Namjoon was tired; he had a packed schedule the whole day but he couldn’t fall asleep. All the BTS member and him had a tv program shooting until 6.00 am the day before, going to dance practice at 10.00 am, had a live performance and a radio interview right after, and now at 2.00 am, he was finally back at their shared home. All the members were fast asleep, except maybe for Jungkook. Last time he peeked - about ten minutes ago - the youngest member was still awake in his room, editing a video or something. He was always up to something, that one.

 

Probably it was his messed up body clock, but probably his mind was too occupied of something. Seo Yoonha.

 

She hadn't texted or communicated with him whatsoever since two weeks ago. All messages and missed calls left unanswered. It bothered him a little. No, a lot, to be honest.

 

Seo Yoonha was just a friend.

 

A friend? Namjoon shook his head. Well, they knew each other since they were always in the same class throughout high school. They stopped contacting each other after graduation but met again recently when she worked with his management agency, Big Hit Entertainment for one of their advertisement contract. They kept in touch ever since and grew closer than before.

 

Namjoon realised he had cared much more of her than he thought now that he suddenly couldn't reach her.

 

A call came in. Namjoon rushed to his phone seeing it came from her.

 

“Yoonha?!”

 

“N-Namjoon…”

 

Namjoon winced. He probably scared her. Did he sounds too desperate?

 

“Is it a bad time? Maybe I should call you later?”

 

“No, no! It’s perfect! I-I mean, we can talk, I’m fine.” Again, he mentally kicked himself.

 

She softly chuckled. That immediately made him felt reassured. Not completely, but a bit more than before knowing that she was still able to smile.

 

“Hey, I’m really sorry for… the last two weeks. You’re probably worried, or not, that I never reply your messages or answer your calls. I just needed sometime to calm down.”

 

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

 

“I’m okay now,” her voice mellow and calm, “There was just too many that are going on at the moment so I was a little emotionally unstable. I’m okay now.”

 

Still, she sounded tired. He could totally picture her smiling over there, trying to convince him that she was fine.

 

“Can we meet?” Namjoon suggested.

 

“Now?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

8808727. was a short silence. “Can you?” She asked back.

 

-

 

“Namjoon, you’re insane.” The very said man told himself as he sprinted from the carpark, to the old apartment building, to the lift lobby. There was no need to run practically, since it was really late but he ran anyway. Partly due to the slight paranoid that a paparazzi might be tailing him, partly due to wanting to see her so badly, and partly just feeling that adrenaline rush that he couldn't control his body anymore for doing something so risky. She insisted that she went to see him instead, that it was safer that way, but for some reason he stubbornly refused. It just felt right that he went out to see her instead. There was just something telling him that she was tired and battered and she needed someone to care for her now, not the other way around.

 

Namjoon made sure he calmed his breathing first before he pushed the doorbell, but that short moment of silence after the bell rang made his heart beat louder.

 

“Namjoon!” She seemed really surprised at how he looked. Sweaty, breathy, not to mention how tired he looked from the obvious eyebags and chapped lips.

 

On the other hand, Namjoon just stood there staring at her. Unlike how he had always seen her; in her work attire, always so poised and neat in shirts and slacks, she looked slightly unfamiliar and casual with just a loose white t-shirt underneath a thin gray cardigan with cotton pajama shorts. Her hair loose and free, framing a face that looked much younger in this whole casual get-up.

 

Namjoon was aware that he had been harboring a crush on her ever since they get closer recently, but he didn't expect the effect that she was capable inflicting upon him at that very moment.

 

“Namjoon, come in, quick.” She pulled him inside, oblivious at Namjoon shaking his head off his thoughts and slapping his own face. She immediately led him to the sofa and made him sit. She sat next to him, her body facing him.

 

Yoonha frowned, “how did you get here?”

 

“I drove.”

 

“You looked like you ran.”

 

“I-” He cleared his throat, “I did. I was worried about you.”

 

At that, Yoonha loosened a bit. Her shoulders slightly hunched. Her lips curled to a bitter smile. “I’m starting to think that this is a bad idea.”

 

“Why?” His tone a bit whiny at the end.

 

“Look at you, Namjoon. You look so tired.”

 

“Don't talk about me. I come here to see you. What happened, Yoonha? Are you really okay now?”

 

“I’m okay, now. Still a bit tired, but things are fine for the time being. My mother collapsed about a week ago due to mild , and I have been with her up until this morning. At the same time, things at my workplace. I had to go back and forth from the hospital and my office. Things were really bad at my workplace, a couple of staffs quit, workloads piling up, everyone is stressed and my boss can't seem to accept the fact that everyone is suffering and need a break. I’ve been thinking about quitting for a long time anyway, but… All of these… are just taking a big toll on my emotional wellbeing.”

 

“What's going to happen now? With your mother and your job?”

 

“My mother is already discharged from the hospital three days ago. I finally quit my job. Took a lot of strength to do it, but I did it. I know it’s the best for me since my mother will need me a lot more from now on.”

 

“Are you really okay? Is there anything I can do for you?”

 

Yoonha smiled and placed both her palms on top of his. “I’m fine, really. And you already helped a lot by showing how you care for me.” Before Namjoon could say anything, Yoonha gasped, her hand cupping .

 

“I’m such a bad host. How could I not make you any drink?” Yoonha stood up and quickly headed to the open kitchen. “What would you like? Coffee?”

 

“I’ll help!”

 

“Namjoon, just stay there. You know you’re not much of a help in the kitchen,” she giggled as she reached for the mug and expertly whip up a warm drink. Namjoon had not much left to do but to stare at her. It was not something he did often which he realized how mesmerising she could be. The way her body slightly facing sideways, leaning against the kitchen counter. The way her tired eyes looked into the cup, her loose hair gently fell over her face. All of a sudden she was so, so much more beautiful than he had ever seen her.

 

Walking back to him, she smiled, holding up two cups of hot instant coffee.

 

-

 

They both sat on the floor at the balcony, looking out at the dark neighborhood, scarce lamp posts scattered nearby.

 

Namjoon sighed. “Even so, you should have said something. I was really worried, you know?”

 

“I’m really sorry. There are just times when I just need to be by myself. When I’m that unstable, I’m afraid that the words I say might only be bad words, and I just end up hurting people.”

 

“Doesn't that mean you have to release all those negative energy more? I can help with that, I won’t get hurt, I can understand. Afterall, that is how the bond between us members grew stronger.”

 

She looked at him in the eyes, trying to delve deeper in them and find if there was any hidden meaning behind them. Only it turned out those eyes were clear of any lies, filled with only sincerity which only tugged so hard the bottom of her heart. She tried not to believe it but it was hard to not say that he was trustworthy and so much more.

 

“Honest,” Namjoon added, his deep voice so soft and reassuring.

 

“But that would be unfair.”

 

“Why not? You’ve always been like that. You always try to make it better for everyone, isn't that why you’re suffering so much?”

 

“That’s just…”

 

“Believe me, Yoonha. You deserve so much more.”

 

She finally looked away and took a deep breath. Yoonha put down her coffee mug and stood up, leaning against the railing, looking out at the dark sky before she turned around to face Namjoon again.

 

Her eyes were watery as she smiled at him.

 

“I really don't know how to thank you, Namjoon.”

 

Namjoon stood up as well and immediately pulled her into his embrace. He held her softly, one hand her hair.

 

“I’m sorry.” Yoonha whispered in shaky breath. She tried so hard to hold back her tears.

 

“Dont be.”

 

“But you’re having it so hard too, I-”

 

“Yoonha. I already feel better when I’m with you, so please, don't push me away like this anymore.”

 

Namjoon pulled back so that he could look at her face one more time. Cold breeze passed them by, blowing softly her hair. He could tell that she had more to say and so he waited patiently. Namjoon had wanted to approach her more, hold her longer and touch her more, but he knew it was more important to take it slowly right now. It must be hard for her to accept him in her situation, not to mention him being a part of the hottest boyband at the moment where all eyes are so keen on him.

 

Yoonha let out a bitter chuckle. “What if I think I’m special?”

 

“Go ahead. Because you really are.” Namjoon her cheek with his thumb which in turn sent shivers down her exposed arms. Their eyes were locked, none dare to look away as their feelings towards each other were becoming more and more apparent the longer they held their gaze. Namjoon slolwy lowered his head, their lips inching closer without a word.

 

And then their lips met.

 

It was a brief, innocent kiss, but she swore she could never forget the taste of his lips on hers.