We shared a life that wasn’t short
Our hearts matured
Rather than lovers, we were like family
Now whatever we do, feels like we already did it
 

 

 

Exhaling puffs of smoke gently, the handsome figure observed every drop of the sky's tears tenderly. Soft drizzles and washes drowning him in his nostalgia. Cold. Is what is creeping through him slowly. It used to be warm. Unknowingly, flashes of memories clouded his thoughts, his lips curling into a delicate smile, he chuckled lowly. Warmth was a figure tinier than his own, fitting his like a missing puzzle, beautiful soulful droopy eyes, always so loving, so calming, full cherry lips with a smile so divine and bright, he probably had to squint his smaller eyes even further. Flawless feather skin and petite fingers tracing his long, rough and tan ones in hypnotic circles. Yet he remembers. As clear as yesterday, how that beautiful face was void of emotions, pain embedded deep in those doe eyes, harsh marks smearing the perfect white skin like a mockery. He broke his promise. He had hurted what matters to him the most. Bobby could only laugh, his whole body trembles with the pain in his heart. The harsh sound of rain covering his own tears.

To Bobby glitzening spotlights and faded cheers was his warmth. His private ecstacy. Yet. To Jiwon, warmth was his pretty love. His pretty love that Bobby had clearly disregard of importance. 

 

 

Bobby was charismatic, fearless, an artist at heart and a beast on stage. He was unstoppable, his rivals and friends would say. Like a black hole, his audience deep into his own ideals of world of contradictions and wonder. His aura was unapparalled, until it was proven wrong.

 

 

Despite it just being a few years into his debut, bobby had quickly become a chart topper, a monster talent that sweep awards and cause conversations in anything he pursue. Shortly he's the entertainment industry's black horse and residential heartbreaker. It had been just a normal night out after an award ceremony, a high end gangnam club created exclusively for the most sensational after parties; a prestigious event reserved for industry biggest sweethearts and talents, billionares, CEO, models, actors, directors, writers. 

Bobby had smiled dorkily as he reach his favourite group of best friends located in one of the private section of the club. "Ayy Jinhwanie! its weird to see your excusive self hanging out without your lover boy, where's june. And I see you Yun, working that charm, you're out to get those actresses aren't you. My lil bro chanwoo, congrats man on your win." He winked cheekily as he greet his friends excitedly, tackling each of them in his "best" hugs, earning disgusted groans, especially from the maknae of the group. "come on, hyung, you're disgusting" Chanwoo snarled in fake discomfort before laughing at bobby's insulted expression loudly. "Jesus Chan, control yourself, Is this how the youngest ever daesang actor behave" Jinhwan had  lovingly, earning a deep whine from the youngest. "You guys are mean. 'Angelic Vocals' and 'nation's golden voice' is just your disguise isnt it hyung. You're actually a devil. A cute tiny one though". "Don't call me cute! and I'm not tiny!" Jinhwan huffed, comically diving to strangle chanwoo in his grip. "Woa Woa calm down cuties!" Bobby exclaimed. 

 

"We're not cute!" the two shouted irritatedly in twin defense 

 

Before the pair could strangle him, Bobby had thanked the heavens for Mino, Dean, and his senior Tablo's saving grace. "Hey Bobby whats up man! didn't know you'll show up tonight." "Yea man, just need a change of scenery" Bobby had hugged them as a form of greeting. "whoa were we interupting a fight, Jinhwan look like he's ready to claw your eyes out" Tablo laughed lowly. "Yes hyung, how do you stand him, can you send me a copy of his tracks, I would love to insert some free back up vocals" Jinhwan had smile devilishly angelicaly. The mood just increases ever since, with new additions of friends joining their light banter of loving disses and arguments. That is until, a loud squeal had erupted in between them, It was Yunhyeong, followed by Jinhwan. "My gosh he's here Yoyo, I didn't know that the rumours were true" "My God hyung he looks much more heavenly in person than those expensive magazine spreads". A frown grace his features, as curiosity filled them, following his friends' gaze. Bobby felt his heart stop. His mind creating a tunnel vision focused on the arriving figure. Never had he seen such a beautiful creature, it actually physically pains him to blink and breathe. 

"earth to Bobby, you alright dude?" Mino asked, his tone laced with worry. Coughing quickly, to hide his flustered mindset and blush, bobby nod meekly. "um who is he? do you guys know him?" Bobby question quietly, faking indifference. With that Mino raised one of his eyebrows in amusement. "Do you not know who he is?" Offguard by the accusing stares of the whole table, bobby had stammered in defense "hey I rarely leave the studio!" The rest of the table had started to laugh fondly, resulting to Bobby flushing a deeper red. "That's alright bro, we all know you're a hermit crab" "That my friend, is the current nation's sweetheart. Top international model, grazing millions of high end mags and runways. And to add to that perfection, he is actually Dean and Tablo hyungs' composing and writing partners, one of the humble but deadly talents in the industry. He's perfection on legs. Kim Hanbin." 

 

 

 

 

 

Feeling a weird heat spreading all over his body, Bobby try to divert his attention pretty quickly. Bobby is a women and men magnet alright, ' dropper' people would say as they fawn over him. With his masculine charms, enticing barritone trebles and melting gaze he can't deny he had land some wild night adventures of the most beautiful and influential people in and out of the industry. He is never one to commit, his fans and admirers would know. Never one to fight but flight. Yet something about Kim Hanbin makes his own drop, and that scared the hell out of Kim Bobby. The Jiwon in him is trying to send him signals though, he's unsure what, but he's going to ignore it religiously. Kim Hanbin already seems like trouble to him, like a future mistake, his immature self would think. 

One second he's indulged deeply in his own narrative yet the minute after a blur, he find himself standing almost in the middle of the crowded dance floor, his friends beside him, draping around him like an expensive blanket. Yet what shocked him is that he's standing directly in front of the petite unearthly male, whose currently laughing at one of yoyo's pick up lines, Jinhwan closely behind, eyes twinkling with what seems to be adoration and mutual soulmate like connection in his eyes. His world stops when mino's deep voice seem to mute beside him, it was along the lines of "hey binnie, meet one of the underground hotshots, he's an alright dude, pretty decent" Mino joked. " Kim Jiwon slash Bobby....". A pair of enchanting eyes had stare directly into his soul, plump lips gifting him the sweetest smile to view. "nice to meet you Kim Jiwon slash Bobby". Jiwon felt gravity is sort of betraying him, he would have melt into a puddle of goo if it werent for his autopilot stage persona "ummm.. m..me..me too.. I guess..ange-..." . "i...mean.. Kim..H..hanbin..yea..cool..hahaha" wow real smooth bob. real ing smooth... he cursed at himself inwardly. A shy melodious giggle grace him though as adorable rows of pearly teeth displayed beautifully. "I have to say you are pretty charismatic Kim Jiwon slash Bobby" the figure assure him comfortingly. "Bobby is fine..and you'll probably going to cringe at this overheard invitation but..dance with me?" for the first time Bobby felt there's no need for himself to give a suggestive smirk or charming sultry gaze, his child like joy of bunny beam appearing against his own will. He could feel the shock stares of his close friends burning on his back. "lead the way. Mr. bobby" hanbin smiled softly. 

Bobby find himself holding the beautiful petite male like he's fine china the rest of the night. Hype crowd and mad beats seem silent to him, as they both sway gently, lost in their own universe. His rough big palms resting protectively against the curvy planes of hanbin's waist and hips, hanbin's lithe arms around his neck. Bobby can't help but think about how everything feel so new. So different. So right. 

 

 

 

The next couple of months feel fast forwarded in his mind. Him slowly wooing the beautiful top model/composer, casual dates, to eventually a solid committed relationship. There is just explosive chemistry between Hanbin and him. Hanbin fit around his life like a glove, like a missing piece of the picture around his close friends and even his family. Like a chilly breeze in winter night, Hanbin had creeped into his heart like an invisible thief. They both had fell in love so fastly, madly, deeply like an explosive sparks of fireworks, that their friends can't even dare to warn them. Hanbin and Jiwon were so in love and so fated. Hanbin was Bobby's electrifying muse and Jiwon feed Hanbin's fiery drive. They were a powerful couple. Yet their young heart, goals and ambitions had influenced them to keep their relationship private. To them it was perfect. It was thrilling. They feel invisible. Unstoppable. From their secret passionate make out sessions in Bobby's backstage concert changing rooms, to midnight arcade escapes, winery trips, cuddling sessions in Hanbin's private jet rides to varieties of different shoot locations and countries, silent whispers of confessions in between abandoned planes of grassbeds and meteoric starry nights. 

"I love you Hanbin ah" Jiwon felt his heart stop, those words just slip past his lips so effortlessly. Hanbin had been closing his eyes, his pretty face glow under the illuminating moonlight. "Marry me" Jiwon had tears in his eyes by now as Hanbin were staring with the same beautifuly pure glassy shining eyes he first met under the strobe lights. "Jiwon..." his honey voice had trembled with fear, tone laced with such overflowing and unsaid love it render Bobby weak. Jiwon knew they had drown and fallen too deep. Kissing the wet smooth cheeks tenderly, Jiwon's heart could only explode with love. "Be my forever Hanbin", with a nod, Hanbin could only giggle when Jiwon lifted him abruptly. They were in one of their escapades in a beautiful yet small town of France.

"Jiwonie! put me down! where are we going! you'll be too tired" Bobby hushed his lover while kissing his forehead lovingly as he ran even more excitedly. Bobby put Hanbin down gently once they reach what seems to be a stunning private vintage church; its amber walls decorated by twrills of plush green leafs. A foreign priest and government officials greeting them warmly and patiently. "Jiwon ah! are you crazy!" Hanbin had stated in shock. "I'm crazy serious about you Hanbin" Jiwon had smiled at the small male dotingly, his feelings as bare as it could be. In midst of disbelieve, Hanbin found himself pampered and ushered by foreign assistants, the reflection before him felt unreal. Clad in an all white set of a body hugging suit pants and an exquisite off shouldered silk top, his face was dolled to perfection, a flower crown of baby breath placed divinely on his soft locks; a long train of veil sheltering him elegantly.      

Jiwon had never forget how perfect hanbin looked. How beautiful he was for him. How he was walking towards him. Loving teary smile underneath his soft veil, matching his own. How hanbin's petite fingers had curled around his firm suited arm delicately, as they exchange their vows, rings, and promises of forever confidently, drowning in each other's love. 

 

 

The moon and stars were the testimony of their eternal love.

 

 

Now our answers have become short
Feeling the difference in the weight of our hearts
Our silence forecasts the end
On our lukewarm night

 

 

Being two individuals too deep in love..

 

 

what could've gone wrong? 

 

 

You had high expectations
And I was really tired
Would we be different
If we understood each other a little more?

 

"Why is he ing touching you Hanbin?" Bobby had snarled viciously. Trapping the petite male to the lavish walls of their private home.

"He's my shoot partner Bobby! Why is it a sudden problem now when you have dozens of women in every single frame of your music videos or performances!" Hanbin had seethed back. He was tired. Tired of all of the judgements, distrusts, and accusations.

"You're ing mine Hanbin. You should know how to behave." Bobby growled.

"Oh really? Cause the last time I checked Kim Bobby don't know a Kim Hanbin" 

"Are we really going there Hanbin? We can't risk our careers Hanbin!" Bobby shouted angrily, before his eyes soften at the trembling state of his beautiful petite lover.

"baby...please..understand me..we'll announce it one day. Trust me. You know its what is best for you. You've work hard to be where you are Hanbin. Having me, a rapper as your husband will just tarnish your reputation"

"when will that happen Jiwon? What is best for me? me? I only want you Jiwon. Is that so wrong? to be able to love my husband publicly. I'm ing tired Jiwon. I'm tired of being secretive. Best for me? We both know that its probably what is best for you."

Raising his hands in rage, Bobby stopped when he see the hurt and broken expression of his lover. His wedding band seem to reflect under the dim light like a cruel joke. His hands shake in tremor as it dropped in regret. He had almost raise his hands and hurt Hanbin.

Breaking from his initial shock, mustering his courage Hanbin had muttered quietly "We should have a break Jiwon". Preventing himself from running to embrace his husband, Hanbin started to walk away to pack his belongings from their shared room. Strong arms halt him as his body was crashed to a much broader and stronger one. He could feel the wetness smearing the surface of his smooth neck, butterfly kisses on the planes of his collarbones and jawlines, purple marks of bobby's strong grip from previous night still evident, like a hauntingly beautiful criminal record. Jiwon had bury his face deeply into his neck, his taller body quake with a restrained sob. Pulling the beautiful shorter male into a desperate deep loving kiss, the two could only endulge deeper in the current warmth of their toxic like love.

 

 

 

The rest of the night were accompanied with slow caresses of warm skins, subtle rustles of silk sheets, faint pants, salty kisses, and silent vows watched by the moonlight. 

 

 

When you have to try in love
That already means it’s not love
With love without the butterflies
Only attachment remains

 

 

 

Like a rolling snow ball waiting for a steep hill to stop. The two individuals fall even deeper in love. Unaware of its poisonous nature.

 

The stress, the fame, it drifted Bobby even further from Hanbin. Anger, dissapointment, and insecurities befriend him. Hanbin who had been impacted deeply by their cold distant relationship had took the burden upon himself willingly, disregarding his suffering health detoriation as he drown himself in endless shoots and work. All they do is fight, fight, and fight. Their once tender love unions turn to violent and desperate embraces.

Until one day, all Hanbin can see is black. In fleeting moments he swear he could smell his husband, feel his terrified grip on his small fragile body, his warm palms enclosing his own delicate ones. Yet when he open his eyes, there were constant beeping, pristine coldness greet him, previous warmth long gone like a midsummer night's dream, bobby was near yet so so far, air heavy with unresolved silence.

 

"The baby is gone"

 

Baby? What Baby? Hanbin felt his limbs quaver with grief on its own accord, his own pale hands caressing his abdomen, his heart shattering with each second pass. How could he not realise? There was a life developing inside of him, his newfound love, cruelly taken, not even known. Empty. That is the only feeling he know, to be able to function, to operate, to breathe.

Feeling suffocated at the sadness and the hostile tranquility of the taunting white room, instead of glueing his beautifully shattered lover, Bobby left him like a coward. Guilt, self-hatred, and regret swallowing him deep. 

 

 

Worries seem like doubt
What if’s become reality, we’re both obsessing
No strength to talk out the misunderstandings
Just saying sorry

 

 

"I've screwed everything up mom, I do not deserve him" 

 

"Everything happens for a reason Jiwon ah, when a love is so strong and great, there are bound to be mountains of challenges"

 

"You and Binnie are meant for each other, the moment you have bought that beautiful boy to introduce him to us, the look in your eyes son. I knew it was not a phase or a moment. It was a forever." 

 

"Nothing is too late Jiwon. Remember son, before a Bobby there was a Kim Jiwon. Hanbin had loved both of you the same."

 

We lived our own lives
And on our way to each other
We already ran out of breath
Even though we missed each other
 

 

Their mutual friends had all cursed him before enveloping him with warmth. There were fondness in their tone "Come here you jerk" Jinhwan mumbled tearily, he had always been the soft mother hen of their little brotherhood group. "If you want to win our Hanbinnie back, you better stop all this self loathing" "Yes with your muscles turning to bones, he'll probably wont find any charming points anymore" Yunhyeong had teased, yet Bobby knew the concern beneath those tones. 

A year had passed since their bittersweet 'seperation'. After contemplating the future and calming his nerves for a couple of hours on the day of the tragedy, Bobby walked back to the private ward to find an empty bed, and series of bewildred apologetic looks from his closest friend circle. Limbs crashing down to the hospital floor, gritting his teeth Bobby screamed in agony. Clutching anyone's legs gravely. "W...where.. d..id..Han..bin..go?" "He doesn't blame or hate you Jiwon ah, infact its the opposite..but he thinks its the best for now.." Jinhwan had whispered, his heart breaking for his best friend. "Mino hyung, tell me its not true...p..please... He can't be alone. Why does he always do this to himself..." Bobby knew. Hanbin had chosen to swallow the poison for the both of them, selfishly carry the burden alone, whilst assuring Bobby to get the fullest support from their friend group.

 

Snapping his mind back from his short nostalgia, Bobby try to process the new information given to him slowly.

 

 

 

"We finally found him Jiwon. This is his address in US."

 

 

 

"Bring his pretty face back here. I need some eye candy." Jinhwan had joked tearily.

 

 

 

 

"Go get him Tiger"

 

"Bobby shi are you on your way to shoot new video in the US?"

"Yes Bobby shi, I heard your colleagues had spilled that your new album will be monumental"

"Is it true that this album is from your most treasured personal experiences?"

"Bobby shi is this all true?"

"Are you in a relationship?"

"Can you confirm Bobby shi?"

"Bobby shi..." "Bobby.."

 

"Bobby hyung, I've been your fan for a while! I know who is your true muse. Please be happy hyung! I support you! the Bobby hyung who is in love is actually the coolest! Go get your love and flaunt it proudly hyung! let them all be jealous!!"

 

 

His teenage male fan had told him daringly, amongst the swarm of reporters crowding him in the luxurious departure airport halls. Smiling genuinely, bobby had  turned to smile at the fan gratefully. Giving the brave male fan his salute of respect and a charming wink.

 

"At your command captain" 

 

He chuckled lowly before placing his sunglasses back on, ignoring the thunderous noise of exclamations and questions errupted from his ambiguous statement.

 

 

 

 

 

"Fine Hanbin ah, If you need time, I'll wait for you till the end of my time. I'm never ever planning to let you go for the second time. Please be healthy for me baby. I'll find you."

 

 

 

 

 

I love you
Still 
I love you
I’m still in love with you

 

 

Despite the impending darkness, the moment he reach the foreign grounds, Bobby did not waste any time, heading straight to the possible address of his love, ignoring his tired and lagged state.

Bobby did not care that he have to walk in the rain and ditch his ride or his luggage and belongings to be able to reach the small elegant vintage house located in the less populated hills.

With heart hammering at the shallow space fenced by his ribcage. Bobby knock the wooden door gently. 

The door opening to reveal Hanbin in his familliar radiant beauty.

Without thinking Jiwon had crashed his body to the petite male immediately in relief, sobbing hard as he mutter apology over and over, his body wet from the rain and eyes swollen from tears, his cheeks reddening in slight fever. Hanbin felt his own tears fall, though he was broken, never had he doubted his husband's love and devotion to him. Sometimes he hates it, he hates that he loves Jiwon too much. Struggling to breathe, bobby could only repeat his heart over and over, mournful words muffled by hanbin's soft collarbones "i love you..b..b..baby.. i love you.. i'm sorry.. i'm a ing idiot..I dont deserve you.. i'm sorry..have you been well..did you get sick of waiting? did I make you wait too long? I'm s..sorry..baby". Hanbin could only sniffle while cooing to his husband softly, taking the handsome face by his hands, as he the damp hairs off gently. "I love you too Jiwon. There's nothing to be forgiven". His angel's smile was so beautiful and warm that bobby's heart breaks with every loving teardrop escaping from his love's gorgeous droopy eyes. So he did the only thing he can think of. Kissing those cherry plump lips. Bobby finally found it. His muse, his art, his love, and for the first time in the dreadful months he felt pure happiness. He feels home.

 

 

 

 

They made love that night, with Jiwon pouring every love he kept deep inside his being, worshiping and devoting his whole being to watch his beauty unravel in pleasure, comfort, and bliss. Trembling lips kissing his wife's abdomen gently, rubbing it with such delicate affection "my child please forgive me, you were trying to warn me dont you. To not make your beautiful mother be sad anymore. I promise with my whole life from now on, I would never ever let that happen. So please come back to us soon." 

 

 

Walking through the arrival gates, Bobby beamed so bright, his face could have splitted to two. Ignoring the crazy and ballistic blinding snaps of camera flashes, screams, and reporters. Bobby could only smile even wider. His tunnel vision focused solely to the smaller beautiful male tucked possesively underneath his protective arms. His heart. His world. Bobby is so madly in love that despite the maniacal rowdy crowd, he just held his love tighter, bringing their interlocked palms to his lips in a soft kiss, displaying their wedding bands to the whole world in full view. 

 

 

 

 

"Breaking News: The nation's beautiful power couple had finally come into light. After the crazy coverage of the sweet moment of the two nation sweethearts' at the airport. Bobby's newly dropped album inspired by his beautiful muse had reach impossible new heights with booming International success. Sweeping prestigious awards nation wide. Ending his strike of wins with last night ceremony and awarding the viewers with the splendid performances of 'Holdup', 'I love you' and 'In Love', it seems like the handsome rapper can't help but gush about his perfect wife and beautiful lover, top model and composer, Kim Hanbin, in his winning speech. But that's apparently not the only thing the charismatic male have in mind. Let's check out the little snippets."

 

"First I would like to thank my Heavenly Father, my fans, my friends, my family, the hardworking staffs, colleagues and directors. But most importantly I would like to thank my muse, my world, Kim Hanbin. Thank you baby. You are my light in my darkest hours. Your beautiful perfection had never fail to amaze and render me in awe. I won't be the man that I am today without you. I can only thank God everyday for your existence. I love you baby. This award is for you and so are this album and the rest of my works. You make me feel invisible. And last but certainly not least, thank you for giving me the best gift I could ever ask for, which is the blessing of fatherhood. Thank you baby, and Thank you everyone once again." 

 

Congratulations to the new handsome father to be and our beautiful mother to be! As almost the whole world celebrate upon such delighting news, the couple had decided to spend the rest of their pregnancy in privacy. We could only wish the beautiful couple a safe delivery! to quench our thirst lets check out the resurfacing adorable pictures of the couple's secret dates and private wedding ceremony."

 

 

 

 

 

I love you

 

 

 

 

Extra:

 

Bobby was nervous when hanbin was showing the symptoms. 

 

Bobby had never let hanbin out of his sight ever since. He took work leave for the both of them, and show every of his breathing second of how much he love him (kissing him, making love to him) and even throw a tantrum when his friends decide to steal hanbin for a day. Jinhwan and junhoe glaring, while commenting sassily "you think everyday will be easy. Think again jerk."

So while his ty (nice) friends decide to test him. Bobby ends up wooing and pining over his wife all over again, trucks of roses, endless chains and diamonds, teddy bears, cars, holiday villas, even sleeping on their friends' houses front doorsteps like a guard dog. Hanbin could only giggle when bobby carry him like a queen the moment he was released by what bobby claimed to be their 'evil' friends

" Fine! We'll release you this time lovesick fools!"  "Fine bobby, you're okay this time, but there better be no next time. Or we will end you" Bobby could only grin idiotically; too distracted by the beauty who is now sleeping soundly in the comfort of his arms. Forever will probably feel very short when you're in love.