I checked my phone to see if there were any messages, but there weren’t any. 

Oh no, raindrops are falling on me.

“Ah, this . It’s raining, yet I’m alone”

I try to console myself by talking to, yes, myself. 

I just finished work and I’m waiting for the bus, alone. 

“Ah, the bus arrived”

My eyes tried to look around, waiting for signs that he might come, but there weren’t any traces of him.

Sigh.

I hopped on the bus, sat at my usual seat and plugged my earphones but played no music. 

Usually, there are less people on the streets when it rains, but today’s different. Maybe because it happened so sudden that the people were caught off guard. Everyone’s trying to avoid the raindrops as if it was a curse to be hit by the rain, but isn’t it a blessing?

“Few days ago, reports were saying how the country lacks rain. Now that rain has come, everyone seems to dislike it. How hypocritical”

A woman with a familiar voice spoke the words out of my mind, making me remove my earphones.

“It’s been a while, Eunbi”

It’s Yuna, my childhood friend.

“Yuna-ya, it’s been a while. How’s life?”

She changed seats and sat beside me. Looking at her reminds me of the beautiful past, where my worries were only focused on what game should I play next, on what color of socks should I wear next… days filled with innocence and genuine happiness. 

“I’m doing great these days. I just got engaged a few days ago”

“Really? To whom?”

“To Seokmin”

As she spoke of his name, her eyes sparkled with love, unlike me.

“If it’s fine with you, can you come to my wedding?” 

Wedding, huh? That seems nice. Somehow, I wanted to turn her down because I don’t really feel like attending one. However, doing so would be rude, so I have no choice but to go.

“Sure”, I grinned.

“Thank you”, she let out a beautiful smile as she embraced me. 

“Oh, that’s right, how are you and him?”

She broke off the hug.

“We’re doing fine”

I lied, but not exactly. She just nodded, then momentarily panics as she realized it was already her stop. 

“It’s my stop already, I’ll be going first”, she beamed once again. 

“Let’s hang out with the other girls later, I miss them”, she told me as she walked towards the exit of the bus. 

Why is everybody getting married nowadays? Everyone’s so in love, while I’m stuck with my uncertain love story. I feel mad and sad at the same time.

I checked my phone once again to see if he dropped any message, but he didn’t. 

I just returned to plugging my earphones, listening to no music but my silent tears. 

In my tears, I found memories of when I first saw him, loved him, fell deeper in love with him — when I first felt I no longer feel the same way towards him.

In our silence, I knew we knew how we can’t go back to the same ‘us’ again. But again, in our silence, we learned how to hold on and hold tight of each other because even though we no longer feel the same, we can’t imagine ourselves without each other. We are scared of what the bitter taste of breaking up may bring to our palates. 

The rain poured and poured, and the ride went on.

I arrived at my stop and the rain still went on.

“Should I go on or should I wait until it stops?”

I asked myself, as if there was somebody else inside of me that could answer to my metaphorical concern.

“I’m sorry, I forgot to give you your umbrella earlier”, a voice struck me.

Just then, I felt a cold hand touching my similarly cold hands. It’s him.

“Why are you here?”

It’s Jungkook.

“I went out to buy some food and saw you getting off the bus”

I looked at him and his eyes were unfocused, searching for other places except for my eyes.

We didn’t bother asking each other about our day and the details along with it. I just closed the distance between us, praying that the umbrella will cover both of us from the rain.

“Now I’m the hypocrite”, I whispered to myself.

We started walking slowly, making sure that the puddles won’t splash on our clothes. The rain was still doing its thing, watering the soils, waiting for life to bloom. If only this rain could somehow fix our withered hearts, then that would be so much better.

“Jungkook-ah”, it’s been a while since I called him by his given name.

“Yes?”

“I…”

I wanna ask you if you want to break up, because I can let you go. I wanna ask you if you want to let go, because my heart is also tired from running around in circles. I wanna ask you if you want to give up, because I can give us up if that’s what you want.

But of course, I can’t tell you those because I don’t have the courage to do so. 

“I was invited to a wedding”, I told him instead.

He was silent all of a sudden. Maybe he was thinking of the same thing that I thought of earlier. I could only guess. 

“Will you go?”

“Her eyes were full of love and hope, which made it hard for me to reject… so yes, I’ll go”

“I see”

His response was short, but what am I disappointed for? Was I expecting him to scold me for forcing myself? Ah, this is funny.

“Why are you giggling?”

Due to my preoccupied mind, I giggled unconsciously. 

“It’s just funny… how I’m going to attend a wedding”

I don’t know where this conversation would end up, but I feel suffocated. 

“Eh?”

His clueless answers make me wanna puke. 

“It’s just that… we’ve been together for years, and everybody thought we’d marry each other immediately, but we didn’t. Now I’ll be attending my friend’s wedding”

Why am I even telling him what I think? Is it because I missed how we were so open to each other?

“Eunbi…”

Stop looking at me like that. Your eyes are piercing my soul, and it revives the feeling of pointless romance.

“I’m sorry”

That’s right. You were always good at apologizing, and I…

“It’s fine… it’s not like it’s a thing we discuss often”

...I was always good at accepting things like a fool.

After our long pause midst the falling rain, we decided to start moving forward once again. To our home, we will go. To our future, we might become lost and broken, but we will still go. And I am not sure whether that’s a good idea, but I guess we will endure this ‘til death we part.