Baekhyun gasps violently awake at four in the morning, clothes soaked with sweat as he shoots up to a sitting position while clutching a pillow to his chest. The drawn curtains leave the room pitch black, Baekhyun’s wild eyes struggling to focus on something in the darkness while attempting to gather his bearings at the same time. He takes deep, shaking breaths to calm his rapidly pounding heart, head throbbing from how hard his blood is racing. Baekhyun can’t remember what he was dreaming about, or why he even woke up in the first place, but it has become a common enough occurrence that he’s not even surprised anymore that it’s happened.

Exhaling slowly, Baekhyun finally feels the bottled-up heat leave his body in waves, muted lights dancing just outside of his closed eyelids. This time when he opens his eyes, his room is filled with glowing particles; they give off a soft warm hum, as if they had a life of their own, vibrating intensely as Baekhyun unevenly releases all the compiled energy drumming inside of him in the form of light. He finds that if he waits too long, it starts to fill him up until he feels ready to combust, like a living, breathing, time bomb constantly ticking away, sizzling hotter and hotter with every second that passes.

He’s still shaking even when he calms enough that the lights become more consistent and steady. He stares down at his hands, watching his thin fingers tremble for god knows how long before finally clenching them into fists and climbing out of bed on shaky legs. The particles follow him through his apartment, gyrating like little dancing sprites as they spill out of his room, flooding the air around him like a gushing waterfall. Baekhyun double checks his curtains everywhere he goes, making sure that the heavy fabric is drawn tight, blocking all evidence of his existence, before heading into the kitchen to pour himself some cold water.

Baekhyun catches his reflection in the glass and pauses to stare at his disheveled appearance, mussed overgrown hair and dark circles under his eyes. He stares too long at all the stinging red burn welts, the ugly way some of them cut around his neck like a chokehold, waiting for a chance to kill him. Baekhyun sighs in resignation, exhausted beyond reason yet unable to bring himself to return to bed. He collapses onto his couch instead, the glass clinking loudly against the coffee table when he sets it there before curling up into a ball, trying to make himself as tiny as possible in hopes that he might just disappear.

He clenches his eyes shut, vaguely aware of the fading lights that slowly fizzle into nothingness as he finally regains control of himself and the restless buildup of energy inside of him. Baekhyun welcomes the freezing air against his too-hot skin, the cool leather couch sticking to his exposed burns uncomfortably as they push and pull. He’s too tired to care though, or maybe he’s too used to the feeling to even notice it anymore, and instead he just wobbly huffs out a breath where his face is pressed into the stiff cushion. He counts past three thousand before sleep finally reclaims him, dreams quiet and hauntingly empty as he loses himself to unconsciousness.

Baekhyun tiredly rouses hours later to a familiar crouched figure settled in front of him, their head resting on crossed arms as they watch after him warmly. A singular, deep dimple greets him, along with shining eyes and pink lips that stand out even in the hazy morning light streaking through the edges of his curtains and dimly illuminating their surroundings. “Boxian,” Yixing murmurs with a fond lilt to his voice, his soft intonation of Baekhyun’s Chinese name like soothing honey to his ears; there is a tinge of sadness in the way he speaks because Yixing can never truly hide his worry completely, especially when it came to Baekhyun. The man in question shivers when he feels Yixing’s cold fingers feather lightly over his cheeks, brushing away the sweaty tendrils of hair plastered to Baekhyun’s neck before resting against the curve.

Baekhyun’s toes curl at the contact, his arm reaching out blindly to grab hold of the older man and pull him closer. Yixing complies without resistance, their foreheads touching. Soft lips press a gentle kiss against the tip of his nose and Baekhyun immediately feels all the excessive heat expel from his body, burns reversing back to smooth, unmarred skin and exhaustion a long-lost stranger as the throbbing in his temple finally recedes, leaving him with clarity.

“Better?” Yixing questions, voice still low as he pulls away. Baekhyun nods quickly, already missing the cool relief that Yixing brings just with his mere presence. Baekhyun sits up and stretches out whatever is left of the lingering sluggishness away, acutely aware of how sore he feels from sleeping curled up on the couch for so long. He slumps back into the seat, exhaling with a quiet laugh.

“I don’t think I could live without you, hyung,” Baekhyun says with a comedic edge to his voice, despite not actually joking. One day he’ll go unchecked and simply up and combust without warning, and he knows it. Yixing knows just as well; he can feel Baekhyun’s energy fluctuating just by being near. It gets worse every single day, hour, minute, second—it just keeps on ramping up at an alarming rate when he least expects it, and with not enough output, he’s like an overheating engine.

“You need to call me more often. I can tell it’s been building faster these past few months, but you keep putting off our sessions by saying you’re fine when you’re clearly not,” Yixing reprimands with a put-out sigh, rifling through Baekhyun’s sparse fridge to maybe whip something up for the younger man to eat, knowing damn well that he probably hasn’t eaten a proper meal since his last visit. “I’m always going to be there to help you. I’m just sorry I can’t do more—”

“It’s enough, hyung,” Baekhyun cuts in quickly, eternally grateful, and their eyes connect in a moment of unexpected sincerity. “It’s more than I should ever have asked of you.”

Yixing chews on his lower lip, his knuckles white as his grip tightens around the jug handle of the water container. “You never ask, Baekhyun. Enough… that’s the word that I’m most afraid of.” His expression shows that he has so much to say, but he looks away before he does; Baekhyun understands already, though. Yixing’s “enough” probably won’t save him, no matter how hard he tries, no matter how hard any of them do. It’s been a little over a year since the energy started bubbling over like this, getting out of Baekhyun’s control more and more unpredictably. Baekhyun is a supernova that is quickly running out of time, unpredictable and dangerous no matter how hard he tries to hold it all in. No one ever talks about it because then it’ll be too real, even if Baekhyun deals with the reality of it every day in the form of scorch marks littering every place he’s been—his sheets, his walls, his skin.

But for now, it’s fine to leave things as they are. Baekhyun still has time, even if some days it feels like maybe he doesn’t have as much as he’d prefer. Isolated and indoors like this, Baekhyun can expel a little of the energy at a time, hidden away and safe from hurting anyone but himself, from accidentally exposing their kind. Yixing’s power slows down whatever it is that is causing Baekhyun’s core to vibrate so irrepressibly hot like this, healing the burns and welts he gets from attempting to contain all the raw energy inside of him, but there is only so much Yixing can do for him when Baekhyun’s power only gets stronger and more intense over time with no safe outlet.

Baekhyun truly fears that one day he’ll take not only himself out, but everything in the vicinity as well. His powers have always been indiscriminate whenever he accidentally releases too much, but now, as unstable as he is, the repercussions will be million times worse than before. It’s only a matter of time before he hurts the ones he loves; Baekhyun’s eyes immediately fall to Yixing and something in his chest squeezes insanely tight, worse than the burning inside of him, worse than any kind of pain he’s ever felt before in his life. Yixing has balanced him out for so long now, kept Baekhyun in check and protected him at every turn. Baekhyun’s not sure he’d ever forgive himself if he hurts Yixing.

“Have you spoken to anyone else yet?” the older man suddenly asks, breaking Baekhyun out of his thoughts. Yixing has his back to him, sifting through the grocery bags that he brought in with him as he fishes out some ingredients to prepare dinner.

“What?” Baekhyun replies in artificial confusion, feigning ignorance even though he knows exactly what Yixing is talking about. He pads over to the kitchen to hover behind the older man, watching in wide-eyed curiosity as Yixing begins cooking him his first proper meal in days.

“You know better than to play coy with me, Byun Baekhyun. Everyone is worried. They don’t know where you are or what happened to you. You just… up and disappeared,” Yixing scolds, glaring pointedly at Baekhyun over his shoulder before shaking his head as he looks back down at what he’s doing. “We all care about you. It’s horrible, seeing you suffer like this. They just want to help and be there for you.”

“That’s kind of why I haven’t told them,” Baekhyun admits sheepishly, ducking his head away from Yixing’s watchful gaze when he glances at him again. “I don’t want them to watch me die. Hyung, I’m… I’m thinking of leaving here.” About a month ago, Baekhyun suddenly moved out of his apartment to a bigger, quieter space in an older building in the outskirts of town where he has more room to release his energy and less people to witness it, but he hadn’t told anyone but Yixing about it. Originally he didn’t plan on leaving for another year or so, but his neighbors and landlord started to notice the random increases in temperature, as well as strange light fluctuations that caused bizarre illusions. Some residents started claiming that the building was haunted, while the more pragmatic believed there could be a dangerous gas leak. Baekhyun’s little apartment in the heart of the city had become too small to contain him without notice, and now his plans on skipping town and heading out to the more spaced out and wide open farmlands needed to be moved up before he became too volatile to move in public.

Yixing stops what he’s doing when Baekhyun’s words sink in, shocked as he turns around to grab the younger’s shoulders and hold him in place. “Wait a minute!” Yixing exclaims while searching his eyes, brows furrowed as he tries to see if the other man is being serious. The elder bites his lip, worrying it for a moment before speaking up again. “Baekhyun… I seriously hope you’re not going far from here. How will I help you if you’re far away?”

Baekhyun shakes his head, already feeling his eyes grow wet. “Hyung, this is the entire point. You and I both know I can’t be saved. I need to go somewhere big and open, where I can release my energy without getting noticed and without hurting anyone or anything before it consumes me. I can’t continue to be a liability any longer, I won’t stand for it.”

“Stop saying that, of course you will be saved!” Yixing scolds, pulling Baekhyun into a tight embrace. He the back of Baekhyun’s head, but the strength of his arms keeps Baekhyun locked place, as if younger would try and escape from him at any given moment. “What kind of doctor would I be if I couldn’t save you?” His voice is shaky, and his hold grows tighter. “I… Baekhyun, if you’re going, then I’m going with you.”

Again, Baekhyun shakes his head, half-heartedly pushing Yixing away but not actually trying. “Yixing hyung, you’re not getting it,” he mumbles into the fabric of the elder’s shirt, feeling tears spill down his cheeks and wetting the fabric. “You have a shelter here, not to mention a whole life and connections within the mutant community. You can’t leave just for me. I’m just a problem that’ll eventually go out by itself. The people here, the other mutants… they need you.”

“You need me more and you know it! I can’t abandon you. I won’t do it, even if you begged me to,” Yixing asserts, and he moves back a little so that they can face each other. Baekhyun notices that his eyes are wet too, but his expression is determined, and Baekhyun had been afraid that this would happen if he told Yixing about his plans. But if he hadn’t told him, Yixing would have gone out looking for him instead and most definitely would have tracked him down, and that would have been much worse. Yixing rarely got angry, but when he did, it was always for good reason, and the guilt would have eaten away at Baekhyun’s insides.

“You’re not abandoning me, hyung,” Baekhyun responds lightly, this time properly pushing the other man away. “I’m abandoning you. I know you could never do it, so I have to instead. It’s not right or fair for one person to need more than the rest. I can tell how exhausting I am, even if you try to hide it. I know how you like to act like you’re fine after you heal me, but I know, hyung. I’ve always known.”

Yixing’s shoulders slump in exasperation as he reaches out to the younger man to hold onto his wrist and keep him from stepping back any further, tugging him near again but not hugging him like before. “Baekhyun… Boxian… that’s literally nothing. I heal you after spending all day getting the life energy out of me by random people at the hospital. I can’t completely control who or what I heal. My body just does it on its own. Imagine what I could do if it was just the two of us, alone, instead of constantly being surrounded by people who could do just as well without me. If I could save your life, then just that is more than enough for me.”

Something heavy inside of Baekhyun’s chest lightens just a little, something a lot like the hope the he’d abandoned months ago, but the fear holds onto him just as strongly. It’s too soon to hope, and Baekhyun and Yixing stare at each other for a long moment. Finally, Baekhyun speaks up. “You know I can’t ask that of you, hyung. How could I ask you to throw away everything for me? Does that even make sense to you?”

“Oh, Boxian,” Yixing whispers, looking genuinely astounded. He releases Baekhyun’s wrist and steps away, running his hands through his hair and leaning his back against the counter. Baekhyun jumps when Yixing unexpectedly slides down onto the tiled floor, slouching against the cabinets. He stares up at Baekhyun in amazement, covering his mouth as tears finally spill from his eyes and run down his cheeks, before repeating the younger’s name. “Oh, Boxian. How is that you still do not understand me after all this time?”

Baekhyun’s chest feels as if it’s being stabbed in a million places at the sight of Yixing’s tears, his own gushing out harder as he crouches down next to the older man. “Hyung, hyung, what’s wrong? Why’re you crying? What don’t I know?” He grabs a hold of Yixing’s knee, sliding closer, troubled as Yixing buries his head into his arms, blocking off Baekhyun’s view of his face. “Hyung?”

It takes a couple minutes for Yixing to compose himself, and when he looks up at Baekhyun again, there is an incredible emotion on his face that Baekhyun can’t even comprehend as he stares back into his eyes. Yixing’s cool palm lifts to press against Baekhyun’s cheek, thumb wiping away the tears there as Baekhyun leans into the comforting touch. Yixing’s healing vibrations always cancel out the unstable ones inside of Baekhyun, dissolving the volatile energy building up without so much as a single prompting from either of them. Yixing’s powers are invaluable to humankind, a one-in-a-million ability, but it’s amazing how perfectly they counter Baekhyun’s. You would never think that someone like Baekhyun, who’s power is so directly related to the sunlight and the energy it gives, would have anything to do with Yixing, who is his exact opposite in every way, his powers invigorated by the cold moonlight and the gravitational pull it has on the Earth. Yet, at the same time, it was as if they were meant for each other.

They stare into each other’s eyes for an incompressible amount of time, Baekhyun’s black ones meeting Yixing’s brown, before Baekhyun finally whispers the thoughts plaguing his mind. “How could I selfishly keep you from everyone?” he asks, voice coming out so feeble and hesitant that he’s not even sure if Yixing could hear him.

Yixing does though, the older man biting his lip for a second. “Because you’re not the one keeping me away,” he says back, but he doesn’t elaborate. He’s still intensely gazing at Baekhyun, memorizing every last second of his expression, to the point where Baekhyun starts to feel self-conscious from the rapt attention, face heating up.

“What do you mean, hyung?” he asks, wanting to look away out of shyness, yet finding himself unable to escape the trap of Yixing’s sincere gaze.

Yixing’s lips part to speak but he doesn’t actually say anything, the words catching in his throat and clogging up, but his eyes… oh, his eyes, they say so much. He looks at Baekhyun like he’s the only other being on the planet, his hold on the younger man so tight that it feels like they might absorb into one another until they simply became a singular entity. Baekhyun’s heart races at the warmth in his gaze, the feeling so overwhelming that Baekhyun’s own breath gets caught somewhere in his lungs and refuses to come out.

Finally, Yixing’s mouth moves, his voice clear when he speaks, albeit a little wobbly and dense with emotion. “Boxian, you are… you are everything to me. Do you understand? Without you, I’m not sure what I’d do. I don’t think I could even breathe.” Baekhyun’s entire body trembles as Yixing speaks, the hand he still has on Baekhyun’s cheek rubbing soft circles with his thumb, palm burning so hot that it feels like his skin will melt off at their point of contact. Baekhyun wants to melt though, if it is by Yixing’s touch, his heart shaking with every word that comes out of the older man’s mouth. He finally understands what he means, loud and clear, tears welling over again even as his chest inflates with happiness, bigger and bigger until he feels like he could burst at any second.

“Oh. Oh, hyung… hyung, we can’t. We shouldn’t. I… I’m not going to make it very long. It will only hurt you more when I’m gone,” he sobs, even as he allows Yixing to pull him close. Their bodies mold together, Baekhyun fitting seamlessly between Yixing’s legs as the older man’s body encases Baekhyun protectively, holding him tight.

“We’ll do everything we can,” Yixing mumbles into Baekhyun’s hair, pressing a reverent kiss against the side of his head, making Baekhyun nuzzle closer despite himself. “We’ll leave this place, go somewhere with wide open skies and nothing to hold you back from releasing every last drop of energy that you need to, and I’ll be there, right by your side. We’ll figure this thing out, together.”

His words are warm and comforting, full of so much conviction that Baekhyun can start to feel the dregs of his lost hope finally coming back to life. “I’m sorry, hyung,” Baekhyun mumbles into Yixing’s chest, curling his fists into the fabric of Yixing’s jacket and tugging him even closer. “I’m sorry, for doubting you. For not realizing. And… thank you. I… I don’t deserve this.”

“You still don’t understand!” Yixing suddenly exclaims, bewildered, pulling back just enough so that he can look Baekhyun in the eyes as he speaks, and Baekhyun feels like his heart has stopped as he stares wide-eyed up at the older man. Yixing laughs at the shorter man’s owlish expression, sniffling even as he grins wide and carefully cups Baekhyun’s cheeks with both his hands, like he is the most delicate and precious thing on the planet, before pressing an affectionate kiss against Baekhyun’s forehead. “I love you, you silly boy! I am in love with you! Everything I do, I do it because I want to. Because I selfishly want to spend every second of my life with you, and nothing will stop me from seeing it through!”

Baekhyun feels like he should be stunned by this revelation, that his entire world should be turned upside down from the shock of it all… except that he is not. Instead, it feels as if everything is falling into place, like all the puzzle pieces are finally fitting together, and that the way his heart races when Yixing appears, how his skin tingles when he touches him, how his body aches when they are near… it all makes sense. He could never have stayed away from the older man, no matter how hard he tried; all paths lead back to him, one way or another.

It’s as if Yixing can sense this realization in Baekhyun, his grin widening as they continue to look at each other, rapidly pounding hearts syncing up perfectly. Yixing pulls Baekhyun’s face closer to his own, and this time, instead of cool relief, Baekhyun welcomes the blistering heat of Yixing’s hot breath against his parted lips. The younger man quivers, eyes fluttering shut in anticipation just before Yixing’s mouth finally molds against his. They kiss like they are drowning, desperate and gasping, Baekhyun’s fingers curling into Yixing’s dark hair as if to make sure he won’t pull away. With every kiss Baekhyun’s worries disappear, the lack of oxygen making him dizzy even as he doesn’t want to stop. When they finally pause for air, Yixing has to hold Baekhyun steady to keep him from collapsing, chuckling as he pecks softly against the younger’s nose, cheeks, and lips.

“Let’s go to the mountains,” Yixing mumbles between kisses, lovingly Baekhyun’s cheekbones as he speaks. “Where you can release your energy in larger waves. You could power our whole home, Boxian. We won’t even need a thing.”

Baekhyun laughs breathlessly as he imagines it; there are remnants of tears in his wet eyes as he hums into each kiss that Yixing tenderly plants on his skin, feeling giddy and content for the first time in a long time. He hugs Yixing close again, nuzzling his face into the older man’s chest and never wanting to move from this spot on the kitchen floor, at least, not for a while. He’s no longer alone, not anymore, not when he has Yixing by his side.

“Yeah,” he whispers back, smiling into the fabric of Yixing’s jacket. “Yeah, I’d like that.”