“Seulgi-aaaah~”

I turned at the whiny voice before smiling at what it was. Running towards me with an adorable smile and a laugh that echoed down the hall. I couldn’t stop the pounding in my chest. My heart leapt at the sight of her and I was left helpless hoping I could swallow it back down. I didn’t deserve this, I don’t deserve what I have with her especially not that smile the one she reserved for only when it was us two. 

“Yah! Kang Seulgi I told you I was coming over today why didn’t you wait for me!”

“I’m sorry Joohyun unnie it just slipped my mind I’m just tired.” I smiled the best I could hoping she would believe the lie I scraped together. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion as she looked me up and down before sighing. I wasn’t lying when I said I was tired. Tired of hearing my heart pounding in my ears whenever you were near me. Tired of watching you from a distance even if you’re my best friend. Tired of having my heart broken and stepped on time after time knowing I could never have you. I was stupid and let myself fall for you years ago but here I am hurting myself for the sack of your happiness. 

“Hmm okay let’s go in and get you rested for tonight.” Joohyun hummed and snatched my keys from my hand letting herself into my apartment. Blinking at the older woman who moved further into the room I smiled and shook my head, hard to believe she really is the older one out of us. Stepping and tossing my bag onto the black leather love seat I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. Bangs a mess actually all of me was mess.

“Seulgi-ah come here please~!”

I stood in the doorway of my kitchen and held in my laugh. Leaning against the kitchen counter on the tips of her feet straining to reach whatever it was in the cabinet above her. My heart swelled at the adorable sight, imagining what if. I didn’t notice that I had moved from my spot and was pressed against her back reaching for the box her fingertips grazed along. Joohyun stiffened against me and I shook it off hugging her from behind. 

“Hyun-ah next time ask for help instead of struggling.” I smiled at her before pulling away making my way back to the couch and lying face flat. Groaning into the cushion wishing all of my worries and stress could just melt into it. Why is life so hard? Why did I have to fall in love with my best friend out of all people. 

“What’s wrong?” Her soft voice broke my train of thought and my eyes widened at the sudden weight on my back. 

“W-What are you doing?” I stuttered whipping my head back to look at her only to regret it immediately. She was smiling down at me practically glowing. 

“Tell me what’s wrong Seulgi come on we’re best friends you can tell me anything I’m here for you.” Her voice was gentle and smooth as she pressed her hands against my shoulders working out the kinks. 

“I’m j-just tired...”

“You’re tired? Did you have a bad day in the office? I thought you looked pretty fine did something happen?” Joohyun questioned with a furrowed brow. I couldn’t look at her right now, I couldn’t even think of a response. Instead I folded my arms under my head and sighed deeply. 

I’m tired Joohyun...

I’m tired of getting hurt and watching you. Seeing you speak so shyly around that new kid what’s his name Sehun? You don’t even spare me a glance when I’m nearby but here you are in my apartment rubbing away at my problems that won’t ever leave. I’m tired of listening to my heart beating for you when it’s pointless. When will I get the rest I deserve.

“Joohyun I’m going to bed.” I said moving carefully to sit up not to knocking her off but froze when I felt arms wrap around my neck and legs around my waist. Joohyun rested her head against my back and cuddled into me. 

“Then I’m going with you...”

“Hyun...”

“No Seulgi I’m not leaving you alone I’ve been with you for too many years to know when you’re not okay.” I sighed with a small smile creeping it’s way across my face. Wrapping my hands around her thighs I somehow managed to stand up and make my way towards my bedroom. Trying to place her down on my bed hoping she would let go only to have her hold on tighter. 

“Don’t you want to get changed?” She shook her head in response and I sighed climbing into bed. Immediately letting go Joohyun crawled to my front and cuddled into my neck. My breath hitched and I hoped she couldn’t feel my heart. 

“Seulgi don’t push me away please...” She muttered against my neck and I froze before slowly wrapping my arms around her. 

“I won’t Hyun.” I wish I could but I love you too much. 

~*~

How long has it been since we laid down? Glancing over to the clock on my bedside I let out another sigh for nth time today. Its been two hours since Joohyun fell asleep in my arms. Two hours since my heart clenched at her words. Looking down at her sleeping face I swallowed the lump in my throat, of course she would still look just as beautiful. My eyes traced her features before landing on her lips. No it’s wrong. I pressed a kiss to her forehead with a bitter smile. 

“Seulgi don’t go...” Joohyun mumbled against my neck cuddling deeper into me. I froze panicking only to be reassured by her steady breathing.

When will you notice me Joohyun..?

Seulgi don’t go...

Running my hands through my hair with an exhausted sigh I leaned back in my chair. I could stop thinking about what Joohyun said in her sleep, why would I leave her? 

Ding!

Soojungie
Hey bear! Did you forget it’s closing time again? Hurry up let’s go home together I wanna take you to this new western place that opened a block away! >:D

Oh? Its closing time? Why didn’t Joohyun come get me. I clenched my jaw remembering how she says with Mister oh so charming Sehun. Rubbing my tired eyes I closed my laptop and breathed in deeply. 

“Yah! Kang Seulgi why haven’t you responded to me you dumb bear!?” Soojung bursted into my office scaring me straight out of my seat. Fumbling to my feet I gave her a half hearted glare and rubbed my face. 

“Seul you okay?” She came over and rubbed my shoulder. I smiled her and shrugged getting my things together and slinging my bag over the other shoulder. Soojung smiled at my warmly and grabbed my hand. 

“Let’s go and how about we invite Wendy I miss her.” I smiled brightly at the thought of seeing my favorite girls all together again with the exception of Joohyun. Soojung returned my smile and couldn’t hide her excitement as she dragged me out of the room and shut the door. Dragging me across the hall so quickly she looked back at me with a smile that had a wave of affection rush through me. I couldn't focus on anything but her smile and how all my worries just vanished. Not noticing the eyes that were watching in confusion as we ran down the hall full of giggle. Soojung pushed me into the elevator with a snort when I stumbled back and glared at her.

"Oh please gomdori I've perfected that glare there's nothing that you can do that could scare me." Rolling her eyes with a playful smirk and crossed her arms leaning against the elevator wall. I pouted until a wonderful thought popped into my head as I reached for my phone.

"I mean I could always call up a certain favorite unnie of mine and say how her precious baby Jung has been bullying me again~"

The look of pure horror on Soojung's face would go down in history before she flung herself to hung me muttering cute apologies.

"You're forgiven now let me call up the oh so famous Son Seungwan to see if she has time for her dear friends!"

Soojung was right, she always is when it came to food at least. The cafe that she practically dragged me into the moment we step out of her car. Everything looked amazing even from the names themselves or from Soojung explained to me sounded just as mouth-watering, the moment the cafe's bell rang a certain brunette wearing a face mask and her with hoodie up walked though those doors I sprang out of my seat almost tackling her to the ground.

"Wannie~! I missed you so much you need to visit more before Soojung and I break into your studio!" I whined earning a nod from Soojung and a hearty chuckle from the girl beneath me. Standing and dusting myself off I pulled up my other best friend from the group and towards our table. We ordered our food and fell into comfortable conversation talking about Seungwan's current hectic schedule to Soojung exposing me multiple times about the numerous times she's found the me sleeping in the oddest places at work. But soon enough the topic I dreaded and hoped was avoided was brought by Seungwan out of pure concern. I love her, I really did she always was the best when it came to taking care of us and making sure we were okay no matter what. She even checked on Yerim and Sooyoung regularly to see how they were doing and how their studies were going. I stared at my now empty plate and sighed running a hand through my hair, reaching for my phone that buzzed one after another I frowned.

Joohyun

3 missed calls and 10 new messages

"How about we talk about it in my apartment? We can have a good old sleepover like we used to before Miss I can sing like an angel over here got famous." I joked trying to make the air not as intense making them laugh. All agreeing we payed our fair share headed to my building with a smile.

"Alright Soojung you literally live three floors above me so go get whatever you want and meet us in my living room got it?"  I asked as I unlocked my front door and stepped aside to let in Wendy.

"Aye aye captain!" Soojung saluted from the elevator with a goofy grin as the doors closed on her. Rolling my eyes I turned and inhaled deeply before stepping into my own home, this was going to be a long night.

I snapped.

I finally snapped.

"I can't okay! I'm sick of this Wendy! I'm sick of pretending I'm okay everyday watching her flirt with some guy and acting like it doesn't break my heart. I-I'm tired of having to depend on you and Soojung and our unnies because of how weak I am that I can’t even handle my own feelings! I know you tell me to get over her but its just not that easy! I ing love her Seungwan and there’s nothing I can ever do, she’s probably happy with that giant muscle head she’s always flirting with. Shouldn’t I be happy that she is?! Then why does it hurt so much...” I sobbed falling to my knees. I couldn’t hear anything anymore except the beating of my heart, I stared at my lap 

with tears rolling down my cheeks. I didn’t hear Seungwan scream my name or notice her arms wrapping around me pulling me closer. I didn’t notice the front door fling open. 

“Seulgi-ah are you okay?!” 

“Unnie w-wait!”

Everything was blurry I can’t do this. 

“Soojung get her out of here!”

Get who?

“No I’m staying! What happened Seulgi?” As quickly as the warmth came it disappeared. I felt my whole body shake and rattle as I choked on a sob. 

“Joohyun-unnie I think you should leave now I need to take care of my best friend who needs me right now.” The venom in her voice was clear. 

“You’re best friend? I’m Seulgi’s best friend and I have every right to be here for her I love her just as much!”

Love. 

Crying harder into Seungwan’s shoulder I clutched onto the fabric of hoodie afraid she’ll go. 

“W-Wannie...” I managed to choke out grabbing everyone’s attention at old nickname. Hands gripped the back of my thighs and I was lifted into her arms. 

“Soojung please take her out.” Seungwan spoke with such authority that the taller girl couldn’t help but rapidly nod her head. Soon enough she brought me into my bedroom and gently placing me on my bed before crawling behind me to hold me gently. 

“I got you Seul I got you...” She cooed before humming a soft tune. 

“Soojung let go of me!” Joohyun yelled trying to pry off the taller girl’s hands from her shoulders. She didn’t understand why everyone was so against her being there for her best friend. Seulgi was everything for her never had she left the younger girl alone, no matter what she was there for her. She loved her with all her heart why didn’t they understand that. 

“U-unnie I’m sorry this is for your own good. Also Seungwan can be a little scary...” Soojung argued back mumbled that last part. Joohyun stared at her hard not believing what was just said to her, for her own good? She needed to be with Seulgi, she needed to make sure she was okay there was no way she would leave the girl behind.

"For my own good?! Soojung I love Seulgi I can't leave her not like this!" Joohyun yelled frustrated as she was still being shoved out into the halls but suddenly she was turned around by the shoulders.

"Do you love Seulgi-unnie?" Soojung blurted out staring straight into the older girl's eyes. Blinking at her in confusion before furrowing her brows.Was she really just asked this?

"Did you not hear me Soojung? Of course I love her!" Joohyun bursted out.

"No. Do you love her unnie?

It's been two weeks since I broke down, two weeks since I've seen Joohyun and two weeks since I has that talk with Seungwan.

"Seulgi listen to me okay? Maybe it's time you move on or something this isn't healthy for you and we're worried about you." She said as she brushed my hair back and poked my cheek.

"I..."

"Or you can try confessing for once in your life?" My eyes widened at the thought and anxiety coursed throughout my mind and body. I don't think I could especially not after all these years...

Confessing? It seemed like such a lost cause to be frank. I don't want to lose Joohyun even if meant sacrificing my feelings. Sighing I grabbed a towel and headed for the shower, tomorrow I'll be going back to work and I'm not looking forward to it. A hot shower should be enough to calm my nerves and was away the sad that apparently Soojung claimed she could smell from outside my front door.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

"Who could that be?" I pulled an oversized sweatshirt and a pair of shorts on and threw the towel around my neck before opening the door with a yawn. But to my surprise arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders and a trembling body against mine.

"Gomdori I missed you so much... let's have a sleepover please?" I felt her breath against my skin, she sounded so vunerable. Joohuyn I'm sorry. Wrapping arms around her waist and pulled her in and towards my room. Laying her down next to me gently and pulled her close I mentally screamed at myself. My heart was telling me yes, telling me to tell her how much I love her and need her but my mind was trying to hold onto any rationally left in me. I looked down at her small frame and froze when my eyes met hers.

"Hyun-ah I'm sorry..."

Silence.

"I should have talked to you about what happened but I shut myself in and refused to. Joohyun I lo-" A pair of soft lips covered mine own and I froze, my heart was racing and my mind was blank.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to realize Seulgi." Joohyun spoke softly after breaking away and cupping my face gently and smiled.

"I love you Kang Seulgi."

A/N: what did I write? no idea. did i put effort into it? yea fam. i wanted to try a new style so pls do give me your thoughts on how i did :D