(inspired by Only Today - AKB48. i love bittersweet lyrics with happy melody, haha)

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11.18 AM

Minki put down his phone with a sigh. He looked outside the window, and he could see the winter wind blew heavily. It must be really cold outside, he thought. But nothing could stop his decision, so he stood from his chair and took his jacket, getting ready to go to that place.

That beach.

That bench.

Their place.

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11.58 AM

His bus finally came and he took the bus without any hesitation. The bus was almost empty, there were a grandpa who was reading a newspaper in the front seat and a couple who was joking with each other in the middle seat. Minki chose to take a seat in the corner back seat—trying to seclude himself from other people. He wanted to enjoy this trip without any disturbance—because he wanted to remember this trip forever.

He kept silent all the way, focusing to savor the too familiar scenery from the window. The scenery that he always see ever since he was a child—the scenery that he loved and enjoyed the most.

He wished it could last forever.

But it couldn’t.

Minki closed his eyes.

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12.15 PM

His ride didn’t last long because his destination was near. He got off from the bus and his body was trembling instantly because of the cold—the wind blew heavily and he could feel his hands started to freeze. He walked fast to the nearest vending machine and stood hesitantly in front of it.

What should I buy… he thought while biting his lips, confusion could be seen in his pretty face. Not long after, he decided to buy a hot coffee because well… it’s his favorite.

It’s always been his favorite.

Minki took the hot coffee and put it into his pocket, trying to warm his hands with it. He walked down the road with a heavy heart.

 

His favorite drink.

 

His favorite road.

 

His favorite place.

 

Minki felt his breath hitched.

 

It hurts.

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01.43 PM

Minki hesitated. He’s already sitting in their bench, with their favorite scenery in front of him, and their favorite drink in his hands. Minki held his phone tightly, his heart full of doubt and his mind full of consideration. Would it be wise if he called him now? With their current status and his feelings, would it be okay?

He knew it wouldn’t be okay, but he also knew that he would do it anyway. Because he has to. Because he must.

So he dialed his number—his heart was beating faster and his breath was getting shorter each time his phone rang.

“Minki?”

Minki thought his heart was going to stop when he finally heard an answer. His answer. He kept silent for a few seconds until finally he started to function normally again.

“Hi… I’m at… the beach. The usual place. Can you come?” answered Minki, trying to sound as casual as he could. He didn’t receive any answer and he started to feel worried—he started to think that this is a really bad idea after all and he almost said ‘it’s a joke!’ until he heard that familiar voice answered his question.

“It’s kind of… Hard.”

Minki expected this. Minki expected that answer, but still, it hurts. It made him felt disappointed, angry, and… sad. He already planned everything, he already knew what to do if he got an answer like that—but everything became blurred in an instant.

“It won’t take long. I just need a short talk, between us.”

Minki didn’t know why he said that. He didn’t understand himself, and he instantly wanted to curse at himself after that.

“Well… I’m with Minhyun right now.”

He should end the call after that ultimatum. He really, really should—but he didn’t. He was determined to make everything clear today—to make everything right. For his sake, for Minhyun’s sake… for everyone’s sake.

“Please… Just come. It won’t take long, I promise.”

Minki could hear a heavy sigh, and he started to lose his hope. But the next words he heard successfully made him excited—but also worried.

“I’ll try. I’ll text you soon.”

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02.02 PM

Minki received the text 15 minutes after the call. The text was short, a simple on my way but it successfully made him uneasy and worried. What will happen now? What should I do when he arrived? What should I say first?

He decided to stop worrying about everything and tried to calm himself. He watched the constant waves—his favorite scenery, and he enjoyed the cold wind that blew without any mercy. The coffee in his pocket already turned cold, but he still gripped at it tightly just to calm his nerves.

He didn’t know how long time has passed, but he could felt someone took a seat beside him suddenly. He turned his head to his left, and there he was.

There he was, looking perfect with his worn out grey hoodie—with his favorite coat and shawl—with his always handsome face.

Minki suddenly felt hard to breathe.

“Hey,” the person beside him started their conversation, with a warm gaze and dazzling smile in his face.

Minki was afraid that he’s going to faint soon—he’s too charming. He’s beyond charming.

“Um, hi,” answered Minki awkwardly.

Minki tried to remember-- when was the first time they became this awkward? They were childhood friend, for God’s sake. Not to mention they were best friend for years—how could they became this awkward?

Ah, it’s since he’s dating Minhyun, wasn’t it?

“So… What happened?”

Oh, so many things happened, Minki answered in his mind. He didn’t know how to explain it—he didn’t know how to say it, he didn’t know where to start.

“I just… miss you.”

He didn’t plan to say something like that—but well, his heart said so.

So he just let it happened.

Que sera, sera.

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Years, years ago

Minki and Jonghyun was a neighbor. Their parents were good friends with each other—that’s why they already became friends even since they’re wombs. They were same-age friends with 5 months gap, and they got along with each other really well. Even though they had different personalities and preferences, somehow they could match perfectly and they never separated with each other since they were children. People always saw them as a package.

They grew older—they hit their puberty and they started to know about love. It’s a life phase—and it’s normal. Everyone had their time.

People said it’s easy to fall in love with your best friend—the hard thing is to make your best friend realized that you love him.

Jonghyun experienced that.

He knew he loved Minki very much. More than a friend. More than a best friend. More than a sibling. More than a brother.

He loved him.

He tried to show it with various way—implicitly or explicitly—he did everything. He took care of Minki, he gave him gifts, he did skinships—he even confessed to Minki bravely and clearly.

But Minki just laughed it off, thinking that it’s just a joke or some practice for Jonghyun to confess. Jonghyun didn’t give up easily—he tried, he tried, he tried. He tried to convince Minki that it’s not a joke, to make Minki realized that he’s serious.

Minki finally understands, but to Jonghyun’s dismay, Minki didn’t do anything. He kept their relationship steady as best friends, and he didn’t say anything about his feelings at all. Jonghyun tried to accept it at first, because they already acted and looked like a couple—even without any official status, but he started to feel unfair and insecure about their situation. So he confronted Minki—asked him about what exactly they were, but Minki just smiled and shrugged it off.

“Let’s just enjoy what we had now,” answered Minki easily. Jonghyun nodded without any words, without any protest.

Little did Minki know, Jonghyun’s heart already shattered into pieces that time.

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2 years ago

Everything changed when they met Minhyun in college. They studied same major, and they attended same classes. They got along with each other instantly because Minhyun was funny and kind—he was outgoing and smart, not to mention that he’s handsome and attractive. They got along very well, and they felt happy with that.

Not until Minki felt that… Jonghyun was taken away from him.

Minki didn’t know why was he feeling that way. They’re friends. But it felt like Jonghyun was taken away and he didn’t want to share Jonghyun. He talked to his other friend—Baekho, almost every day, about his feelings, his thoughts… and every single day, Baekho always answered:

You’re in love with Jonghyun, you stupid brat.

Minki didn’t want to believe it. Minki denied to believe it.

Until one day, Jonghyun took him to their favorite place—their favorite bench, in front of the beach.

Jonghyun gave him a warm coffee and they took a seat.

They drank in silence while watching the waves and enjoying the wind.

When Jonghyun suddenly said,

“I’m dating Minhyun.”

Everything in Minki’s life became wrong.

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02.57 PM

Jonghyun chuckled. He leaned back to the bench casually.

“What do you mean by miss you? We literally see each other every day.”

“It’s not… Like that.”

Minki’s answer successfully took Jonghyun’s attention. He turned his head to Minki direction and raised his eyebrow confusedly.

“So… Like what? What do you mean by miss you?”

Minki closed his eyes. This is it. This is it, this will be the first—and unfortunately the last. He sighed and opened his eyes—he stared at Jonghyun’s eyes sharply. His face was full of determination—but there’s worried and fear too.

“I miss your attention,” answered Minki shakily. Jonghyun looked shocked, but he didn’t say anything. He looked like he already expected this.

“I miss… your little acts. I miss your sweet words, I miss your warm stares, I miss your protective hugs—I miss you. I miss you… the one who loves me,” Minki said in one breath. They stared at each other, no one dared to look at other way and no one dared to say anything.

Minki realized that he already started to cry but he didn’t care. This will be his last time. His last time to feel this useless, this stupid, this brainless… and heartless.

‘Minhyun, I’m sorry.’

Minki could felt Jonghyun’s hand on his face—trying to erase and stop his tears. Minki tried to calm himself, and when he finally succeeded, he could see Jonghyun was staring at him.

But there’s no warmth.

There’s only sorry.

And hurt.

And Minki tried his best to hold his cries.

“I’m sorry.”

Jonghyun didn’t say anything more. He only said I’m sorry once, and for the rest of their time, they just sat in silence—but Minki felt okay. He didn’t expect anything more than this—more than him and Jonghyun, sat in silence, holding hands in the cold wind, watching the sun sets accompanied by the sound of waves and rustling wind. Just like old times—when there’s no Minhyun, when there’s only the two of them…

When he’s too stupid to cherish that moment and make it last forever.

The sky was starting to change—the horizon started to became dark and the sun was slowly disappearing. Minki knew they should end this soon because Minhyun would probably worried—and it’s perfectly okay. Minki knew his place.

“Minki.”

Jonghyun’s voice sounded like a sad love song opening, and Minki felt his heart wrenched.

“I need to go back.”

Minki closed his eyes, trying to picture their moments in this place. Their laughter, their argument, their talks, their jokes—everything feels like a normal thing back then.

But now he realized, those were a precious treasure.

Jonghyun were a precious treasure.

And he just realized it now.

He wished he could rewind everything now.

“Minhyun is waiting.”

Minki ducked his head. It hurts too much… It really hurts, but he couldn’t complain because everything’s his fault.

Jonghyun didn’t know what to do. It hurts his heart to see Minki cried like this. He’s lying if he said he didn’t have any feelings for Minki anymore, because he did. It’s not as big as his feelings for Minhyun right now, but it’s still there. Minki still owned his heart, but not as much as before.

Minhyun had helped him to forget Minki, and he already succeeded.

But seeing Minki like this… Made him regret.

Why everything should end up like this?

Minki still cried heavily and Jonghyun knew he couldn’t let him like that. So he decided to go back—go back to his old self, to himself who loved Minki dearly, who loved Minki unconditionally.

Just for today.

Jonghyun hugged Minki tightly, and Minki accepted his hug. Minki knew he needed this.

“Minki… I love you, I really do. I loved you. I loved you so much… I loved you.”

Minki nodded. They stayed in their position until the sky became fully dark—indicating that the day would end soon.

Jonghyun and Minki finally love each other.

Just for today---

Only today.

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07.13 PM

Jonghyun was walking to Minhyun’s apartment when he received a message.

 

From: Minki

Thank you for understanding. Thank you for helping.

Everything starts—and ends today.

Tomorrow, we will be our normal selves.

Jonghyun—Minhyun’s boyfriend

Minhyun—Jonghyun’s boyfriend

Minki—your childhood friend

And us—best friends.

Thank you and I’m sorry.

Please be happy and take care of my best friend! ^^

 

---Minki