“Home
A place where I can go
To take this off my shoulders
Someone take me home”

As the song plays through the earphones she had on, she felt her heart getting a little heavier. As each and every lyric of the song burn themselves into her heart and her mind. She tried calming herself, trying hard not to break down in the airplane.

“I didn't power through the struggle
Just to let a little trouble, knock me out of my position
And interrupt the vision
After everything I witnessed, after all of these decisions
All these miles, feet, inches
They can't add up to the distance
That I have been through, just to get to
A place where even if there's no closure, I'm still safe
I still ache from trying to keep pace
Somebody give me a sign, I'm starting to lose faith”

Usually she isn't this emotional. She's strong and often managed her emotions to keep that straight poker face on no matter how broken she was inside. But this trip back home to her motherland got her having so much mixed feelings that she can't seem to control. Her parents had persuaded her to take a break and come back to Seoul to refresh herself. She missed her family and friends back at home dearly. The past few months have been so draining for her mentally, physically and emotionally. All the hours spent awake recording in different studios all over LA and writing all those lyrics for all the different songs, had felt as if she had spent them in vain. No matter how hard she works she still can't seem to get over the huge wall to see progress in her career.

“I've been through so much pain
And it's hard to maintain, any smile on my face
'Cause there's madness on my brain
So I gotta make it back, but my home ain't on the map.
Gotta follow what I'm feeling to discover where it's at
I need the memory
In case this fate is forever, just to be sure these last days are better
And if I have any enemies
To give me the strength to look the devil in the face and make it home safe.”

Certain days the frustrations and exhaustion made her start to have doubts to continue this journey on making that big dream of hers become a reality. Certain days she's so headstrong and confident about things in her career making a move forward. And then there are also days where she just blanked out and wishes to run away from all the expectations. She wished she had someone by her side at all times to keep her motivated and cheers her on, but then again this was what she chose. This was what she wanted. This was what she had hope to prove.

“I found no cure for the loneliness
I found no cure for the sickness
Nothing here feels like home
Crowded streets, but I'm all alone.”

The song on her ipad came to an end. Chaerin took off her earphones, close her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. As she calmed herself down, her mind starts to clear a little, and she slowly open her eyes. There's about an hour 40 mins left before the plane touchdown in Incheon Airport. She decided to put all her worries aside for now as she knows the people that she's coming back to soon are the ones that will heal and rejuvenate her heart & mind. No matter what obstacles she's going to face in the future she'll do it. She'll do it, even if she's alone she'll do it well. She is afterall CL, the baddest female Seoul City ever had.