(1)

It’s snowing. It’s snowing hard and he couldn’t help but to think about her. Is she freezing out there? Did she slip on the snow and out? She’s an accident-prone and everybody even their grandmother knew that.

Just when he was about get up from his seat and go outside to look for her, he heard the bell on the café’s door chimed, indicating someone just come inside.

“Taehyung-ah!”

There she was. The girl he was waiting for. She was supposed to meet him in this café 15 minutes ago. He was so close to leaving her but he chose to stay. Because he was always right there, patiently waiting for her.

“What took you so long, dummy?”

“I was just looking for my socks. I didn’t realize that it took so much time just to get the other one of this pair!” she blew air into her bangs, clearly showed her annoyance.

“And you know the worst of it all? I still can’t find the other one!”

She showed him her different socks. The left one was red, and the right was bright yellow. He swore he could hear the man beside his table laughing at the background.

He flicked her head and tried to hide his smile. “Whatever. Now sit and just finish this thing”

Both sat down again and started to take out their laptops.  It was their final year in college, which meant this year would be their last time to see each other. To say that Taehyung is sad was an understatement. He was depressed. He, Kim Taehyung, a president of drama club, had been in love with this girl in front of him since he couldn’t remember. He only liked her company at first, he liked the way she’d make him laugh on every depressed situation, he thought of her as the joker. Then suddenly she was everywhere. Her face popped in every single thing he looked at. First, it was his poster of John Cena (Yes, he used to be a big fan of him in his smackdown days) that strangely turned into her face every time he woke up. Second, it was the voice of his idol, BLACKPINK, that suddenly sounded exactly like her voice. And why did all the love songs BLACKPINK made kind of reminded him of her? Third, it was his lecturer, in which he couldn’t concentrate at all on her because she was a woman and his crush was a woman too. You get it? It’s just that every woman in the world reminded him of her!

Taehyung was panicked at first. He didn’t understand this feeling. He didn’t get why suddenly her smiles could turn his boring college life into cotton candy and unicorn land. She got the most earth-shattering, jaw hanging, blinding smile ever and it’s the first thing that he wanted to see every single morning. She was what he came to college for. Walking down the memory lane took him to the first time they met. It was memorable. At least it was, for him.

 

 (0.1)

“Hello, my name is Kim Jisoo” A girl with short hair smiled at the people around.

It was the first day of drama club, everybody introduced themselves including him. She was the last to introduce herself and it was a good thing. He wasn’t good at remembering names therefore he only remembered the first and the last to introduce. Which turned out to be president of the club and her.

She was just plain, goody two shoes girl back then. Didn’t know she had so much potential to make his life upside down like now.

“Ummm Jaehyung-ssi, can you help me to copy this script? I can’t use the photocopy machine.” She looked at him and smiled in embarrassment.

“Okay.”

He wasted no second to help her. Was there any bad in helping other, even though that other pronounced his name wrong?

 

(2)

“Jichu-ah, do you still remember the first time we met? When you called me Jaehyung?” He asked her out of the blue.

“Of course I do. It was embarrassing. Why suddenly bring that up?”

“Nothing. I just thought that we have been a long way. Suddenly it felt as if the first time we met was only yesterday.” He had that faraway look on his face. As if he’s thinking about something in the past.

“What’s this? Are we really going to reminisce the old time?” She laughed with her heart-shaped lips and he mustered a smile. Something flashed in her eyes and he hated the fact that he couldn’t decipher it.

“You were so innocent back then. You really deceived everyone with your mushroom hair.”

“Well, I’m still innocent. Aren’t I?” She smiled triumphantly at him.

“Pffttt innocent my ”

This time she laughed at him and jokingly punched his arms.

 

(0.5)

“Jaehyung-ah, don’t be afraid when suddenly you’re kidnapped by an old man with white beard, because I asked Santa I want you as my Christmas gift.”

Taehyung groaned in annoyance and hit Jisoo’s head with his script.

“For the nth time Jisoo, stop hitting on me. I’ve had enough of your flirt, you sly fox. And it’s Taehyung.”

She looked like she was about to retort until she heard him mentioned his right name. She only smiled sheepishly at him.

“Oops, my bad. You can’t blame me though, it’s so boring here and you are my only entertainment!”

When he didn’t respond, she continued. “And I suggest you really do your entertainer job to me. We’re the only one here you know.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him. A hint of pink tint could be seen on her cheeks.

“Damn Jisoo, shut your mouth and stop being naughty. We need to get this done. This is our first time playing the main roles right?”

“You are such a party pooper, Tae.” She huffed in annoyance and start practicing her lines again. Taehyung only smiled and pat her head in return.

 

 (3)

Years passed, and Jisoo grew up. She was no longer the shy, mushroom haired girl he knew. Her true self showed and she changed into a ball of sunshine that she already is but in the form of a beautiful girl with long hair and heart-shaped lips painted with bright lip tint. And he didn’t like the change. How could he like it when suddenly everyone was hitting on her? All the boys tried to get her attention and for God’s sake, she seemed like she liked the attention.

He used to be the only that understand her beauty. He was the only one that liked her melodic laugh and silly jokes. He was the first for her and he was jealous. But he didn’t show it. He was no one to her, wasn’t he?

“Yo, why are you looking at me like that?” Jisoo looked at him, puzzled. “Did I grow two heads or what?”

Afraid of being caught admiring her, he did the most expected thing he’d do to her, “I was just wondering how come I always end up with you. Be it plays, or president and vice-president things we are doing right now, you are always there to bother me.” Riled her up.

“Hey, it’s not my fault that I’m so talented everyone decides I’m fit for this job.” She fired back at him. “Why don’t you just shut up and get this job done? We need to finish this work quickly so we can finally pass our job as the rulers of this drama club to the juniors.” She breathed in exaggerate manner, so un-lady like if he might add.

This. He thought. This is the time. With her being herself right now, one second away to be sleeping, so pure, so innocent, so lovely. He’s going to say something he’s always dying to say.

“No, don’t. Don’t be too quick.” He could feel himself holding his breath. “I- well I kind of feeling very nostalgic right now because it will be the last time we work together. And as much as I hate to say this, I don’t want this night to end so quickly. What I mean is, I’m gonna miss bickering with you when you’re gone.”

There, he said it. Something close to confession, but not too close. This is the closest he’s ever been in baring his feelings to her. He’s a coward, he knew that.

She raised her eyebrows at him, feeling surprised and touched. “That’s kind of sweet from you. I think I got diabetes. Look, ants are coming our way.”

He barked a laugh. As expected from her, a club’s clown. She always thought everything was a laughing material. She never took anything seriously. Including his feelings, which he swore he always tried to show her quietly. But as always, she brushed it off as a joke.

Hours passed and they finally come to an end. No matter how hard Taehyung was trying to stop the time, he couldn’t. With laptop on his table and pen daggling on his hands, he tried to look for something to discuss with her. Something, something that could distract her from going home.

“How’s Jinyoung?”

Out of all the topics he had in mind, he chose that. He chose that barbaric, airheaded guy from the club as a topic of discussion. Well, Jinyoung may be an airhead (to his defense, everybody approved that) but never that barbaric. It’s just that Jinyoung always made a move on Jisoo. He always did something that Taehyung wanted to but too afraid to do. He didn’t like Jinyoung at all, why did he always end up hurting himself?

“What about Jinyoung?” She pursed her lips. Not liking where the discussion went. “Just the same like before you know, same airhead.” Her tone was nonchalant, but he could totally saw there was a smile hidden on her face.

Seeing her packed everything into her bag made him panicked. He tried to search his brain, to find something worth talking. Something that would keep her by his side. Until he heard her muttering his name.

“I’m gonna miss you.”

Taehyung eyes turned into saucers from hearing what she said. He didn’t expect this, not at all. She looked behind him, afraid to look into his eyes. Her lips quivering, contemplating whether to say something or not. In the end, she chose to open again.

“I’m gonna say important things to you, so please, let me speak. Don’t cut it even though you want to.”

Taehyung acted like he zips his mouth shut. Telling her he’s ready for whatever she was going to throw at him.

“I used to like you.”

Wait, what? WHAT?

Oh my God, did the sun just come out from the west? Have we finally find the cure for HIV? Trump finally get to the jail? Or could it be that North and South Korea have been faking their war all this time? He didn’t see that coming!

He stopped breathing. Heart stopped beating. The only thing he saw right now is her.

“But not anymore.” She grinned.

 

 (0.9)

“You’re not coming?” She touched his hair lightly, softly played with his blonde locks. She’s always like this, getting touchy with him. But she did it everyone else too. He was no difference, wasn’t he?

“Nah, I’ll pass. Got many assignments to do.”

Her hands stop moving. He felt the warmth on his head went away as she withdrew her hands. The club was going to have a dinner after practice. Everybody was participating, except him. Slumping her arms on her sides, she tried to give many reasons (even solutions) for him to just dump his assignments and went dinner with them. But none of the arguments concerned about her wanting him to be there, something he wanted to hear directly from her.

“Damn Tae, why don’t you just make your juniors do it? Your paper isn’t even due tomorrow.” she gritted through her teeth.

“Why are you so keen on making me go anyway?”

Bulls eye. There, he said it. With a little hope on his part.

She was silent for a second, “I-I just thought that today’s dinner will be nice. Everybody is coming. You can’t pass this chance, Tae. What if today is our lucky day and someone decided to pay for our meal? It will be super extra nice night.”

“Finishing my paper today will be nicer though.” Just say it Jisoo, please just say that you want me to be there and I’ll be more than glad to drop everything, for you.

It was silent. More than a minute silence and he wondered, did he say something wrong?

“Okay then, go have fun with your paper. See you.” She turned her heels and get out from the practice room, leaving him feeling disappointed by himself.

 

(4)

Can you hear the sound of a heart breaking somewhere in the background?

 “You were my inspiration. You still are actually.” She let out a hearty laugh.

“I still remember when I first met you. You were just another lanky boy awkwardly trying to mingle with the group. Time goes by and you changed. You were very amazing, Taehyung-ah. So charismatic, great leadership, something I always knew you had it in you. That’s why I liked you since the first time we met.

Maybe it was your deep voice, that casually went straight to my heart. Or maybe your eyes did the job. I don’t know how but I think your eyes talk louder than your mouth. I got mesmerized by them.” She paused to take breath, and continued. “Or maybe it just everything. Everything you said, everything you did, and everything you are. Being with you made me a better version of myself, and you deserve all the thank you’s in the world from me.

Thank you for letting me love you in silence.”

Suddenly it all made sense. Yes he was different from the rest. All the happy glints on her eyes whenever she saw him. All the shy touch from her. All her embarrassed faces after she tried to flirt with him. All the secret good deeds she did for him, thinking he wouldn’t know it, but damn boy, with the way he always secretly stalked her, there’s no way he wouldn’t know about it. All the things she did to others and never to him. All the things she did to him and never to others. All the things she was everytime she’s with him. All the things that she was. Why did he realize it just now?

“I was about to tell you. I couldn’t keep this feelings by myself. But everytime I’d open up to you, there’s this tiny part of me thinking I’d ruin our friendship. I was afraid it’d be awkward for us. You didn’t like me back anyway.” She said with such a finality it made him want to hit her head with his book for her dumbness.

“And so I stopped. I stopped trying to make everything works and just wait for miracles. Which never come. I just- I just let it go. Oh gosh, this is so awkward isn’t it?” She laughed, trying to erase the awkwardness.

“But you don’t have to worry, I don’t love you anymore”. Oh how he wished he could wipe that stupid grin on her face with his own lips.

Minutes passed and the just sat in silence, trying to find the right thing to do, the right words to say.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” She demanded to him.

He took a deep breath and asked, “Why are you telling me this now?”

She breathed a smile, “Because I want you to know how admirable you are. I want you to know that you are special.”

He gave her a smile, a smile contained so much emotions. This is it, he thought. She already told me her feelings, why can’t I do the same?

Her phone rang and he knew the answer of his question when he saw the caller ID.

Jinyoung.

He was late. He knew from the start that he was late. He always had this secret little competition with Jinyoung. And he always lost. Jinyoung always got her first. It’s always been Jinyoung. It’s Jinyoung who deserved her.

“Oh, guess I have to go now. Good bye Tae.”

She waved at him. He watched her go in slow motion. He couldn’t breathe. It was like the air was from his lungs. The earth stopped spinning as he watched her back, as he saw his love being taken away from him. He had to do something. He had to stop her. He had to!

“Jisoo wait!”

She stopped and turned around to look at him.

 

 

I love you.

 

 

“Take care.”

She mustered a smile and waved at him. “You too.”

And this is how the story ends. This is how he lose her.

 

 

.end.