Breathe in and then breathe out.


Taeyeon did this for a couple of times but none of it was helping her. She felt a constricting ache in her heart as she closed her eyes. The overwhelming memories were flooding back to her all at once.


She couldn’t bear it any more.


She thinks of him every single day and it pains her that maybe Junsu never even thinks of her. And perhaps it was only her who had held on to their promise. Because he never once called since the lawsuit incident, he didn’t even took the initiative to at least let her know if he was still breathing and alive.


“You’ll never leave me right Oppa?” Taeyeon had whispered against his thin shirt.


“Never.” he had simply answered, kissing the top of her head. Taeyeon smiled.


A single tear escaped her eye and she wiped it off with the back of her hand. She was a masochist, and so she her ipod and listened to his songs. Everytime his part comes up she would close her eyes and pretend that he was singing to her.


Her chest heaved as a sob escaped her lips. And she clutched her heart as if it would break in to pieces if she doesn’t.


A knock sounded on the door.


“Taeyeon-ah, are you okay in there?” Sunkyu asked, her voice full of concern. Taeyeon cleared and feigned a smile. Sunny sat on the foot of her bed.


“Yeah, just trying to sleep. Go ahead Sun, don’t worry about me.” Taeyeon answered.


“Are you sure Taeng?” Sunny asked hesitantly. Taeyeon nodded.


“I can cancel on Sungmin Tae, he wouldn’t mind postponing.”


“No! Go Sunny, he’s probably waiting for you.” The leader insisted. She doesn’t want another heart broken tonight.


Sunny sighed and approached her best friend, giving her a hug.


“I’ll bring you home some ice cream.” Sunny promised. Taeyeon smiled at her, but this time it was genuine.


“You’re a good friend Sun.” she mused as Sunny laughed her infamous tinkling laugh.


“Of course I am Tae, we wouldn’t be called the dandyu couple if I wasn’t.” Sunkyu joked. “Take care of yourself okay?” she added firmly as she left the dorm.


Taeyeon could feel the emptiness of the house and decided that she needed to get out of the depressing place. She washed herself and wore a hooded jacket. She stared at herself in the mirror and put on eyeglasses. When she finally seemed inconspicuous and unrecognizable she wrote on sticky note.


‘Left for some fresh air. Don’t wait up for me. –Tae’ and posted it on the refrigerator and went out.


~@~


She found herself wandering around the Han River, smiling to herself now and then when she sees couples dating on the area.


How she wished she could have a normal relationship and have normal dates like them. She knew it was too much to ask and that she got herself into this. There was no more turning back from the fate that she had created for herself and so she walked on.


She spotted a small café and seated herself on the corner beside the huge window. It had a breath taking view of the river. She was staring in awe at the panoramic view when an aged waitress approached her with a menu on hand. The lady smiled warmly at her, she didn’t seem to recognize Taeyeon.


“You must have men lining up for you.” The lady randomly told her. Taeyeon smiled knowingly. Yes, she has a lot of admirers all right.


“What would you like to have?” she asked Taeyeon as she offered her the menu. Taeyeon stared at it and ordered the first thing she saw.


“Just coffee. Black coffee.” She told the waitress.


“For two then?” the lady said, implying that she must have been in a date. Taeyeon shook her head.


“No just one. I’m all by myself.” She explained.


“Eh? A pretty girl like you is alone? Usually this place is a dating venue, especially during Sundays like today.” The lady said pointing at the couples inside the café.


“It’d be peculiar if you don’t have a boyfriend. He must be working then?” she asked the female idol. Taeyeon sighed inwardly and felt the constricting pain in her chest again.


“He… He’s working in Japan right now.” She stuttered.


The woman sensed her loneliness and put a hand on top of hers. It somehow comforted Taeyeon, like how her mom would comfort her


“Don’t worry girl. If he loves you, he’ll come back and make you smile again.” The woman advised as she walked away to prepare Taeyeon’s order.


Taeyeon felt hot tears rush to her eyes as her heart throbs in metaphorical pain. She put down a few bills on the table and left the café. The tears flowed down as she ran down the streets. She passed by people but they all seemed oblivious.


She stopped by a television on the huge window of a certain shop and she stared at it with blurry tear-filled eyes. Xiah Junsu, Hero Jaejoong and Micky Yoochun graced the screen of the television with the headline: “JYJ to comeback as a trio in Korea.”


The Xiah Junsu on the television smiled at her. Taeyeon smiled back and put a hand on the surface of the window, caressing his face.


“I love you.” She whispered.


If he loves you, he’ll come back and make you smile again. The woman’s words echoed in her mind.


Taeyeon still believes in the promise that they had made a few years back.


Junsu will come back to her.


And then Taeyeon will smile again.







-End-