Jongin lounges on his couch, holding whiskey in one hand and the collectible LP that he spent way too much on in the other. Rent would be hard this month, but it was an indulgence he allowed himself. Because it was the first release by his favorite singer and former lover: Do Kyungsoo.

-

It's a risk, but some things Soo just can't let go of. To write your own debut song is not a move anyone would recommend. It was sheer luck that the company approved it, improbable lottery odds that people are accepting it. But he needed this. For closure.

-

Jongin turns the LP over in his hands once, twice, before setting it on the turntable. He sets it on Repeat, knowing that once he lets himself get lost in Kyungsoo's voice again, he won't want to be found. Not for a while. He goes back to the couch and lets the lyrics wash over him.

-

An R&B ballad as his title track. Kyungsoo sang of sweet, soft eyes, tender lips; happiness fading along with each morning's dreams. Walking the streets, catching a whiff, hearing a phrase, and stepping right into a memory, heart full. But why does his heart still ache so easily?

-

Jongin wants to believe the song's about him. Is that vain? Plenty of ppl have soft eyes and enjoy midnight strolls-hell, maybe it's another ex. But "the billiards hall on the corner." That was *their* place. Would Soo really use their memories so carelessly? He downs another drink.

-

Despite the upbeat tempo, the overall happy tone of the song, it's often been described as "haunting." Kyungsoo does feel haunted. Spinning memories into words and braiding it into notes is cathartic in a way. With each performance, he hopes that maybe he can let go a little more.

-

"If I cross your mind

Even half as many times

As you cross mine

...come back to me"

Jongin still has a video of them on his phone, a mundane morning tgt. Soo's deep voice and blinding smile tell him to get dressed and eat. How many times has he's watched it since they broke up? 1000?

-

There is a possibility of Jongin hearing the song, ever recognizing them in it. Maybe he should text him, give him warning, or.. apologize. Or thank him or something equally unnecessary. What is worse though, texting a ghost and bringing it to life? Or having it not remember you?

-

"Come back to me." Jongin drains his whiskey as the final words of the song taunt him again. Like he could get in touch w the celeb even if he tried. Is he supposed to show up at a fanmeet? Not like he'd keep his same # after getting famous. He dials anyway and slurs, "Hey !"

-

"...Jong—" Kyungsoo stares at his phone in disbelief. Oh god, there's no way. "Wr-wrong number!" he blurts out, missing the End Call button multiple times and swearing under his breath. He finally manages and tosses his phone onto the bed, cringing at himself.

-

Omg it's him. Forget the "Jong" slip up- he'd recognize Soo's voice anywhere. It's been burned into his mind, his heart, his soul. He'll be 50 and still know it better than his own. He redials frantically. Call rejected. Redial. Rejected. He switches to text: "Pick up you coward"

-

The initial panic ebbs away with each new text that comes in, confusion leading to self-preserving irritation. "What the ," he whispers to himself, cradling his phone in both hands. Kyungsoo chews on his lip, lets another minute pass.

"are u drunk??"

-

Jongin texts and erases several replies, as his emotions slingshot around:

"NO"

"Maybe"

"why, r u"

"definitely. do you really think sober me would--"

"does it matter? it does nothing to numb the ache"

"god i miss you"

Tears building, he settles on:

"nvm sorry i bothered you"

-

He was ready for more name-calling or even the phone to ring again, not...that. Kyungsoo had imagined their reunion so many times, but never like this. So defeated. His fingers fly across the keyboard, hitting send before he can fully process the thought behind it:

"are u ok?"

-

Options race thru Jongin's drunk mind:

He should leave him on read, this . Rejecting calls and then having the audacity to ask if he's ok.

He should sass him. "Yes, ing peachy"

He should tell him the truth. "I haven't been ok since 2016 when u left, Soo"

He can't decide.

-

"jongin are u ok"

He's outed himself now. His heart is still racing. Who texts someone out of the blue, swearing and upset? Still no answer. Should he call? And say what? "Just checking for sign of life, now kindly off"? Kyungsoo shakes his phone, willing the chat to update.

-

Texting is exhausting. There's too much time for overthinking and too much evidence gets left behind to obsess over later. And most importantly... there's no deep voice to soothe him over texts. Jongin hits Call again. It connects. His voice trembles as he speaks: "I heard your song."

-

Acid churning in his stomach, Kyungsoo climbs into bed, tucking the covers up to his chin. This is surreal. "What'd you thi—" That sounds too casual. Is that a hornet's nest? He's dying to know, but also dreading. Jongin. Really, Jongin. "How've- how've you been?"

-

"It's beautiful." He chooses to answer the 1st question. "You sound incredible on it. I'd always said your singing was meant for bigger stages than-" Visions of Kyungsoo serenading him to sleep in their bed flash in his mind. He won't cry, he won't-- "But the lyrics are lies,” he bites out.

-

"It's-" Kyungsoo swallows, willing the lump in his throat to sink away, "it's just a song." There's room for plausible deniability..or maybe he's in denial himself. It was way too personal. What was he thinking? He was thinking of the good memories, the bad ones filtering away.

-

"Oh." The words cut deep. It's just a song. And he's just a guy. It does mean anything, he does mean anythi-- "Sorry I-" Jongin holds the sob back, "read so much into it." Wtf was he thinking, calling Soo like this? Did he want a fight? Maybe he did. The one Soo never gave him.

-

Old frustrations bubble up to the surface. Passive aggressive BS. Jongin's not his problem to deal with anymore, but as much as he wants to end the call, he wants to hear Jongin talk more. He's never been good at small talk. They're long past small talk. "So...you called me..."

-

"Yeah" and should've accepted the first call rejection. Pacing, he crescendos "Look, I bought your LP today. It's great. But now I'm drunk, and your voice is everywhere in my apartment again, and I just--" He sags, lowers his voice. "Just wanted to know: are they're treating you well?"

-

Kyungsoo can't help it. He barks out a laugh. "You go from calling me a coward to asking if they're treating me well? I mean, thanks?" Why does Jongin get under his skin so easily. It's been so long. Why is this so hard. He sighs, regret heavy in his voice. "I didn't mean that."

-

It's the first honest reaction from Kyungsoo, and it tugs a tiny smile out of Jongin. He lets the quiet stretch a bit and tries for levity. "I mean, you always were. A coward, that is. When it comes to love. Or maybe just when it comes to me. Ugh sorry-I'm drunk," he repeats dumbly.

-

"It's late," Kyungsoo mumbles, feeling elated despite the criticism. "How much did you drink? You- you should eat something. Hydrate." He swallows aga