the first time junhoe tries, jinhwan just laughs at him.

 

they're taking a break from the rigorous practice they've been doing for hours, and it's just the two of them left in the room.

 

jinhwan breathes heavily, obviously very tired from the dancing he's been pulling off beautifully, in junhoe's humble and totally unbiased opinion, atleast.

 

'hyung' junhoe whispers, almost inaudible, but jinhwan still hears him.

 

he sits up and looks at junhoe with an expression of mixed curiosity and amusement. 'what's up?'

 

'you're important to me.'

 

the words roll off junhoe's tongue as effortlessly as his love for the older man.

 

jinhwan doesn't respond for a few seconds. junhoe feels like he's dying; the feeling of regret slowly climbing up to his heart, and an apology crawling through his throat. but then jinhwan laughs out of nowhere.

 

'you're an idiot, koo junhoe.'

 

---

 

they say things are always sweeter the second time around. every rule also has an exception.

 

jinhwan is lounging on the couch in their living room, lazily scrolling through the feeds on his sns account, too uninterested to focus on one thing but also too bored to quit scrolling.

 

junhoe sits next to him. the dip he causes on the couch seat gains jinhwan's attention.

 

'hey kid' he greets him. junhoe smiles.

 

'hey hyung'

 

jinhwan smiles back. he focuses on his phone once more, thinking that the conversation will end at that. junhoe surprises him, though.

 

'i trust you. and only you.'

 

jinhwan gives him a look that says 'what are you on about?'

 

junhoe replies with a smile that says 'it's true'

 

jinhwan looks at his younger bandmate, desperately trying to think of any incident that would cause junhoe's sudden actions. his mind fails him, unfortunately. so he decides to ask.

 

'why?'

 

junhoe shrugs. 'no particular reason. i just do.'

 

jinhwan throws one of the couch pillows at him. 'you're crazy.'

 

---

 

junhoe feels the words coming at 2 in the morning. he's young, so as everyone should realize, he's also stupid. he decides to call jinhwan.

 

the other picks up at the second ring, his voice sleepy and lovely to junhoe's ears. his words aren't, however.

 

'i will kill you'

 

junhoe laughs, filling the room with the laughter of man in love. 'if you're gonna be the death of me then that's how i wanna go'

 

unexpectedly, jinhwan laughs too. junhoe chokes on air.

 

'did you call just to bother me or do you have--'

 

'you're beautiful, kim jinhwan' junhoe cuts him off. he knows he's being stupid and embarassing, but if it's for jinhwan then junhoe's willing to do anything.

 

'third time's the charm, huh?' jinhwan replies back. junhoe laughs.

 

'i guess.'

 

there's silence between them for a while. jinhwan's the first one to break it.

 

'stop bothering your hyungs and sleep, loser.'

 

---

 

 

'do you think jinhwan hyung sees me as a man?' junhoe asks as he wipes the dirt off the kitchen table. it's his and chanwoo's turn to try and pretend to be adults and clean the dorm .

 

junhoe's question catches chanwoo off guard. he answers back after a few seconds of awkward staring.

 

'i don't know, maybe?'

 

junhoe sighs, annoyed with the other's unintelligent answer. 'you're useless.'

 

chanwoo looks mildly offended.

 

at that moment, jinhwan chooses to grace the two of them with his presence. junhoe almost runs to him to confess once again, uncaring of chanwoo's existence.

 

but hanbin follows closely behind, and junhoe is left standing awkwardly as he looks at them both.

 

'this will be the last time, hanbin.' jinhwan says as he stops on his tracks to turn around and face the leader.

 

a sheepish smile appears on hanbin's face. 'sure, hyung.'

 

for some reason, junhoe feels like he's gonna be mad, even though he has no idea whatever they're talking about.

 

unaware of the impending heat of junhoe's jealousy, jinhwan smiles that sweet smile of his and directs it at hanbin.

 

junhoe feels something inside him wither.

 

'have i told you how much i love you?' hanbin says.

 

jinhwan laughs sweetly. 'of course. i love you, too.'

 

junhoe almost collapses. chanwoo comes to the rescue of his friend and gives the two a piece of his mind.

 

'is it just me or it's a little gay in here?'

 

junhoe wishes he collapsed a few seconds ago just so he wouldn't have to hear chanwoo.

 

hanbin looks at them weirdly before exiting the kitchen, followed by chanwoo who's looking offended once more. he mutters a quick 'ungrateful bastard' to junhoe before leaving entirely.

 

junhoe hopes for the ground to open up and take him. jinhwan clears his throat and looks at him.

 

'hey, jun.'

 

junhoe doesn't respond and makes a move to leave too. jinhwan suddenly reaches for his right hand and holds it against his own.

 

'what's wrong?'

 

'nothing' he mumbles quickly.

 

junhoe's looking down at the dirty floor. he's afraid to make eye contact with jinhwan because that would just result to him getting lost to his love for the other and it's not just the right time to be stupidly in love right now. so he keeps his head down, along with his feelings.

 

'oh, is my little baby jealous?'

 

junhoe scoffs at that. little baby? his 182cm ego is bruised. so he did what any man would've done to fight for his pride: he pouts.

 

this makes jinhwan laugh. he pinches junhoe's cheeks. 'you're so cute.'

 

'hyung, do you see me as a man?' junhoe asks.

 

'no, i see you as an idiot.' jinhwan quickly answers, smiling and still pinching his cheeks.

 

junhoe looks like he's about to cry. right now he needs a a five-minute hug, but only from a specific person.

 

(that person is jinhwan)

 

'but hyung,' junhoe whines, sadness engulfing his soul like black clouds covering the sky during a storm.

 

'and i see you as an idiot i love.' jinhwan says.

 

'how different is that to your love for hanbin?' junhoe asks, sulking.

 

'it's different because it's you.' jinhwan replies, moving his hands from junhoe's cheeks to the back of his neck.

 

jinhwan leans closer and closer, until all junhoe can see is jinhwan. until all he can smell is jinhwan.

 

until everything is jinhwan.

 

junhoe is the one who closes the distance between them. it's just a quick kiss, almost like a peck to the lips, because junhoe is young and stupid and shy and he doesn't know what to do.

 

jinhwan still smiles after, though. and somehow that's enough.

 

'i love you' jinhwan says. 'not as a brother, like I would to hanbin, or to anyone else. but as another idiot who loves hearing you try to confess, even at 2 in the morning.'

 

junhoe doesn't know how to react. his heart does though, and it beats so loudly junhoe's afraid jinhwan might hear it.

 

'don't you have anything to say?' jinhwan says, smiling sweetly at him. junhoe thinks it's his favorite thing about his hyung.

 

'i love you, hyung.'

 

jinhwan looks satisfied.

 

'took you long enough, koo junhoe.'

 

he leans in once more.

 

junhoe falls in love again.