lost each other, if we had let others dictate what we had to do...I was so fearful for him, and for me too. But in the end, we were more scared to lose each other."

She reached out to clasp the young girl's hands in hers, "I know how you must feel, my dove, how your heart feels. It's true I am an old woman now, but even so, the thought of losing him is unbearable. The thought of him not loving me anymore is devastating." She sighed and hugged the girl tight to her. "I will tell you what my eomma told me. I cried to her about a man I thought was the only man that would ever love me and afterwards broke my heart. She said, do not be afraid to give your heart to someone again just because it had been broken before. The right one will know your heart as if it were their own; and with him, you won't even know it had ever been broken in the first place."

The were both quiet, the girl's sobs finally petering out. Grandmother wiped the tears from her cheeks and kissed her temple.

"Thank you, Halmoni." 

"I am always here for you, my Rin-ah. Why don't you go wash up? We can have an early snack and try the french pastries you brought."

Grandmother watched the girl pick up the cups and walk back to the house. She met her grandfather halfway walking across the yard. They exchanged brief words; the girl gave her grandfather a hug and he in turn kissed the top of her head. Hye Rin looked back briefly to where her grandmother stood and smiled briefly, then walked back towards the house.

He reached her under the tree, its shade a welcome respite from the sun now high above them. He reached for her hand automatically.

"Will she be alright?" he asked. "I've been watching from the house, but didn't want to intrude."

"She will be. It just takes time. You remember how it was being young and in love. The world felt like it would end right then and there." She squeezed the hand that held hers so lovingly. "Thank you for giving us that moment."

"She couldn't have found a better person to confide in. I remember when our daughter went through the same thing." He sighed, "I know things will eventually work out. It did for us; it will for her too. The hardest part has always been the waiting."

He hugged her then, touching her forehead with his, "I'm glad we're done with all of that. I'm glad I'm through waiting to find you."

_{FAST REWIND.......SCENE CHANGE....SAME PEOPLE, SAME POSE, SAME HEARTS....SEVERAL DECADES BACK...............}

Underneath the cherry blossom trees, the shadows of two people in love can be seen. He kept her in his arms, their foreheads touching. Her hands lightly touching his cheek.

"Are you sad? Do you regret making the decision?" Her voice a soft whisper, cloaked in the shadows as if saying the words out loud would invite an answer she could not bear to hear.

"No, never. That's why I did everything I could for this very eventuality. I didn't plan on doing it forever, as you know. So what if it happened sooner than later?"

"Do you mind it? I don't want you to look back and regret..."

He stopped her words with a kiss, capturing her lips in a kiss that never failed to steal her breath away. When he let go, their breaths were both ragged wisps of air. His hands caught her chin, tipping it up to keep her gaze locked onto his.

"I will never regret any decision I made if it meant us being together. I love you."

"I know. I love you too. I have no regrets with my decisions; I just wanted to make sure it is the same for you."

"It is. I will miss acting, but it is not my life. You are. This. Us. This is what is important to me. That's why I made sure everything is ready when the time comes for me to leave. Sure, I'm leaving this profession earlier than we planned; but in the big scheme of things, it doesn't matter one whit if I did it today or another year from now. I've made sure we won't be lacking."

"I'm not worried about the money. I know we both scraped and saved to prepare for our family. I want you to be happy too."

"I am. I enjoy running the business too. Besides, it will give us more time together, now that it is practically running itself. I won't have to worry about being away filming, worrying about you, missing you." He dropped another passionate kiss on her waiting lips, one she didn't hesitate to return. 

"Do you miss being in front of the camera, my love?" he murmured in her ears, as his lips traced its curve.

She sighed and shook her head no. "Sometimes I do, but most of the times I don't. I have plenty to occupy my mind." She moved to bring him back down to her for a kiss, "now that you're going to be around more, I don't think I'll miss it at all."

She could feel his smile when he kissed her. They were lost for awhile in the kiss, until a noise, a movement brought them apart. She heard him chuckle beside her.

"Oh, mian, my dear," Bo Young flushed, looking down at the toddler by their feet grasping at her dress. "We didn't forget you. Come to eomma."

She bent and lifted the sweet little girl, whose moon shaped eyes have widen in pleasure at being carried. Her chortling laughter filling the air around them as Hyung Sik blew raspberries on her chubby cheeks.

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