キズナ

Bond

“ In the midst of millions stardust, I've encountered with you.

I wish we'd still feel the same, if we happened to meet again.”

The sun was long gone, replaced by the moon which illuminated the night’s sky with its light. Presenting the eyes with the limitless midnight blue colour filled the retinas, so breath-taking. The constellation was so clearly to be seen, so many kinds of stars were spreading above, not knowing which ones that still existed today. But even so, their lights were here, travelling zillion kilometre speed of light just to reach this place.

It was amazing, too amazing.

Jinhwan had been thinking, more like overthinking, about his life and this world. His mind was wandering too far away, maybe it could even reach other galaxies while his body didn’t budge to move, too comfortable, even though the breeze was wrapping his body with nothing but coldness. He was lying on the cold asphalt, in the end of winter time when the wind was blowing too chilly for his flimsy cardigan, gazing into the endless sky.

The night fell deeper, the midnight sun was shining brighter, the sky became clearer. Was destiny the one pulling out these phenomenas? Controlling the balance within this world. Did destiny really exist or was it mere coincidences in life? Meeting and parting, it went on without stopping, rotating in its own circle.

“June-ya?” Jinhwan called and the boy next to him only answered with a “Hmmm”.

“How many lives do you think we have been living?” his tone was full of curiosity to hear the other’s answer. He raised up his hand, trying to hold the constellation within his grasp, reaching something so far away. Life? What was the concept of living? People said, they only lived once. But, was it true? Was this world only going around once before completely disappearing?

“Probably countless times.” Junhoe replied, he didn’t look at him, but followed the elder to raise his hand.

“Why?” the night’s breeze was blowing harder as the night went even deeper.

“No reason? The concept is more rational in my brain. Do you really think, we live and die then everything is over?” Jinhwan already put down his hand but the younger didn’t. He was drawing something in the air.

“Nah. Isn’t that too wasting?” Junhoe nodded.

“Do you think we have met before?” he asked again, a bit more serious. This time, Junhoe put his hand down and properly looked at him.

“Yeah, I’m sure!” he smiled, a really wide smile that hid his eyes and showed his teeth. His fringe was a little bit messy, but so adorable. “Maybe one time, I was the flower you have watered, or the foam that always visited your coast, or we were enemies who met through the war, or you were a regular customer in my café, or the other time, maybe we were bandmates of one of Kpop groups?” Junhoe explained but his last statement brought a laugh to Jinhwan.

“Kpop group?” he asked, half laughing and half dissing. Remembering the time when Junhoe was so passionately trying to enter an agency but in the end he gave up and chose to pursue his economic related career instead.

“It can be happened, though! Something like I was your favourite dongsaeng?” Junhoe winked at him and he didn’t hesitate to pinch his arm. The younger screamed in pain.

“More like I was your favourite hyung, right?” they were laughing.

“Either way, we probably have always met, crossing each other’s destiny.” Jinhwan didn’t answer, he moved his head to Junhoe’s spreading arm. He looked up at the younger, eyes full of fondness. He didn’t believe in destiny. He didn’t care anyway about how many lives he had been living so far. But as long as there was Junhoe in that life, he didn’t mind to be entangled in a complicated fate. The fact, Junhoe himself, was his destiny, an existence that needed to exist in his universe.

“Hyung?” the younger called and it woke him up from his absentmindedness. Their eyes met and Jinhwan swore he was seeing a god. The moonlight fell upon his face, embellishing his ethereal beauty. He wondered, in his other lives, would he feel the same way when looking at Junhoe? Jinhwan raised his hand to caress the younger’s cheek, feeling the warmth that transmitted through his cold fingers. Junhoe gave him another smile before pulling his body in for an embrace. He leaned his head on Junhoe’s chest, clearly hearing his heartbeat against his ears, his favourite rhythm. He clung his arms around the younger’s waist, tightened the hug.

Maybe it was true, his life and destiny revolved around Junhoe’s existence. Maybe he could believe, how many times they have crossed each other’s path in every universe they have lived so far. Maybe both of them didn’t remember, but the thought of familiarity suddenly ran to his brain. Maybe they were really meant to be.

He was glad because every time he looked at him in eyes he found life. He found a string that would bind him to keep walking in this uncertain world. A string that tied them up, a string which couldn’t be cut even though they desperately wanted to end up this pointless destiny. He didn’t mind to be strangled by the red string, when the knot came to be tangled and pierced his skin, he didn’t mind to be hurt. Because he believed, they would find a way to break the barrier and find each other. Even in one universe, they got separated by the miles and distance. They would find a way to cross each other. Probably, it had been the reason, just to see you again.

“And this peaceful life will end by tomorrow. Kinda need to say hello to meetings and reports again.” Jinhwan whined, but Junhoe didn’t reply, the younger was gazing into the sky. He frowned, it meant he was thinking about something.

“Let’s forget the intense and sigh in the clear air. Get drunk on the countryside emotions and be careless about the city emotions because we are too tired.” Jinhwan smiled, already expecting this situation to come.

“Another Koo Junhoe’s quote of life?” he teased, looking at the younger.

“I’m trying to cheer you up, you know.” He mumbled and Jinhwan ruffled his hair. He moved his body so he could be on the top of Junhoe, facing him eyes to eyes.

“Well, a kindly reminder that your exam is coming, right?” Junhoe cursed.

“I want to forget that part.” A smile again curved on his lips, a smile where Junhoe was willing to see for the entire of his life, a smile he would treat to exist in all his lifetime. A smile that could brighten up his sombre life, a smile that could give him a reason to live. Jinhwan then burying his face into the crook of his neck, and silence engulfed everything. They could clearly hear the sound of night insects screaming through the empty night and each other’s breaths filled their eardrums, down to their hearts, so comforting.

“If I were a star, would I be visible from the earth?” Jinhwan asked, out of nowhere, his breath felt so warm against Junhoe’s skin, he shivered. But he replied immediately as if he didn’t need to think to answer his question. “Of course, you would be the brightest anyway.”

“Ahh, correction! I would be the brightest and Hyung would be the second!” Jinhwan got up from his position, facing the younger again, glaring, before slightly hitting his torso.

“You would always be the brightest Hyung, and I was either standing next to you or admired you from afar.” Junhoe added.

“Why?” he didn’t purposely ask that question, it just slipped away from his lips.

“Because we are soulmate? Like how Yunhyeong hyung always declares to the whole world.”

“Because we become memories.” Jinhwan froze when Junhoe touched his cheek down to his nape. He leaned down and pressed his lips against the younger’s.

“Can you both stop doing PDA? I’m getting tired here.” Someone yelled, but it didn’t make both Jinhwan or Junhoe parted their soft kiss.

“Jinan-ie hyung, please just come in and take care of Hanbin and Jiwon hyung.” Jinhwan parted his lips first when he suddenly realized the noisy voice came from the house.

“I’m coming.” He shouted and it made the boy sighed in relief.

“Jung Chanwoo, can you stop interfering my quality time?” the boy he called Chanwoo only shrugged before turning his back on him. Jinhwan got up first and extended his hand to help Junhoe getting up.

Or maybe they just desperately wanted to meet each other. No matter which universe they chose to live, in the end, looking for each other became something engraved in their souls. Maybe they were just too despaired to find the bond that bound them. The uncompleted puzzle within their hearts, the invisible red string tied in their pinkies, and the words they yearned to understand. In this never ending cosmos, in the unstoppable meetings and partings, an inevitable fate, because they were meant to be.

“I think, we have met countless times.” Jinhwan broke the silence and it stopped the younger’s step. He turned his back and a beam formed “And we have fallen in love for too many times.”

Epilogue

“June-ya, let’s go back before the managers and the others look for us.” Jinhwan got up from his lying position while the younger was still gazing at the night’s sky, pretending didn’t hear what the elder said.

“Ahh, tomorrow we are going to Seoul already.” He stretched his body out, inhaled the fresh air of his hometown.

“Let’s forget the intense and sigh in the clear air. Get drunk on the countryside emotions and be careless about the city emotions because we are too tired.” Junhoe mumbled but he clearly heard what the other said. He smiled, then throwing his body and leaning his head against the younger’s arm. He flinched for one second before his muscle relaxed in the next second.

“I’m trying to cheer you up, you know.” Junhoe added with an awkward tone and Jinhwan chuckled at how defensive he was.

“I know brat!” he pinched his nose and everything was silent after that. Both of them were busy with their own thought, looking at the endless midnight blue sky, trying to find answers to their unspoken questions.

“Hyung, do you think we have met before?” he was confused at the younger’s weird question, but Junhoe clarified it knowing how ambiguous his question was. “In our past lives.”

“Probably.” He answered unsurely. He never thought about that question, whether he and Junhoe had ever crossed each other in their past lives or no. The truth behind the concept of “past life” itself was still a mystery to begin with. But Junhoe’s question brought some inkling in his mind, some familiarity he was told he should find, some weird feeling filled his heart, weighed his chest. He was gasping all of sudden.

“Why did you ask?” Junhoe didn’t reply, he was just humming a random song, trying to understand his own question and Jinhwan realized, the younger was just as confused as him.

“Suddenly I remember Yunhyeong hyung words. He always says we are soulmate.” Jinhwan nodded. Maybe it was true, he believed nor understood what soulmate meant, but he knew, meeting with Junhoe was more than just coincidence in life, he was completely sure of it.

“Well, maybe it’s true that we have met each other before.” He said, still trying to figure out the sudden weird feeling that attacked him. He looked up at the younger’s face, so shining against the moonlight. He was so beautiful and it took his breath for awhile. Junhoe was an important existence he would keep, even in this life, past or even future. He was the steady pace of his music, the composure of his stressful days, the threshold that kept everything on the track. The feeling of familiarity burst into his heart, he didn’t know such emotion existed every time he looked at Junhoe.

“Since, I’m your favourite dongsaeng, right?” the wind was blowing a little rougher, but in the coldness, it brought something else into the air, a warmth emotion tingling around his heart. Some longing feelings, some hellos and goodbyes, it gave goosebumps to his spine. It reached the untouched part in his core, something was wailing, it tightened his chest, he was unable to breathe properly. Jinhwan looked at the younger and wondered, why did he make such a sad yet happy yet painful expression? As if both of them were experiencing the same heartrending emotions, as if this sudden familiarity absorbed not only him, but Junhoe too, as if the oblivion finally unravelled its own form.

Because, we are meeting each other.

The End