“Just don’t go off and meet some hot art student while you’re gone,” was what Minhyuk had wanted to say. But, instead, he barely even managed a small, “Stay safe out there, Kihyunnie,” before the his same-age had gone off to board his plane.

Now, Minhyuk lies awake, staring up at the squeaky fan on his ceiling as it spins and spins, much like the thoughts filling his mind.

He shouldn’t have chickened out that day. He should’ve grown a spine and told Kihyun how he feels. Now here he is, running the risk of Kihyun meeting some random hot guy in France who’ll then whisk him away, leaving Minhyuk to die alone. He wants so badly to call him, to text him, to contact him in some way. However, it costs too much to use a phone overseas like that, and Kihyun never checks his email.

“Don’t even bother trying to text me, Minhyuk-ah,” Kihyun had nagged at him for the umpteenth time before he left. “I’ll have it set so that I can’t even receive them in the first place. Anything you send me won’t come through until I’m back home.”

Minhyuk plays with his hair as he stews, carding his fingers through the blonde strands. It doesn’t come close to how comforting it is when Kihyun does it…

He sighs in defeat, reaching for his phone. Minhyuk goes first to his photos, trying to rid his mind of his friend—crush—by looking at every silly selfie the slightly-younger has ever sent him, that he and the other have taken together. Of course, that doesn’t work, so he tries going on Instagram and Snapchat… But, of course, among the silly couple selfies Hyunwoo and Hoseok spam his feed with and the random pictures of lyrics Jooheon tends to post, the edgy landscape pictures Changkyun always puts up and the pouty-faced selfies Hyungwon take, there Kihyun is, posting all these fantastic photos of himself off in Paris, having the time of his life on this foreign exchange program.

Finally, Minhyuk sees something in one of the gremlin’s photos that makes him unable to stand it anymore. He goes to his messages and types out a small, “I miss you, Kihyunnie~ I hope your trip is going well <33” and sends it before he can even think twice.

A pretty boy that seems about Kihyun’s age, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with the shorter as they smile up at the camera for a selfie. It’s the most recent photo on Kihyun’s profile, and the one that causes a jealousy the likes of which Minhyuk has never before felt in his young life. It burns within him, incinerating away any thoughts of optimism for Kihyun not meeting someone else—because it’s only a month, so who would he meet?

I should’ve just told him… Minhyuk sullenly thinks as he tosses his phone to the side. I should’ve just balled up and told him how I feel. It isn’t as if I didn’t have enough chances… Now, it’s too late.

He falls asleep that night, pouting to the dark due to his own failure.

“You’re just reading too much into it, hyung,” Hyungwon assures him the next day, sticking his fork into the slice of cake they’re supposed to be sharing. Minhyuk isn’t feeling very hungry, though, and Hyungwon seems more than happy to make the sacrifice of eating the five-layer red velvet slice all by himself. Minhyuk whines, dropping his head to the table with a dull thump.

“He looked so happy, Wonnie,” he mutters, his voice muffled by his own shirt. “And that guy was so handsome… Kihyunnie’s probably working on becoming a permanent exchange student over there so they can stay together forever!” Hyungwon rolls his eyes, shaking his head at his melodramatic friend.

“He’s supposed to make friends while there,” the younger points out as he stuffs the bite passed his plump lips. The icing is a bit thick and sticks to the roof of his mouth. He smacks his lips as he adds, “That’s the whole point of going on this program. Well, that and taking landscape shots, but that’s besides the point. He’s just enjoying his time there. He’ll be back before you know it, and everything will be fine.” He swallows the bite before finishing with, “Maybe this’ll teach you to confess your feelings before your crush leaves the country.”

Minhyuk’s head bolts up, scowling in protest at his dongsaeng.

“I don’t see you rushing to pour your heart out to a certain underclassman,” he spits back, feeling incredibly defensive at being called out. Hyungwon’s brow furrows together, and he slowly takes another bite before responding.

“Don’t snap at me just because you’re feeling insecure about your place with Kihyunnie,” Hyungwon tells him, his voice much lower than normal. His eyes glint with a warning light, and Minhyuk seems to physically deflate. Hyungwon ‘hmmph’s under his breath, shifting in his seat as the older drops his head to the table again. He lets the older stew in silence as he finishes the cake, losing himself to his own thoughts of a certain maknae…

At the end of the week, to celebrate finishing up finals, Hoseok hosts a typical stress-relief party. It’s on the nicer side of town, in a penthouse overlooking the skyline of Seoul. Booze line the counters, glittering bottles of tequila, vodka, whiskey, and gin reflecting the overhead lights. Fruit juices surround them, providing ample mixers for the liquors. Hyungwon drags Minhyuk there under the pretense of needing a designated driver for their ride back, but really Minhyuk just thinks the younger will need someone to keep him from stripping when he gets drunk… again.

Minhyuk checks his phone as they ride the elevator up on the off-chance Kihyun had his texts for only a moment. After all, he’d been sending countless messages late at night—when his insecurities become too much to bear—telling Kihyun how much he misses him, what reminded him of the younger that day. Really, you’d think the two were already dating from how sappy some of the messages were. But, among all these, Minhyuk still hasn’t found the guts to confess (no matter how obvious it is now).

Hyungwon lets him stare holes into the digitized screen, having given up on keeping the older from making a fool of himself.

The elevator slows to a smooth stop with a small ding, and the doors open directly into Hoseok’s private apartment. Pristine hardwood floors stretch for as long as the eye can see, and a flat screen sits on the far wall of the room with a large sectional in front of it. The bar is off to the left and, despite the small amount of people here, Hyungwon leaves Minhyuk to get a drink. Minhyuk stifles a sigh as he slips his phone into his pocket, chewing on his bottom lip as he drifts towards the couch.

“Minhyukkie!” Hoseok greets as Minhyuk plops down on the plush piece of furniture. “I’m glad you came! I honestly wasn’t sure you would, you know, with Kihyunnie gone and all.” Jooheon, whose sitting beside Hoseok, shoots him a warning look that doesn’t go unnoticed by Minhyuk.

“Hyung,” Jooheon hisses, bumping his knee with the older’s, “Wonnie-hyung said we shouldn’t mention you-know-who…”

“You can talk about Kihyunnie around me,” Minhyuk defends, poking his bottom lip out in a pout. “Why wouldn’t you?” Hoseok glances between his two dongsaengs, chewing on his bottom lip as he’s obviously quite conflicted about who’s words he should obey. His eyes shine with a light akin to that of a frantic bunny’s.

Jooheon sighs defeatedly after a moment, waving as if to give the older permission. Hoseok beams in relief. He leans over to give the younger a chaste kiss on the cheek, and Jooheon immediately blushes in response as he takes a drink from the neon purple plastic cup in his hand. Hoseok coos and pulls at Jooheon’s cheek, calls him a cute little baby, and Jooheon whines about how Hoseok should stop calling him that because it’s all kinds of not cool.

Minhyuk breaks his eyes away from the nauseating couple, standing with a huff at being so easily forgotten. He trudges over to the counter, where Hyungwon seems to have gotten distracted in his quest for refreshment by the transfer student, Im Changkyun. Hyungwon has himself leaned oh-so elegantly against the counter, an eyebrow quirked up as Changkyun seems unable to form a complete sentence without stuttering and blushing like crazy.

At the sight of the birth of a new couple, Minhyuk can’t help the bitterness that rises in his heart. He blindly grabs for a bottle, any bottle, and mixes it with a fruit juice in a plastic cup. He chugs half of it in one gulp. Though, never having been one much for drinking, Minhyuk almost voms out what he’s just consumed in the next second. His empty stomach roils, and a headache immediately begins to form at his left temple.

He ignores it, though, and empties his cup before pouring out another drink, this one containing more alcohol than the first. He winces, taking absolutely no pleasure in the taste of nail polish remover filling his mouth. He plops down with a huff on the nearest bar stool, pulling out his phone as he sends a text to Kihyun with only a slight buzz.

“Kiihhyunniieee~~~ I wish you were able to answer your texts ;-;”

“Um… hyung?” Hyungwon’s voice suddenly asks, causing Minhyuk’s gaze to jerk up at him. He looks concerned, a slight frown pulling at his lips and his gaze filled with a soft light. “You doing okay? You never drink at these things…”

“Even I’m allowed to have fun, Wonnie!” Minhyuk tells him, his voice coming out much louder than he intends. “I can still have fun, even if I’m not some hot French art student!!!” He huffs again, looking back to his phone to type out such a message and send it to Kihyun. Hyungwon watches him for only a moment more before turning back to Changkyun, giving only a half-shrug as he continues their conversation.

He figures if drinking is what Minhyuk needs to do to finally confess to Kihyun, then the older should go for it.

The rest of the night is a blur for Minhyuk. The last thing he remembers is getting invited to do shots with an already-drunk Hyunwoo. People gathered around them, cheering for one or the other, though Minhyuk didn’t listen. He just chugged down the tequila, pausing only to send Kihyun more texts.

The next morning, he awakens on the floor of Hoseok’s beautifully tiled bathroom with a pounding headache. He feels as if he’s been pulled inside-out. The smell of bile fills his nostrils, definitely not helping his already-present nausea.

He struggles to pull himself up off the floor, his legs feeling like jelly and his stomach grumbling loudly in protest. His limbs ache with fatigue, and he has to physically pull himself from object to object to get out of the room. He hangs onto the wall as he walks, not sparing a glance to his fellow classmates passed out all around the apartment.

Hyungwon’s curled up on the couch, looking like a frikkin’ model just laying there. Minhyuk can’t help but think of how unfair that is as he staggers his way to the kitchen. He barely manages to make it to the fridge for a bottle of water before his phone dings.

He pulls it out confusedly, hoping beyond hope it's a message from Kihyun despite his mental haze and physical pain, but it's only a game notifying him he hasn't played it in the last five hours.

"We need to go," Hyungwon suddenly says behind him, causing the older to jump. He immediately regrets it as his stomach roils in protest.

"I'm surprised you're awake," Minhyuk comments, his raspy voice much more gravelly than usual. Hyungwon rolls his eyes, reaching forward to grab Minhyuk by his elbow and lead him out of the apartment.

"I didn't sleep," he spits at him. "Someone had to keep you from trying to sleep with every guy you came across last night." Minhyuk winces, remembering the other reason why he doesn't ever drink.

"That bad?" he asks, his voice pitiful. Or, at least, it would be to a better-rested Hyungwon.

"Yes."

Minhyuk whines at his own misery, clutching the water bottle and his phone tightly as he's forced out of the apartment.

On the way home, Minhyuk dares to look at his text conversation with Kihyun. He scrolls by text after text he'd sent, walls and walls of slurred words and—

Oh, God...

Minhyuk groans, thunking his head against the passenger-side window over and over. Hyungwon only chuckles from behind the steering wheel, not even sparing him a glance.

"I tried getting that thing away from you last night," Hyungwon tells him, but you said something about putting me into a hospital with a coma with a different name? I don't know, it seemed pretty specific coming from a drunk teenager, so I just let you be."

Minhyuk doesn't reply, shoving his phone between his thigh and the cracking leather seat as he casts his eyes towards the side of the road. They pass the body of a small hare, belly turned up and tongue lolled out. Dead.

Minhyuk knows exactly how it feels.

Kihyun releases a relieved sigh as he steps into the Incheon airport. After a month of traversing foreign streets and an almost-11-hour flight, it's good to be home. He takes in the smells, the lights, the voices. The familiar sound of Korean puts his mind at ease, and he makes a beeline for the luggage pickup.

He doesn't even think to turn on his messages until he gets home. He’s just about to take a shower after putting his bags in his room, but he pauses for a moment to check his phone. He isn’t expecting much, as all of his friends had known of the strict no-texting rule he’d set himself whilst abroad.

Imagine his surprise when a total two hundred messages came flooding through his notifications all at once. He drops the phone in surprise as it keeps dinging and dinging, it still buzzing incessantly on his comforter as he watches in utter shock, his lips parted in a small ‘o’ and his eyes widened ten times their normal size.

Finally, after what seems like hours, the device finally settles down. Kihyun sighs, picking it up to see just what the hell happened.

Two hundred messages. From Minhyuk.

…Huh…

Kihyun bites back his own irritation at his same-age friend, opening his phone to read just what was so damn important. The feeling melts away, though, just at the first message he sees.

I miss you, Kihyunnie~ I hope your trip is going well <33

Kihyun can’t help but coo, eagerly going on to the next message. If they’re all this sweet, maybe he won’t nag Minhyuk quite as much when he sees him.

What he finds, though, is something he doesn’t expect. A barrage of drunken texts, spouting in varying levels of coherency how much Minhyuk cares about him, likes him—really likes him—, loves him, wants to die with him and have a family with him and even though he’s a total troll sometimes he still loves him and—

And then it stops. It ends with a single text from the following day saying: “Please, God, if you care about me at all, just delete this entire conversation and don’t ever ask me about it.”

Kihyun smirks wryly at his screen, quirking up a brow. He sighs heavily, poising his thumbs with all the expertise of any other high schooler and types out a quick message.

Minhyuk-ah~ You should come by and take your dear friend out for some barbecue for coming back home ㅋㅋㅋ

He doesn’t even have to wait a full minute before he gets a reply.

Kihyunnie!!! You’re back???

You didn’t see my texts, did you???

Nvm

I’m on my way

Kihyun chuckles breathily, hurrying his tiny self to the bathroom to take a quick shower. He absolutely does not want to look like he’s just spent so many hours on a plane for the conversation he’s about to have.

Minhyuk pulls up to Kihyun’s apartment building only a short time later, shooting him a quick text to let him know he’s there. Kihyun seems to have been waiting for him, bolting out the lobby a second later and hopping into the car. Minhyuk can’t even hope to fight the urge to lean over to center console to tug his friend in for a warm hug. He smells like roses and lavender, a familiar smell that makes Minhyuk’s heart race.

“Missed me, huh?” Kihyun asks teasingly as they break apart, wiggling a brow at him. Minhyuk rolls his eyes, jabbing a finger into his ribs before turning his attention back to the road.

“Now why would I ever miss you, you gremlin?”

Kihyun yelps out a laugh, his eyes crinkling closed and his dimples appearing in his cheeks. Minhyuk feels a warm sort of fuzziness overtake him, making him feel all gooey on the inside, and he has the notion to plant a quick little kiss on Kihyun’s cheek.

He doesn’t of course, as that’d be all kinds of telling, and he drives into the street, knowing just where to go.

They arrive at a small barbecue place they and their families have been going to since they were little. They manage to even get their favorite table, a small one in the very back that’s perfect for watching the other diners. Neither have to even glance at the menus before ordering, and their drinks come in record time.

Minhyuk sips at his coke, lips pulling anxiously as the straw. His legs bounce up and down under the table, and he doesn’t meet Kihyun’s eyes. The slightly-younger watches him, a knowing little smirk set on his features, and Minhyuk can’t shake the sense of foreboding filling him.

“So… how was Paris?” Minhyuk asks, trying lamely for conversation. Kihyun chuckles under his breath, and he gives a little shrug.

“Okay, I guess,” he replies. “Met some nice people, took some pretty pictures, ate some great food. But, ya know, it isn’t home.” He pauses then, slurping at his soda before leaning forward. “I missed it here,” he says, his tone dripping with meaning. “I missed you.”

Minhyuk could probably run a marathon purely off the adrenaline that single sentence sends coursing through his veins. He stiffens in his seat, though, boundless energy just running through him. However, he needs to play it cool, as he’s still holding out hope that Kihyun had taken mercy and deleted all the messages he’d sent.

“I-I missed you, too, Kihyunnie,” he mumbles, his throat tightening at saying the shorter’s name. Kihyun hums then, leaning even closer, propping himself up on his elbows. The light in his eyes sets Minhyuk’s blood a’boilin’. He swallows thickly, frozen where he sits. His heart hammers in his chest, threatening to burst free and just jump into Kihyun’s hands.

He doesn’t want to ask. He doesn’t want to know if Kihyun made himself witness to the absolute mess he was those few weeks ago at Hoseok’s party. He cringes just thinking about it…

But, as always, he just can’t keep himself from saying what he needs to.

“Did you… read my texts?”

“Yeah,” Kihyun replies without missing a beat, slurping again at his coke. Minhyuk chokes on pure oxygen, lurching back in his seat and hiding his face in shame.

“Oh, God… Oh God oh God oh God…” he mutters over and over, his face burning as he grows more embarrassed with every syllable that passes his lips. Kihyun yelps out a warm laugh across from him, but he ignores it. He can’t even bring himself to look up at the shorter.

“I don’t know why you had to wait for me to leave the country to tell me all that,” Kihyun tells him plainly, his tone only slightly nagging. “We’re best friends, Min. You should’ve been honest with me. I mean, I felt I was being pretty obvious in my feelings towards you, so…”

Minhyuk gasps overdramatically, his eyes going wide as he just takes in the slightly-younger’s words. Could he really mean…?

As if hearing his thoughts, Kihyun hums, nodding his head oh-so coolly. Minhyuk furrows his brow, feeling incredibly defensive suddenly. Kihyun’s just giving him that haughty, knowing smirk he just hates yet loves, and he doesn’t know how to respond other than to argue.

“Well you could’ve just said something!!” he fires back. He begins to pick at his bottom lip, eyes shining with a relieved light. Kihyun ‘hmmph’s, rolling his eyes as he sits back in his chair, though the amused sparkle to his eyes tells he isn’t really all that annoyed.

“I could say the same to you.”

“I did!!"

“Before I left the country and you got drunk!! What was with that, anyway? You don’t drink.”

“Yeah, well…” Minhyuk mumbles, unable to answer him. After all, what’s he supposed to say? That he got so god-awful drunk because of him?? Absolutely not. Kihyun would lord that over him for years if he did. Kihyun sighs, and his foot slides across the floor to Minhyuk’s to press against it gently, consolingly. Minhyuk meets his gaze, and he feels himself ease.

Their appetizers come before either can say anything, and then their food soon after. Kihyun only glances at Minhyuk once, and Minhyuk knows he hadn’t needed to worry all this time. No matter how many times Kihyun goes off to foreign countries for whatever reasons, he’ll always be Minhyuk’s… whatever that may entail.

Minhyuk finds himself thinking that it may mean much more than before, as Kihyun’s foot begins to rub its way up and down his skinny leg. Minhyuk shoots Kihyun a guarded gaze, and Kihyun only blows him a flirtatious little kiss before diving into his food.

The slightly-older has to stifle a sigh, only just then beginning to imagine what kind of mess he’s gotten himself into with this one…