"In the Arithmetic of Love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing."

—MIGNON MCLAUGHLIN

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Coming all the way from Mokpo to Seoul at past midnight is not an easy feat. It's a few hours long drive and on this cold winter night, the torment of having to sit alone on a close space is twice the amount inflicted from a normal ride. To top it off, the snow that had accumulated made the road dangerously slippery. But for Donghae, it can't be any other time than at this very moment. 

He feels cold, the car heater only barely managing to give him the warmth that his body is asking for, and for multiple reasons, he's quite tense and edgy. It's already been three hours since he left his hometown and currently, the road signs are starting to look familiar to him. He'd driven here numerous times before but he can only consider something familiar if they're near his destination—Eunhyuk's house—and this is exactly where he is.

There's plenty of things going on inside his head and he's having a hard time focusing. How will the man react when he see Donghae in his doorsteps at an ungodly hour? Thinking that it may not go well after all, he can't help but sink in the sea of self-pity again, just like what he's been doing on repeat these past few days. It's his fault, everything is his fault, and as a man, he really ought to straighten things out. It doesn't matter if you commit a mistake or two as long as you know how to right your wrongdoings.

In retrospect, the relationship between Donghae and Eunhyuk is peculiar, not so much on the unsual and weird side but on the outlandish and unique side. This is an already established fact known and accepted by the people around them. 'Partner in crime', 'brother in arms', 'the other half' are only few of what they are to each other, but even then, it's hard to give the exact words to describe their relationship.

It's practically a less-and-more thing; a connection that was a little less than brothers by blood but a little more than brothers by name. They can understand each other in a way that a hyung can't and they can relate with each other in a way that a dongsaeng can't. To Donghae, Eunhyuk is more than just a member of the same group or a colleague in the same company, he's a life companion who shared the same passion and dream.

However, a few months ago, just right after the first D&E concert, their relationship had changed drastically—either for better or for worse, Donghae is still trying to confirm. 

High on the energy and enthusiasm from the just-finished concert, they stepped over the line and went beyond the boundaries of platonic relationship, and despite the alarms ringing on their ears, neither of them could stop themselves.The concert was successful, surprisingly so. They didn't expect the fans to respond to them with as much vigor as when they're whole as a group. Super Junior concert is understandable, but a D&E concert where there's only two of them appearing on the stage with a lot more lag and talk time than a Super Junior concert is all awesome in its sense—unexpectedly, but still awesome. Only the two of them knew the feeling. It's only between the two of them and although the myriad of staffs and production team felt successful, as well, no one but them could comprehend the feelings they held.

After that, they gradually became one at mind, body and heart. It felt very natural, like it's something common for the both of them. It felt beyond amazing, having to share that sensation with Eunhyuk. And yet somehow, Donghae loathed himself for feeling that way.

The society is still very narrow-minded with this type of circumstances and having a name and status keeps him from straying away from the perfect portraits that they built for them. 

Eunhyuk's fans want him to date properly and be happy and Eunhyuk's family wants him to meet a proper lady that he can marry. Being influenced by these thoughts and sentiments, Donghae started to think what's best for him. He loves Eunhyuk, but between righteousness and selfishness, he'd rather choose to be righteous if it means the best for Eunhyuk. He can't deny Eunhyuk's family and fans the life that they want for him.

So, while enduring the pain of having his heart shattered, he broke it off with Eunhyuk.

The first few days are like torture. With Eunhyuk, it's normal for anger to be his initial reaction. He used that rage as a defense mechanism and started to blatantly avoid Donghae, regardless of whoever could see. Donghae had the impression of having a bone stuck on his throat, it's bothering and worrying at the same time. He wanted to ask for forgiveness but every time Eunhyuk's eyes would meet his for a fleeting moment, he could see the grudge and he felt compelled to shut up and take it all.

After Eunhyuk's anger subsided, however, the feelings of agony felt even more torturous than a real torture. Eunhyuk was hurt and Donghae could see clearly and visibly how the pain was starting to take a toll on him. And it only doubled the ache he was carrying. It was truly devastating.

To be honest, Donghae is quite annoyed at how complicated the feelings of a person are. He thinks dramas and films are better, because on them, there's a script handed out and a scenario to be followed. In real life, on the other hand, everything is unpredictable. One must experience a lot of emotions first before being able to obtain his goal. It's even more dramatic than a drama, itself.

His only desire is for the person he loves to be happy, and yet, both of them are getting hurt because of his decision to grant the wish of the other people who care about Eunhyuk, leaving aside the fact that he didn't even consider both of their opinions. He thought before that as long as Eunhyuk obtains a normal and happy life, he will be contented. He didn't foreseen an outcome where Eunhyuk would get hurt by him doing that and he didn't anticipate a result where he could get hurt just by knowing that he hurt Eunhyuk. And lastly, he didn't realize until then that if it's going to be like this, he'd rather act on selfishness and face all the consequences if it means he can get back with him. 

*toot*

The ring of the hourly chime from the digital clock of his car is like an alarm for him to stop his thoughts. It says 1:00 right now and coincidentally, he's currently going inside the parking lot of Eunhyuk's residence. It's significantly dark, the place only slightly illuminated by the tall lamp posts and it's even more unnerving because the sole sound he can hear is the one he's causing.

With hurried but quiet steps, he trods the lobby and mutely enters the elevator. He thinks of bringing flowers, but considering Eunhyuk's personality, the aftermath may not be on the positive. Besides, no flower shop will remain open until one in the morning. He thinks of bringing food, but in a case of broken heart, food is not always the medicine. Besides, Eunhyuk's favorite jjajangmyeon shop won't wait for him until one in the morning.

So instead, he settles on bringing something more symbolic that will once and for all validate his intentions.

Donghae breaths a sigh and drags it a little longer, signifying how anxious he is. He rings the bell and waits. The total hours that passed since he decided to do this until the very moment that he's standing in front of Eunhyuk's door is both very long and very short at the same time. But these, all these anxiety, uneasiness and restlessness, are all nothing compared to the extent of his resolve. 

Having anticipated that Eunhyuk is asleep and will take long before he can answer the door, Donghae startles when he hears the door opening.

"What," Eunhyuk deadpans, his facial expression going from shock to sorrow to furious in a matter of seconds.

At this moment, Donghae can only blink. He's being overpowered by his emotions once again and he fears that if he starts to talk, the tears will fall suddenly. He wants to smile after finally seeing Eunhyuk again after solving his own issues and determining his resolutions. Simultaneously, he wants to wallow in misery after seeing how much pain he caused him.

"Eunhyuk-ah..."

"Donghae," Eunhyuk speaks in his poor attempt of trying to sound casual. "Why are you here?"

"Eunhyuk-ah." Clearing his throat, Donghae manages to alleviate his overflowing feelings. "Come with me, I want to celebrate the new year with you."

Without any warning, Eunhyuk yanks Donghae's arm and with his surprising strength, pulled him inside and deliberately slams his door. The abruptness causes Donghae to react late and before he knows it, his back is behind the door with Eunhyuk angrily grabbing his collar. "You're the one who said to stop all this, you're the one who walked away from me! What the hell are you saying now?! I'm so tired of having my hopes up and then getting hurt by you."

"Eunhyuk-ah, listen to me, please," Donghae whispers, hoping that Eunhyuk will lift his head and face him, but he refuses. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you."

"No, no. I don't even know what I mean to you..." Eunhyuk mumbles while repeatedly shaking his head and judging from the tone of his voice, he's already about to sob.

"That's not true, Eunhyuk-ah. You know clearly what you mean to me and I just wish for you to have a normal life, just like what your family want, I just want you to be happy, Eunhyuk-ah."

"Stop it, Lee Donghae." 

Perhaps, the reason why Eunhyuk suceeded on manhandling him earlier is the adrenaline. The evidence is that Donghae is able to easily pry his hands and lift his head enough to level with his. With gentle touches, he caresses both of Eunhyuk's cheeks and makes eye contact with him.

"Eunhyuk-ah, I love you, you know that." He looks at him with genuine sincerity, praying that his sentiments will get delivered to him. "And you also know that I've always been dreaming of an ideal marriage and that you never wanted to go astray from normalcy, but all those thoughts, I threw them away because of you, all for you."

Little by little, Donghae draws his face near Eunhyuk's until their foreheads are touching. By now, Eunhyuk's face is full of shock. He's probably taken aback by the amount of unexpressed words that Donghae just voiced. However, when a sudden thought seems to come to him, he quickly turns his head away from Donghae. "Cut it out, we're not like that anymore."

Donghae just gulps, his eyes immediately wandering and shaking—a habit that signifies his panic. To loosen his sudden fear and cheer himself on, he silently heaves a sigh of reassurance. He slips his hand inside his left pocket, opens the case, and expertly picks it up. 

While his hand is still close, he s it to Eunhyuk's direction, "Here." Needless to say, Eunhyuk is clueless. He doesn't react at all and only stares at it. "Your hand," Donghae adds when he still doesn't seem to get it.

Two seconds after Eunhyuk opens his hand, Donghae carefully drops the ring on his palm. It's just a normal silver ring with a single stone that is a little less subtle than a white print on a white shirt, but it carries an enormous amount of meaning as well as the intentions that Donghae has for Eunhyuk. 

"I want to meet your parents. I want to convince your mom and let your dad know my intentions as well. And then there's my mom, too. So if you're okay with it, I want you to come with me."

At this point, even though Donghae still has plenty of things to say, he feels unable to continue because Eunhyuk is already crying. "Y-you... S-stupid..."

He can't help but smile tenderly at the sight in front of him. This is the moment that he's praying to come, for Eunhyuk to believe in him and accept him, for Eunhyuk to understand how much he truly means to him and for Eunhyuk to give their love a second chance. 

Donghae hugs him once, feeling the weak and unsteady pair of arms hugging him back, and plants a kiss on his shoulder where he usually does it. "Eunhyuk-ah, I love you."

---

--krissyoong--

*EXTRA*

Donghae: It's the right fit, isn't it?

Eunhyuk: Yeah, it's a shame that I won't wear it often.

Donghae: You won't?

Eunhyuk: It's not like I can wear it at work, besides, you don't have one, do you?

Donghae: Huh?

Eunhyuk: Don't 'huh' me, this kind of things are usually in pairs.

Donghae: ... 

Donghae: An engagement ring is what it's supposed to be.

Eunhyuk: ...

Eunhyuk: *blushed* Y-you... r-really... stupid~~ <3