I was in love with her.

I told her, and even if she didn't answer to that, I think she accepted that fact since she didn't treat me very differently.

Or so I thought.

I thought I was something special.

But she always made me think the exact opposite.

She would always avoid my gaze.

Never returning or actually considering my touch on her.

It wasn't something too intimate or anything. Just simply holding her or brief caresses.

If I had to say it all, she hardly ever returned them.

I though I was special for her. 

But how can I think that if she never directly told me?

She'd said something similar, answering to a fan that our relationship could be labelled as "sisters".

There are some times when she'd look at me with the same look I have when I watch her, or so I guess since I can't really see myself from outside.

I think I always wear that stupid grin when I look at her. So stupidly in love.

And I bet she knows.

She knows I'm always looking at her.

It has been, quite frankly, hard. I thought we were very good friends, soulmates even. I even fell in love with her. And the stupid me had the hope that maybe she'd have returned my feelings.

I wasn't really thinking on her returning them, that was almost impossible anyway.

I was scared of being totally rejected and that she wouldn't have talked to me anymore.

But I indeed needed to tell her, I couldn't stand anymore that oppression my heart has been bearing for already so long.

When I told her, she didn't answer. She just opened wide her eyes, then shut them down, apparently in deep though. I thought that she was looking for the best way to reject me, so I prepared my heart to whatever she was going to say.

Unexpectedly, she came closer and hugged me. She said "Okay", in a quavering voice.

I honestly felt so miserable in that moment. Are you really telling me that it is just okay?

"Just reject me if you have to. I understand, don't worry about me" I answered. I knew she wouldn't have ever rejected me because she feared hurting me.

Not that I wasn't hurting already.

She just smiled at me and gave me a kiss on my cheek and wrapped up the conversation with "Let's sleep Byul-ah, tomorrow will be very busy"

I couldn't sleep for almost all the night, crying in the most silent way possible. I knew she was doing this to torture me, and she didn't even realise it.

Lately things have been changing.

She had been even less touchy than before.

Not that she was that much anyway. Now I get to look at her eyes maybe once in a show and the contact is kept to the very minimum, her overly focusing on the 2 maknaes, frequently clinging and laughing with them.

I didn't understand, we weren't arguing or anything.

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