Choi Seunghyun’s POV

I’ve finished my 2nd bottle of ginseng tea that Sandara sent this week. She has been sending me weekly different kinds of tea since I became a public service worker. We rarely talked ever since we became a part of YG as we are awkward around each other, but she has always been a good friend. She is someone who cares about everyone more than she cares about herself and she’s really, really close to my whole family.

Another phone call I missed from Lee Chaerin. She keeps on calling every day to check up on me, it sometimes gets annoying. I appreciate it, though. She drops by with my favourite wine whenever she’s in Seoul.  The house gets noisy when she’s around but my parents, most especially my mom, loves it. I like having her around as well. Jiyong is such a pabo for not liking her back. I have given up on the thought that she would like me. How can I be good enough for her? I’m a mess.

But I am in no position to give advices and look after someone right now. I have to look after myself. I’m still having panic attacks but I have been seeing doctors now. I want to be well. My members, my family, Sajangnim had to put up a lot because of me. I don’t want to disappoint them again.

Months ago, I was on the verge of giving up. No, actually I had given up. Took pills. Took a lot of pills. But still, I woke up. When I woke up and I saw the media taking pictures of me outside the hospital at my weakest point, I thought how unfort