Break Room Blues.

Length: Short

Genre: Fluff, Romance

Now Playing: Zico ft. IU - SoulMate

Seulgi wants to talk to Irene, she just has to find the right break for it.

On Monday she stood by the far end of the room resting against the doorjamb and playing with her phone. She was pretending she wasn't looking but in truth the opposite was far too obvious. She was scrolling through her contacts and then through her messages and she bit her lip and wrote a phantom message to a friendless nonentity and every now and then she would peek up at the rest of the room and smell the strong tang of ground coffeebeans and sandwiches and chicken in the microwave and she would shift her weight and look for Irene but Irene wasn't there. She was rarely ever there on Mondays. Just another long line of people she didn't know. People from IT, from HR, people from downstairs. She turned back to her phone. The screen had locked itself and she watched her reflection in the black of the glass for a minute distended and ill at proportion like seen through a sheet of bad glass.

'Seulgi.'

She turned to see Wendy standing behind her. She was holding a small Tupperware box and she was leaning back and looking Seulgi up and down and she glanced over at the phone and grinned.

'Having fun?' she said.

'What do you want?' Seulgi said.

Wendy shrugged. 'Nothing. You're not sick, are you?'

'Sick? What?'

'Ill.'

'No,' Seulgi said. 'I'm not ill. Why would you think that?'

'It's very rare I see people trying to type on a black screen. Maybe you've gone insane.'

'Shut up.'

Wendy just laughed. She sidled up to the microwave and sat preparing her meal and she took two styrofoam cups from the watercooler pressed up by the left wall and filled them and came and passed one to Seulgi. They stood there in the door drinking for a moment listening to the quiet murmur of Xerox copiers and fax machines and the shrill ringing of office telephones. And the smell. Always of coffee, always freshly ground. Cold cups from the cooler, warm in flasks. Seulgi finished her water and crumpled the cup and stood in from the door and peered around. There were a group of women by the far door talking in muted voices and laughing softly but otherwise it was empty. Wendy laughed.

'Why don't you just talk to her?' she said.

'Talk to who?' said Seulgi.

'Oh come on.'

'What?'

'I don't know why you don't just admit it. Just go up and chat with her if you're that smitten.'

'Smitten?'

Wendy smiled again. 'It's pretty obvious, Seulgi. You're like a dog without an owner. It's pretty sad to see sometimes. You should go and talk to her. What's the worst that could happen?'

'Are you serious?'

'What?'

'I'm not like you,' said Seulgi. 'I'm not confident. I'm super awkward and I hate talking to people and it just becomes such a chore for anyone who has to sit and listen to me for too long. That's why I took an office job. Because I only have to talk to people on the phone. I don't have to smile awkwardly in front of them or make them feel uncomfortable and try and pull some ty jokes to break the ice. And I don't end up talking about the weather.'

'You're not awkward,' Wendy said.

Seulgi was quiet for a moment. Then she said: 'What would I even say to her? Seriously. Hi, how are you? Does she even know who I am?'

'You're way overthinking this.'

'Am I?'

'Just be yourself. I don't see what the big deal is, you're just talking.'

'But I'll screw it up.'

Wendy took a step back. She regarded Seulgi for a minute. When she had finished her water she crumpled the cup and put it in the bin and stood back and grinned. 'You really like her, don't you?' she said. 'Like, you really have a thing for her?'

'Shut up.'

'No, no. I think it's pretty cute. Not trying to rile you up or anything. I mean, not sure how I feel about romance in the workplace, and all that. Now that's a slippery slope if I ever saw one. I mean, you know what they say, right?'

'What?'

'Don't where you eat.'

'That's disgusting.'

Wendy shrugged. 'Just saying. I didn't invent the phrase. It's clearly popular for a reason.'

'So you're saying I shouldn't go for it?'

'No. That's not what I'm saying. You've only got one life to live, right? Might as well live it to the fullest. You'll just end up kicking yourself if you don't.'

'You're right,' Seulgi said.

'Of course I am,' said Wendy. She grinned. 'I know these things. That's what I do.'

On Tuesday it was quiet. Irene's team was out on field duty. So was the Marketing Team. She made herself a coffee and stood by the long arc of the open window in what little air was fresh and cool and thinking of her. Of Irene. It was all so stupid. She stood for a long time imagining what to say, what to do. How to act. Come on, Seulgi. You don't even know her. She's a complete strange. You've literally never even talked to her, what are you going to say? She thought back to what Wendy had said. Just be yourself. But was that enough? Was it okay to be herself? She thought maybe she was a little too strange for that. Too off-beat. She finished the coffee and threw away the cup and stood by the mirror in the bathroom fixing her hair and running the water cold as it could be in those rudely hot days of summer over her face and trying to erase all thoughts of Irene but it was impossible. You've got work to be doing, she told herself. You've things you need to get done. Deadlines, idiot. But all she could think of was Irene. Of Irene's face and her little smile just before she would curl up her nose and laugh softly and everything about her. It was unhealthy. Wendy would probably tell her that if she knew the extent of it. An obsession with a stranger. Get it together, Seulgi. Get your head screwed on straight. But when she went back to her booth she was smiling.

On Wednesday Irene was not there either. Seulgi stood with one arm draped over the watercooler picking her teeth with her tongue and frowning. She was probably in the other break room. Yeah. That's where she was. When Wendy came in she was reading something on her phone and she looked up and saw Seulgi there and laughed and tapped her lightly on the shoulder and laughed again.

'What's gotten into you?' she said.

'What do you mean?' said Seulgi.

'You look sullen. Like you've seen a ghost.'

'I kind of wish I had. Maybe it'd distract me.'

Wendy looked around. She seemed to be processing it for a moment. Then she turned back to Seulgi and laughed and said: 'Holy . You're obsessed.'

'Stop it.'

'You really overthink everything, don't you?'

'What do you mean?'

'Come on,' said Wendy. 'I mean, it's not that hard. How long have you been bigging yourself up for now? A month? Two? And you haven't even talked to her yet.'

'I don't know what I'd say.'

'Probably everything, knowing you?'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

Wendy shrugged. 'Well. You like to talk a lot. I mean, you say you're awkward and everything but I don't think I've ever known anyone to talk quite as much as you. I think that's why we're friends and probably why I don't really talk to anyone here except you. Because I can't get you to shut up.'

'Very funny.'

Wendy grinned. 'In all seriousness though,' she said, 'just go and talk to her. Next time you see her, just go up and say Hi. That's all it takes. You'd be surprised at how quick these things go. Honestly.'

'Oh you'd know, would you?'

'Better than you. Trust me, Seulgi. I'm a maestro when it comes to these things. These little things. People think it takes a hell of a long time to work your way into a friendship. Or something more in your case. But it doesn't. It's only like that in movies. In real life you hear about people getting married after the first date. Or even before.'

'Let's not get too carried away,' said Seulgi.

'Alright, alright. I was just making an example. But still, the point remains. You've just got to talk to her, is all. Sit down and blab about something like you usually do. That's what works best. And it'll help you as well.'

'How?'

'Help build your confidence.'

'I'm not sure about that.'

Wendy looked around again. It was almost empty. In the distant the faint throng of copy machines and printers. She finished the last of her water and crumpled the cup and turned back to Seulgi and shrugged.

'Worth a try,' she said.

On Thursday she poured herself a cup of water and leant against the big drum of the cooler watching Irene from across the room again. They smiled at each other. She expected in some small and irritating manner Wendy to be there beside her scolding her. Seulgi. Damn it. Stop smiling like a fool and get over there and talk to her. What's the worst that could happen? She's a co-worker, for crying out loud. If it gets awkward just talk about paperwork and things. Boring things. Nothing gets someone to ignore how awkward you are quicker than talking about filing debt agreements and sales pitches. Seriously, get over there and talk to her. Ask her out for a drink or something.

But Seulgi just stood there watching Irene for the whole twenty minutes and when she was gone Seulgi looked around at that empty and desolate space still smelling faintly of ground coffee and she sighed and tossed away her cup and rubbed at her tired eyes. It's okay. I'll ask her tomorrow. If I can bring myself to do it. I've got to. Jesus what am I turning into, a stalker or something? She remembered what Wendy had said again. Just go for it. It's worth a try.

Yeah, she said. Yeah, you're right. It's worth a try.

On Friday Seulgi stood and exited her booth just before midday and shuffled along the long row of bleachwhite cubicles and by the light and around the end of the corner where the glass windows of the meeting rooms gleamed under the barred blinds and she went up and along again and stood just outside the break room steadying herself. It was a warm day even with the air conditioning. She pinned her hair back and looked about. No one seemed to even register her presence. This is stupid, Seulgi. Quit being such a baby. You're just going to get a drink.

She went in and up to the watercooler and she stood filling one of the little cups and peering right about the room. When she saw Irene she stopped. She was wearing her hair to her shoulders and she looked in that smooth visage of porcelain skin and faint lips like some palely done chinadoll though illfitting as it may seem in a place of work. By the light of the window she looked almost ethereal save the slight bags under her eyes. If naught else the long shifts were her forte. She was brewing herself a coffee by one of the old machines and she stood resting against the countertop reading her phone and when she looked up and around and saw Seulgi she smiled softly and Seulgi smiled back. Couldn't help it. An involuntary reaction if there ever was one. When she looked back to her phone Seulgi bit her lip. She could feel the irregular pulsebeat of her heart. Come on, Seulgi. Don't be an idiot. Don't be a creep.

She stood by Irene and took one of the styrofoam coffeecups and set on the glass pot of coffee to brew and they looked at each and smiled softly and Seulgi brushed her hair back from her face and tried not to make a mess of herself. She could feel the blush rising to her cheeks. The embarrassment of preparing herself for embarrassment. When Irene looked back at her she smiled again and said: 'Hey.'

'Hi,' Irene said.

'Irene, right?'

'Yeah. Seulgi?'

'Yeah. You're from Sales Team, are you not?'

Irene nodded.

'I've seen you around a couple times. I'm from Business Team.'

'Yeah,' said Irene. 'I think I've seen you a few times too. How long have you been working here?'

'About a year.'

'Same.'

'Really?' Seulgi said.

'Yeah. Why?'

'Just seems strange. It's like I see everyone but I rarely notice them, if that makes sense. It's like everyone just wants to be left on their own.'

'I get you.'

'I don't mean that in a weird way. Like, I totally understand. I get it. Sometimes I just want to be left alone. But it feels like everyone's like that twenty-four hours a day seven days a week, and it just ends up in this big situation where everyone recognises each other but no one knows one another, if you get what I mean. Like, nobody's really friends, or even really co-workers beyond just getting the job done. Even in my team it's the same.'

She looked up at Irene and rubbed at her forehead and laughed nervously. The heat untenable in her face. 'Oh God,' she said. 'Sorry. Listen to me, ranting again. I do it a lot. Just go off on tangents and stuff where I don't even realise I'm doing it. I just talk for ages without really talking about much at all.'

'It's alright,' Irene said. She smiled. 'I tend to do the opposite.'

'You talk about lots of things really well?'

Irene laughed. 'I don't talk much at all.'

'Right. Sorry then. You must hate talking to someone like me.'

'Not at all. I like it more. I like listening to people that have a lot to say. To people that speak their minds. It's kind of relaxing in a way.'

Seulgi just regarded her softly. She was playing with her fingers and crumpling and uncrinkling the coffecup and she nodded to the wide seating area behind Irene and said: 'How long are you on break for?'

'About twenty minutes,' said Irene.

'Want to go sit down?'

'Sure.'

They made their coffees and went and sat alone by one of the far tables overlooking the window from the twelfth floor. It all seemed so diminutive far below. Like ants in a maze. Their shadows so very insignificant, the traffic barely visible. They sat across from each other in a silence that was at once strangely comfortable and they studied each smiling and Seulgi knew then and there she had something. Her heart racing in her chest. This could go somewhere, Seulgi. Don't mess it up. Come on. You've got this. She drank about half of the coffee and set the cup down and leant against the table.

'How are you liking it here?' she said.

Irene shrugged. 'It's alright. Can't complain. The pay's pretty good, the work's not too bad. Minus the overtime and the late shifts. They get to me. As you can probably see.'

She pointed to the sallow bags daubed lightly like paint below her eyes and Seulgi smiled. 'You look fine,' she said.

'Thanks. What about you?'

'Do I like it here?' Seulgi said.

'Yeah.'

Seulgi shrugged. 'Like you I can't complain. It's not exactly what I want to be doing but it's better than nothing. Much better. And it's valuable experience. Any sort of job like this is worth it just for the learning, in my opinion.'

'I agree completely.'

They sat in quiet for a moment again. Seulgi watching. Smiling ever so slightly. Wendy was right. It was easy. She shifted about in her seat and cleared throat and said in a voice she immediately regretted: 'I've been watching you for a while.'

'What?' said Irene.

Seulgi paused. She could feel the heat rising again to her cheeks and the dull thud at the base of her skill. Way to go. You've messed it up now. 'Oh God,' she said. 'I didn't mean it like that. That sounded really creepy. I just, I mean, it's just. Hell, I don't know. I just meant you have a really nice smile. That's all I wanted to say. It kind of drew me to you. I know that probably sounds really creepy. Like I'm a stalker or something. But I'm not. I promise. Oh God, sorry. Listen to me again.'

Irene just laughed. 'It's alright,' she said. 'You're cute when you ramble.'

'Cute?'

'Yeah.'

Seulgi finished the rest of her coffee. Oh God. Don't overthink it, Seulgi. Don't be stupid. When she put the cup down and peered up at Irene Irene was watching her very closely and she grinned and shrugged her shoulders and said: 'Are you doing anything tomorrow night?'

'Tomorrow night?' said Seulgi.

'Yeah. Are you free?'

Seulgi was silent for a moment. 'Yeah,' she said. 'Yeah, I'm free. Why?'

Irene shrugged again. 'You want to go for a drink or something?'

'A drink?'

'Yeah. I can't remember the last time I met co-workers outside of this place. I can't remember the last time I actually talked to anyone for like, more than five minutes. So it's a special case, I guess.'

'Yeah,' said Seulgi. 'Yeah, I'll go for a drink.'

'Alright, cool.'

Seulgi laughed. Irene looked at her strangely. 'What?' she said.

'It's nothing,' said Seulgi. 'I mean, it's stupid really.'

'What is?'

'I was planning this whole week how I was going to approach you and everything.'

'What?'

'I know that sounds super creepy too. But you just looked like the sort of person I could sit down and chat with and it gets kind of lonely in here sometimes. Nobody seems to want to do much except work. I guess that's the burden of corporate life.'

'You spent the whole week trying to talk to me?'

'Yeah.'

'Why didn't you just say something?'

'I was afraid I'd just clam up and not say anything. I do that a lot when I talk to new people.'

'You were afraid you'd not be able to say anything?'

'Yeah.'

'You?'

'Yeah,' said Seulgi. Irene looked at her for a second. Then she laughed heartily.

'What?' Seulgi said.

Irene wiped the sweat from under her eyes and laughed again and looked at Seulgi and grinned. 'You're kind of weird, you know that?'

Seulgi smiled. 'Yeah,' she said. 'I kind of am.'