As first days of school tended to, Lucas's day started out bad and only ended up getting worse as it went on.

He hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep the night before, and, after laying awake on his back, staring at the ceiling for 4 hours, had opted to break into his stash at the back of his dresser before sneaking out his window and onto the roof, hoping not to wake his parents any earlier than they usually got up. He knew it would turn into another one of his fights with his stepdad, and Joohyun would probably end up crying, but there was no way he was getting through the day without, at the very least, being buzzed, unless by some miracle he could convince Joohyun to let him stay in bed.

He’d sat on there for a good hour and a half, the August breeze blowing his hair into his mouth occasionally, and, once the sun had started to rise, he’d let out a sigh, having finished off his joint, before slipping his way back through his window, only earning a few short moments of calm before the pounding on his door started, accompanied by Joohyun screaming at him to get in the shower. In response, Lucas curled himself back under his covers, once again staring blankly at the glow in the dark stars on his ceiling, focusing on the noise of the fan at the foot of his bed rather than the yelling on the other side of the door, coming from both Joohyun and his stepdad.

It wasn’t until mom had come by, knocking as timidly as she possibly could, that Lucas actually bothered listening, seeing as she was the only one not actively trying to give him a worse headache than he’d already had.

“Lucas?” She’d said in a strained, yet sweet voice, earning a groan from Lucas under his covers. “Honey? I know you probably don’t want to,” As if that wasn’t the understatement of the year. “But you need to get up and get ready for school. It’s your senior year. You can’t miss today.” She sounded so broken , and Lucas couldn’t help the grimace that made its way to his face, knowing he was the one that had broken her. “I made pancakes! I know pancakes are your favourite!”

When I was 12, sure. Lucas found himself thinking, but he bit back his remark, knowing she was trying, at least. which was something he couldn’t necessarily say for Joohyun or his stepdad. Instead of snapping, like he normally would have, he let out a shallow breath, throwing his covers off of himself, mumbling a promise of I’ll be down in a minute. Might as well humour her.

He’d shoved himself out of bed and picked a shirt from his floor without even bothering to check what it was. With a quick sniff, he’d decided it didn’t smell too bad, not that anybody would get close enough to him to notice, anyway. Head pounding from the screaming, he’d released a sigh and thrown the shirt on, pairing it with his usual jacket, complete with bleach stains and all, and a pair of jeans.

The second he’d shuffled into the kitchen, he was met with a snarky comment from Joohyun, not surprisingly.

“Oh my god.” She’d snorted, raising an eyebrow at him. “You look like garbage. There’s no way you can go to school like that.” At this, his mom made a noise of disapproval, giving Joohyun a look, though she kept quiet.

“Well,” The older sibling had quipped, biting back his annoyance as best he could. “It sure is a great thing I’m not going, then, huh.”

“Lucas.” His mother drawled in response, a familiar look that read disappointment spread across her face. “You’re going to school. Unless you’re sick, you’re not missing the first day.”

Seeing an in, Lucas looked at his mother with a straight face, before deadpanning “Oh no. I’m sick. I can’t go.” accompanied by an obviously faked cough.

This time, while his mother frowned, it was his stepdad who spoke up, not bothering to make eye contact.

“We all know you aren’t sick, Lucas . Quit being lazy and put some proper clothes on. You’re going to school.” The man mumbled, far more concerned one of his many important work emails than he was with his own family, as usual. Had Lucas had the energy, he would have snapped at him, telling him actually, I am sick, and the thought of walking into that school is enough to make me want to send a bullet through my brain, you ing wad of , but, as he was falling asleep on the table, he couldn’t even bring himself to do that, and he sat still, using his arms as a pillow rather than forcing himself to eat the ty gluten free pancakes his mom had been so excited for him to try.

Breakfast had gone on like that, with Lucas on the verge of a breakdown over going back to school, and his mom on the verge of a breakdown over her son skipping the first day of his senior year. It wasn’t until Joohyun had stormed out of the house, claiming she’d leave without him, and Mom and his stepdad both rounded on him, giving him a look that made him feel like he was suffocating, and his stepdad started with his passive-aggressive comments that Lucas forced himself into the car alongside Joohyun, dread knotting up in his stomach, and the that had been his morning turned even tier.

Following an excruciatingly uncomfortable car ride with his sister, listening to various songs from the Starstruck soundtrack--Joohyun was on a Disney Movie kick--they had pulled into the school parking lot, and Joohyun had shot her way out of the car, making her way to the trunk to grab her guitar, obviously eager to make it back into the music room, despite her claims that she couldn’t stand going back. He could tell she was excited to catch up with people, which sent a twinge of annoyance through Lucas, having nobody to catch up with, himself.

Still feeling lethargic, Lucas kept still in the passenger seat. He was content to just sit there, feet up on the dashboard, until school let out that afternoon. He would have, were it not for Joohyun, the annoyance on her face obvious, throwing his door open and, with a guitar in one hand, using all of the strength she had to yank him out of the car by the wrist.

“I get it, I’m coming. off.” The older sibling grumbled, using his free hand to swat his sister off of him.

“Look, I get that you don’t want to be here. Nobody else does either. That doesn’t mean you need to throw a ing tantrum over it, Jesus.” Joohyun offered in reply, clearly equally annoyed. “Just try to make it through today.” She finished, and if Lucas didn’t know any better, he’d think her voice had softened slightly towards the end of the statement.

Opting to stay silent, rather than start an argument in the middle of the parking lot, where everybody could watch, Lucas put his head down, making his way towards the front entrance.

He and Joohyun immediately separated in the front foyer, her making a comment about heading to the band room, him making a comment about physically not being able to give any less of a .

As he made his way towards the senior hallway, he kept his eyes trained on the floor, figuring his best chance at not running into any trouble was to remain as invisible to his peers as he could. On top of that, it provided him a good way of, hopefully, avoiding a certain person he’d really rather not see.

Of course, as his luck would have it, that hope was dashed the exact second he made it to his locker, and a familiar voice rang out over his shoulder, just as irritating as ever.

“Hey Lucas,” Resident , Nakamoto Yuta drawled out, an obvious grin in his tone. Reluctantly, Lucas tore his eyes from his shoelaces, looking towards the source. Against his wishes, his eyes caught on Jungwoo, standing at Yuta's side, looking as anxious as ever, and for some reason, he was wearing a cast. That was new. Briefly, Lucas found himself curious as to what had happened, but didn’t want to ask. Apprehensively, he let his gaze slide to Yuta, looking thoroughly amused with himself.

“Loving the new hair length!” He comments, using a practiced air of bravado. “Very, twinkish”

The thing with Lucas, is that when he gets angry, it’s almost like he completely shuts down, and loses all control of himself. Like he’s been forced from his body, and is just watching everything unfold from a screen somewhere far away. Upon hearing the comment, he could immediately feel a buildup of anger threatening to break out of him, and it takes all he has in him to stay quiet bite it back not here not here--

“I was kidding? It was a joke.” Yuta says matter-of-factly, looking at Lucas as if he was the one in the wrong here.

“Yeah, no, it was funny. I’m laughing, can’t you tell?” He can hear himself speaking, but it doesn’t feel like his mouth is moving and god Lucas just don’t freak out it’s not worth it to make-- “ Am I not laughing hard enough for you?” His feet move a few steps forward. His fists are clenched and he knows there will be bruises lining his palms later in the day if he doesn’t loosen his grip, but he can’t bring himself to move at this point, he’s operating on autopilot.

With a nervous expression briefly flashing across his features, Yuta scoffs, shaking his head in Lucas's direction. “You’re such a freak.” He tries to say it with a laugh, but Lucas doesn’t miss the waver in his voice, and the anxious look he sports as he rushes away, leaving Lucas unable to squeeze out a response.

For a moment, Lucas is still, trying desperately to control his breathing, to keep himself from lashing out at the first thing in sight. Then he hears a noise--not quite a laugh, more a nervous chuckle, coming from in front of him, and then his brain is racing.

Jungwoo is still here. Jungwoo is laughing at you. Jungwoo thinks you’re pathetic. A ing freak.

He doesn’t miss the familiar itch that claws its way to the base of his throat, but his thoughts are too frazzled to pay any attention, and all his brain keeps repeating to him is freak, freak, freak and the sound of Jungwoo, of all people, laughing at him.

“What the are you laughing at?!” He finds himself asking incredulously, as Jungwoo's head snaps up to make eye contact with him.

, he thinks, and he can feel a petal threatening to come up as Jungwoo stares right at him, fear evident in each and every single one of his features.

“What?” he squeaks, hands fiddling with the hem of his polo.

You need to go you need to walk away now Lucas you can’t be here this can’t happen in front of Jungwoo just walk away .

“Stop ing laughing at me.” His voice cracks as a result of the discomfort in his throat.

“I’m not--” Jungwoo tries to plead, looking as though he’s about to cry.

Lucas steps forward, trying to will himself to walk away. Jungwoo flinches.

“You think I’m a freak?” People are staring, now.

“No, I don’t--” Jungwoo sounds desperate, but Lucas just can’t bring himself to pull back, no matter how much he knows he needs to.

“I’m not the freak.” His voice cracks again, and he need to leave now before he starts spitting petals all over the hallway, in front of his classmates, in front of Jungwoo.

“But I wasn’t--” Jungwoo tries talking over Lucas , tries to defend himself but Lucas can’t ing listen, all he can do is will his legs to move, to get to a bathroom as fast as possible.

“You’re the ing freak.” And then he’s charging forward, directly towards Jungwoo, which is the exact opposite of what he needs to be doing, and, not of his own volition, his hands shoot out in front of him, connecting with Jungwoo's shoulders and sending him to the ground. Without giving Jungwoo a second glance, he storms away, desperate to reach the nearest bathroom before he’s hit with the wave of coughs. He thinks he may run into Joohyun in the midst, who’s yelling Lucas, what the is wrong with you? But he can’t bring himself to stop, and just shoves past her, before making a hard left into the boys bathroom. There are 2 freshman students standing awkwardly in the room when he walks in, but with a quick “Get out!” they go running for the door, which Lucas slams shut the second they’re outside, flipping the lock.

As he slides onto the floor, he finds himself thankful that it’s the beginning of the year, and the tiles have been recently cleaned. His life may be a complete show, but at least he isn’t contracting a multitude of STD’s from a school bathroom, because he’d really rather not have to deal with that right now, on top of everything else.

His back hits the wall as he takes a breath, letting out a short, painful cough, desperate to stop the discomfort as quickly as possible.

Well, . He found himself thinking as a wave of coughs took over his body, making his shoulders shake. Looks like the Summer didn’t get rid of that, after all.

He hadn’t had a petal since the last day of school before Summer began, when he’d caught Jungwoo in the courtyard at lunch, clearly unaware of Lucas's presence, as he was excitedly talking to the tree he was leaning against, like a ing loser. Lucas thought it was endearing. His lungs didn’t agree.

However, he’d managed to go all summer without showing any sign of the disease, and had found himself thinking that being separated from Jungwoo had helped, that he’d gotten over his stupid crush that easily. Obviously, that hadn’t been the case.

Throat aching and head pounding, Lucas spit the wadded up petal into his hand, leaning his head back against the wall and trying to slow his breathing as best he could.

He was doing so good. He’d managed not to freak out on Yuta, and even keep a somewhat calm demeanor while he was berated but then.

Jungwoo had laughed at him.

Well.

In the moment, it seemed like he had.

Thinking back, though, in a calmer state, Lucas couldn’t help but frown. Jungwoo hadn’t been laughing at him. The poor kid was probably just uncomfortable, as anybody would be in that situation. Lucas had just assumed, like he always did, that Jungwoo was laughing at him, that he thought he was a freak, and lashed out on him. If he didn’t already before, Jungwoo definitely thought Lucas was a freak, now.

The entire school thought he was a freak. Himself included.

So why the did it hurt so much when it was coming from Jungwoo?

Feeling numb, Lucas threw the petal in the trash can to his left as he rubbed his eyes violently. He knew he shouldn’t have come today. He should have just ing stayed at home in bed and maybe starved to death. Anything was a better option to him than walking past Jungwoo in the halls, who was no doubt absolutely terrified of him now, and getting that look from the one person he doesn’t want it from, the look that says please just stay away from me I don’t want to know what you’re capable of.

He was unsure of how long he had been sat there, coughs occasionally taking over his body, seemingly making up for the whole two months worth of petals it had missed out on. When he heard the bell ring, he sighed and, briefly, he considered skipping. It wasn’t a bad idea, with how unstable he was at the moment, both mentally and physically, but Joohyun already saw him push Jungwoo, and if she found out he skipped on top of that, she’d his ear off about it. So, somewhat reluctantly, he forced himself to stand, inspecting his reflection in the mirror above the sink.

He looked like a ing mess, more so than usual. His hair was pretty repulsive, sticking out in every direction and matted towards on the top of his head, probably due to leaning against the bathroom wall. His eyes were bloodshot, and he hoped that was due to the weed, rather than the tears that had slipped while he was choking on a petal. His forehead was sweaty, which was just plain gross, and he was even paler than normal, which made him look like a ghost, or something. It was no wonder people were scared of him.

Truth be told, if he made it to lunch without running in front of a truck, it would be a ing miracle, as far as he was concerned. It took everything in him to force his legs to move, and to unlock the door, right as the second bell rang, signifying the start of class.

As he stood in front of the door, he drew in a deep breath, latching onto the strap of his shoulder bag before throwing the door open and stepping into the hall.

He could only hope he didn’t have any classes with Jungwoo.

❀

When lunch came around, Lucas felt himself breathing a sigh of relief at being released from French. So far, the only class he’d shared with Jungwoo was Environmental Sciences, first thing in the morning. He’d spent the entirety of it with a tickle in the back of his throat, and he was already considering dropping the class, for both his and Jungwoo's sake.

Everything about the day had just been bad, and he wanted it to be over already. He’d made his way to the Library for lunch, the one place in the school he ever felt comfortable, but, upon finding it occupied by a group of freshmen, he turned back around, earning a grin from Taeil, who looked just as unhappy with the crowd, and took his annoyance as an invitation to step out alongside him.  

As a general rule, Lucas tried his best to hate pretty well everyone in the school. It wasn’t too hard, seeing as the vast majority of them hated him, too, and thought he was a freak, if you asked him, it was physically impossible to hate actual ray of sunshine, Taeil. He wouldn’t say he liked him, necessarily, but he was tolerable, at the very least. He was the one person in the school who didn’t treat him like a complete monster, which he appreciated. That didn’t mean he liked listening to his endless rambling. He still somehow always got stuck with them, either way.

“Don’t worry, they’ll have migrated to the cafeteria by next week. I know the library is kind of, you know, your spot , so it’ll to deal with them for now, but they’ll get over their fear of High School eventually. They always do.” The boy gave Lucas a bright smile, which he didn’t return, but he seemed relatively unphased by it, as he continued rambling.

“I haven’t been able to talk to you yet today. Did you have a good Summer? I talked to your sister, but she said you two didn’t see each other very much.” Taeil probably didn’t know that this was due to the fact that Joohyun hated his guts, and did anything she could to get out of the house and away from him. “Which I guess I can relate to. I was so busy all Summer, sometimes my sisters and I would go for a full week without speaking at all, simply because we were never at home at the same time. It’s weird how much you realize the absence of people you’re used to seeing every day, huh?” He gave a little bit of a chuckle, even though he hadn’t said anything funny, as the two made their way past the cafeteria, which was bustling with activity, and Lucas caught a slight twitch in Taeil's smile as they walked alongside the action.

It wasn’t until they made their way to the next hallway over that Taeil spoke again, this time with something resembling a frown on his face. Frowning didn’t suit Taeil, he decided.

“Hey, Lucas? Are you alright?” He asked, seeming genuinely concerned, which freaked Lucas out. He didn’t deserve people being concerned for him. The only response he gave him was a shrug, seeing as he wasn’t in the mood for talking.

The brunette placed a hand on his forearm, and Lucas jerked away from the comment, causing his frown to deepen.

“Bad day?” He asked, voice lowering. At this, he couldn’t help but snort. He had no idea.

“Every day is a bad day for me, Taeil.” He shook his head, looking away from his classmate.

“I’m sorry.” Came his murmured response. “You know, if you ever need anything, you can--” He started, only to be cut off by the taller of the two.

“I know. You’ve told me before.” His voice was flat when he spoke, and he couldn’t help feeling like an watching the boy beside him nearly melt into the floor.

“Right. It’s just. Sometimes talking things out works wonders, you know?” His voice sounded so small, and it reminded him of how his mother had sounded earlier that morning when pleading to get him out of bed.

It was then that they turned the corner, and a flash of blue in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He caught sight of a familiar blue polo shirt sitting in the back of the computer lab, obviously trying not to be seen. Lucas wished it had worked, and that he hadn’t seen the kid, because now his mind was racing again.

“Yeah…” He found himself murmuring in response to Taeil, eyes trained on Kim Jungwoo, muttering to himself behind a computer.

What possessed him to make his next action, he wasn’t sure. Maybe his guilty conscience was kicking in, which wasn’t likely. Maybe he thought Taeil was right, and that talking through things might help something. Or maybe, probably, he just wanted to be self destructive.

“I’ve, um,” The teen started awkwardly, hesitantly pointing towards the door to the computer lab. “I need to print something, so, uh.” Taeil catches on and nods, forcing a smile back onto his face.

“Right, of course! Good luck! Hopefully things get better for you today.” He raises a hand to wave, and begins to drift away from him.

“Uh. Taeil.” He calls out, before he can stop himself, and he turns back towards him, and inquisitive look on his face.

Thank you he wants to say. Thanks for not treating me like a parasite. It comes out as “Let me know when the Library is clear? Lunch is gonna be a show without my hiding spot.”

Taeil only grins, nodding and turning away from him once more, making his way down the hallway alone. Lucas stands still for a minute considering if he actually wants to do this.

It’s just an apology. He told himself, rocking on the balls of his feet. You just need to go in there and tell him you’re sorry for shoving him. It won’t kill you to talk to him one time.

Truth be told, even if it did, he wouldn’t have minded. It wasn’t like he was planning on making it through the month, anyway, he was just waiting for a chance to off himself without getting caught, anyway. Maybe if he was lucky, talking to Jungwoo would speed up the process of the disease.

Nodding to himself, the boy pulled the door to the laboratory open as quietly as he could, so he didn’t freak Jungwoo out. The kid always seemed to be pretty jumpy. To the right of him, he could hear the printer running, obviously something of Jungwoo's, seeing as he was the only other one in the room. He picked the paper up with a quick glance to confirm it was actually his and caught sight of Kim Jungwoo written on the paper, and tucked it under his arm, before approaching the smaller boy, eyes landing on his cast, and, before he had the chance to stop them, the words came tumbling out of his mouth.

“So, Um. What...happened to your arm?” Lucas pointed towards the cast, watching while Jungwoo's head snapped up to look at him, eyes wide. He seemed to be searching for words for a moment before responding in a small voice.

“Oh, I um.” His hands began twisting in the bottom of his shirt, something Lucas had noticed he does quite often. “I fell out of a tree, actually.”

For a split second, Lucas stared at Jungwoo, before an involuntary chuckle forced its way out of his chest.

“You fell out of a tree?” He repeated, earning a small, sheepish nod from Jungwoo. “Well that is just the saddest ing thing I’ve ever heard, oh my God.” Lucas allowed himself to smile slightly, and Jungwoo offered a forced laugh.

“I know.” The boy agreed, eyes landing on the ground.

The itch at the back of his throat was still present, but so far, things were going okay. He hadn’t had any urges to cough, and right then, it wasn’t terribly uncomfortable. He could live with that. As he looked back towards Jungwoo's cast, he felt a twinge of sadness seeing that it was still blank.

“Um.” He raised his hand to point out the cast once again. “No ones signed your cast.” As if Jungwoo hadn’t already noticed.

“No I--I know.” The boy said in a small voice, eyes still stuck on his shoes.

“...Well I’ll sign it.” The words came out of his mouth before he had the chance to think about them, and Jungwoo seemed just as caught off guard as he felt.

“Oh, um…You don’t have to.” Jungwoo shook his head slightly, an uncomfortable smile on his face.

“Do you have a Sharpie?” Lucas questioned, and watched as Jungwoo awkwardly dug in his pocket for a Sharpie, before handing it to him. Taking hold of the marker, he stepped forward, pulling Jungwoo's arm toward him, earning a small “Ow.” from the shorter boy. Bringing the marker to Jungwoo's arm, he scrawled his name in large, capital letters, taking up an entire side of the cast.

“Oh, great...thanks.” Jungwoo let out, somewhat sarcastically, and, despite himself, Lucas felt the corner of his mouth lift.

“Yeah, well,” Lucas gestured around him vaguely, handing the marker back to the boy in front of him. “Now we can both pretend we have friends.” He dropped his hands, rocking on his feet again.

“That’s--Good point.” The boy muttered, and Lucas reached under his arm to grab the sheet of paper he’d taken from the printer, the lump in his throat slowly becoming more apparent.

“Is this yours? I found it on the printer.” Jungwoo's head jumped to look at the printer, then back at Lucas, fear clear in his eyes. “‘Dear Kim Jungwoo,’ that’s your name, right?” He asked, though he already knows the answer. Jungwoo's eyes went wide as Lucas pulled the paper back towards him, scanning over it, and he begins talking rapidly.

“Oh that’s just a--it’s stupid it’s--it’s a paper, I had to write? For, um, an assignment and…” He trailed off, as Lucas's eyes caught onto a familiar name in the second paragraph of the paper.

Oh, I know. Because there’s Joohyun. And all my hope is pinned on Joohyun.

Just like that, Lucas felt his heart stop, and his entire chest had a heavy feeling pulsing through it.

“Because there’s Joohyun.” He read aloud, feeling like his stomach is singing, and for a minute, he didn’t feel anything, just numb. “Is this...about my sister?” He wondered, watching panic set on Jungwoo's face.

“N-No, not at all.” Jungwoo rushed out, far too quickly to be believable.

Joohyun.

Right.

Because that was his luck, wasn’t it? Because she was ing Perfect Angel Joohyun who gets everything good in life, and he was just Lucas the up, who threw a printer at his teacher in the third grade, who just had to go ahead and fall in love with a kid who was in love with his sister. Obviously. He should have seen that one coming.

He looked up at Jungwoo, unsure of whether the pain building in his chest was just anger and paranoia, or flowers blooming in his lungs, because it seemed that lately, or at least, today, the two seemed to go hand in hand.

“You wrote this because you knew I would find it.” Was his voice shaking? He couldn’t tell. His hands were shaking.

“What?” Jungwoo asked, trying to grab the page from Lucas, who pulled it away.

“Yeah, you. You saw that I was coming into the computer lab, so you wrote this, and you printed it, so that I would find it.” Lucas stated as fact, having trouble keeping steady breaths. His chest ached.

“Why-- Why would I do that?” Jungwoo asked, shaking his head violently, hand on his chest.

“So I would read some creepy you wrote about my sister, and-and-” And spit flowers on you. “freak out, right? And then you can tell everyone that I’m-” I’m this freak who’s in love with some kid he doesn’t even know. Some kid who, apparently in love with his sister. “crazy, right?” Lucas was shouting now, and he was certain his voice was shaking, now. He was seething.

“No, wait-I don’t even-What?” Jungwoo stuttered, and then Lucas heard himself cough, and his hand shot up to his mouth.

“ you!” He shouted through his hand as another cough came through, making his shoulders rise and fall. As quickly as he can, he stormed out of the laboratory, note still in hand, ignoring Jungwoo's pleads for him to give it back.

Jungwoo stopped following him once he stepped out of the school, looking distressed at the door, still yelling his name. Without turning around, Lucas searched his pocket for his spare key to ing Joohyun's stupid car and turns into the parking lot. Once he reaches the vehicle, before unlocking it, he made sure to kick the drivers door a few times before opening the door and sitting inside, where he let the coughs come over him for the second time that day, because there’s Joohyun shooting back and forth inside his head.

He wasn’t sure when he’d started tasting copper, but once he managed to get a few petals out, he looked down to his hand to see spots of red dotting his fingers, and he groaned painfully.That had never happened before

‘It’s not going to kill you to talk to him just this once’ He found himself thinking as he stared in awe at his palms. ing idiot.

If there was one thing he knew, sitting in his sister’s car, hands covered in his own blood, it was that, now that he’d actually talked to the kid, getting over Kim Jungwoo was going to be a lot harder than he’d thought.

And he hadn't even apologized.