“Did you hear? Junmyeon and Saeri are back together… again! It’s been the third time this entire school year! And probably the seventh time in their entire relationship.” Mira said, her wide eyes rolling in utter disgust in the said couple’s “on and off” relationship. I merely blinked at this new information I’m getting. My friend went on and on about the two and I’m here nodding absentmindedly.

I just don’t get it. I’m the type to never want to go back to a person I’ve broken up with. I mean, the relationship ended for a reason. What’s done is done. What’s been said has been said and the relationship clearly didn’t work. Why go back to someone who’s hurt you? Or to someone you’ve hurt? What if that happens all over again?

I sighed and shook my head, turning to her and saying, “Isn’t it tiring?” Mira paused mid-sentence to look at me. “Their relationship, I mean. That-” I fixed the book I’m carrying to move my hand in a circle. “-kind of setup that they have. That stupid on and off thing. Why don’t they just end it for good? No more if’s and maybe’s?”

The girl only heaved a sigh and bobbed her shoulders. “I don’t know. I guess they just like to keep trying?” I scoffed at that. “Why keep trying when you know it’s a lost cause? I bet they’d break up again before we know-”

“Saeri, how could you?!” Mira and I immediately exchanged looks. I felt a little guilty for jinxing them but I can’t do anything about it now. Junmyeon came right on cue, speed walking right around the corner with Saeri trying to catch up to his pace. “Wait! It was nothing, Junmyeon. I just needed someone to comfort me while we were broken up! It wasn’t-”

He scoffed and took a sharp turn on his heels. “Stop lying, Kim Saeri! You think I don’t know you by now? After all these years?” The girl let out a small gasp. Almost immediately, tears started to flow down her cheeks. I almost felt bad for her but with her reputation as someone to jump from one guy to another, an absolute cheater, I can’t blame Junmyeon for yelling at her like this in the middle of the hallway.

In came this skin prickling silence, all eyes on the two who recently got back together but with the looks of it, are bound to break up yet again. I let out the breath I’ve been unknowingly holding just as Junmyeon’s tight jaw loosened. He blinked a couple of times, tears slowly welling on his waterline. “He was my best friend, Saeri. How-” I heard the pain in his voice, the betrayal and sadness. “How… could you?”

The softer his voice became, the more pain I heard. It made me frown. It pierced right through me. And while Junmyeon was busy running away, Saeri hot on his heels and everyone else was busy gossiping, I’m busy thinking about how right I am. I empathize with my friend but I can’t help getting a little annoyed at Junmyeon for not listening to me… again. “I told him. I ing told him,” I grumbled to myself.

Mira finally snapped out of it and turned to me. “Right away? I just heard they were back together an hour ago!” I gave her a deadpanned look. Like this is anything that shocking anyway. “What’s new?” She eventually blinked the shock away and sighed instead, probably realizing that I was right.

A couple minutes later, the bell rang. “See you later?” Mira awkwardly said, giving me a small wave of her hand. I gave her a small smile in return. I was already walking away when she added, “And talk to Junmyeon later too!” I turned around so that I’m walking backwards. “Okay, I’ll do that even if he won’t listen to me anyway.”

Just as I turned back around, I bumped into someone and their phone flew off their hand. “Holy ! I am so sorry!” I quickly crouched down and started to crawl over to where the stranger’s phone had landed. I caught glimpse of the screen while I was getting up and couldn’t help but roll my eyes at it.

“Chanyeol, I can’t believe you’re still playing that stupid online poker game. You lost at least 10,000 won the last time!” I harshly stuffed the device in his large hands and glared up at him. The giant idiot only laughed. “Shut up, you klutz! I’m only playing because Baekhyun asked me to.” I ignored him then and walked right past him despite having the same class together.

The idiot rushed over to walk beside me, saying, “You know. Baekhyun, your ex?” I replied with a bored hum while he snickered to himself. Chanyeol is always teasing with Baekhyun which is pretty stupid to me because I frankly don’t care about the guy anymore, not romantically anyway. Chanyeol keeps saying that I only act unaffected when in reality, I’m still hurt and have not moved on yet.

It has been almost four years since I’ve broken up with the guy and I’ve had a boyfriend a year after the break up too. I don’t know why Chanyeol still thinks I haven’t moved on when clearly, I already have. And a long time ago too.

I continued to ignore whatever bull Chanyeol was yapping on about until we reached our classroom. Just when I’ve taken my seat, Chanyeol gave up teasing me and begged me to listen to him for real this time. He sat right next to me, set his backpack down and started bombarding me with questions about Junmyeon.

Apparently, he’s only known of the initial gossip that our dear friend made up with Saeri and not the most recent one. I’m not much of a gossiper and I’m not quite in the mood to tell Chanyeol anything after what I just saw in the hallway which made our professor’s arrival to class timely and much appreciated. He’s a strict professor so Chanyeol shut his big mouth the moment he sensed the professor’s evil presence and quickly turned away from me.

“Are you ing serious?” Chanyeol said with his obnoxiously loud voice. “Shut the up, you airhead. There’s only the three of us here. You don’t need to shout!” Junmyeon groaned at us in annoyance and took another shot of tequila.

Chanyeol and I also had the same last period which ends at night so he only knew of what happened in the hallway when we went to Junmyeon’s apartment to check up on him. The poor guy is drinking the sorrows away. He looks like an absolute mess right now.

I’m still trying to process the situation. Junmyeon told us that while Saeri and him took “a little break” from their relationship, something happened between her and his best friend. He wouldn’t specify what exactly but for him to be this devastated, I think we understand well enough. I looked over at Chanyeol and he seemed to be doing the same thing as me, processing this entire mess of a situation.

Junmyeon was sniffling when he clumsily uncapped the bottle to pour in another shot. I quickly snatched the bottle away before he could though and Chanyeol pushed the shot glass towards him, away from Junmyeon’s reach.

“Guys, just please! You know I need this right now. Please!” My shoulders slumped as I looked into his eyes, shining with unshed tears. I almost cracked at his pleading look but I took a deep breath and told Chanyeol to keep the bottle away. The airhead silently did as he was told, leaving me with a now sobbing Junmyeon.

I sighed deeply as I sat next to him and patted his shoulder. I hate to be that friend to say “I told you so” but that’s’ exactly what I said. I have been telling him to just end their hopeless relationship once and for all but he just wouldn’t listen. His head is hung low as he said, “I just really love her, okay? She makes mistakes. She’s flawed but I accept that. I love her so much! O-Of course, I accept that.”

I gulped and took a deep breath. “Jun… I know you love her but…” The poor boy looked up at me then and his crying face pulled a string in my heart. I don’t want to hurt the guy even more but I seriously think enough is enough. “…don’t you think it’s time to end things for good? I know you’ve been trying to work things out but by the looks of it, it just won’t anymore. I know you love her but she might not really be the one for you, Junmyeon.”   

Chanyeol came back with his hands empty and a pout on his lips. “She’s kind of right, you know.” Junmyeon turned to him with a hurt expression, conveying a “No, not you too.” He avoided his gaze. “I mean, sometimes it’s okay to give up. Specially if it’s too much, if it’s too toxic. We don’t want you torturing yourself like this…”

Junmyeon sniffled and turned back to me. “But she always comes back somehow…” he started off saying softly. “W-When someone is meant to be in your life, no matter how long they’ve been gone, no matter how far they’ve wandered off, they’ll always gravitate towards you. Th-They’ll always come back again.”

Chanyeol and I grew silent for a moment. Junmyeon wiped a tear from under his eye and sniffled once more before saying, “Do you think I always want to try to work things out? I don’t. But I don’t know. She comes back to me and I just need her back. No matter how many times she leaves or I let her go. She comes back. And… I don’t want her to ever leave anymore. I want her in my life.”

He’s staring at the granite and in his eyes, we could see that he’s made up his mind already. Chanyeol and I could only exchange looks. We didn’t know what to say to him anymore. We didn’t know what to do to convince him to stop. And at that moment, I didn’t know that his words would start to never leave my head.

I thought it was fascinating, that there was some truth to it.  I was thinking of it the entire night, until the morning when I was showering, when I was sitting through class the entire day and until now, when I’m sitting in front of my laptop doing a report that’s due tomorrow. I couldn’t exactly focus and it’s not just because of what Junmyeon said but also because of the beeps and pings, the hordes of texts and notifications I’ve been getting.

It’s nearing midnight and my friends are wishing me a happy birthday, some wanting to be the first one to greet me. I was flattered at the first few but now my phone won’t shut up so I had to completely put the report on hold to say my thanks or else they’d never stop.

I took my time saying thank you to all those that greeted me and chatted with them for a bit to check up on them and ask how they’ve been doing. It was 12:10 am when I thought I’d finished. I was sighing, my heart full because of all the love I was receiving through the lengthy birthday wishes, my phone held by both my hands on top of my chest when I heard yet another ping.

I thought I said thank you and goodbye to everyone but I guess someone wanted to greet me in the last minute before I shut my phone off to continue the report. I lifted my phone off my chest and saw that a Byun Baekhyun had messaged me.

Byun Baekhyun: Hey! It’s been so long since we last talked. Happy Birthday. Wish you all the best!

My eyebrow raised involuntarily. I don’t think it hasn’t been that long because we do kind of chat from time to time. See, Baekhyun is one… or probably the only ex that I’m still kind of friends with and would still talk to. He’s just the type to randomly message me and talk almost non-stop.

I usually end the conversations though when I think it’s too long or when I get busy. But this is a little new since he hasn’t wished me happy birthday in two years. Despite that and like any other time that he’d randomly message me, I replied like we didn’t have history and are just normal friends.

You: Baek! Thank you so, so much. Hope you’re doing well :)

They guy is apparently still online because he replied almost right after I sent my message.

Byun Baekhyun: Hmm. I think I’m doing good. What about you? How’re you doing?

You: You only think you’re doing good? What do you mean, man? Is something up?”

I had a freaking report that isn’t going to finish itself. I should’ve ignored that and said I was doing pretty well. He would’ve said he was glad to hear that. I would’ve left him on read and then got back to my report but his reply was quick and so was mine. Our conversation kept going… and going and going.

I had almost forgotten how fun he is to talk to, the things we’re talking about taking so many turns, jumping from one topic to another. I don’t know why but I felt more comfortable talking to him this time. Like I actually wanted to talk rather than just be polite and reply for the heck of it.

I felt like I learned so much more about him suddenly. Or like I was re-learning about him. Though he hasn’t particularly changed, he seems like a new Baekhyun to me. It was at 2:45 that I realized I got carried away chatting with the guy.

I couldn’t help but gasp when I saw the time on my phone and quickly bid him goodbye, of course promising him that we’d continue talking some other time. His reply took longer than usual. He seemed hesitant to send me off to continue my report too. I can tell by the way he typed his reply out. I finally ended the conversation saying I was really sorry and that I really would talk to him some other time.

I waited quite a while for his reply. I thought I was left on read so I tried to turn my phone off but my phone pinged just one more time before I could do that.

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