He told me before, he never liked waiting. For him, waiting was just a word that kept people believe in false hope and feel like they were sitting on a bed with full of feathers not knowing when will the feathers would their souls out for believing on something that is still unsure. 

I agreed and was astonished by the smile he gave me. The smile that can keep me up for days, the smile i would never get tired of. The only smile i love to be permanently covering his face. From the start, i already knew. I was head over heels. 

I didn't fought with the feelings i had. I walked with him hand in hand. The dark sky that watches us was the proof of our love. Our love for each other. We love it when its dark, we can walk freely in streets not thinking about the consequences but when the morning comes, thats when we're scared to even hold hands. Fear, its eating us. We stole each other glances to communicate and also tell each other that our love wouldn't cease. The love that blossoms and we don't even how. 

The subtle moves we make was enough to make us happy. Even just a little, the world would know. 

Our heart was tied together as one. 

Beats us one.

We were always calm. 

Loving each other was enough.

But it is always calm before the storm strikes.

He was devastated, but hey i was more devastated. I never liked the sound of us being apart. 

I told him before, i never liked pretending but i chose to pretend that everything was alright. I ran away from the happiness i never want to let go of. I chose to let him go. I let him wait for me while myself was being unsure what action to take.

He told me, i will wait for you. 

It wasn't an i love you. It wasn't a strong words that would pull me back.

In the end, i chose to let him go. 

In the first place, i never did like pretending because all along i was so good at it that i have come to hate it. Maybe all of us had something we hate not knowing we're an expert at it. Just like he also was, he never liked waiting but he waited for me. He waits and waits for me. 

But i chose to ran away, ran away with a heavy heart. 

I was stupid and as i think of him, i can see what we could have in the future. If i could say those three words to him. I imagined us moving in a house together. I saw myself fixing his tie as he leaves for work. I saw how his eyes would always covered in love and lust when we make love in our room. I saw us walking hand in hand in daylight. The smile in our faces when we played with our kids. I saw rings on our fingers. If i could only said those three words. I'd have it all.

Stay with me, it wasn't strong as i love you.

But enough to let our love continue. 

However, i let him wait for me and broke his heart into a million pieces saying all of it was just a day dream.

I never liked pretending and i can say that our love is really a day dream. 

A day dream that i don't want to end.

Cause

I am passionately, 

incurably, 

unfathomably in love

With my other half,

My life,

Cho Kyuhyun.