You're the best

And yes I do regret

How I could let myself

Let you go

 

I look at the eyes that is staring at me with tear-streaked face and when I searched for an emotion I only found an endless dark hole and then, I hold at the hands that are stopping me from leaving before whispering these words.

 

“I am sorry” Finally she let go of my hand, she let me now go.

 

A loud sound of my daily alarm clock disturbed me from what is happening, and just like that everything went black. The next thing that happens is I woke up, I woke up from another dream that haunts me since 2 months ago when I ended everything with her. I wiped the tears that escaped from my eyes while I was sleeping, I take a look at the picture frame that is placed at my bedside table. It is a picture of us, during a date in a cafe.

I met her two years ago when my bestfriend Nahee introduce her to me and then I agreed in meeting her because I was single at first I was not seriously but she manage to creep in my heart and stay there till now.

 

“ I hope you continue to be happy “

 

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“I have a news for you!” She hug me from behind before adding, “ I am doing better now, I went to this hospital with my brother and the doctors were nice to me”

 

I turn around and hold her waist “Why didn’t you called me and ask me to come with you?” I pout in front of her cause I know that it works if I want to get an answer from her.

 

“Well...” she stares at the wall, avoiding my eyes. Ah, this means she thinks I will sulk or get upset to the answer. “Well?” I repeated. “ It’s because I know you’re busy with your final exams” she peck my lips so that I would not be upset. 

 

The two of us lives in different parts of the city, we barely eat outside, we barely see each other but we always would work it out. Kisses and hugs are silent “I miss you” or “I forgive you”. Night dates became our thing when it’s school season. When not busy we’ll play around sometimes with friends but most importantly she doesn’t have filter when with me all her worries and mine are shared to each other that’s what makes her perfect for me.

 

During this year, it became much more harder between us she now manage her mom’s business, plus she does babysit her nephew and niece and let’s add the school. While me, I am busy attending one of famous university the high standard set for performance and gpa stresses me a lot and that’s when everything started crumbling down.

 

She is getting better. She wants to live. She is hanging in there, I could see now the positivity in her life and I knew I am not getting any better the university is too much, I feel like I am suffocating everyday and night . Nowadays, I couldn’t control myself if I want to cut and I couldn’t even handle my nervousness when my teacher in Chem started a recitation.

 

“Taehyung-ah, are you listening?” She holds my face with her two hands and I look at those orbs full of affection towards me I couldn’t resist it so I kissed her.

 

I’m sorry it feels like today we have different perspectives, I do not wish to go anymore further

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During this year, night dates calm me down the most though it makes my heart go crazy because of the girl by my side. But today, someone is clutching my heart that I couldn’t breath.

 

“It’s not yet in November and you asked me to go stargazing?” She squinted her eyes at me.”We only stargaze in August and November always!”.

 

“You’re right” I chuckle. “ Let me be the best Taehyung for you, I—I” choke back a sob “ Let’s end this”. Before she could say anything I left like a coward, because I knew, I knew when she say something I’ll go back to her and when I do my answer to my life would not change. I will still chose the path to end everything then that would hurt her more.

 

I couldn’t look at the face who would get hurt when she’s with me but I still chose to breath properly.

 

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After 3 months

 

Right now, I am barely breathing properly and I guess I manage to still be alive because that night, without me knowing, I left half my heart with her. That is where I realized maybe just maybe if she’s still here with me at least during nights when I would see her I could breathe properly beside her because she makes my heart beat fast that I could only think about her.