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Oh man.
I suffer from depression, but I'm extremely irked to admit that. Speaking frankly, I was one of those s that used to believe depression was some golden ticket to get attention. Now that I'm an adult with a clearer understanding of things, that isn't the case at all.
Let me tell you something, as much as I want to beat it, it's beating the ever living out of me. But it's in a sense that it's leaving me absolutely exhausted, both mentally and physically. I find that a little funny as all I do nowadays is stay at home doing nothing. I'm skipping out on college classes, my hobbies are interesting for only fleeting moments, and it's hard for me to maintain emotions. All I do at home is browse through my phone/computer while hoping no one comes and barges into my cloudy solace. Sometimes I'm just listlessly staring off into space only to realize my lifeless state and blink back into reality. The rare times I do go out and see my friends, I'm just smoking weed with those ing potheads to numb everything out. And in the kind of degenerate neighborhood I live in, most of the people I associate with are petty street criminals/gang members. But my messed up sentiment goes that since they respect me, I'll stick around them. However, after hanging out with them in my drugged-up dreamy stupor, I wake up the next morning, feeling even more ty about myself. It's a miserable routine that I've grown fond of.
Meh, I mean.. I'm just not the type of person to go out trumpeting my personal battles to people. It's troublesome both for me and the person.
I havent been the most optimistic person for at least the past couple of years ... But I still kind pushed throughg , hiding my depression in my drawer , pretending it doesnt hurt at all to breath every day...
Its about a couple of days ago that a guy committed suicide in my university campus ... he was missing for a week ... and then when he was found, he wasnt breathing anymore ...
The darkest part about all this is no one ever was notified ... the only people notified of his death were the students in the same faculty ... I guess university is trying to cover the issue up as its not the best publicity for their reputation ...
I always had an ounce of suicidal thoughts at the back of my mind ... But since then, I wonder how easy it will be if I did it ... Probably no one would even realize Im missing or gone ... They’ll just talk about me for a couple of days, pretending they cared abt me when I was alive and then countinue to live their life ...
Honestly since then death doesnt seem as difficult or complex as it used to ...
Hi. I suffer from a few different things actually. I have severe social anxiety and I have basically no friends IRL as a result. I have a few close friends on aff but that's it. So, I am lonely a lot. I don't go out IRL with anyone but my husband, immediate family and my cousin. But my immediate family and cousin are an hour away and I have arthritis so I can't really drive up to see them that much. My husband has a very active social life and works retail so I am alone a LOT.
I am bipolar, I have depressive episodes, suicidal ideation, I have self harmed and I have tried to kill myself. Really, my number one problem is just loneliness. If anyone is interested in talking about these issues, please message me.
Chapter 1: Hey. I've been suffering from depression since middle school but it started first like a headache but now it got worse and I can't even go back to school. I'm afraid to be judged by people and now I can't even go out. The only place I feel safe is in my bedroom or when I'm sleeping. My doctor told me to think that I can do it and face the world. But I don't really think I can. I feel safe when I'm alone but my family think I'm being disrespectful and lazy. I don't know what I can do.
Hey..I just found this and it seems to be pretty good for me. Don't have many friends on here..could you recommend the people who you think are the best to talk to?
Chapter 36: Has anyone here deal with duality in their heads? Like I have BPD, i'd like to describe it as an enhanced mood swings? So this relapse thing, I don't know, sometimes I'm happy and hyper and sometimes just all out depressed an i don't know which one's a relapse. CUz me getting better might be just a lil bit mania.... I haven't told anyone about my suicide planss, well, two people but i don;t talk to them about it anymore....
THE POINT IS, since i have no one to talk to about this, i began talking to myself, and give myself a voice so it kinda seems crazy-ish, just wondering if it's a good way to cope? Because, honestly i think i have NO IDEA what's good for me or nah since i am dealing with things in a very unhealthy way and try to justify it.
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