I miss us. I really do. Sometimes I would stop for a bit and wonder where you are right now, what you’re doing. I might never know, it’s really pointless if I’m going, to be honest but that doesn’t stop me from thinking. I wonder if you still think of me and smile, or maybe feel your ears perk up when you hear my name, if you even remember me. I’m sure you do, because if it affected you as much as it meant to me, there’s no way you would be over it. Or maybe you are, but I’m not.

I see you, I see you everywhere. I see you in the book filled of artworks, I see you in the yellow bandana, I see you in the red rose by my window I received recently. Everywhere, you’re with me, pulling me behind, but as stupid as it is, I would do this all over again, just to feel your lips on my mine, your hands all over me and to see you just once more.

Do you think back to the days where we just met? We clicked instantly, and I think both of us knew that the next few months of hours of our lives would be dedicated to each other. And that’s how it went.

Do you remember how our first kiss went, my first kiss? I do. It resonates in my mind every day. You looked absolutely gorgeous, your eyes shone in the dim light, reflecting the flashing lights in the background. You kissed me. No, you full-on made out with me. I loved it, I really did, I loved it so so much. Maybe that’s why it hurt so much more when you told me what was next.

Do you still remember the night you told me there was no way we could be together? I do. I remember the tears and the feeling of heartbreak. It was suffocating to see you talk about someone else, as if I was drowning. It was hard, pretending that I was alright. But I managed, and I’m not sure what that really means.

Do you look back to that text message? How that changed everything so quickly? How one text and brought back all those feelings I had been trying burrow deep down, never to rise again? What about the day after, where you kissed me again, how after so long, I could feel your lips move in harmony against mind, creating ripples in my heart that would resonate for so so long? How about our secret kisses we would steal, that I would steal from your girlfriend, knowing all the consequences yet continuing? Never did you once try to stop me.

Does your mind ever just wander back to me and our next conversation? I was jealous, I told you. I didn’t like how no matter how often you were with me, all that was on your mind was her. It hurt, a lot, but I ignored it. Addressing the issue wouldn’t solve anything. And that’s when I agreed to a deal I shouldn’t have. We talked, a long long one. Things were going to be better. I would be yours, you would be mine and it didn’t matter anymore. I felt so happy, as if every tear I’ve shed and all the time I’ve spent was worth it. Maybe I should have shed more tears.

Do you know the feeling of loss after false hope? Because that’s exactly how I felt. You told me not even days after that it wouldn’t be possible, and I accepted that. You then told me we had to end whatever it was we had and that you would love your girlfriend and her only. I was too lost to feel devastation, to cry and feel my heart dissolve in pain, but I definitely did when I saw you the day after.

Do you know how often I think back to that afternoon? I didn’t mean to cry, I really didn’t. Or maybe I did. Who knows, because I don’t anymore. I let out a few tears slip and soon they were streaming down my cheeks. You wiped them away and looked at me with so much care and concern that I wanted to rip out my heart. I wanted to push you away, to stop making me crave for you when I know I can’t. But I didn’t. I was selfish and I let myself enjoy being in your arms like that one more time. I asked for one more kiss, and you gave it to me. I wanted to etch everything into me so I would never forg